When the door closes, and all is done and gone, I want somebody standing next to me. Someone who cares. That is how I will meet my end.

It was one of her earlier journal entries. Reading that short entry made him feel like he understood her. He understood what she meant. He scoffed at that. He understood her more now, when she was gone, then when she was actually around.

His fingers traced over her writing, the neat handwriting repeating itself in his mind. He was the wrong one. He understood now. And he also understood that he had no right wanting her back. There was nothing there, nothing to come back to. Because he was nothing. Nothing but pain. Nothing but agony. Nothing but a reminder of hell. She didn't deserve this. And he didn't deserve her.
--

"I don't know if I can keep your promise." He mumbled softly. The button-eyed child look up to him with understanding eyes. An odd and unique trait for someone so young to have.

"I know." He replied knowingly. The two were seated outside on the same bench as last time. Only this time, everyone else was inside. Most of them hadn't even woken up yet. The sun was rising. In fact, the sun hadn't even rose yet. All that was visible were the purple and orange rays coming from the horizons, that began to blend in with the upcoming morning sky. The colorful rays were the source of light for. The colors engulfed their silence, making their surroundings tranquil and calm. The purples, blues, oranges, reds, and yellows were a rainbow of light to them. Hoya had never been one of those early risers, but JiAh was. Oddly enough he woke up earlier these days. So early the sun hadn't even rose yet. Just like how JiAh would.

"Hyung-nim, you remind me of someone." The child said. He, like JiAh, was an early riser as well.

"Who?"

"Jimin hyung." He replied. Hoya hadn't heard of this 'Jimin', he hadn't even heard the name, but the way the innocent child there said it made him feel nice.

"Where is Jimin hyung?" He asked.

"He died." The child stated catching Hoya completely off guard. Never in his life had he met a soul like the boy in the bright yellow jacket sitting next to him, wagging his feet back and forth.

"You're so blunt for someone your age." Hoya commented. He felt as if he was talking to someone who was older than himself.

"Noona basically raised me up, what did you expect?" He stated with a loud laugh that only children could produce. The kind of laughter that echoed in the night when all was lost was returned.

"Good point." Of course, if you were raised by JiAh, you would be like this. Wise beyond your years, kind, understanding, amazing. Just like she is.

"He cut his wrists. He bled to death." Those words coming from a little boy didn't match. They were too mature. Were children even supposed to know of death, to understand how it worked. Children were supposed to dance in the sunlight, dream of blue skies and lemon drops. Not of death.

"You're too young to know about death." Hoya affirmed turning his gaze at the child who looked at him in awe. The boy smiled. Hoya felt a de ja vu moment there, a moment with JiAh. A moment where she would do something completely out of context, something unexpected, something different. Something that made his mind rattle.

"When is the right time to know about death?" He asked catching Hoya off guard once again for the nth time that morning. Silence eloped the two once again. They watched as the ball of fire billions of miles away slowly peak through the horizon, returning for another day. The air was crisp and cool, the snow reflected off the light, blinding their eyes, not neither seemed to care.

"Noona found JiMin hyung." The child stated softly. "She screamed. She cried. She said there was blood everywhere. Red. She said everything was covered in red. So much red. For two whole months every time she saw something red she broke out in tears."

Red. Red like blood. That was what she was scare of. Blood. Hoya felt an anchor pull him down as the ship inside his heart sunk, pulling him along into the deep blue sea. She was traumatized because of this memory. And he did nothing to help. He made it even worse. He recollected the time when he forced her to paint that wall in what was once their apartment back to red. He was practically opening her wounds once again.

"Thank you." He said turning the child whose cheeks were now pinkish, his nose bright red. It was time to go back in. Hoya stood up, holding his hand out as the boy grabbed his hand. The two walked back into the orphanage together.

"JiMin hyung was noona's younger brother." And those few words caused another bullet to ricochet through him, lugging deep into his dead heart. The cupcake. The birthday cupcake she had made. It was for her dead brother. And he took it. He was practically pushing her off a bridge and into the icy cold water.

"Hyung, can you promise me something else then?" He asked while struggling to take off his jacket. He tried pulling his arms out of the jacket, but found them stuck mid-way. Hoya smiled, bending down to help the zipper and take the jacket off as well as his big winter hat. The child had the soul of an adult, but his actions were of a child.

