NOTE TO SELF: Not all Asians are good at mathematics, myself included
Superiority Complex
It's almost two weeks after I first wake up that the doctor discharges me with a small jar of anti-depressants.
People seem to steer around me in the corridor and I start to feel more and more alone.
I don't talk much anymore, aside from with Sehun, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo.
Luhan, Baekhyun, and Kai sit away from Kris now, and the air in the cafeteria is too tense.
"What's going on?" I ask.
"Trouble in paradise," Sehun remarks.
I don't like seeing Kris by himself, it's not a good look for him.
He looks lonely.
I would feel sad, but I don't feel much anymore.
The anti-depressants kind of stop that.
“I asked you a question. What do you get if f(x) = x2 , with your numbers (-3,9)?” Top yells at me.
I flinch, almost falling back in my chair.
I am surprised when Kris catches me.
"Zitao?"
I don't know the question or the answer.
The only thing I know about f(x) is that girl band.
Way to break the stereotype, Zitao. An Asian, a Chinese person, bad at mathematics.
“I don’t know.”
Sehun later gives the answer, but adds an inappropriate ‘it’s been a while since Tao's had so please be nice to him’ to Top, to which he and the whole class broke into uncontrollable fits of laughter.
I wonder why I'm even friends with Sehun.
I can feel Kris' eyes bore into the back of my head.
This is brilliant.
Another thing for him to laugh at me about.
But funnily enough, he's oddly silent for the remainder of the lesson.
"So, you don't have a girlfriend?"
I shake my head.
This is excruciating.
The cafeteria line seems to be moving at only half it's regular speed, and people from all grades, even freshman, are asking me about my life.
"Got a girlfriend, Tao? Or do you swing the other way?"
"Tao, need some love? I'd happily bang you."
"Um, no thanks."
"Are you gay?"
I think I've lost all hope with this school.
It's just a bunch of pubescent teenagers with rampant hormones, everywhere.
"So are you interested in anyone?"
I glance over at the tables, and see Kris sitting once again by himself.
"Yes."
Sehun walks up behind me and scares the pest away.
He gives me a wary glance.
"Don't, Tao. Don't do it to yourself."
I stack it as I try to sit down in my chair.
"Hey, looks like Tao's ready to give head!" A voice happily announces to the room.
"Ew, no!" I scream.
I've lost my appetite.
"At least try to eat something," Sehun tells me as he notices I'm only picking at the slosh with my chopsticks.
I give him a glare.
"How am I supposed to eat if half the cafeteria are picturing me on the floor with my mouth wide open between their legs?" I ask.
Sehun gives me a small smile.
"Um, sorry about that...?"
I'm not convinced.
I throw a quick glance over my shoulder.
Whatever's happened in paradise, it looks like the other members of the squad have forgiven Kris.
His eyes and mine connect, but I look away quickly.
I still like him.
I still like him very much.
But it's too soon to forget.
Comments