What to do?

 

Two days passed since I met Sanghyun’s sister. But how did I get here? Why is Jieun in front of me?

 

Right…

 

                I wanted to help Sanghyun. Good thing I didn’t come with a plan ahahaha… WHO AM I KIDDING??? WHAT DO I DO NOW?

 

“Seungho-oppa, what’s wrong?” she asked.

 

                I didn’t answer her. All I did was glare at her confidently, although… I don’t know what got into me. I swore I hated my impulsivity. “What do you mean what’s wrong?” I asked back.

“I mean, why do you look so angry?” she asked. Her eyes hinted fear. What a joke.

“Me? Angry?” I laughed. “I’m not angry.”

“Is it because of Sanghyun?”

                No, it’s because of you.

“Are you jealous perhaps?” she asked.

“Jealous of what?” I was getting impatient.

“Well…” she shyly lowered her head and blushed. She slightly smiled and looked at me back. “Me and Sanghyun.”

                My heart did thump at that time. Her one and only comment had taken me aback. No. Rather, it was my own reaction with took me aback. I gulped. No words came out of my mouth. I could hear the loud drums of my heart. It was all too strange. She hit right in the bull’s eye. I was jealous. I wanted to strangle her at that moment. But heck, we’re at school…

 

“Are you jealous Seungho-oppa?”

 

                No… this can’t be… Is it really jealousy I feel? But this is wrong… If I hate Jieun, then am I jealous of her? What is it I want? Sanghyun?

 

“What is it you want to tell me, oppa? Why did you bring me here?”

 

                And with that, I had cleared something in my own mind. I turned away and ran. I had to find Sanghyun.

                Little did I know then that Jieun cackled where she stood. She thought her malicious plan or whatever had worked. I finally figured out what was going on and heck, her plan completely failed. I wasn’t going to give up this battle not was I ever going to let her win over my heart. In fact, someone had already won over mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                    I ran and ran. It was great that school was over, so I could let my goddamn impulsivity take over. But where is he?

                I remembered that he skipped the last period and went home. Only, I don't know where he lives. I went to the only place where I knew I could find him. I ran to the convenience store and hope to get lucky and find him from there.

 

                Unfortunately, there was no sign of him. I walked to the next intersection, hoping to find him. Walking towards a smaller street, I made my way into the shadow formed by the tall apartment buildings. It was quiet. Suddenly, I hear a door shut.

 

 

                     A tall skinny black-haired boy stood before me.

 

 

“Sanghyun, I –”

 

                    Suddenly, he pulled me forward and hugged me. It silenced me completely. He held me so differently than with Jieun. It was closer, more sincere and more confident.

 

"... I've missed this..." He said almost unaudibly to himself. His head over my shoulder, he tightened his grasp around me. Silent tears fell from my eyes. I couldn't understand anything. His embrace completely overwhelmed me. While giving me warmth, he seemed to gain liveliness. I turned my head and rested my cheek on his collarbone, breathing his scent. It felt so confortable…

“I was actually going to go meet you…” he said, still holding me. “I’ve discovered something great and I wanted to share it with you.

“R-really?” I said, pushing him away. Although it was only a hug, my heart was throbbing so much.

“It feels like it has been so long since I’ve seen you.” Actually, it did feel like a long time. Partially because I was figuring my confused mind and partially because Sanghyun also has been avoiding me… or maybe he had other things to do. “It’s great to finally be able to meet like this.”

“Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend though?" I asked coldly. I couldn't control myself and just asked that question.

 

"You were there when I hugged her right?"

 

                    I remained silent. My heart cringed, leaving me speechless.

 

"You should've stayed then."

 

                    I looked at him, confused.

 

"You should've stayed, and maybe you wouldn't believe whatever nonsense claims I'm dating her."

 

"So you're not?"

 

"Of course not. Didn't you yourself say that I shouldn't make myself gain feelings for someone that I don't love?"

 

"I thought you followed the other advice I gave you. Those that would actually make you end up with her." I chuckled. I was happy then. I was happy... because they weren't together. What happened to me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                   We went to my house on that afternoon. Sanghyun wanted to show me how great he was at memorizing: He wanted to lead me to my house, a path that he only took with my help. As we arrived in my room, I lied on my bed as he sat unconfortably on the corner of the furniture as he always did. 

"You can sit more confortably if you want."

"I'm fine really," he said. He looked at the floor, frozen. "W-w-what is that?"

"What?" I sat up and brought my body to where he was. "What is it?"

"It's moving," he said.

"Ah... It's a spider."

"A spider?"

"Yeah that's right."

"I always thought they were much bigger," he said, not once taking his eyes off it.

"... I guess there are some much bigger than this one." I carefully slid a sheet of paper under the creature, opened the window and let the spider fall down. "Were you scared?" I smiled.

"N-no... No I wasn't."

"Don't lie, I know you were," I said. "Oh is that a spider over there?"

"Where?" He jumped.

"Kidding~" I laughed, making him laugh with me.

