The first moment after he woke up, L. Joe felt relaxed, mostly because it was dark and fairly quiet and nothing seemed amiss.

He stretched shuffling slightly, feeling the slight pressure of rough fabric against his bare skin. The feeling made him frown, wondering why he's sleeping , when the room didn't feel that hot. The thought made him feel a little uncomfortable but he told himself to ignore it, and roll over, settling down to go back to sleep.

Until a loud snore right by L. Joe's right ear startled him, sending him bolt upright in bed. He hadn't noticed there was a body beside him, and he quickly scrambled out of the sheet, to stand by the bed, eyes wide open but unable to make sense of anything in the darkness of the room. He felt around on the floor, locating numerous articles of clothing, making him shudder, his heart thudding in his chest.

His breath came out quick and shallow as he fumbled about, attempting to find his jeans. Finally feeling the heavy fabric slide between his fingers, he yanked them closer, his fingers trembling as he tried to pull his phone out of his pocket.

A few quick taps of his fingers, had him bathed in light from the screen, blinding him momentarily, as he scrambled to wave his phone over the person still lying, asleep on the bed. The familiar face of Mr Kim swam into his vision in the poor light, and L. Joe had to cover his mouth to stop any screams from coming out.

How did this happen?

His head felt heavy, his thoughts sluggish, but no matter how hard he tried to process what was going on, he couldn't really recall anything from earlier in the evening. His breathing sped up, as his stomach lurched painfully. He felt so confused, none of this made any sense. How did he get there? Had they really done it?

He looked down at himself horrified to confirm that he was , trembling as realisation sunk in to his mind. His back ached, but he rubbed it distractedly, his mind frantically trying to work out what he was going to do.

Starting to feel a little frantic, L. Joe raced over to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. His heart was racing even harder, now that he was alone, his own reflection staring back at him from the mirror on the opposite wall.

It was all a mistake. It was all a horrible mistake. He'd never done anything like this before. What was he supposed to do? How could he make this all just go away, like it never happened? Could he even do that?

The world kept spinning, making him feel sick. He stumbled over to the toilet bowl, but despite his heaving, nothing would come up. He couldn't help wondering whether there was anything in his stomach that he could throw up. He couldn't remember having dinner, but whether that was because of his little memory lapse or because he genuinely hadn't had anything, he didn't know.

Fumbling with his phone, somehow he managed to dial CAP's number, all of his hopes for his immediate future being sent through the phone. He found himself praying that the other boy would answer his phone, despite not really knowing what he wanted the other boy to do. He wasn't even a hundred per cent sure about why he was calling him in the first place, apart from a vague feeling that his idol would be able to help him.

“Hello? Who is this? Don't you have any idea what time it is?” the deep, sleepy voice of the other boy rang in L. Joe's ear, his nerves and his alarm sending a shocked, tiny squeak out of his mouth, “CAP? It's me L. Joe.” Only for his voice to fail him at that point.

“L. Joe? What do you want? I was asleep.” the other boy growled: he sounded like he was talking through his pillow or something. “I need your help, I've got... I'm... I don't even....I don't know what to do.” he mumbled, stumbling over his word choice, the sick feeling from before rising in his body once again: he felt like he might throw up.

“Dammit, haven't you heard? No emergencies outside of daylight hours.” CAP commented, his tone still thick with sleep, and only getting more irritated the longer the conversation was dragged out.

“But I... Please CAP, I was following your advice, about living life on the edge and something bad has happened and I....” L. Joe began, hearing a loud yawn from the boy on the other end of the line. “No exceptions. Either figure it out yourself or call Chunji or whatever.” the other boy mumbled, before L. Joe heard the dial tone ringing in his ear.

He stared down at his phone, almost not believing that the other boy had hung up on him. After everything else, he was still reeling over from the last few minutes, this one seemed to top everything else. He felt tears b in his eyes, but he didn't want to sit there and cry about it all. It felt as though sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor crying would be the end of him.

He just felt so gutted to know that CAP didn't care enough to look out for a friend when something bad happened. He knew Chunji had warned him that CAP was selfish and forgetful, but he'd admired CAP for so long he didn't want to believe that CAP could be mean. He'd been so sure that if something bad were to happen, something really bad, that he could count on CAP to help him. Wasn't that what being friends was all about?

It was with numb fingers that he dialled Chunji's number. He felt so despondent as he waited for the other boy to answer, that he genuinely expected Chunji to hang up on him too. “L. Joe? What's wrong? Why are you calling me? What happened?” the warm, concerned voice of his friend, whispered, his voice clearly sluggish from sleep.

