.27
Paradise In Hell
"Noona, I think you can cried a river." Kyungsan mumbled softly as he slowly closed his eyes. JiAh patted his head as she hummed her mother's lullaby to Kyungsan.
Today was a day filled with tears and emotions. It was those short words a nine year old had said that finally broke her dam, "Noona, cry already." Although Kyungsan was too young to realized the impact of those words, JiAh knew someday he would understand. Words matter to people, rather they admit it or not. The shortest, simplest, smallest forms of words can break someone, or carry them home.
JiAh gazed out into the stars that twinkled against the dark midnight canvas of the night.
"I'm such a fool." She mumbled as her last words to him replayed in her mind. They were so cold, so lifeless, so heartless. She regretted not saying something else, not doing anything else.
But now Hoya was gone. He was gone from Kyungsan, gone from her. He was 6870 miles away gone. The distance from Seoul to New York City.
And now she finally realized the bitter truth. She missed him. She missed him all along. What was it she missed about him? She couldn't exactly put her finger on it. He had hurt her so much, but she was never bothered by that pain. She had always thanked him instead.
Slowly she crept out of the bed, careful not to wake Kyungsan, who had just fallen asleep, and into the hallway. The brand new journal he got for her was screaming to her. It laid on the dining table, waiting to be opened and abused by words.
She picked up the journal, running her fingers across the leather cover. Slowly she turned to the last page of the journal and willed herself to read it.
You want happiness, then chase it...find it...
Make paper airplanes and throw them out a window....bake a dozen cupcakes...dance...smile, laugh. You once told me to stop being scare. So now I'm saying the same thing to you. Stop being scare JiAh.
That's all I wanted to say, that's all I wanted from you. I'm not asking for you to forgive my mistakes, I'm not asking you to suffer and weep. All I'm asking is for you to be happy. Because when I know that you're happy that's all I can ask for. That's all I need.
I'm sorry I couldn't say this to you. I guess I got scared, again. But I promise that I won't be scare anymore. Since you're not scare any more.
Take care, and I'm going to miss you, you have no idea how much I'm going to miss you.
There's those moments in everyone's life, where they get hit with realization, hard and fast. There's no net to catch them, no bed to break their fall, nothing to lean on, nothing to hold on to. Those are the moments that mattered, because in those moments of crisis, the greatest decisions are made.
JiAh felt her knees drop, weakening in their spot as they met the floor. Her body collapsed, her mind collapsed, everything collapsed like the old fallen Roman cities.
And silently, beneath the covers of the night, she cried again. She cried until her eyes were swollen red, she cried until her shirt was strained, she cried until the sun woke up.
--
It was the city that never slept. It was home to Broadway and the famous Times Square. It was the home to millions, millions just like him.
Finally crashing into bed after a long day, and it was only a little passed noon. Hoya willed his eyes closed. His thoughts lingered only on one woman back home, her and the little boy who had saved him. How were they doing? What were they doing? They were better off without him, right?
Hoya sighed, how was he to last six months without them?
He grabbed his phone, checking his messages. There were a few from the guys, making sure he was fine, asking if they could use his things while he was gone. Take Sungyeol for instance. He had been gone last than 48 hours, and Sungyeol was already asking if he could borrow his car. Hoya chuckled at his friends.
His eyes caught sight of an unfamiliar number. His narrowed his thick brows, trying to figure out if he knew the number.
There was a voice mail from that number, he realized.
Humans have this power, that feeling, intuition, six sense, call it whatever you, but currently, he knew that something big was going to happen. Everything in his body told him this.
His heart stopped, it was her voice playing over his voice mailbox. "Hoya, its JiAh. I know this is the wrong time, but I guessed I missed my chance to say this a long time ago. Come home. At the end of the day, come home. Because your home is here. Because Kyungsan already misses you...because I'm going to miss you. So when the world knocks you too hard, come home. And I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere...end of message would yo-"
Slowly a smile lit up on his face, and he wasn't tired anymore.
--
"Noona, what are we doing?" Kyungsan probed standing on the balcony with JiAh. The sun was brightly blazing down on them. The air was warm and there wasn't a cloud in sight. The sky looked almost too perfect to be real.
She smiled, it was the first time in such a long time that he had seen his noona smile. She looked even prettier when she was smiling.
"Airplanes, we're throwing paper airplanes." She replied as she folded the sheet of white paper. "Next, we can bake some cupcakes. You like cupcakes don't you." JiAh stated.
"I like cupcakes." Kyungsan answered picking up a sheet of paper next to JiAh as he began folding the paper sheet into an airplane.
JiAh held her paper airplane up, and gently she tossed it, watching it float away in the wind.
"Noona, I hope your paper airplane reaches hyung." Kyungsan mumbled softly. JiAh grin, sitting down on the balcony to face Kyungsan whose attention was on folding the airplane.
"Kyungsan-ah," She called his name. He looked up to her with the most innocent doe-like eyes. "Its been hard on you haven't it." She whispered infirmly, as her voice cracked. Of course it was. They took a nine year old and threw him into their messed up world. Then they gave him the job of mending back their broken hearts. He wasn't a doctor, he wasn't a therapist, he wasn't a counselor. Yet oddly enough, he had been all that and more for them. But in her eyes, he would always be Kyungsan. The little boy who made her smile when her world fell down.
Kyungsan forced his eyes down to stare at his feet. She gently lifted his chin up with her finger. "Its okay sweetheart, you can cry now." She whispered. And he did just that. He cried.
She pulled him into her chest and patted his back. "Its okay sweetheart. Its time for us to turn the page."
At the end of the day, they're all still children.
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