"Minnie, are you awake?" A whisper entered his ears. "Minnie? It's hyung, I'm here to visit," the melodic voice continued. For why he was whispering, Taemin could not comprehend. After all, it seemed that the elder wanted him to wake up. He fluttered his heavy eyelids open by the slightest, taking in the blurry sight of his fellow member with his bad eyesight. Jonghyun jumped slightly when he realized that Taemin was staring at him, his orbs dazed and unfocused. The elder slowly broke into a grin.

"Taemin! You're opening your eyes!" he shrieked excitedly at the obvious. "The members will be so glad to hear this!" he cheered.

The members... What would the members mean to him after this accident? What would he mean to the members after this accident? What would he mean to anyone at all if he does not recover; if he is bedridden; if he can't dance? Taemin slid his eyes shut again, frustrated with himself. Why did he specialize in something that can be shattered so easily? Why did he not choose another career that did not require him to dance? Or to walk? All those fans, the members, the company... All the people who cares for him now - what would he mean to them after they realize he is now worth nothing? That's it; he would become nothing. No one would want to keep him around; no one would want to care for someone who is stuck in bed; what need does the company have to keep someone who can't entertain? What is a dancer who can't dance?
 

"Taemin-ah," Jonghyun whined when the younger did not open his eyes for a long time. Taemin slid his eyes open again to meet his hyung's worried expression. Jonghyun met with glassy eyes, filled with hurt, and he knew that Onew's worries were valid. Jonghyun swiped a hand over Taemin's fringe and the younger closed his eyes under the touch. Jonghyun could almost imagine the small tucking of his chin the younger usually did when anyone touched his hair.

"Jinki hyung's going crazy worrying about you," Jonghyun commented idly. "But you know, you're getting so much better. I'm sure if Jinki hyung can just come and see you, he would say the same thing too."

I'm not getting better. My body will never be the same no matter what. For the rest of my life, there will be something missing. The doctor said so.

"Tae-ah, please try before you give up on anything. Nothing is confirmed. Remember how you believed that if you worked hard, there is nothing that you cannot achieve?" Jonghyun reminded. "And the Lee Taemin that I know would never be one to give up."
 

There isn't anything that can go against science. In the future, where technology will get better, maybe there will be hope. But what is the use of it when it is now that I need it? We were at the peak of our promotions, the prime of our time. And now all I'm left with is absolutely nothing.
 

"No matter what happens, we'll be with you; just like we have always been. I know we have been a little busy with our schedules these days but you have always been on our minds and constantly in our hearts. We want you back. SHINee is a five-man band; we told the reporters that. We wouldn't have it any other way. You're stuck with us, Taemin-ah."

It is not what you want that matters; it is not what all the members want that matters; nor is it what I want that matters now. Do you think that I don't want to stay in SHINee? Do you think that I wouldn't want to recover? Do you think I don't want to return to our schedules with all the members? I have no choice, hyung. Of course I want SHINee to remain as a five-man band as well. Of course I wouldn't want to leave as well. Of course I don't want any of you throw me away from the team either. But what good would it do the team if I stayed? What we want... It cannot be achieved just by hopes. Facts are facts, I'll never be the same again; I'll never be as good as I have been before. Today you tell me that you want me back; but after you find out how much of a burden I will be, you wouldn't even want to see me. Even now, when you don't know about my condition, you can only draw out so much time to see me. Jinki hyung hasn't even visited before. What makes you think that you will still care for me in the future?

"Tae, listen to me, please," Jonghyun pleaded brokenly, wiping off falling tears from Taemin's cheeks. "Please, Taemin. Don't give up. I'm sure everything will be alright. It will take a while but you'll come back to us. You'll be able to join us again after some therapy. I had therapy too! And I promise it really helps in your recovery. Jinki hyung had some therapy for his leg as well, and now he can handle his own crutches up and down stairs too! Do you know he broke his shin bone? It got caught under Kibum's chair. Kyuhyun hyung and Heechul hyung had therapies after their injuries as well; but look, aren't they still doing well?"

