It was dark and windy and… dull. It was always dull. The leaves flying with the wind as if dancing in the night with no cares, landed on a wet ground with no sound. The leaves was brown, an old leave flew away from its tree and left careless on the ground, no life, no friend. Tiffany knows the different between losing and giving, yet both left a deep scar inside her heart. Or even she knows the reason why she left the older girl it didn’t help her ease the pain.

 

The faint smoke escaping and flew away when the wind greeting her. The cold breeze stabs her in the bone like no tomorrow. Tiffany knows the truth behind her father’s second marriage, yet she never asked him or forced him to tell her. Why? Tiffany was clever enough to finding out something she didn’t need to know.

 

Sulli once asked her the reason behind her smoking but she never gave her the certain reason. Tiffany always had the responsible for taking care of Sulli but what is she compared to her father? And when Sulli asked her to hold her, stay with her, she loosen her grip on the young girl’s hand and let her go. Leave her with noting but the darkness. 

 

She flicked the lighter on her hand and blew out the smoke on . She never expected it would be like this – her life – which should be better than this, now just a plain bull that everyone knows the truth behind it. She never lost her wealth, but she knows there are things she cannot buy by it. 

Her happiness.

 

“I never found out why… everybody seems to leave me,” She whispered to herself. “What did I do wrong?”

 

Tiffany threw away the cigarette and stepped on it. She walked towards the dark building and stare at the door. There’s really nothing she can learn by coming to this miserable place every night, yet she still coming. She pushed the door open only to be greeted by the very loud music and scenes of alcohol and smoke. Tiffany hated that smell, yet she still breathed on the same air every passing night.

 

Everybody knows her, everybody wants her, everybody needs to touch her. Tiffany knows the worst than a one night stand, she was afraid of fall in love again after her failed relationship with Taeyeon months ago, Tiffany was afraid… of being someone who seek for love and not the one who gave the love. She never understands though, why people always told her about to giving in if she wanted to receive. She never understands why Sunny can stand Taeyeon’s behavior and live with her after the older girl threw her away.

 

“Another hard night yes, boss?”

 

Tiffany glance at the tall girl as she took another cigarette, put it in between and flicked her lighter once more to give her fire. She inhale it deeply before exhale it softly, elegantly. The girl in front of her poured a drink and passed the glass for her. 

 

“This night could be the last night, miss Kwon,” Yuri laugh it off, Tiffany has always been like this. Told her something she really doesn’t need to know but in the end told her to stop thinking about it. It was a very lame joke, and Yuri knows better than anyone.

 

“You know, you can shrug it off but dude, it was Sulli called me hours ago,” Tiffany froze at the mention of her sister’s name and looked up at Yuri with strong yet sad eyes. “She said it was a mess. She’s hopping for you to let her live with you,”

 

“This place is not a better place than that the hell though. What was she hopping for,” She gulped the alcohol one last time and handed Yuri the glass. “Tell her no. I don’t want her to see this mess either,”

 

It was a nod from Yuri when the red head spun her chair around, eyeing the night club she owned for about two years now. Everything bothered her right now. Her mini black dress was too tight around her yet too comfy for her to complain but she’s still shifting uncomfortably in it. Yuri knows the truth behind Tiffany’s harsh word; she never wanted Sulli to grow up like someone like her. Yuri wanted to give her advice, but she knows, Tiffany has everything she needs to know.

 

 

***

 

It was her routine to waking up with her pain head and her tired body. She needs to get used to it but she always complain how pathetic her life was. Tiffany needs to know that her life is not healthy, she needs to know that she do wrong, she choose the wrong path to fix everything. She knows, but what she can do.

She walked down the stairs only to see Yuri sweeping the dark floor before she realize it was another afternoon to starts the day with. Jiyoung jokes Yuri around with a headphone hanging loosely on his neck and he waves at Tiffany with a cool manner before put on his headphone and started to bump his head along the music. Once in a while, Tiffany felt jealous with the Kwons’, they have not a better life than her but they surely have each other to support. 

