so.. this chapter mainly inspired by a song breakeven by the script.. but I like it more the cover one rather than the original one.. I like the cover from Jayesslee.. they sing it so beautifully.. and with more feelings in it.. hehehe.. :D I want to continue this story because I found this song will be suit for Amber's condition.. ehehehe.. okay.. this might be the final chapter and no more.. but I still don't know if my mind settled up with different thing later on.. I hope you like it.. enjoy..^^ the italic is the song, italic and bold is flashback.. :D

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Amber POV

I slowly opened my eyes and felt dried tears on my cheeks.. I cried again last night.. I saw myself on the mirror..

“haish.. I’m totally messed up..” I said to myself when I saw my reflection.. black circle below my eyes.. red noses and eyes.. messy hair.. pale face.. I think I loss half of my weight right now..

Another lonely night has passed.. three years.. three damn years.. still.. I can’t replace her… my mind keep cursing and told me to move on.. but my heart can’t.. today.. I have to work like usual.. my friend, Yuri.. she knows this part of me.. she knows all things that happened between me and her.. and also the painful separation between me and her.. until now I still don’t know the reason she left me..

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayin' to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

I met her sometimes.. just coincidence.. because I work at a café… and she sometimes come to buy some coffee.. she always come with all of her friends.. or at least her sister.. she look at me and smile.. even waved.. like there is nothing happened between us.. like we never in a relationship.. and she’s just ordinary customer..

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven... even... no

Last time I saw her.. she circling her arms with someone else.. a handsome man.. in our favorite park.. I didn’t come near her.. too painful to know that she’s not mine anymore.. I just watch from afar.. she looks so happy like there is nothing happened.. I guess she already forget about me..

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

I took a shower and get dressed.. covering my black circle with some make up.. I look once again to the mirror and check my appearance.. I’m not allowed to look awful as a barista.. I have to smile and look good.. only the one who really looks into my eyes that can feel the empty feelings I felt.. or Yuri that knows everything about me.. I look to my phone and saw my wallpaper.. it’s her picture.. she always be the best part of me.. she’s already okay now with him but look at me.. I’m just like a robot doing a routine everyday.. I’m alive yet I’m like a zombie.. everyday.. every night.. every seconds I spent without her, makes me falling into pieces.. seeing her with another man.. it’s like my heart was stomped by her feet and make it into dust..

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

I arrived at my workplace.. greeted by Yuri.. my best friend since I don’t know when..

“you must be crying again last night…” she said slowly while put her both hands on my face.. I just smile weakly to her.. she knows me the best..

“Am.. you can’t be like this anymore.. it’s been three years.. you have to move on.. your breakups must be happened by a reason.. although you don’t know why.. but I know she have her reason.. please stop hurting yourself Am..” she hugged me and I hugged her back..

“I can’t do anything.. my heart still bleeding.. until now.. if I know the reason.. maybe it will help to stop the bleeding.. but you know that she already move on right now.. you saw her holding hands with that man few weeks ago.. act lovey dovey in front of me.. thought that I already forgetting her but I’m not..” I said to her holding my tears to flowing.. she rub my back gently and pull me to the bathroom.. I sob a little on her shoulder.. she broke the hug and wipe my tears with her thumbs..

“I know.. if you break something, it will not breakeven.. some part must be bigger than the other.. but still you can’t do this forever.. I know you can forget about her and move on.. I know you can do it..” she cheer me up.. I just smile weakly and nodded to her statement.. but that will never work.. how many times she said that, it’s still didn’t change that already happened..

“wash your face now and fix yourself.. it’s almost 7am.. we still have work to do..” she hug me and kissed my forehead before heading outside..

What am I gonna to do when the best part of me was always you,
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

I look my reflection on the mirror again.. how can one girl make me like this