Finally stepped out from flashback…

Staring outside to the cotton-like cloud with sunshine glowing on the smooth skin of her face, Jessica questioned herself why she was doing this on the first place. She still had the gut to fly over many islands and spent hours sitting on the airplane seat just to meet with that certain person.

Was this worth it?

Of course it was. She made up her mind one year ago and also prepared herself for this, for the university overseas. This would be worth it.

Jessica looked down to her lap where a silver bracelet lingered sweetly around her wrist. She caressed the snowflake pendant and smiled to herself when she touched the other pendant, the crown one. A snowflake and a crown; ice princess.

She was very confident that the package she found at her room on her birthday was from Tiffany. There was no address, no name on the square brown box but there was a letter and a voice recorder that made Jessica sure.

 

Happy birthday, you’re getting older!
hope you don’t have any wrinkle
-Awesome H-

And when she played the recorder, Tiffany’s blissful voice echoed throughout her room.

 

“You, who is more important than anything else in the world
Will you accept my heart that I prepared for you
Your smile that looks at me oh
It’s really, really bright
I want to pick those stars for you
Happy birthday to you my beautiful love
Baby, only for you
Because you’re here, I’m happy
Happy birthday to you
Just like today, forever
Baby, only for you
We’re going to be together”

Tiffany’s voice was so lovely and the butterflies inside Jessica’s stomach felt like bursting out be the feeling.  Just when she thought the song is over, Tiffany’s voice was up again. Not singing, but talking.

“Heheh don’t take it wrong. I mean going to be together as a best friend of course. Happy birthday to you again! Sorry my voice sounds like a dog barking.”

Though it was popping all the bubbles, Jessica was very happy that Tiffany still remembered her birthday. That moment she could tell, was the best birthday gift she ever had.

So there was no excuse to not make her feel so confident. Tiffany was a person that she found very proud of herself after all.

And there she was right now, on the airplane, sitting proudly but nervously on the seat beside a middle aged woman that look like a very important person. They didn’t talk to one another, both busy with their own ‘activity’. The woman was busy typing on her laptop while Jessica…

She was busy thinking about how to greet Tiffany when she meet the girl later. She decided to take it easy, greet her like the old way, like they were still best friends.

Maybe when she landed later and go straight to her new university and to the dorm, she will make a call to Yuri first because the girl was the one who gave her Tiffany’s address, told her which university she went in and also a phone number Jessica promised to the older girl to not make a call until she met the older girl.

She figured it out when Yuri gave her another gift from Tiffany on her graduation day, the tanned girl told her that she still keep in touch with her ex-basketball mate and somehow it made Jessica all excited about the information.

Yuri was thinking she was too weak when Jessica told her that she regretted everything she had done. That she let Tiffany go that day, that she never ran after her; stopping her, never even try to asked herself whether she loved Tiffany just as a best friend or more than that. Now she understood the feeling of losing someone she wanted the most.

A handbag was her graduation gift from Tiffany, and she was using it now too. Both things somehow, became her favorite things lately. She used it so often until her friends thought it was from her boyfriend which she absolutely never have.

The tapped on the keyboard from the business woman beside her calmed her at some point. She reclined her seat and slumped on the soft comfortable surface of the seat, closed the window, Jessica pulled a blanket over her body. She shifted and now facing the woman beside her, a warm smile directed to her when a gentle soft motherly face looking down at her.

“10 more hours until we reach the states. Sleep tight, young lady.”

Jessica offered the woman a small yet beautiful smile before a face flashed trough her mind once more. Maybe she’ll have a nice dream.

“Thank you.”

***

 

You’ve been good, busier than ever, we small talk, work and the weather,
your guard is up and I know why.
because the last time you saw me  is still burned in the back of your mind.
you gave me roses and I left them there to die.
so this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying
“I’m sorry for that night”

 

Stepepd out from the taxi, the driver helped her carrying out her luggage and two more travel bags from the baggage. Jessica gave the middle aged man some bills and told him to keep the changes.

She relieved a sigh, the one describing a satisfaction.

The university before her looks very cool, maybe as cool as Tiffany if it was even related.

Looking down at her belongings before taking steps, she thought she brought way too many stuff. Jessica swinged the travel bags on her shoulders and dragged along her luggage. Thinking how ridiculous she must’ve look like now by the stares she earned from the other kids on the building.

“Excuse me.”

A middle aged man looked up from the papers he read at the information desk and to Jessica. He smiled a little and soon stood up just in front of her. The man ― that Jessica didn’t bother to look at the name tag ― studied her and took a paper and ask Jessica her name.

“Freshmen yes? Your name?”

“Yes. Jung. Jessica Jung.”