But all of you are more singers than dancers. And I doubt your doctors ever verified that there was a chance of no recovery. Do you even understand how I feel? It's not that I want to give up, but what if I have to? What if I'm no longer given a choice? Miracles don't happen to everyone. I have had my own fair share of miracles from God. Debuting with all of you when I was just 15 was a miracle; I would have never imagined. And then getting our newcomer's award was a miracle. What were the chances after all? And then there was our first mnet award, our first double crown, triple crown... Even winning four times in a row. They were all miracles. Not to mention that we continued in the industry despite all our scandals, despite the 5-year curse, despite our 10-year debut. I mean, how often would that happen? It has been a miracle that we have been able to survive in this industry for so long. But God is fair, he provides miracles for everyone and I think I'm running out of them. God has been giving me too many miracles in the past that I've ran out of them now when I need it the most. I don't need the awards; I don't need those double, triple or quadruple crowns. I want to dance. I want to dance without having to worry about whether it will induce more injuries or any aftereffects. What am I without dance, hyung? All I'll be left with would be my name. What good would that do? How would I live? I have not even gotten a girlfriend, and go to the amusement park with her to ride the scariest ride there, or go bungee jumping with her on a couple rope. But what will I be if I were handicapped? I can't do anything. It's not as if they would push a god damn wheelchair off the top of the tower. I'm left with nothing.
 

"You know, Taemin, you're probably the strongest person I've known. You have always been so strong. When we first debuted and you were not allowed to sing on stage, you never gave up. You just continued to practice and continued working hard till you proved to the company that you were a valuable asset even in terms of your voice. When you were still in school and people started to bully you, you still kept a smile whenever you were with us, as if nothing was wrong. In the end, I was the one who cried for you while you comforted me, do you remember? And when there was a scandal about the Internet war..." Jonghyun let out a small chuckle.

"Remember how I was stressing all about it and you just took my phone and uploaded that controversial picture on display in my twitter? I even scolded you and shouted that you were out of your mind. But all the worry was needless when the turnout was positive instead. Sometimes I wonder how you could be so silly yet so sensible. I even wondered if the silly part of you was an act; but you were like a lost sheep - losing your things here, sliding around there, daydreaming here, saying inappropriate things there... You were always so ridiculous but that was a part of you. We wouldn't want you any other way. I'm sure you have heard the doctor say that the chance of you fully recovering is higher since you are still young so just rest well and don't doubt yourself. You can achieve anything if you just work hard enough for it, isn't that right?"

I don't know what is absolute anymore. Anything could be shattered by a simple action. All that effort that I had put in just to get recognition to start singing, to be the main dancer, to debut, to even become a trainee in SM... all that could just be taken away from me now. How long would it take before I can even speak, much less sing. And how much longer before I can dance, if I can even walk... or move for that matter. Do you understand how helpless I feel lying here every day, unable to do anything other than open my eyes and cry? Do you know just how useless I feel?

“Don’t cry anymore, Minnie. You’ve never been one to cry, and it doesn’t suit you. You’ll get better only if you believe in yourself. If you fight for your dreams, they would eventually come true. That’s all I can say to you right now. I don’t know what’s going through your mind right now, but surely you wouldn’t want to give up on your dreams so easily. I need to go off now and join the other members for schedules; I’ve said what I needed to, so just think about it, alright?” Jonghyun combed Taemin’s hair back one more time. Taemin looked at his hyung in a pleading manner, his eyes filled with sorrow. Jonghyun returned a sad smile before leaning in to leave a small peck on the younger’s forehead.
 

“Taemin, Fighting,” he whispered in finality in the younger’s ear before he took a step away from the bed. Taemin followed the elder with his eyes until the said walked out of his sight, and the final click of the door closed him in the ward alone.

Thoughts ran through Taemin’s mind, the elder’s words circulating his lazing brain. The mottos that he used to go by - to smile in all situations, and that anything could be achieved with hard work - suddenly didn’t make that much sense to him anymore. What could hard work bring him now? What would smiles help to patch in this situation? He tried to curl his lips in experiment, but even that required hard work. The hard work did not pay off though. All that he managed to do was to pop his dry lips apart slightly, not even managing to pull his jaws apart. Not everything could be achieved with hard work. Smiles seem to dampen his mood even more. Everything is in reverse. Even if gravity can no longer work, Taemin wouldn’t even care anymore; that was how much dancing and singing meant to him - without which, he would lose the meaning for living.

I don't really like depressing characters, I feel like smacking their heads and telling them SNAP OUT OF IT! But... it has to be done. *sigh* So it took me longer to get this chapter out because I kept stopping in between. Oh well, shower me with comments please! I really secretly (or not so secretly?) enjoy reading all your comments :D I go like *spazz*!! A New Story Comment!! Gahhh! Ok, you get the point xP