"What do you want?" Hoya questioned softly.

"Can you take me with you?"

He smiled, "Yes."

--

"Woah, hyung this place so big." He exclaimed as he ran around house like a child in a candy store for the first time in his life.

He heard his mother giggle from behind him. He turned around and his mother a smile. "You did well. Kyungsan would be happy" His mother acknowledged. Lee Kyungsan, the brother he had adopted. The adoption papers had been finalized, everything was done. His mother had pulled a few strings to make sure the paperwork finished faster. It took about a week before the papers were done.

"You think I'll be a good brother?" Hoya asked hesitantly. He had always wanted a little brother. His parents didn't.

"Brother? What about father?" His mother corrected, he rolled his eyes at his mother's remark. He was too young to be a father. "Sweetheart, you would make both an amazing brother and brother." She answered knowingly. His mother understood now. She was his mother after all. Her son didn't want to be alone. He wanted someone who cared. She also inwardly frown. She frowned at her son because he so willingly let JiAh go. A part of her felt like the Kyungsan was a replacement for JiAh. Was it because the two were so alike? But she also knew it wasn't. She knew Hoya had attached himself to the little boy. Sure JiAh had been the bridge to link the two of them, but the connection had been made. And they were happier, that's all she wanted.

"Every child needs a mother." She stated, knowing she was treading on thin ice. Hoya shot her a furious glare, but she was unaffected by the fire in them. "I'm just saying sweetheart. Every child needs a mother."
--

"Hyung, did you know that noona always wanted one of these." Kyungsan murmured tiredly. The two were in bed, sleeping. Kyungsan had a room of his own, but he insisted that he wanted to sleep next to his new brother. But Hoya knew it was because he was scare. The orphanage had been his only home, and now he was living somewhere else. It was a big change. A change Hoya wasn't sure if both of them were ready for.

"What did noona want? A room?" Hoya felt a sense of warmth soar within him every time JiAh was brought up. He had an empty pit in his heart embedded for her.

"A bed. She wanted a bed all to herself. She always had to share a bed with one of the other girls. A bed, that's what she wanted." Kyungsan revealed. Hoya frowned as he stared up at the ceiling. A bed. JiAh wanted a bed. She wasn't like all the others. Typical women wanted jewelry, clothes, the newest electronics, some were even reasonable and asked for something as simple as cheap chocolate. But not her. She was anything but typical. JiAh asked for a bed to sleep in at night.

"Hyung do you think noona is happy?" Kyungsan asked innocently as he yawned.

"I don't know. I hope so." He replied sadly. Happiness. Was she happy? Was she happy without him? He prayed that wherever she was, it was better than being stuck with him. He prayed that wherever she was, she found her happiness.

"If she's not, can we bring her back?"

"God I hope we can." He mumbled, but Hoya knew he would never pull her back into this hell of his. It wasn't fair, she didn't deserve it.

"Hyung, where do you think noona is?"

No reply. God, he wish he knew.

"Hyung, do you miss noona?"

Again, no reply. A deep silence followed next, the two tiredly stared up at the ceiling.

"Hyung, you don't love noona do you?"

The sound of a pin dropping could be heard. But no words were spoken.

"No I don't." Hoya replied after a few minutes. Yes, he cared about her, he was attractive to her, he liked her, a lot. She made his heart beat faster, even before she left, she made him worry, all the time. She made him confused, worried,  irritated, and so many other things. But did he love her? Hoya wasn't one to love easily. He didn't give his heart out to anybody, either did JiAh. So no, he doesn't love her, but he was falling for her, he was falling for someone who had already left.

"Thank you hyung." Kyungsan murmured sheepishly.

"For what?" Hoya asked. He couldn't find a single thing he had done that deserved a 'thank you'.

"For being honest, just like noona is. She was honest, even when it hurts. She was honest about the world, because she understood it. I think that's the thing about the two of you," Kyungsan stated, "You can face the world, but you can't face each other."







I really wanted to add something lighter to the story.& why not, don't you guys think Hoya would make an awesome brother, or father, however you see it. & if anyone wants a Hoya and JiAh moment, its coming up, slowly, but I'm trying to work it in there.