The warmth and compassion he found in those simple words; in that genuine concern, was enough to draw those tears down his cheeks, as he struggled to breathe through his overwhelming feelings. “Chunji? I... everything is just... it's.... awful, I've done something.... Oh god, I.... I never should have and I don't know what to do, and I don't know.... I tried asking CAP but... but he won't help and... I need... I need....” he blubbered, only vaguely wondering whether the other boy could understand what he was saying to him.

“Calm down, it's okay, L. Joe. Everything is going to be fine.” Chunji cooed, trying to soothe L. Joe over the phone. L. Joe found himself wishing that he could feel the other boy's arms around him right now, as though Chunji's presence could fix everything. He hiccuped slightly, as he struggled to get his breathing back under control, trying to follow Chunji's instruction.

“It's okay. No matter what happened, I'm here. I'm going to help, it's all going to be fine. Now where are you?” he questioned, the sudden rustle of fabric, telling L. Joe that Chunji was probably getting up, and getting dressed to come out in search for him. He wanted to say that he was overwhelmed with gratitude for having a friend like Chunji, but at that moment he was still so scared and remorseful and alone that he found himself selfishly clutching at that kindness, greedily. He wanted it: he craved it: grabbing at it so strongly, that he might smother it, if it were a tangible thing.

“We're at a motel somewhere..” L. Joe stated, uncertainly only to be met by a hushed laugh from the other boy. “Not very helpful L. Joe. How can I come get you, if I don't know where you are?” he questioned lightly. L. Joe knew he was just trying to be helpful, but the other boy's laughter only made him pout, childishly, even as he wished the other boy would've laughed louder. The sound made him calm down even more, giving him comfort: taking his mind away from what had happened.

“Okay well umm....give me a second...” he murmured, opening the door to crawl over to the desk. Using his phone to light up the items covering its surface, scrambling around quickly for something that would have the motel's name on it. He looked over his shoulder nervously, worried that the light or the noise would make the other man wake up. Shoving things aside, he finally gave up, grabbing everything off the table and carrying it back over to the bathroom with him, smashing his elbow into the door frame as he slid back into the bathroom.

He groaned to himself, but pushed all thoughts of it aside, as he read the different things he'd grabbed, tossing them aside when he found them to be useless. “It's called Seoul Central motel.” L. Joe mumbled, his lips quivering, feeling like a complete failure. He didn't even know where he was: he could never get home right now without Chunji.

“Okay, that's good. I know where that is. What room are you in?” Chunji asked, always speaking calmly, and sounding happy and friendly, like normal, all of it taking the edge off of L. Joe's fear. He found himself curling up into a ball, eyes clenched shut, listening to the other boy's voice, trying to convince himself that nothing was happening, and that everything was okay.

“203.” L. Joe answered, shortly, not really wanting to speak to the other boy. Listening to Chunji speak enabled him to just drift away and pretend he wasn't there: that none of this was real. Having to speak himself reminded him that he was real and that he did exist, which meant that all of this was really happening.

“Okay don't worry, I'm going to be there, in about 10-15 minutes. You don't have to worry everything will be fine. You've got to let me in though, okay?” Chunji teased. “Wait! Don't hang up! Don't go!” L. Joe stuttered alarmed. Chunji was his lifeline, right now, without him he felt like he might go crazy.

“L. Joe, it's all going to be fine, I promise. But if you don't let me hang up, it'll only take me longer to get there. You don't want that, now do you?” the other boy pushed, gently, “No.” L. Joe admitted, grudgingly. “I didn't think so. It'll all be fine. Just let me in, and I'll fix everything. I'll see you soon, L. Joe. Love you.” Chunji commented, encouragingly, “Love you too Chunji.” he mumbled, certain that he'd never mean those words more sincerely than he did at that moment.

He found himself just sitting there, on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, cuddling himself, all thoughts of his ness or his pain, forgotten. All thought whatsoever, pushed aside so that he could rock, backwards and forwards, with his eyes clenched shut, in the hopes that doing so, might make Chunji get there faster.

But he only managed to stay like that for a few minutes, before he realised that it'd be embarrassing for Chunji to see him like this. He should at least try and give off a semblance of dignity and cover himself. He slipped out into the room, scrambling to collect his clothing, so that he could redress himself, only to find it scattered between the bed and the door to the room. Hastily, he pulled his clothes on, getting frustrated by his shoelaces, which refused to come undone no matter how much he tugged and pulled. He had a feeling his trembling fingers were to blame.

Why was he so nervous about the thought of Chunji coming here and seeing everything? Hadn't he been longing for Chunji to be there for him a few minutes ago? With him? Wasn't he still longing for that same thing this very second?

But no matter how hard he thought he couldn't recall why he was concerned about Chunji finding out about all of this. He couldn't remember why he'd called CAP before Chunji, despite knowing that the first person he'd want to call in just about any situation, was the latter rather than the former.

At least until Chunji arrived.

