Amber POV

Yuri gave me a day for resting and trying to back to my ‘normal’ condition after last night I was literally crying my heart out on her shoulder.. and her shirt was badly soaked due to my tears that flowing like waterfall.. at first she was hesitating to leave me behind and was about to call Jessie that she’s not gonna be at the café today.. but I insist that I’m gonna be okay.. and she should get there.. today is Saturday and the café might be full of customers all day since it’s weekend.. and me being missing today, it’s already a bit burden for Key to keep the orders up.. and if Yuri is missing as well, it will be pain in the for the others.. but I still promised one thing to her cause she force me to, she made me promised that I will gonna call her if anything goes wrong.. and I’ll eat my meal regularly.. she even make Tiffany, her cousin to take care of me for today.. I think everyone around me already know about me and Krys.. and about our painful break ups.. well.. of course not the details.. only Yuri and her that knew the details.. I’m not a BABY YUL!! Gosh.. sometimes she just really over reacting with something.. Tiffany hasn’t come yet.. she told me that she will be here about at 1 pm.. because she still have something to do first..

Jackie sent me my ticket flight right after I made promised to get back to the state that night.. for the summer break.. gosh.. this even still the beginning of the month, summer still next month.. she wanted me so badly till she do all of these.. I sit down at the edge of my bed and grab the ticket flight from my drawer.. stare at it blankly while the thoughts of her began to striking me again..

Don't you know me? The reason I'm here is because of you
But my eyes tingle with the cold so I can't say anything
I just look toward you by myself
 

Do you know why am I still here Krys? Do you ever wonder why am I doing this? Stalling for my return to the state? Back then.. I was fighting for you.. fighting for our relationship.. because, long distance relationships is like dumping yourself into a hot lava.. only small chances that might be succeed.. but now.. do I have anymore reason to be here? I guess I don’t.. fight for the café? My parents would lecture me all day long if I had that reason.. Jackie in the other side will just gave a simple minded reason and how to solve it.. she might will say, “technology Amber.. use technology.. you don’t have to be there to maintain your business.. you just have to be there at least once in a year to have a real update from the real condition.. even we do that.. I do that.. one simple step, use video calling or use any social networking to improve your communication with them.. besides, you said that you built that café along with the others.. so it will not be bother if you quit from that business either.. losing one barista wont do harm on them..” and there you go.. you can’t offend that kind of theory.. I don’t even know what to say if she really say that..

You are the reason.. the only reason that strong enough to hold me back here.. but you never knew about this.. because I never told you.. my throat seems choked up when I was about to tell you this.. you once asked about this but I never answer it.. I don’t wanna loose you.. when I look into your eyes, I saw guilt.. sorrow.. hurt.. when you asked that.. cold stare.. you thought that you are the reason that blocking my career.. but no.. you’re the reason why I’m still alive.. that’s why I didn’t say a thing.. I just look at you and smile gently..

Even if the tip of my heart hurts like this
Even if the tip of my hands tremble like this
I can only think of you

My heart.. crying out loud due to the hurt that you gave.. but my love for you.. too strong till I feel okay to be hurt like this.. my hands tremble everytime we met.. everytime you came to the café.. yesterday, my knees also weaken seeing you right in front of me.. how much I missed caressing your face.. your beautiful black hair.. touching your soft milky skin.. pressed my lips with yours.. you talked about Minho and others stuff but my mind can only focused on you.. only you..

The person I miss like crazy
The words I want to hear from you like crazy
I love you, I love you - where are you?
The person I long for, who is deeply stuck in my heart
 

I just met her yesterday yet now I already missed her again.. her scent.. her warm smile.. her laugh.. her soft brown eyes.. her touch.. her presence.. everything… her beautiful voice echoing inside my head.. telling that I love you.. I wont let you to fall to that dark pit.. those words keep ringing inside my head.. I supposed to hate her right? Because she didn’t keep her promise.. and she’s the reason why am I in this condition right??? but my heart still longing for her.. still loving her.. still beating for her.. I can’t hate her.. I love her too much.. where are you now? What are you doing today? I missed you.. did you missed me? Did yesterday mean a thing for you? Because yesterday means everything to me..

I want to cherish you forever

Can I love you forever? Can I? am I permitted to love you even you didn’t love me anymore? Or it is forbidden to love you because you already not mine and you already have someone? Do I have to forget about you? Please tell me that I’m allowed to love you forever.. to keep this heart only beat for you.. I’m totally fine being hurt.. as long as I’m allowed to love you..

“I’m so pathetic am I? begging for something that I already knew the answer..” I chuckle bitterly while walking towards the kitchen massaging my forehead.. I got really dizzy due to the emotional night yesterday.. feels like hangover..

 I began to warm up my breakfast.. damn it.. why my head hurts like hell.. and my body aching everywhere.. every single part of my body are aching.. I just wish I don’t have to do anything today.. just lying on the bed would be nice.. it’s fortunate that I don’t have to cook.. only warm up things that Yuri already cooked for me.. If you’re here Krys.. you’ll forcing me not to move from the bed.. and took care of me all day.. with your warm touch.. warm hug that even reach my heart.. I wish…

What do I do? You were so cold to me
But I still miss you
 

After we met yesterday, I text you.. for good night greetings.. but you didn’t reply me.. it’s not a surprised for me t