 

Tiffany went outside when Seunghyun greeted her with a cigarette hanging on his mouth and a lighter on his hand. She smiled at him and flicked the lighter to the blue haired man.

 

“Thanks,” He said. “It was a girl who jogged around this street with white puffy dog with her,” Seunghyun blew the smoke out from his mouth and Tiffany wait him to continue.  “And I talked with her once. She’s a nice girl. Pay so much attention in everything,”

 

“Hope she can jogged more to satisfy your eyes,”

 

Seunghyun laughed and sat on the cold ground with Tiffany followed after. He played with his cigarette some more before inhaling for the last time and flicked the thin stick across the street.

 

“No, it’s not that. She’s a nice girl but too nice to become my type. She promised me to come over once and she agreed. I wanna introduce her to you. I want to know how she can make friend with you,”

 

Tiffany watched when Seunghyun blew out the smoke, let it flew away with the wind that pass by and faded in no time. She didn’t remember when the last time she had a true friend. Everyone around her was too faked to her to be her best friend. She didn’t remember having one after her junior high. She only had one back then but she lost her when her father told her to not played with her anymore. He said her friend was a fox, he said her friend was someone to not put a trust on. But Tiffany knows the truth. She never liked her father ever since.

 

“You need someone, Tiff. And I’m not and I can’t be the one because I know… you hated boys for some reason,” Tiffany looked at Seunhyun and smiled before kissed his cheek. The blue haired man always has this special feeling towards Tiffany but he also know what the girl feels for guys. Tiffany never gives a try even when Seunghyun begged her. No, and Seunghyun never ever try once.

 

“Thank you, T. you’re the only one I can trust after Yuri and Jiyoung,”

 

“I know,” 

 

The blue haired man beside her leaned against the wall as he put on another cigarette on his mouth. Seunhyun was another someone to Tiffany. Another one who wanted her so bad but know that he never ever got her because Seunghyun know Tiffany was too precious to someone like him. He never told the red head about his feeling but Tiffany doesn’t seem like not knowing it. Seunghyun was another one she could put her trust on. He was a good friend, and will always be a very good friend of her.

 

***

 

“This is Jessica, Jessica this is Tiffany Hwang, the owner of the club. Get along well you two, I have job outside this smokey smelly club,” 

 

The last thing Tiffany can hear was Seunghyun’s laugh until she put all her attention to the gorgeous smiling girl in front of her. The girl’s eyes disappear as if imitate her infamous eye smile but Tiffany found it very cute. She knows this girl. Absolutely know this pretty girl. She cannot forget her even when she was an immature back then, she never stops thinking about her for the past years. Tiffany knows Jessica Jung, same thing goes to Jessica.

 

“I think you told him your story too much,” Jessica giggled before she moved closer and give her a slight hug. “I miss you,”

 

“Me too,” she tucked her hand onto her jean’s pocket once the pulled away and she continue staring at Jessica. The other girl surely grew up a lot for the past fifteen years. Tiffany was afraid of meeting her but she can’t stop herself to reject Seunghyun’s sudden offer -- not to mention she didn’t expect the girl was Jessica. 

 

There’s no one she wanted to see except her. Tiffany knows there’s something with them back then and she knows better why her father wanted her to stop talking with Jessica. 

 

It was awkward if you can say but staring with no word to one another’s eyes was enough for Jessica to know everything was not right with Tiffany. She knows better, but never let herself did things to something or someone that not hers. Tiffany was a friend for her, only a friend and nothing more.

 

They talked a lot, share a lot, wondering a lot but Tiffany lost a lot in Jessica’s eyes once more. She never expected this meeting yet she didn’t want the meeting ended, so when Jessica was about to leave, Tiffany grabbed her hand and asked where she lived. Jessica was an understanding girl but she knows more than everyone else. Tiffany needed her and she knows this meeting was not about to end anytime soon.