The man looked down at the name list of freshmen as he mumbled Jessica’s name. It took a while and Jessica had to look around the busy hall of the campus. Hoped to find Tiffany anywhere on the crowd of busy students were walking around. She narrowed her eyes for a better view but the man’s voice distracted her.

“Ah Jung Jessica, this.” She pointed to a column of Jessica’s name and opened a cabinet bellow the table. Took out a key and pushed it to Jessica. “This is a key to your room. The dorm is across from here, if you can see it’s there, the brown one. You got a room number 801. 8^th floor, okay? room number one.”

“Okay thank you.”

“If you need anything I’ll be right here.”

“Sure thanks.”

Jessica was about to give the man the last small smile but the man’s wink at her made her shuddered instead and she grabbed the key and walk fast through the hall without second glance to the information desk. That was creepy and she promised to herself she won’t come back there again if the man is on duty.

She stopped for awhile in the middle of the hallways and thought how could she get through all these people walking, playing and messing around at the corridor. Seriously, it looked like there’s no space left for her to walk pass by. Even when she decided to move aside to the wall, some students still had to bump against her.

Maybe she’ll wait for a little longer until the corridor at least being less busy and by then she could walk away from the building and to the dorm. And maybe as she waited, she could also meet Tiffany wherever in this corridor.

Jessica leaned on the wall, her heavy travel bags dropped on to the floor on the wither side of her as she kept her eyes open to every person that passed by her. There were so many people and her confidence for meeting Tiffany was getting lower each passing seconds.

She glanced trough the open classes, to the locker beside her, to the office room and finally on the toilet.  There was no Tiffany, still. Maybe the girl had no classes today and decided to not moving her from the bed or maybe Tiffany was on the basketball’s field. Since the girl had that passion in basketball and spent most of her time playing that certain sport, the basketball field was the most possible place for now.

Her arms and shoulder was ready to carry her bags and luggage and her feet were so ready to jog to the field when her eyes caught a glimpse of a familiar body. Jessica straightened her body and to look at the person that was just coming out from the toilet.

The girl wore ripped jeans and a soft pink tank top with a grey jacket wrapped loosely on her body. Her hand was holding a towel and her long black hair covered her face. She supposed the girl was just finished washing her face and Jessica had to hold her breath when the girl ran her hand through her hair.

The excitement in Jessica explode.

“Tiffany!!”

In the other hand, the girl that being hugged had that puzzle look on her face that saying; who the fck is this crazy person!?. She wanted to push the girl that wrapped her arms tightly around her waist and asked her the name or maybe just to make a statement that the girl just hugged a wrong person.

Well, yes her name was Tiffany. But there were plenty of Tiffanys in this university. And maybe she herself was not Tiffany this girl was looking for.

She wanted to deny it, she wanted to deny that this girl had the same warmth and scent from the person she longed to meet, she wanted to deny that this girl had the same exact appearance from the girl that didn’t come to cheer on her last game on her high school year. She really wanted to deny that this girl who was hugging her is not her Jessica.

Tiffany swallowed the lump as she reached back of the girl’s wrist to pull away first but the cold thing Tiffany supposed a bracelet struck her. She looked down only to see her birthday gift for Jessica lingered sweetly on the girl’s thin wrist.

“Hi.”

She shifted her gaze to the sweet voice. There she finally saw her Jessica smiling at her. How she missed this girl as much as she didn’t want to see her anymore. But aside of that, she was happy to see the face again. So Tiffany smiled.

***

 

It didn’t reach her eyes, it didn’t as blinding as it always did, her smile. But still, Jessica loved that smile, blinding or not, she ever owned the beautiful smile once on her past life.

“Damn I know it! I always choose the best present for someone. That bracelet looks great on you! Glad you like it though.”

“Won’t wear it if it looks bad on me.”

“Heh right.” Tiffany chuckled. “So? You also applied here?”

“Yeah, I heard this university has good grades so I think why not try.” The smile on Jessica’s face was blinding and Tiffany found it hard to not stare. “How’s life? Still play basketball? Still as awesome as ever?”

The older girl chuckled as she tucked her hand onto her jean’s pocket and titled her head when she answered the questions. Jessica was having the hard time to breathe as she kept her eyes on the beautiful face of Tiffany Hwang.

“I’ll always be awesome.”

They  shared a good moment of laughing and chuckling before Jessica finally popped the bubbles. She heaved a sigh and look at the brown orbs before her. Sincerity was everywhere on her voice.

“I’m sorry, for not coming. If you know what I’m saying.”

