Double update guys <3

Prestige flows in this school like air. Prizes, trophies, names of which their value is comparable with gold border each and every wall of this school no matter how one thinks about it. Anyone who graduates here is bound to find his or her future shining in the same path as the sun. Teachers all come from renowned universities. Students are all smart, resourceful and beyond average. Some have backgrounds that are worthy of mention and respect. They are the future of Korea and the in-progress motor of the growing business wheel.

The floor, paved of my reflection as I look at my feet, is only getting stained the longer I stare. I’m this dull spot amongst the glistening prodigies. I’m the apple that rolled twice in dirt before trying to fit in with the rest. I’m the one who existed with a contagious virus and brought the disease to the others. If they don’t get rid of me, I will be responsible for everything wrong they can find. Right. I’m the evil one.

But then it doesn’t explain the treatment I’ve been receiving the past few days. For me, these students are the reflection of hypocrisy. ‘It was not me’, ‘It was in the name of my future’, ‘It was because you don’t deserve to live.’ I don’t want to leave though. I don’t want to leave my friends. I don’t want to make a coward out of that particular someone staring back in the mirror every morning. I’m sorry. There isn’t any other way I know to apologize. I know I can’t help but be selfish as well. I’ve known incessant fear well enough; I’d want to stand for my cause, but I can’t but want to take the easier yet pride-slaughtering road right now.

Hidden behind the smiles, the glitter and the spotlight, I am that lone shadow through their eyes. They fear me, yet I fear what they can do to me. Innocence, something that I sought and treasured, is all tainted now in my eyes. Dark. Stark, unsubtle and plain to see, I’ve seen, felt and heard invisible daggers pierce through my mind, till forever shall they stay plunged deep into my memory. I shall never forget. I don’t possess the strength to erase. It cannot be healed. Light has fled from me, because I let it go. I let it go because it’s better to not let it fade it the obscurity. Let it not die here, as easily as my naïve innocence did. Light will linger much longer if it leaves this hollow endless pit fall. I silently bid my goodbyes from down below. But I miss him more than ever now.

Yes, it is all gold, gold that makes everyone cry in jealousy, envy and greed. It’s gold that pushes students to grow bigger heads than their brains. It’s gold that blinds parents in front the promised brilliance striving through the future of their child. It’s gold in all its glory, because we made its value and rarity much important than it could’ve been. It is nothing but a golden trade, a treasure that we intensify our need of it and our need to make others desire it, because one cannot disregard all the prices and sacrifices it took to be a part of this precious name, traced with undeniable care in this utopic lustre-like writing.

Am I a hypocrite, one that lusts for gold and fortune, or both? I say all this, but aren’t I no different? Who am I to say such things? I am sensibly the same since I take part in this system. Then I should shut my mouth forever. Shame on me.

“Dara… Why am I here?” Tears could help but fall. Why did Sanghyun have to study here of all the possible schools?

I sat on one of the benches outside of school, in the front yard. I stared at sky as if it would give me an answer.

“Well, don’t think about the past. You’re already here so what do you expect to do now? You can’t get expelled like that. That’s what you said, no?”

“That is what I said.”

“Right? So you have to fight!”

“Fight who?!” I desperately yelled over to that cloud. I felt vibrations in my pocket. It was Dara’s Cellphone.

From : G.O

To: Dara

Talking to yourself? I see…

[Conversation]

Who are you? How do you know my number?

I know this isn’t your number. You wouldn’t call yourself ‘Dara’.

It’s my sister’s. But you haven’t answered me. I don’t know any G.O in my life.

I’m someone that is willing to help you. But telling you my name won’t help any of us.

So you’re from this school?

Yes and I can see you right now.

Where are you hiding?

It’s a secret. But my identity is a secret too. I’m here to help you. Do you want my help or not?

I guess I lose nothing from trusting what you have to say. But just in case…

Just in case?

Just in case, tomorrow, stand by the door of the 2-A classroom. That way, they’re not going to doubt you of any link with me. Then I’ll listen to what you have to say.

Haha you are some witty kid.