 

 

***

 

“You know better than anyone, dude.  It’s you we’re talkin’ about. You have sumthin’ fo’ that girl I can tell,” Jinyoung stretched his body before she spun around a chair and sat on it with hand rested on the back seat. He eyed her curious.

 

“It’s not like a monkey love you have back then, ya know? Tell me I’m wrong but you have this thing attracted with her for some reason,”

 

“Yea that’s because we were a good friends back then,”

 

“Nah bull. I saw you get lost in her eyes though. C’mon, Tiff. Just let it be, you need someone to hold ya at this rate. You’re sucha mess ya know?”

 

Tiffany waved her hands as she stood. “You guess too much, Ji. Get some rest. I need to get some fresh air outside. Night, dude,”

 

Tiffany needs to think once again, she needs to backtracked why her life being so miserable right now. It must be something in her past that made her future turned in such a mess. She knows but she has no idea in how to fix it. Maybe Jinyoung was right after all, she needs someone to help her stop herself to destroy her life even more. Jinyoung guessing too much yet still get Tiffany thinking twice.

 

She put the cigarette in between her lips and smoked again for the umpteenth time this year. She eyed the box again and asked herself why she spends her money only to burn it again for something unworthy like this. She remember the first time she started to smoking, it was the time when her mother died and her father’s second marriage. It helped her somehow. It helped her to ease her frustration but never helped her to get a better life. She shook her head but didn’t throw it to the trash instead tucked it on her coat’s pocket. She will never get a good life anyway, she thinks.

 

 

***

 

“How’s your life? It’s been a while since our last meeting,”

 

“Just as good as you can see,”

 

“I don’t see the good in your life to be honest,”

 

“Really?” Tiffany chuckled as they walked side by side under the afternoon sun. “How was it not good?”

 

“Well, I never expected you to live alone without bring Sulli along with you,”

 

“It’s a very long story,” Tiffany smiled bitter as she looked at the girl beside her. “So, Jessica, Tell me yours,”

 

“I will if you promise me to tell yours one day,”

 

“Promise,”

 

Jessica nodded her head and tilted her head to one side as she continue walking, deciding where to start and how to tell her friend about her life. Tiffany had never been happier than talking and spending time with Jessica. It’s been a week and she feels safe. She never wanted to admit that she loves Jessica too much only to be a friend. 

 

“I accepted to the university I want years ago. Life has more complicated than I thought it would be. It was always this guy trying to get my attention when I’m busy ignoring him,”

 

“So… he got you?” it was a bitter tone Tiffany having in her question. She never realize herself but when Jessica looked at her, she find it hard to accept the truth that-

“I never dated boys,”

 

“Oh… since… when?”

 

Jessica exhale softly and turn around at Tiffany as she flashed a small smile. “I’ll tell everything once you tell me yours,”

 

“Sounds so fair,” Tiffany giggled. “How about a race to the coffee bar?”

 

“Deal!”

 

And Jessica ran first, left Tiffany some steps behind as the older girl giggling as she ran – chased by Tiffany – who about to catch her in no time.

 

 

***

 

Yuri never looks this worried before, Tiffany can tell. It was a spat from her when she asked what’s wrong. Yuri was never speak with harsh word but this time, was the very first time she heard Yuri talking like a mad man. Tiffany knows better than Jiyoung that Yuri would never be a bastard with no reason. 

 

“Damn you, Tiffany! I told you to bring Sulli along with you, what’s so hard about it!?”

 

It was another call from Sulli, maybe another cried or screams or begged Yuri heard from Tiffany’s sister that makes her worried. Tiffany was the sister, but Sulli never manage to call Tiffany because the young girl knows that Tiffany will never pick up her call. Tiffany gulped and felt guilt building from the inside of her body. She ever feels pathetic but she never feels so scared to lose someone important to her, not after her mother. It was when Jessica grasped her hand when Tiffany realized that she do wrong.