Jessica saw the glint on Tiffany’s eyes at the mention of her last game. The other girl managed a smile but Jessica swore she saw a little bit of hurt and disappointment on those clear eyes. Tiffany shrugged and flashed yet another simple smile.

“No biggie, it was in the past. All in the past stay in the past, right?”

That’s right. But that didn’t make Jessica feel less insecure. It was in the past. But was it mean that she herself also counted as Tiffany’s past?

Jessica was about to open to utter another apologizes but then a voice of a girl and arms that wrapped tightly on Tiffany’s stopped her. She shifted her eyes from Tiffany to the arms before it finally landed on the short blond haired girl that clung intimately on Tiffany’s arm. The blond smiled and her eye-smile reminded her of the taller girl.

She looked at Tiffany once more and the other girl’s smile matched the blond’s smile . As if she came to one realization, Jessica’s mind clicked to one point; Tiffany didn’t smile like that when she talked to Jessica and now as if smiling was a big problem, she flashed that smile so easily to the blonde haired girl.

The one that so blinding, the one that once was only hers.

Jessica smiled bitterly to herself.

“Here you are! I was looking for you everywhere. You said you won’t take long.”

She saw the girl pouted and Tiffany poked her nose.

Didn’t she used to be like that to her?

“Sorry, I meet an old friend.” Tiffany smiled and shifted her gaze from the blonde girl to Jessica. “Jessica, this is Sunny. Sunny, this is Jessica.”

Jessica saw the Sunny girl looked at Tiffany once more before she offered a hand to Jessica. She took it, shook it and forced a smile that she didn’t care how it would look like because she felt like a total stupid with all her jealousy crawling from her heart onto her mind.

“Nice to know you, Jessica!” Sunny beamed.

“Can we go now? You promise to help me with my assignments.” Another pout and Jessica was ready to punch the girl if Tiffany didn’t giggled.

“Sure sure, Sunny bunny. Let’s go now.”

Sunny bunny?

“So, see you around, okay? Have fun here.”

With the last smile and a wave of her hand, Tiffany walked away from Jessica with that pouty little midget clinged on her arm like a monkey.

Jessica turned around to watch their backs walking further away from her and vanished at the blinding shine of the sunshine.

Did it have to be like this? She came here from so far away, sat hours long on the airplane, had jet lag which gave her headache and all she wanted to see is Tiffany. She didn’t want that Tiffany that walked away from her with another girl some moments ago, she wanted her Tiffany from a year ago.

She wanted the old Tiffany that would hug her back when she hugged her, that would confessed her feelings towards Jessica for so many times, the one that always made her laugh but irked at the same time, the one that always smiled blindingly beautiful only at her and made her like she owned the smile.

She wanted her Tiffany that always made her feel so special, not that Tiffany that didn’t even look at her with loving and tender eyes like she used to.

Maybe what she wrote on her letter was right after all, that she wanted to move on, that she left her feelings towards Jessica in the room they used to live in on their high school life, that she meant it when she wanted to introduce their partner to one another.

Maybe Tiffany really meant it.

Maybe Jessica was hoping too much.

 

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
you gave me all your love and all I gave you was “Goodbye”

***

 

It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you,
wishing I’d realize what I had when you were mine.

 

The elevator dinged and Jessica dragged her luggage out from the square metal object. Her travel bags feel somewhat very heavy and her feet feel so weak. Her sobs was the only one that made noise in the empty corridor of the apartment aka her dorm. Even the luxurious building that she was gonna live on for the next years of her university years didn’t entertain her.

She felt so heavy on the heart, she wanted to go home and hid under her baby blue blanket and cry for days until Krystal nagged her.

Jessica stopped in front of a room she believed was the room number 801 which was suppose to be her room. She took out the key from her bag and dropped those heavy bags from her shoulder. She bit her lips as she put the key into the hole. She turned it, but it didn’t make a click sound.

The second and third try didn’t make any useful meaning. Jessica cursed under her breath.

“Stupid!! Why won’t you open!?”

She tried some more, but it still locked. Wasn’t it enough? She saw Tiffany moving on, left her alone in the strange corridor without helping her with anything and now she had to stuck here with a closed door of her room? That man at the information desk should stop flirting and do a job seriously.

“Ugh stupid!!!” the tears kept on flowing down her face no matter how often she wiped it. “What a day! First she moved on already and now this stupid key stucks!!”

She turned the key inside again, now with more force. She heard a click and she stopped, thought it was the door that finally opened but when she pulled out the key, the half of it stucks inside the hole and the other half on her hand.

Jessica groaned, kicking the door real hard until she hurted her own feet but she still kept on kicking but stopped once she feels like her feet is about to broken.

