"You... whatever your name is..."

     I was hearing a voice. It was so familiar. I had heard it before. But it was so foreign at the same time, because I didn't know who it was.

"Don't trust that person."

    Who?

"Don't trust that person, no matter what."

   But who?

"It will hurt... no matter what you do, it will hurt..."

"Remain the same, unmoving through time... Forget... Read.... Keep on reading."

    Read what? It was complete gibberish now.

"Pain... Useless... where is she?"

"Him, who is he? I see him... Who is that person?"

     I woke up, sweaty all over. I grabbed my shirt, twisting the fabric covering the chest area. All I could focus on was the thumping of my heart and my heavy breaths. I was panting, and it was all because of a dream. This dream was not like what I was used to. It was too blurry and the emotions were too vivid. Unable to grasp the situation, I tried to escape from the echoes that were still lingering in my head. I closed my eyes and immersed myself into sleeping once more.

What had just happened?

   A few days had past since the first day of school, and never had I felt so distant to the world and so awkward around Jieun. Reading the entry has forced me to face a new reality, one of which I could not forsee the repercussions.  I had to confess to someone whom I had just met days ago. I had to have feelings that I did not have.

    I was not even sure of the true meaning of a confession and what it could bring. I remember, long ago, I had seen, with my very own eyes, a confession. I saw a girl and that person. This girl, although I had never met her, confessed her feelings to that person. But he, in a straightforward manner, rejected her. At least, she did as he told her. She left. She cried, insulted him, and left, and all that was because she was not able to hide the wave of emotions any better. That is what memory I have of a confession, and it was not a scene I had wanted to rewatch ever again.

    But rewatching it was inevitable. I could be that girl any moment. Sanghyun could live that rejection. The happiness I promised to bring to him could ultimately sink down only to be never recovered, if I am not careful. I know there isn't a better solution. This happiness he wishes for can only be a result of actual love, but the more I have true feelings, the more the feelings following a confession will be greater - which can turn out for the best, as well as for the worst.

    I don't know. I really don't.

    It was Saturday, and on these days, Dara would work at noon. Thinking on my own had made me so lonely, so I tried to keep on having company while I could. Following Dara, although she would not speak with me since she was busy, was the only way I thought I could have a friend to be with. Before I'd be too scared to come and face the chef, but now, I didn't even think of whatever embarassment I could get by coming in the restaurant. It didn't matter to me. I just ordered a hot chacolate and sat alone.

    I tried to not think. I concentrated on varied sounds around me : my slurping, my swallowing, different voices that I didn't feel like eavedropping, footsteps and whatnot. Anything I could analyse. Not that it was terrificly fun, but I had spent thirty minutes like that, drinking at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Oh Sanghyun."

    I looked up, and the face I identified was Seungho's. I understood he was a regular at this restaurant. I politely stood up and greeted him.

"Hello, Seungho-ssi."

"Hello," he said. "Are you sitting alone? Mind if I sit with you?"

"No, not at all," I replied. "Please, sit here if you like."

   He sat and a waiter gave him a menu.

"So," he started. "You don't work here?" He chuckled a little, probably joking around with his question.

   I continued drinking my drink.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I don't mind." Still smiling, even as he looked at the menu.

   A short while after, the waiter came back to the table and took his order.

"I don't even know why I look at the menu when I always order the same things." Still as bright. I don't know why I felt like I was content just by watching him.

  The plates were brought, almost covering the whole table.

"Want to share?" he asked, realizing that I was looking at the food.

"No I'm fine," I replied. "I was just wondering how one can eat this much."

"Haha," he said, eating his food. "I've been told that a lot."

   But I wasn't very much distracted from my inner conflict, so I carelessly just asked him:

"What do you do when you like someone?"

"What I do?" he repeated. "Is this like last time?"

   I nodded, remembering of that time when I fainted.

"Well," he chuckled. "When I like a girl, I tell her."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah," he continued eating. "I think it's better if the person knows."

