The new guy~

A thousand Cranes and Ice-Cream (Long Hiatius)

 

Into Your World (Angel) - EXO-K

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bewParlnTQ

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No one’s P.O.V

It was a gloomy, rainy morning that matched how Yenji felt. It was in the morning when she woke up and some how fell on her bottom and receiving a bruise where she had landed *Just my luck*She thought, looking at the time.*Oh my I’m late for school again!!*She yelled in her mind and as quickly as possible, she did her morning job, once she was done she got her back pack and ran straight out the door, making sure she had locked it.

 

After a quick rush to school she finally made it, she took a deep breath hoping nothing would go wrong.Taking a good long deep confronting breathe she made her way to her class.When she arrived in the class there was no teacher which surprised her ,but what surprised her the most was a blonde good looking guy sitting in her seat *Whats he doing in my seat and how come I have never seen him before?*Yenji thought strangely as she walk up to her seat and said "Excuse me but I sit on that seat so could you please go to a different seat?"she asked calmly

Glancing at the guy next to him who smirked at her then winked which made her a bit pissed "You can sit on the seat next to him"he said pointing to the guy who winked at her "Hi there I'm Moon Jongup but just call Jongup is fine"He said and did a flirty smile "so are you gonna take it or not?"He asked with out even looking at her "Do I even have a choice?"She asked putting her hands on her hips "No unless if you go to a different class coz this is the only seat left"He answered.

 

Yenji's P.O.V

 

When i sat down on my seat the teacher came in with a box,everyone was very curious of why she was so late and why the box was in her hand. The teacher Miss.Song walked all the way to her table and put the box on the table and said "I will pair you into partners for Health and no changing or anything I don't care if you hate him or her"She warned "So listen carefully,oh, I almost forgot we have two new students in our class their names are Jongup and Daehyun. Can you both please stand up?"Miss.Song asked, they both stood up and when they did all I could here was squealing or "Woahh why are they so handsome!" "Owwww,I wish they were my boyfriend" Hearing those things just made me want to puke "Ok you can sit down now since they all know what you look like, so listen carefully who your partner is. Jongup and Hara, Daehyun and Yenji...."And she went on and on.. But when I heard that I was Daehyun's partner I literally wanted to stab myself*Wae wae?Wae him?Out of all the people it had to be him!!!What the hell!!*I thought as I rested my forehead on the table "I guess I have to be your partner then",Daehyun said, when I heard his voice I groaned but not on purpose "Look I don't want to be your partner as well but can we just get this over and done with?"He said but I couldn't hear what he was saying because everyone in the class was so loud "GUYS I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU YOUR TASK YET SO YOU GUYS SHOULDN'T EVEN BE TALKING TO ANYONE YET!!!", Miss Song yelled so loud that her face was red and scary. After hearing what Miss Song had said the whole class became dead silent 

 

"You need to take care of an egg and record each day 'WITH' your partner and record what happen's each day"Miss.Song said emphasising the word with. "Take care of it as if it were your newborn"Miss Song continued *Seriously?With that new dude?Is he even smart?*I thought, while rolling my eyes"Well, lets get started"Daehyun said, standing up to receive the egg.

He came back with a creamy, pinkish coloured egg and looked back at me "Hey do you even smile?i haven't seen you smile at all"He asked curiously "No" I replied bluntly with a touch of sarcasticness."Chill,I was just asking"He said while taking his books out of his bag.

 

After a long 30 minutes of first lesson, it was finally recess. The bell rang and I went to the cafeteria to buy my recess, I bought the usual, a packet of chips, I then retreated to the balcony where I always ate alone since no one liked me because of course, who would like an orphan girl.I'm used to being alone and teased but I still know that I have a friend who I can't remember, I can't put my finger on it, but for some reason, I know that that person will return and be my hero one day.But I hope it would be soon!

 

I was staring into space, when a person entered the balcony and tapped my shoulder, who could it be?!