And that was the deal. The following day, I tried my best to not hint anything about the happenings at school to Sandara. Although I much wanted to rant about everything and ask for advice, I wanted to fix everything before she could even worry. The school’s bound to send a notice soon, but I don’t want her to worry about me one bit. Luckily, she hasn’t been up to date to anything recently: I’ve already taken her cellphone from her, she stopped working for a short while because of school and no one knows I’m her brother since we don’t officially state it everywhere we go.

This day, I made my difficult way to the classroom. I couldn’t help but notice the stares and laughter. I almost tripped over out of anxiety. I really didn’t want to be mistreated anymore, but I had to go to school. Else, they’ll expel me. I had to fight, right? Just like what he told me. Wait; who said that?

I looked up at the small metallic banner labelled ‘2-A’. There was no one, but I continued my steps hoping someone to appear. Could it have been that I was going to get tricked? I slowed down my steps, not once averting my gaze elsewhere from the door. Suddenly, a body appeared by the door. It was Byunghee. He seemed to be talking to someone that was in the classroom. He still noticed me though. So G.O was Byunghee.

I went to the washroom. G.O is Byunghee. Then I should trust him. Thankfully there was no one in the restroom. That might’ve been the best place to get bullied, you never know. I texted to G.O:

‘I saw you. I’ll listen to you.’

Well, it made sense that Byunghee would help me. He was the one who addressed to me although it was ‘risky’ for him. I don’t want him to be bullied again.

It might’ve given him a break, since I’m the one getting bullied now.  It hurts though. But I’m happy to not be useless anymore.

My daily light faded from me once more. I was happy before all of this happened. A day passed as long as how time would tick through the mind of my miniature form. I was lonely, as lonely as I used to be. Silence didn’t ever come back since I became a human. I lost a friend, a friend who is beyond reach now and that probably has no will to come back ever again.

Where is the light now? What is he doing? Why am I like this alone?

Is he letting go? Is he deep down a coward? It hurt to admit that I am a weakling, but to learn that he was one as well is even more painful. Was I truly the one who let go? Or did he slip from my grasp before?

Did he know all of this would happen? What is it a plan? Did he in fact hate me and did all this because he knew I cannot bring myself to do him any wrong? Did he know and took advantage? Was he not the light I thought he was?

Maybe I am as blind as the rest.

“Don’t neglect all you’ve been through together. He helped you a lot.”

The unknown voice came back. It seemed to be the only friend I had. Am I going crazy?

“I know he did. But I can’t help but think…”

“It’s all in your mind.”

“There is still a possibility. Why didn’t he let go of everything for me then?” I asked sarcastically and, disgusted by my own words,  I scoffed, “Now I’m being so selfish.”

“You’re looking through this too hollowly.”

“But taking this too naively won’t help either.”

“Maybe he’s trying to help you. Maybe his efforts aren’t reaching to you yet.”

“But what if all we’ve been through is all.. What if…”

“it was all make-belief? Who do you think he is, really? Who is he? I asked you several times but you never answered my question.”

“He is… Yang Seungho. He was…

He is the light that brightens up my days.

Someone… whom I couldn’t help but love the longer I was with.

Someone that I now doubt… because I am scared to lose him more than I already did.

It pains me to think that this fiction will actually surge forth into real life.

I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

It's a short chapter... sorry guys. I thought it was more when I was composing it though. Oh well.

Fact linked to this chapter:

Innocence is something that I hold onto very much and is an important theme of this story. I don't think I have much left (if that can't even be kept), but it is still something that I treasure. Throughout this story, I hope you guys noticed how Cheondung and Sanghyun are innocent in their own ways. Cheondung's clueless and fearless approach to some things give off this innocence allure, while Sanghyun's characterization is leaning towards the innocent side. Unfortunately, in this chapter, Cheondung lost much of the innocence he started with because of bullying. He always saw life through a realistic perspective, but his mind became tainted because of his experiences. He started seeing life in a more pessimistic manner and realized that he was blinded by the good things his becoming a human gave him, thus disregarding the bad and crude sides of it all. I refused to actually depict situations of bullying, considering that I haven't thought of this as a mature-content story, so the first paragraphs of this chapter are composed of more methaphoric than concrete descriptions. The 'predators' themselves have ambiguous identities, and this helps me to illustrate how bullies can be specific people as much as they can be anyone and everyone without one even knowing. I know I am still lacking in writing, but I hope all of this would help focus on emotions above all.