Outcast

A thousand Cranes and Ice-Cream (Long Hiatius)

 

Answer the phone -F.CUZ  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1rsle0apXE

Yenji's P.O.V

 

"Yo" a familiar voice said, "Yo" it repeated, "Yo Yenji! Are you gonna reply or not?!" it said, sounding really agitated.

I turned around and saw Daehyun "Damn, why this guy again?! Out of all the people..." my voice trailed off as I realised that I had said my thoughts out out loud.

 

"Got a probl..?!" Daehyun exclaimed. "Okay, calm your dude" I shouted ,cutting his sentence. *Damn did i just say that out loud?* "So, the question is, why are you here?Daehyun." I said, speaking out of the blue.

"Well, I came here to get fresh air, doesn't anyone come here but you?" he answered adding in a question. "Urrg. Of course no-one comes here, the outcast hangs here, so why should anyone come?" I was annoyed for no reason, I actually felt a hint of happiness flooding into myself randomly, maybe it's because I haven't had company at break times before...

"Who's the outcast?" Daehyun asked cluelessly, "ME!" I screamed maybe too loud.

 

Daehyun was about to say something until....

 

 

Someone's P.O.V (I wonder who it is? :P)

 

"Where's Daehyun oppa? My boyfriend?" I asked my acquaintance  "I don't know, should we find him?" she answered in a dreary voice

"We MUST find him" I answered to the question that she had just asked.

 

I searched everywhere, but he was no-where to be found. The only place I didn't search was the balcony. OMG.My Dae is hanging out with that outcast?! Oh no, he can’t turn into a weirdo like her.. arrrrg I have to save him from that monstrous, bizarre person.

 

I walked up the stairs to the balcony and as I thought, there he was, my prince talking to the beast. At that moment, I knew what I had to do.

 

 

Daehyun’s P.O.V

 

I was about to say something, until a girl walked into the balcony and grabbed my arm, I had no damn clue who she was, but she claimed me as her ‘boyfriend’ and her ‘oppa’ .

 

I looked towards Yenji and her eyes were rounded, most like D.O from EXO when shocked.

 

“What is she to you Daehyun?” the random girl shouted, simply, I answered, “My health partner Yenji”.

“Excuse me Yenji, please stay AWAY from my oppa,” as she turned to me standing next her in shock “please stay away from her she..she...she will turn you into an orphan!OPPA!” she shouted all of a sudden, somehow shedding a tear.

 

Confused as I was, I comforted her and asked “Erm...I don’t know if it’s rude to ask, but who are you?”

She glared at me for a bit, but started “OPPA! I’m Sooyoung! Your long lost girlfriend!” *Ok...this girl is weird, I just came to this school today and she claims me as her boyfriend? What’s next? A fanclub?! LOL * I thought quietly

“I’m so sorry Sooyoung, but I can’t be your boyfriend, we can be friends though..” I trailed off

“NO!” she screeched “Someday you’ll regret what you have just said, you’ll fall madly in love with me and love me until the ends of the earth” she cried.

*Wow overreaction much...This girl doesn’t even know me! This is so weird...* I thought again.

 

In a flash she was gone, I turned to Yenji and crookedly smiled at her. She looked so cute with those shocked eyes of her. I clicked my fingers in her face and almost immediately her eyes sprung to life again. Blinking a few times, she asked “What. Just. Happened..?”

 

“I don’t know” I obviously lied.

 
 
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Ahhh~ Is my writing alright..? 
azn_buty will be writing the next chapter as I wrote this chapter~
Thanks for reading guise~ (っ◕‿◕)っ ♥
- saranghae0_0
 
azn_buty-
I will be writing the next chapter and please comment on what you think about the story please so we know what you like and not and if can please subscribe thank you^^ chap 3 wil be updated soon maybe tomorrow^^
 
A note from both of us:
Guy's remember to please comment on what you think but don't make it to harsh!!^^
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Comments

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kpop_luver29 #1
Chapter 13: AHhhaahahha, getting back at daehyun?LOL
can't wait till the next update>.< Who's the people who are draging yenji?Update the next chapter I want to find out who it is^^and i'm new to aff
exo_tic29 #2
Chapter 12: Ahahaha, Daehyunie is so funny, looking at his watch that is not on his wrist bhahahhahaha!Ahhh, you authors are so funny.
And Himchan being a _______....?whoa he sounds like he went a bit far LOL!~can't wait till the next update FIGHTING
chooseme #3
awesome.. ^^
B2utyful-Elf #4
Chapter 3: WAAAHH!! >_< you guys are so cute; I didn't know you always celebrate when people comment or subscribe =) I might start doing that too, sounds fun ^^ Anyway, I was surprised about the trash talk in this chapter (you know, using bad words) It's your choice to use them, but please don't use them very often although I understand that some bad words really help express feelings. Sorry I had to say that, but I still love your story! I'll find time to read again! =) Keep it up!
kpop_fan4 #5
Chapter 8: please update soon author nim
nikki_jay #6
OMG, i love your story update soon author nim this is an amazing story!!!
B2utyful-Elf #7
Chapter 2: Hey there! =) I've had time once again >_< !! saranghae0_0 you did well hehe^^ Some freaky girl coming up and claiming crazy things? If I were DaeHyun I would be all like "NO COMMENT" ^o^ I'll try to read more than one chapter next time! Keep it up! I'm looking forward to the next chapters and great teamwork between azn_buty and saranghae0_0 ~
B2utyful-Elf #8
Chapter 1: I've only had time to read the first chapter so I can only say this much: Hahaha! ^^ My Jong Up Oppa as a meanie? How cute is thaaaattt!! >_< Please continue on, I'll read the next chapters when I'm free again! ^^
KikisxD
#10
Chapter 2: I've read it and I'm going to quickly review it~ (**not an AFF Reviewer, this is merely my opinion as a writer myself.)

Okay so, first I notice some minor grammar mistakes, such as commas. When doing a comma, you tend to do this: "...piss her parents off ,she helps her mother... (etc)" but the comma should be like this: "...piss her parents off, she helps her mother...(etc)". Ensure you correct this maybe. It's not a big deal of course; still understandable. You don't do it everywhere, so before you post the chapter next time, you should quickly go over it to make sure you haven't done it~~ ^.^

Another note is that sometimes you use commas instead of full stops (I sometimes do this too but I'm trying to stop this habit hehe) or put in full stops without a space . Once again, this is just a case of checking over~~ Just go over it; make sure you've added the spaces and read each sentence; make sure it's the best-fitting punctuation. ^.^

Another main thing I've noticed is that when two people speak, you leave them on the same paragraph. For some readers (and myself), this was a little confusing but manageable. Whenever a new person speaks a new paragraph is made. E.G...

>>> "Hello Oppa!" I grinned, running through the corridor where my husband waited.
"Please don't," he began, teary-eyed. My heart skipped a beat and I felt faint all of a sudden. "I have bad news..." he barely whispered. <<<

BUT, even then... it's up to you whether you decide to put a space between each miniature paragraph or not. I tend not to, others do~ ^.^

Another is that sometimes you shorten words into slang which isn't the best thing to do, especially when typing a fanfic... so, for example, you typed "coz" and it should technically become "'cause", with the dash, showing it's shortened.

Well, I won't continue... I hope I haven't disheartened any of you both! I also write a story with a co-author and it's fun conjoining two styles!

Good Luck!