"Then how do you gain feelings for this girl?"

"It just happens. You suddenly feel something. But I guess the feeling is relative from a person to another."

"What do you feel?"

"Who knows? What do I feel?" he said as if asking himself a question he will never answer, maybe because he was uninterested with whatever he could gain by it - if there was anything to gain. So I went on with another question.

"What if you have to feel something, but you just can't?"

"Like in those arranged marriages? I suppose that whatever happens or whatever descision you make is in fate's hands."

    One bite, two bites, another mouthful... "What I mean is, if you chose to continue in that path, it's your choice. If you decide to live the life you'd rather lead is also another option." He poked more food with his chopsticks. "But if you can't find the feelings you want, then it's not the right person, even if your mind tells you it is." He gazed off a bit, but then got his bright smile again. "Well that's just me being all cheesy."

"I think I get it now," I said. "Thank you."

"No problem," he replied and continued eating.

    I found it funny as to the fact that he doesn't even bother asking why I ask these kinds of questions. I don't expect people to casually just ask these, and I don't believe he is used to this either. It's queer and all, but I'm happy that he's helping me - helping me to a point so great and he probably doesn't know.  

    For whatever his reason may be, it's all good for me although it's funny. Maybe he thinks I'm funny.  

:: Seungho's P.O.V. ::

    That day when I met Sanghyun, he told me there was this girl he met. He told me he thinks it's love, but he didn't seem all too convinced. He was talking about how to gain feelings and confess them, and this made me doubt his own feelings. Well, I really can't know what he feels, obviously, but something tells me there's a huge barrier with what he feels and what he wants. It's quite strange. Why would someone force his feelings to love someone? It's been bothering me for quite a while.

    But this still doesn't explain what the heck I'm doing right now.

    Yes, even I don't get what I'm doing, but I'm doing it : No matter how you put it, I'm stalking him.

    How did that happen? Well, it's the weekend, and Sanghyun told me he invited the girl at a park to talk, using the excuse to work on the history project, I thought. The excuse isn't very legit if you think about it, unless if they're seriously planing on working on the ground or something. I scratched my head at the thought. Anyways, he told me his plan, and his plan was to spend a day with her, and figure out his feelings. I didn't feel confident about it. Actually, even if we barely knew each other, I was very worried. Sanghyun thinks very much differently than most people I've met. It's almost as if he didn't understand his surroundings. He already told me he doesn't know much, and that's what worries me. If he really loves this girl, he can't mess up right? I should help him then.

     It's pretty funny that I'm doing this, as if I don't have anything to do in life. But that's not how I planned my day. Actually, I didn't think of sta- I mean following him. I just happened to have spotted them this afternoon. I couldn't quite see the girl's face, but I did recognize Sanghyun from afar. This only confirmed to me that Sanghyun wasn't lying and that he was dead serious about figuring out his feelings.

    It was sunset and the two of them were still walking on the sidewalk. The sun still made the streets bright, and it also helped to make the small buildings' shadows ellongeate and darken. Casually strolling on the same sidewalk but with a distance of many meters, I was unoticeable among the small crowds of people gathered before small shops. I couldn't help but think it started getting boring, considering that all they've done - while I was following them at least - was talk, walk, probably visit places from time to time... in other words, not very romantic. At least the weather was nice.

   The sun had not yet gone down, and they arrived at a spot that was close to the Anyang River. There was no buildings to cover myself from the sunlight as I walked on. My sight was a bit blinded by the strong rays of light, but I still managed to see what was going on. They finally stood there, facing each other. In my head I thought : "Good going Sanghyun! This means you finally figured out your feelings right?" There I was, anticipating what would happen next. I was too far away to hear anything, but I saw them. The girl was looking up at Sanghyun, and Sanghyun was looking back. He seemed to have finally found the confidence he was searching for. Finally, Sanghyun brought her head to his chest and they hugged tightly.

I got what I was waiting for. Strangely, I didn't like it.