No one is scare of flying, we’re just scare of falling. Maybe that was how Hoya saw it. All he wanted was to fly, yet he never did. Because he was scared of falling. But sadly he had already crashed. He crashed so hard he didn’t know if he could get up again.

The scent of crisp books and oak wood filled his senses. Sunggyu had taken him out of the city, and drove him to a small town laying in the outskirts of Seoul. And here he was, walking through the aisles of a library, the line of books surrounded him as he paced aimlessly. If Sunggyu wanted to teach him something, Hoya doubted it would be from a book.

Hoya e of the corners, and for some odd reason he decided to stroll towards a certain room. Sunggyu had precisely instructed him to stay in the main room, which was the largest room within the place. Hoya however, was never a good listener.

The room was smaller than the main one, it was warmer, which gave it a homey feelings especially in the winter, like now. He paced next to a bookcase, his fingers brushing against the books, his heart was in a mind game, like always. The tall bookshelves reached far above his head, creating a barrier from each bookcase to the next.

So maybe Sunggyu had prepared something for him. Maybe his hyung was just crazy. He wasn’t sure. But all he knew was that Sunggyu didn’t do anything randomly. Everything had a place, a meaning, a reason. If only Hoya knew what they were.

He held on tightly to the book in his left arm, grasping it close to his chest. Her scent had vanished. It had been so long he could no longer smell JiAh’s fragrance. But looking at her writing him feel nice. Reading her words made him think, it made him dig deep into his mind. If only he realized this sooner.

His ears perked up when he heard a familiar tune, it was a sweet song that contained the summer breeze and the sweet wind chimes.  He had heard the humming before. And he knew who sang the song. His wife. His eyes danced around the room like a mad man. The voice, where was the voice?

JiAh would hum that tune over and over again. Even doing simple chores, that was the only tune she hummed. It was the only song she understood like it was some song, embedded into her. He never told her to stop. Honestly he liked the tune. It was warm and soothing.

It was just like her. Warm and soothing. But it also wasn’t. Because JiAh was as cold as she was warm. She was as irritating as she was soothing. Because JiAh mattered to him, he noticed these things. If only she knew this. But that was his fault, not hers. He was the one who was too scare to fly. He was the one who was too scare to tell her.

He searched through the over shelves walking pass them to see if anyone one lingered there. His mind grew frantic upon realizing no one else was there. Maybe it was his head finally falling down on him. That was it. It was his last straw finding breaking.

Hoya’s steps came to a stop before reaching the final two shelves. His head fell down in defeat. What was he doing?  

She wasn’t here. So why was he looking for her? What kind of man would he be if every time he heard, saw, or feel anything slightly familiar to her, he went running towards it.

Slowly he turned around, his head still down in defeat. His heart still broken like before. He huffed, as he slowly walked back. What happens when you realize that you made a mistake, but it was too late to fix it? What happens when you realize it too late?  What happens when the sun light starts to fade?

“There you are man.” Sunggyu called as he found Hoya instructing the follow him.

“Why are we here?”

“We were supposed to meet the ice princess. But sometimes things go wrong.” Sunggyu replied. There was something in his eyes bothering him. But Hoya didn’t bother to try and figure it out.

“So we came here for no reason?” Hoya asked, annoyed that he was dragged from his home for nothing.

Sunggyu shook his head, “No man, there’s a reason why we’re here. And you know why.” Did he? Did Hoya know why?

He exhaled deeply, following Sunggyu as Sunggyu lead them out of the library and into the front. Hoya looked up towards the grey skies that created a blockage between the sun and the earth. He looked back to Sunggyu who was getting in the car.

Hoya turned back to face the library. The thoughts of a certain tune played in his mind. Yes. He knew why Sunggyu had brought him here. Though Sunggyu didn’t get what he wanted, he got something else.

Hoya opened the passage side door to Sunggyu’s car and stepped in, slamming the door shut.

“He’s here with me. Right now. In the other room.” Sunggyu told her. Her eyes perked up. He didn’t know what he saw, fear, anger maybe, perhaps disappointment, excitement? He didn’t know.

“I can’t.” She whispered softly and weakly as her arms fell to her side, the book in her hand falling onto the floor, causing a thump.

Sunggyu nodded understandingly. “Why?” It came out as a mere whisper.

“Did he really hurt you that much?" JiAh shook her head, indicating a no.

“No. He didn’t. its not like that at all.” She stated. Her voice was shaking and Sunggyu wasn’t sure why. Was it because Hoya was here? Was it because he was here? Or was it because of the question. Or was it something else.

“I left because I was scare of hurting him. Because he deserves so much more. He doesn’t deserve to be hurt by me.” She responded. Sunggyu frowned. If only she knew how much pain Hoya was in because of her.

“I’m sorry Sunggyu-shi, but I can’t.” She concluded. Sunggyu nodded. He wasn’t going to push them. Sure, he would guide them in the right direction, but he didn’t want to play god and pushed them back together when they weren’t ready.

“JiAh-ah, do you love him?”

“No, no I don’t.”

“Good. That’s good. Because I don’t think he loves you either.” Sunggyu stated. She nodded, as if she understood everything going on in Sunggyu’s head. Maybe she did. JiAh saw what others didn’t. She saw beauty in her distress. She looked to the stars while she laid in the darkness. She saw angels within demons. She saw Paradise in Hell.

“When you’re ready. I’m sure he’ll find you.”

"So, what did you learn?" Sunggyu asked as they exited onto the freeway which lead back to the apartment where the others were. Hoya's eyes were glued onto the road outside.

"I hate how you're always right." Hoya hissed sadly.

"Lee Howon, what was the first thing you said to me when we met?" Sunggyu asked.

Hoya exhaled deeply, "Hyung, teach me something." He answered.

Sunggyu smiled, "I'm teaching you about life." Sunggyu answered. Hoya chuckled. If only he realized as a child how life would turn out.

"No one is scare of flying. They're just scare of crashing." Silence followed after that statement.

"Hyung, by 'ice princess', you meant JiAh didn't you." Hoya questioned breaking the silence. It wasn't until Sunggyu drove away that it had clicked in his mind. The reason the two of them were there was because of her. So that meant she was there. That meant that the humming he heard came from her. And that meant he had almost found her. But he didn't.

"She was one of the best things that ever happened to me." Hoya murmured, "She's paradise to my hell."

Sunggyu snickered, "Really. I think she sees it differently. You're paradise to her hell."

"Yeah, how ed up is that."

"That's life."