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A thousand Cranes and Ice-Cream (Long Hiatius)

 

No one's P.O.V

Yenji and Youngjae are now eating ice-cream, Yenji is eating her favourite flavour cookies and cream. Youngjae had vanilla flavour,
"Youngjae oppa"Yenji called "Hmm"He hummed while eating his ice-cream "I actually have one friend, but I don't know who"she pouted sadly she stared at her ice-cream while playing around with it, Youngjae made a confused face, he was wondering how called she not remember her own friend.Did she not like that friend of her's?Youngjae looked up to see Yenji gazing at her ice-cream *She looks so cute but she's sad, I wish I called do something to help her*I thought while scanning through his brian to find something that called help her remember her friend.

"I don't even remember if it's a girl or boy, including his or her name, that friend of mine is very important I really her/him as a friend"she said softly 
"I remember the day we first met which was the last time we met as well, I was very sad that day.I came home from school that day, I remember that I got bullied by super junior.I was just walking home and I fell down on my knees crying my heart out, then that friend came up and said 'He girl, why are you crying?Your almost turning in to a teenager, so you shouldn't cry.Here do you want ice-cream?' and thats when I started making friends with him and also the day that I started to love eating ice-cream"

azn_buty note:Hope you guys like it^^

Hopefully my internet problems will be done by 1-2 weeks but i doubt it would be that early i think its going to be around 3-4 or possiblaly 4-6 weeks:L
anyways follow me on twitter and instagram.
twitter=kbuihi
instagram=azn_b2uty.
I would love to talk to you guys^^ (I don't really no how to use twitter much since I don't use it much but if you guys follow me I will start to go on often:D 
or just add me on man
[email protected] or [email protected] but I prefer [email protected]

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kpop_luver29 #1
Chapter 13: AHhhaahahha, getting back at daehyun?LOL
can't wait till the next update>.< Who's the people who are draging yenji?Update the next chapter I want to find out who it is^^and i'm new to aff
exo_tic29 #2
Chapter 12: Ahahaha, Daehyunie is so funny, looking at his watch that is not on his wrist bhahahhahaha!Ahhh, you authors are so funny.
And Himchan being a _______....?whoa he sounds like he went a bit far LOL!~can't wait till the next update FIGHTING
chooseme #3
awesome.. ^^
B2utyful-Elf #4
Chapter 3: WAAAHH!! >_< you guys are so cute; I didn't know you always celebrate when people comment or subscribe =) I might start doing that too, sounds fun ^^ Anyway, I was surprised about the trash talk in this chapter (you know, using bad words) It's your choice to use them, but please don't use them very often although I understand that some bad words really help express feelings. Sorry I had to say that, but I still love your story! I'll find time to read again! =) Keep it up!
kpop_fan4 #5
Chapter 8: please update soon author nim
nikki_jay #6
OMG, i love your story update soon author nim this is an amazing story!!!
B2utyful-Elf #7
Chapter 2: Hey there! =) I've had time once again >_< !! saranghae0_0 you did well hehe^^ Some freaky girl coming up and claiming crazy things? If I were DaeHyun I would be all like "NO COMMENT" ^o^ I'll try to read more than one chapter next time! Keep it up! I'm looking forward to the next chapters and great teamwork between azn_buty and saranghae0_0 ~
B2utyful-Elf #8
Chapter 1: I've only had time to read the first chapter so I can only say this much: Hahaha! ^^ My Jong Up Oppa as a meanie? How cute is thaaaattt!! >_< Please continue on, I'll read the next chapters when I'm free again! ^^
KikisxD
#10
Chapter 2: I've read it and I'm going to quickly review it~ (**not an AFF Reviewer, this is merely my opinion as a writer myself.)

Okay so, first I notice some minor grammar mistakes, such as commas. When doing a comma, you tend to do this: "...piss her parents off ,she helps her mother... (etc)" but the comma should be like this: "...piss her parents off, she helps her mother...(etc)". Ensure you correct this maybe. It's not a big deal of course; still understandable. You don't do it everywhere, so before you post the chapter next time, you should quickly go over it to make sure you haven't done it~~ ^.^

Another note is that sometimes you use commas instead of full stops (I sometimes do this too but I'm trying to stop this habit hehe) or put in full stops without a space . Once again, this is just a case of checking over~~ Just go over it; make sure you've added the spaces and read each sentence; make sure it's the best-fitting punctuation. ^.^

Another main thing I've noticed is that when two people speak, you leave them on the same paragraph. For some readers (and myself), this was a little confusing but manageable. Whenever a new person speaks a new paragraph is made. E.G...

>>> "Hello Oppa!" I grinned, running through the corridor where my husband waited.
"Please don't," he began, teary-eyed. My heart skipped a beat and I felt faint all of a sudden. "I have bad news..." he barely whispered. <<<

BUT, even then... it's up to you whether you decide to put a space between each miniature paragraph or not. I tend not to, others do~ ^.^

Another is that sometimes you shorten words into slang which isn't the best thing to do, especially when typing a fanfic... so, for example, you typed "coz" and it should technically become "'cause", with the dash, showing it's shortened.

Well, I won't continue... I hope I haven't disheartened any of you both! I also write a story with a co-author and it's fun conjoining two styles!

Good Luck!