 

“W-What did she tell you?”

 

“God dammit! Just bring her here already!!”

 

 

 

Sulli never felt this safe after so many years she’s been through. She never this happy to seeing her sister holding her right as she whisper that she’ll always be there for her. Sulli didn’t know how to react, she didn’t know how to choose but right now, she make sure herself that she will be always stick to her sister no matter what. She only needs Tiffany to stay with her, or at least bring her along and not leaving her with her father and step mother who was about to ready to divorced. 

 

“Stay here with Jessica for awhile. I’ll go down and talk to father,”

 

Jessica caress the other girl face’s softly and tell her to make it slow and soft. Jessica knows everything yet she never knows what it was on Tiffany’s mind. So she held Sulli like how Tiffany held her earlier before. The younger girl squirmed on her hug and Jessica held her tighter. Sulli never felt safe in someone hug’s except Tiffany’s before.

 

 

“I’ll take her with me,”

 

Tiffany sat across her father, eyes wander around. She doesn’t want to look at that eyes she knows she will break down as soon as she looked at it. Her father used to be a very great father but the man in front of her doesn’t seem like one. The middle age man chuckled softly as he gulped down the can of beer before tossed it onto the trash bin.

 

“Where? Like you have some place to live on,”

 

“I live better than you thought I would,”

 

“Surprise me,”

 

“Look, I don’t want to start a fight. I asked your permission to bring her along with me. Take it as a bonus that you don’t have to pay for her living anymore,”

 

“She’s my daughter and I have responsible to take care of her,”

 

 Tiffany scoffed. Now he was talking responsibility. It’s not like she denied it but really, he was never looking for Tiffany when she ran away from home years ago. It was her fault to ran away of course, but where was him when Tiffany had no place to live? He never helped her even just once.

 

She really wanted to spat at him, even to punch him with his beer can and screamed her frustration out onto his face. But Jessica’s words somehow calmed her, remind her that she needs to take it slow if she wanted Sulli live with her and not this man. So she closed her eyes and exhale softly before she open it again and looking through her father’s eyes.

 

“I beg you,”

 

 

***

 

She was kneeling beside her bed, been staring at her sister’s face for about ten minutes before she went out the room and heading downstairs to the club. She hugged herself when Jinyoung played another music and made the crowd even crowded.  It calmed her somehow to look at Jinyoung bumping head and Yuri’s teasing smile when some random boys tried to get on to her or even Seunhyun’s angry face when some jerk tried to hit him. 

 

Tiffany stood in front of the bar and looked around only to find the younger girl’s teasing smile plastered on her face. Yuri cannot read her mind but she was smart enough to knowing that Tiffany was looking for Jessica. 

 

“Call her. It’s been three days since her last visit,”

 

“I don’t want to disturb her study,”

 

“You miss her,”

 

“She’s in her exam period,”

 

“You need her,”

 

“Should I go?”

 

Yuri let out a chuckled. “You should,”

 

 

***

 

Tiffany was never this nervous before, not even when she slept alone under the bridge years ago. The door was colored white and Tiffany has been staring at it for about fifteen minutes. She lifted her hands only to drop it to her side again. She was thinking to just leave and got teased by three of her friends back at the club but no, Tiffany thinks this was not the right time to just go and leave. She knocked the door twice and it opened after few faint steps from inside.

 

“Oh… Hi, Tiff,”

 

Jessica was surprise she can tell, she surprise herself even. The other girl wearing that glasses and hair was a little bit messy but Tiffany swear she loved it so much. She inhale deeply and Tiffany sure she can smell Jessica’s faint scent of perfume. 

 

“M-May I... come in?”