 

 

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Haii Guise~ saranghae0_0 here~

So, what do you guys think of chapter one?

Me and azn_buty wrote it together~ Is it alright? Do we need any improvement?

Hopefully my editing and writing skills are alright.......

 

Hi guys, its azn_buty here i hope you like our first chap.We tried really hard on it!!please comment on what you think about it and please don't be to harsh thank you saranghae readers^^<3

 

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Comments

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kpop_luver29 #1
Chapter 13: AHhhaahahha, getting back at daehyun?LOL
can't wait till the next update>.< Who's the people who are draging yenji?Update the next chapter I want to find out who it is^^and i'm new to aff
exo_tic29 #2
Chapter 12: Ahahaha, Daehyunie is so funny, looking at his watch that is not on his wrist bhahahhahaha!Ahhh, you authors are so funny.
And Himchan being a _______....?whoa he sounds like he went a bit far LOL!~can't wait till the next update FIGHTING
chooseme #3
awesome.. ^^
B2utyful-Elf #4
Chapter 3: WAAAHH!! >_< you guys are so cute; I didn't know you always celebrate when people comment or subscribe =) I might start doing that too, sounds fun ^^ Anyway, I was surprised about the trash talk in this chapter (you know, using bad words) It's your choice to use them, but please don't use them very often although I understand that some bad words really help express feelings. Sorry I had to say that, but I still love your story! I'll find time to read again! =) Keep it up!
kpop_fan4 #5
Chapter 8: please update soon author nim
nikki_jay #6
OMG, i love your story update soon author nim this is an amazing story!!!
B2utyful-Elf #7
Chapter 2: Hey there! =) I've had time once again >_< !! saranghae0_0 you did well hehe^^ Some freaky girl coming up and claiming crazy things? If I were DaeHyun I would be all like "NO COMMENT" ^o^ I'll try to read more than one chapter next time! Keep it up! I'm looking forward to the next chapters and great teamwork between azn_buty and saranghae0_0 ~
B2utyful-Elf #8
Chapter 1: I've only had time to read the first chapter so I can only say this much: Hahaha! ^^ My Jong Up Oppa as a meanie? How cute is thaaaattt!! >_< Please continue on, I'll read the next chapters when I'm free again! ^^
KikisxD
#10
Chapter 2: I've read it and I'm going to quickly review it~ (**not an AFF Reviewer, this is merely my opinion as a writer myself.)

Okay so, first I notice some minor grammar mistakes, such as commas. When doing a comma, you tend to do this: "...piss her parents off ,she helps her mother... (etc)" but the comma should be like this: "...piss her parents off, she helps her mother...(etc)". Ensure you correct this maybe. It's not a big deal of course; still understandable. You don't do it everywhere, so before you post the chapter next time, you should quickly go over it to make sure you haven't done it~~ ^.^

Another note is that sometimes you use commas instead of full stops (I sometimes do this too but I'm trying to stop this habit hehe) or put in full stops without a space . Once again, this is just a case of checking over~~ Just go over it; make sure you've added the spaces and read each sentence; make sure it's the best-fitting punctuation. ^.^

Another main thing I've noticed is that when two people speak, you leave them on the same paragraph. For some readers (and myself), this was a little confusing but manageable. Whenever a new person speaks a new paragraph is made. E.G...

>>> "Hello Oppa!" I grinned, running through the corridor where my husband waited.
"Please don't," he began, teary-eyed. My heart skipped a beat and I felt faint all of a sudden. "I have bad news..." he barely whispered. <<<

BUT, even then... it's up to you whether you decide to put a space between each miniature paragraph or not. I tend not to, others do~ ^.^

Another is that sometimes you shorten words into slang which isn't the best thing to do, especially when typing a fanfic... so, for example, you typed "coz" and it should technically become "'cause", with the dash, showing it's shortened.

Well, I won't continue... I hope I haven't disheartened any of you both! I also write a story with a co-author and it's fun conjoining two styles!

Good Luck!