 

                    That day was almost the cure to my confusion. I was still left a little mixed up – that was true – but meeting Sanghyun and talking to him did bring life to my day. I was too strangled by my own questioning. He managed to untangle some of it, and made me truly think that I can trust him. At least I know now that there is someone will be there when I am lonely.

 

“So eum… what was that great discovery you wanted to tell me?” I asked him.

 

                    He looked at me, and his smile went away for it turned into a serious expression.

 

 

 

 

 

:: Dara's P.O.V. ::

 

                    That afternoon, Sanghyun went to visit Seungho. I met him as he was getting ready to leave, and he was surprised to see me since he thought I was at school. But one of my classes were cancelled, so I just came home.

                    He told me that he was coming back soon because he had to work on his history project. It didn't matter much to me, as long as he knew what he was doing.

                    I tried to simply enjoy the fact that I had nothing to do now. Finally, I could rest and not worry. I thought that to be a good student, I should probably be studying, but to be a good student, one must also know how to balance one's life between school, family and rest, and how to not overexert oneself. So in the end, I lied in the living room as a couch potato, and didn't do much from there on.

 

 

                    I had fun watching TV, something that I couldn't really do these days. The sun was going down a lot sooner than it used to. Sanghyun had still not come back. I hope he had money or the cellphone I lent him to make a call if anything went wrong. I stood up and stretched, and made my way to his room. Hopefully, he thought of a way to call me if he needed help.

                     I opened the door, and made a few steps inside. It was clean and organized, almost intimidating. Such neatness was stereotypically rare for a boy, and it was as if it was saying 'Mess something up, and you die.' It was new for me. I didn't know Sanghyun could be a neat-freak.

                    His journal was opened though. It was the only thing that felt out of place on his clean desk. I approached it, curious, but I heard Sanghyun's voice.

"Dara, I'm back."

                    So I backed away from the book and ran back out. As I walked out of his room, I saw this girl. It was Jieun. What was she doing here?

"Sanghyun, what is she-"

"Hello! You must be Sanghyun's older sister. Nice to meet you!" She smiled. I just glared at her.

"She's only here to work on the project with me," said Sanghyun, "We will be in my room."

"Don't... don't hesitate to ask me if you need any help," I said, worried.

                    Sanghyun leaded the way. In a flash, her warm welcome turned into ice, and her once smiling expression into one that couldn't care less.

 

 

                    It was only then that I recognized her better.

 

 

 

                    I was worried. Very worrired. But I trusted Sanghyun in a way that, his feelings shouldn't get the better of him like it once had. I sighed and just stayed by the closed door of his room and listened.

                    All I heard were typing sounds, the flipping of pages; I guess it was all history related. Maybe they became better friends. I believed it was so.

"Sanghyun," I heard Jieun say. "So what about that time when I said I loved you?"

 

                    She did?

 

"Jieun, I... I don't think I feel the same way."

"Are you sure?" Her voice almost sound heartbroken; it was almost like a plead.

"Yes, I am," Sanghyun's stern voice seemed unaffected by her pitiful one.

 

                    Jieun sighed. The room was quiet, but strangely, - it was like a crescendo - her laughter became more and more noticeable. "Sanghyun... You've really changed..."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Hahaha!" Her laughter calmed shortly after. "Why isn't this as easy as I thought?"

 

"Sometimes, things don't work out as planned." No offense, but my brother sounded like a textbook. It was as if he was reciting a line he had just learned. "But don't worry Jieun... There's bound to be a person that lov-"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU IDIOT!" Jieun yelled. I was ready to jump into that room and kick the hell out of her. "You were supposed to help me..." Huh? What is she saying?

"You loved me once didn't you?" she said. "Then everything should have gone as planned!"

 

                    What plan? Man, I got a bad feeling about this. I tried to open the door but it was locked. Gee, Sanghyun, how do you expect me to kick her if you don't let me in?

 

"The day you told me you forgot everything was when everything should've fallen into place. You forgot everything about the past, me, my rejection... But my plan didn't work out... You didn't love me back! Turns out you're gay, huh?"

 

"What... do you mean?" Sanghyun's weak voice was barely heard.

 

"You don't love me back... Instead, you fall for the one I'm trying to have! I saw you earlier... You and Seungho... No way in hell could that have been a friendly hug..." She mumbled words, barely making through her clenched teeth. "You were supposed to fall in love with me, and make Yang Seungho jealous!"

 

                    She laughed. "What's wrong, huh? Did I break your heart? Then let me tell this to you loud a clear for you to remember. I NEVER LOVED YOU. NEVER WILL!" 

 

 

 

                    No! This was like a replay of what Sanghyun told me once. I don't quite remember what he told me; overall I was more focused on his sobs when he told me about it. But I can't imagine his reaction now! I don't want him to go through the same thing again... His tears, I remembered how heavy they seemed. His memory was the thing he hated most, because it made him remember the scene.

 

 

 

"I know," he said coldly. "And what of it?"

 

 

What? His composed and indifferent reaction had taken me aback.