 

“Oh sure sure, come in,”

 

When the first time she stepped inside the apartment, she felt really warm. The cozy place made her feels at home. She never gets used to anything as fast before but this time, she finds it hard to not felt comfy at this strange place. It was all white combine with some soft color which made Tiffany relaxed and off guard just like that. 

“So? I’m sure enough you’re not coming here only to wander around my place,” She chuckled and Tiffany blushed embarrassed herself.

 

“I come here to… talk… I think,”

 

“Oh? What was it?”

 

Jessica eyed her carefully but she cannot read Tiffany’s eyes let alone her mind. Tiffany stood there near the kitchen table and tucked her hands onto her jeans pocket – the things that Jessica secretly loved the most when Tiffany doing that – and huffed a little.

 

“I don’t know where to start but… as you know… you see more than enough to know what was going on with my life when you’re not around. But there’s still something that you still didn’t know and I’m not sure that you wanted to hear this or not but… there was this reason why I told Seunghyun  about my story – about you was… the fact that....” 

 

Tiffany gulped down hard, the look on Jessica’s face was something she cannot describe but she’s sure enough that the other girl was as curious as she was.

“I never stop thinking of you for the past years,”

 

She was waiting for Jessica to answer her, to at least respond her with whatever it would but not just a gaze, just a shocked looked on her face. She was sure enough that Jessica was saying that she didn’t dated boys and that’s why she was coming tonight, to tell her everything. But if it’s like this, if Jessica ignore her, she regret her decision. Tiffany shook her head and about to say sorry when Jessica stood up, walking towards her and lifted her chin until their eyes met.

 

“Well, I haven’t told you about mine yet,” Jessica paused and hold Tiffany’s hands.

 

“It was not about the collage that I’ve been studying that made me moved here. I can refuse it and study in America if I want. I felt so deprived, so… empty when the day you left me. I gathered information and when I know you’re moving here then I also moved, but I don’t seem finding you. If Seunghyun said anything to you about me he was lying. I’m not a girl who jogged pass by your club every morning with a puffy white dog,” Jessica chuckled.

 

”The thing is… Seunghyun was my friend even before you know him. And of you wanna know why I never dated boys is because I was waiting for you to say something to me. If you said no, then I will move on and never thinking about you anymore but, you were left with no words, so I need to find you,”

 

Tiffany can’t say a word, not even an ‘o’ or an ‘a’. She stayed froze. She never expected Jessica to confess such long story of finding her. No, she never expected someone really need her in their life when all Tiffany knows she was always the one who was seeking for needs. She thought that everybody in the past was leaving her but looking at Jessica right now, the world seems really fair after all. The wheel of life she once knows was never working in her life now is working completely. She expected everyone to leave her but never expected someone to offer her companion.

 

Tiffany didn’t know what to do, or what to believe but she knows now that her definition of love was all wrong. The definition of love that she knows was only to bring sorrow and sadness all wrong now. Jessica seems to have something better, something… different from the way she looked at Tiffany and she was sure enough that this girl worth everything in her life. And so she kissed Jessica on her lips with passion, and hugged her closely.

 

“I have nothing but I can offer you my life. I have nothing but thanked you to bring me back my life, to fix some of my fault. I don’t know nothing about love but I’m sure in one thing,” Tiffany pulled away a bit only to rested her forehead onto the other’s. 

 

“Jessi, would you be my soul for my empty body?”

 

Jessica smiled fully, finally hearing Tiffany telling her such a beautiful word after waiting for a very long time. The older girl can only smile with glittering tears on her eyes when she nodded and closed her eyes. Life would never be this wonderful when someone you love since the first time you met confessed their feeling. Jessica had ever been happy but not as happy as this very moment. She kissed Tiffany’s lips as the answer and when Tiffany talked again, she knows everything will be good as long as she’s with her.

 

“If I do something wrong again, please… Stop me,”

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

a/n: all I want to say that…. Jessica is the only one who can stop Tiffany for doing bad things. In short, she is the only one who change Tiffany’s life to be a better one.