He had a feeling Chunji knew enough to know what had happened. When he opened the door to reveal a very sleepy but moderately cheerful looking Chunji, his eyes screamed that they knew what he'd done. If he wasn't so relieved to see the other boy, he might feel ashamed to know someone else knew his shameful secret.

The other boy, stumbled into the motel room wordlessly, eyeing the place, despite the darkness to make sure that L. Joe hadn't left anything behind. He found the other boy's keys splayed out across the floor, picking them up with an amused smirk quickly overtaking his features, as he kept his gaze carefully away from the bed.

He didn't want to know who L. Joe had slept with. L. Joe couldn't blame him: he wished he didn't know either.

He wandered over to the bathroom, noting that the other boy had left the light on, when he scurried out into the hallway. But just before he turned the light off, the figure on the bed shuffled, and groaned in their sleep, making Chunji freeze, worried he'd been caught. As the figure settled into their new place, the light from the bathroom landed on his face, making his eyebrows scrunch up in a frown. Chunji quickly turned the light off, but he'd already recognised the other man's face.

He promptly left the hotel room, shutting the door firmly behind himself, his fingers working to send a quick text to Ricky as he made his way to the lift, and down to the entrance, where he found L. Joe shuffling about uncomfortably.

In contrast to before, Chunji's face appeared a little stiff as he approached the other boy, no trace of a smile to be seen any longer. Instantly, L. Joe was overcome by waves of guilt and shame as he realised that Chunji must've seen who he was there with. He wanted to speak, to apologise to beg for the other boy's forgiveness, but his tongue felt swollen from how hard he'd been biting it in his fear.

Before he could say anything to Chunji, the other boy tossed him an exasperated look, tinged with melancholy, that only reinforced his guilt. “You didn't do your shoelaces up.” Chunji commented lightly, bending down in front of the other boy, to tie them up for him. Looking down on Chunji's lean fingers limply tugging on his shoelaces only made him feel more ashamed of himself.

He wished that he could just curl up and die.

Chunji stood, “There we go. All done.” he mumbled, a slight smile trying to come to his lips, but it refused to sit properly. He gestured widely, pointing out the direction of his car to L. Joe, who followed along behind him, shivering in fear about what was going to happen next.

It felt like Chunji was just holding everything in, waiting until they were alone, where he'd really rip loose and let him have all he deserved for what he'd done. He deserved to feel stupid and remorseful and ashamed as it was, but he deserved to suffer twice as much for who he did it with.

He wanted to say that he hadn't known Chunji was lying until that moment, but the words refused to come. They felt too much like a justification; like an excuse. He didn't deserve that: he'd wronged his best friend, and then called that same best friend to come and help him clean up the mess he'd left behind. To say it had been unintentional might only make his pain worse.

Chunji started the car, wordlessly, both boys allowing the silence to hang around them, as Chunji drove wherever he was taking L. Joe right now. L. Joe wasn't sure where they were going, but he didn't really care. His heart hammered in his chest, painfully, telling him that the moment he got out of this car, this act of betrayal might take Chunji out of his life forever. He'd rather suffer the silence, than lose Chunji completely.

They pulled up in front of a dark building, with a small boy resting up against the door, trying to sleep as he waited for something. L. Joe frowned looking out of his window, turning back to regard Chunji with confusion.

“I brought you to Ricky's house. Don't worry, I know it's late but I told him to come get you, that I'd be dropping you off back when we were at the hotel. Get some rest, alright?” Chunji stated compassionately. L. Joe nodded stiffly not really sure what he should say in response to Chunji's concern. He went to get out of the car, only to still at the light touch on his arm, “Don't worry about Mr Kim. I'll sort everything out, I'll tell him it was a mistake and that you regret it, and that you don't want to see him anymore. That is what you want, right?” he questioned, hesitantly. L. Joe nodded vigorously, not wanting Chunji to misunderstand him and think that he actually wanted to pursue something with the older man.

“Thank you for this Chunji.” he murmured softly, wanting more than anything to give the older man a hug right now; feeling so desolate and guilty that he was craving for human contact. But he could tell from the look in Chunji's eyes that Chunji wouldn't be able to appreciate the gesture, and would push him away if he tried.

“And L. Joe? Just..... Just.... If you care about our friendship...you won't contact me this weekend, okay? I need some time to myself, so no calls or texts, don't come round to the apartment and don't send any of the other guys round with messages from you alright?” he demanded softly. L. Joe nodded, hot, guilty tears spilling down his cheeks. “I'll see you on Monday, L. Joe.” Chunji commented softly, signalling that it was time for the other boy to get out.

L. Joe got out of the car, wandering over to Ricky, not looking back despite the squeal of the tires as Chunji left. Ricky took one look at his friend, enveloping him in a loose hug, that only drew more tears from him, along with a few, muffled sobs of “What have I done?”