OT12, 1113 words.

It’s a mess.

In one corner, Chen points to the general direction of Luhan’s crotch and laughs out loud, without shame.

“I CAN SEE YOUR WEE-WEE HAHA IT’S SO TINY.” Chen gesticulates wildly while Luhan stands there biting his lower lip in embarrassment.

“HAHA WHAT IS THAT IT’S LIKE A LUMPY WORM.”

Luhan bursts out into ear-piercing wails.

“DADDY LOOK AT LULU’S WEENIE.”

“DADDY CHEN’S BULLYING ME MAKE HIM STOP.”

“CHEN STOP.” Kris shouts from his and Tao’s place at the shower head. As usual, Tao’s kicking up a huge fuss, accusing Kris of aggressively rubbing soap into every hole on his face, resulting in more soap getting into his face as he throws a hissy fit and, being the idiot he is, uses soap-covered fists to rub and try to rid his red eyes of the stinging soap.

Tao flails and squeaks when the pain intensifies, knocking the shampoo bottle over and the shower head out of Kris’s hand. Eyes screwed tight to squeeze the foreign cleaning agent from his eyes, Tao latches on to the nearest human being, it very conveniently being Kris.

“It’s so dark I’m scared Daddy help!” Tao whimpers and buries his face into the wet, sopping hem of Kris’s three-quarter cargo pants. Tears stream from his closed eyes, though it’s hard to tell the difference between tears and water and soap anymore. “Daddy why do soaps form bubbles I think I’m dying.” Tao gasps dramatically.

Kris immediately panics, aiming the shower head straight at Tao’s face. Unfortunately, Tao isn’t quite prepared for a blast of water to the face, no matter how weak, and swallows several mouthfuls of slightly soap-tinged water as a result.

“Oh no.” Kris gasps. “Sorry.” Tao splutters. There’s still soap in his eyes.

“DADDY STUPID.” Tao wails with his eyes squeezed shut, an unpleasant bitter tinge sitting on his tongue in addition to the pain.  He runs frantically around in circles with his arms stuck out and flailing everywhere, hair plastered flat to his face. “DADDY STUPID DADDY STUPID DADDY- oof.” He bangs headfirst into the wall.

Suho looks up from bathing Sehun and gives Tao a thumbs up, though he can’t see it. “Yes Daddy stupid.”

Somewhere not very far away, Chen stops inspecting a sniffling Luhan’s wiener and bounds over to Kris, all innocent smiles and pure ness.

“Daddy can I see your wee-wee?” Chen clasps his hands under his chin and flashes a simpering grin up at Kris. Kris takes one glance at Chen’s face and turns away.

“What?” Kris quickly grabs Tao as the kid makes his third blind lap around the room. “No.” Kris deadpans as he retrieves the shower head that’s still feebly choking water from its many holes. “Go ask someone else.” He turns the head over to Chen and douses him with water, then turns his attention back to the larger matter at hand, Tao.

Chen gasps, splutters, and blinks the excess liquid from his eyes, a mangled pout already forming on his lips. Then, his eyes brighten as he spots Lay and Xiumin sitting by an assorted collection of various soaps and bottles centred around a small cup.

Lay wiggles his small fingers over the tiny pink cup and cackles while Xiumin adds some baby powder to the mix.

“Bubble, bubble, toil and twuble.”

Chen gasps and quickly scuttles over, all wieners stored in another part of his brain to pursue at a later time. He plants both hands firmly on Xiumin’s shoulders, successfully shocking him so that he nearly kicks over the cup.

“Hello puny humans I have come.” Chen grins brightly down at his soon-to-be sidekicks.

Lay looks up from his crouching position and frowns at the mere sight of Chen. “Shoo.” He makes little waving motions with his hands. “Go away.” He disdainfully rejects Chen.

Chen clutches his chest and groans. “You have hurt me, tiny human! Ack.” He stumbles backwards for comedic effect and careens directly into the toilet bowl, which Chanyeol is using as a makeshift rock for that one dramatic scene in The Little Mermaid. Xiumin takes the chance to kick him in the tummy.

“Gasps I’m ok no need to worry about me.” Chen whooshes, all the wind knocked out of him. He grabs the side of the bowl as he sinks to the floor. “Totally fine man.”

Chanyeol ignores him completely and focuses on humming a little song as he lays atop the closed cover of the toilet seat. He has the little cups they use to wash their teeth suctioned to his chest as makeshift seashells and a wet towel wrapped around his legs and feet.

“PART OF YOUR WOORLLDDD.” He puffs out his small chest proudly as Baekhyun uses the hose to create waves and sound effects behind him.

“Chanyeol if you wet the toilet paper again-“ Kris huffs.

Sehun crosses their path, arms outstretched for a single wobbly bubble. His delighted chirps of laughter fill the air as he stumbles everywhere, disturbing everything. Lay’s lumpy potion gets spilled everywhere, Chanyeol’s cup bra pops off, and the bubble eventually gets popped by one end of Kai’s soap-spiked hair, courtesy of Kyungsoo.

Sehun’s a little disappointed, and he whines to show it. Kyungsoo pays no heed to his whining and continues to slick Kai’s dark hair up into two spikes he may or may not have gotten from Astroboy.

“Is it done is it done I’m so cool I’m so cool.” Kai jumps up and down on the small stool they use to climb up to the toilet bowl. “Tell me I’m cool hyung.” He uses two hands to squish Kyungsoo’s cheeks together and laughs with glee at the adorable result.

“You’re cool, Jongin.” Kyungsoo manages to mumble. “So cool.” He adjusts the crooked spikes a little more and giggles. Jongin looks ridiculous.

“Yay!” Kai spins around on his seat. Kyungsoo’s cheeks are released and he takes the opportunity when Kai’s back is facing him to push him forward.

“Go show everyone your hair!”

***

After Kai wrestles Kyungsoo for making him look like an idiot, Suho manages to wash the soap off his hair and make him look somewhat presentable again. By then, Kris already has everyone else in their pyjamas more or less unharmed, save for Chanyeol and two red rings on his chest from the suction of the cups.

And they are pooped. The whole toilet is one big watery, soapy mess and Lay’s potion is still on the floor, diffusing into all the different chemicals and powders.

Suho bonks Kris on the head with one of Luhan's bolsters as they tuck the kids into bed together.

“You’re cleaning up.”

************

whoowee  I hope you liked this chapter!

Thank you to PatoDeGomaMal, fleurtopia, abitcurious, Encrypted198, Christian_Wu, anobonano, crzy4fun, xLacey, KKkkkk, _junmash, and cheekbuns for upvoting! 

Also gonna do some more shameless promoting for a new fic of mine it's exo as kittens hah evil laughter

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((their bathroom is gigantic bc $uho heh))