“Stupid key! Stupid door, stupid apartment, stupid university, stupid landlord, stupid constructor, stupid maker if this friggin key, stupid everything!!” Despite on how hurt her feet are, she kicked once more because she was beyond angry right now and this door was beyond perfect to kick at.

“STUPID DOOR WITH FRIGGIN STUPID LEG! Why this leg is so weak, she told me I only have a weak upper body, not lower body!! Not my leg, ugh!!”

Jessica slipped of the door to the floor. She had her face buried in between her knees and her arms on her head. She sobbed more until she was unable to breath and her mind kept on repeating the scene on the corridor earlier and the letter Tiffany wrote years ago kept on talking on her ear.

It was so bothering and Jessica wanted to get rid of it. She slammed her fists onto the door behind her and shouted out her frustration.

“GAAHHHH STUPID TIFFANY!!! How come she is so full of herself!? Stupid me for not realizing the feeling soon! Stupid Tiffany!! Why gave up so easily! So stupid!! GAAH TIFF WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID!?”

“Why on earth you said I’m stupid out of nowhere?”

The voice beside her made her jump and instinctively looked up to see the owner of the voice. Tiffany looked down at her with eyebrows lifted. She looked at Jessica as if the girl had another head grown.

Jessica collected herself fast. She stood up to face Tiffany with gritted teeth.

“What are you doing here? Didn’t you just go with your beloved friend?”

“Uh… because this is also my apartment? What on earth you’re doing here? You look like a mess and― HOLY SHEESH! Did you… did you just cry? Why were you crying? What happened to you? Did you hurt yourself?”

Tiffany moved closer to Jessica to get a better look of the girl, she looked everywhere to see if Jessica had hurt herself but she found none. Jessica kept her eyes locked on the older girl and saw how worried Tiffany was right now. It made her cried even more.

“Stupid, stupid Tiffany.”

With the first sob of Jessica’s cry, Tiffany wrapped her arms around Jessica. She hugged the crying girl out of her old habit when she saw Jessica cried. She didn’t find it wrong, she found it right. She had to comfort the girl. She just had to. Her body acted by itself even when her brain shouted not to.

“Uh… I don’t know what I did wrong but… yeah I’m stupid. I am stupid if that makes you feel better, but please don’t cry?”

Jessica didn’t stop her cry or trying to stop her sobs. If she only had this moment to have her Tiffany back, she would probably do it by keep on crying. She wrapped her arms around Tiffany’s back and buried her face on the girl’s neck, realizing that Tiffany still applied the same perfume she used to when they were in high school.

 

And how you held me in your arms that September night –
the first time you ever saw me cry

 

It lasted for a moment until Tiffany heard no more sobs from Jessica and she pulled away softly. Looked down at Jessica’s frowning face.

“Feel better now?”

“Yes… thanks.”

“So… why did you cry?”

“……I’m locked out of my room.”

“Your room?” A raise of an eyebrow.

“Yes my room.”

“Where is your room?”

“Here.” Jessica pointed out the room in front of her with her finger but still didn’t looking straight to it.

“Well, that answers everything. This isn’t your room.”

“This is my room you , I live here! Why on earth you’re here on my apartment??”

“…Because I live here too.”

“Pffffftttt.” She scoffed. No words came out for either of their mouths until― “Wait what? You live here too? Where’s your room?”

With shrugged of her shoulder and looking all cool, Tiffany pointed out the same room Jessica had pointed earlier. 901.

“Here.”

……

……

……

“Stop joking this is my room. …………and I’m stuck outside of my room, no, don’t kid me, not funny.”

“Oh gosh you Jess, this is my room you, !” Tiffany pulled out the key from her pocket and showed it in front of Jessica’s face. It read 901.

Jessica looked up to the door frantically and to the now half key on her grasp. The room number was 901 and the key on her palm was… 801.

“.....”

“Wha― why the heck you only have half of your key? Lemme see.”

The black haired girl grabbed the key on Jessica’s hand and read the number on it. 801. And then she looked up to the girl and smacked Jessica’s head.

“HEEEEY!!”

“It’s 801 ! This is 901, my room! But how come you broke the key?”

Jessica scratched the back of her head. “Uh… half of it stuck inside… there.”

She nodded her head toward the key hole and Tiffany followed where Jessica’s head pointed at. The older girl gasped.

“JESS YOU STUPID !!!!”

 

TBC

 

a/n: HELLAAAAAAW!! been a while no? :D how's everybody doing? kk. so! finally an update for 801-901 and this chapter is the PRESENT TIME like FINALLEEH!! \o/ moving on from the past now hahahhaha. please enjoy the part 5. sorry for everything that lack. please drop a comment :D happy reading!