You wished it never happened, you wished you never made that decision, you wished she is still there with you, but what's left now is only a wish

Author's POV

It was a cold night, Krystal still laid down on the floor crying till she fell asleep with her tears started to dried out on her cheeks. Yuri got woken up by a quite loud thud from Krystal's phone that falling to the floor. She shake Jessica's body a little bit, hopefully it can wake her up for a bit but Jessica being Jessica, she didn't budge. Yuri decided to check on Krystal's room as she moved slowly from her girlfriend that was hugging her like a koala on the bed. Yuri often spend a night at their place and their parents already know about it and used to Yuri's presence in the morning. Yuri walked sleepily to Krystal's bedroom and she knocked the door gently before opening it, frowns appeared on her face as she saw Krystal's window is wide open with a cold breeze blowing quite strong to get inside the room, her legs shivers as she got greeted by the cold wind, she pulled her long sleves cardigan closer to her chest hoping it will keep her warm. She tried to spot the younger jung outside at her balcony but didn't find it, she also didn't spot her on the bed, weird thoughts started to formed inside her brain as her worries rise up. The younger jung has been acting really weird after Amber's departure to LA and after every news that the tv has been reporting live from LA that is related to Amber and Jackie. Yuri noticed the confusion the younger jung had. To be honest, Yuri always thought that the younger jung love Amber so much, to the point that she knew her heart only belongs to Amber without Krystal even realized that, their breakups was really unexpected and an upsetting matter for her and Jessica.

"Krystal..?" Yuri called out Krystal's name with her hoarse voice but no reply, she walked closer to the edge of the bed near the table only to find the younger jung were on the floor, her chest is moving up and down in a steady beat, with her hand holding a picture of Amber and herself on their first date. Her phone was playing the last video she saw on repeat, Yuri grabbed the phone and listen to the video only to find her best friend having a press conference with one of the most famous singer in the US, her eyes widened as she scrolled and find Amber rapping that for her seems to be meant for Krystal. Yuri put the phone away and checking on the younger jung, she tapped Krystal's shoulder a few times but Krystal didn't budge. Fresh tears were streaming down through Krystal's cheek as Yuri lifted her up to the bed "I am sorry.... I am sorry.. Amber.. I am sorry" a small murmurs came out from Krystal's mouth unconsciously. "Now you just realizing your mistake after 3 years? I guess losing her for real is that one thing she needed to stop being delusional in her relationship with that guy. I feel bad for Minho, this girl is definitely a heartbreaker and pabo" Yuri said while covering the younger jung with a blanket. "Couldn't agree more with my seobang" Jessica's voice came from the door as she was standing there, watching her girlfriend helping her little sister to get on the bed to have a proper sleep, she walked in and close the window and backhugging Yuri while leaning her head on Yuri's shoulder. "I don't know what's with her and her indeceiciveness, all she need is only follow her heart. Why would she decided to break up with Amber with no certain reason? Now she just regret her decision all along and she wanted Amber back? As much as I love Amber and my sister to be together, I don't want my sister to just come to Amber's life and ruined what she tried so hard to achieve right now, her happiness. I'll not let her ruined Amber's life again." Jessica whispered as she keep staring on her little sister that still mumbling sorry for the nth times. Yuri rubs Jessica's arm gently with a small smile on her face "I know, I feel the same. I don't want her to even come near Amber, not until Amber can completely forget about her feelings for her. I don't want to see Amber in that horrible state again. But I also feel that we're being mean to your sister" Jessica shook her head in respond as she disagree with Yuri on the last sentence "we're not. She created this mess herself. She has to deal with the consequences" Jess said while dragging Yuri back to their bedroom to continue their sleep.

Days passed and Krystal has been avoiding Minho for quite some times, making the man confused and a bit upset about it. He feels like Krystal is not being fair with him, which is true because Krystal still can't decide what should she do about her feelings and everything else. Amber is literally everywhere, tv, social medias, blogs, everywhere around the internet. Krystal's friends were also trying to contact her and asking about something that related to Amber which making it harder for Krystal to have her own time to think everything thoroughly. Eventually, she decided to just shut everything and everyone down, locking herself in her bedroom. A heavy sigh came out from as she stared outside the window, looking out at the beautiful view from her balcony, the weather is bright and sunny but her heart feel cold and painful.

Krystal's POV

What's wrong with me? What exactly happening to me? I never felt so empty like a huge hollow inside my heart, it used to be someone staying there but it's gone. Am I doubting myself for what I have decided back then? Am I regretting it now? What's going on with me? I was so sure it was for the best.

I’m filling up my empty heart as I look at your picture

Like our happy smiles, I just want to find hope again

How long must I only look at you like this?

I reach out my hand and pull something under my bed, a box that I never thought I will ever open again, a box that filled with my memories with Amber. I hope somehow it can filled the void in my heart, and I don't know why my mind immediately thinking of this matter instead of calling my boyfriend or something. I wipe the dust from on top of it and open the box, one particular album stood there, wanting me to grab it and start fipping through the pages. It was our polaroid album, Amber also has one with her. We always took pictures, date it, and put a short caption on it so we can always remember what ocassion it was. I walked outside to the balcony and sit on my favorite one seat couch, sitting cross-legged, putting the album on my thigh and start flipping through the pages. We have these all sorts of smiles, you always made a silly smile with your llama face. I missed this so much, but I know you hate me now. You said it loud and clear, but why am I looking to these pictures of ours? Am I trying to find hope again? How long till I have to always seen you like this? Can't I just come to you, having dinner or something like we used to do? Or maybe meet up at your cafe? I've always loved the coffee you made for me, I tried key's, it's just.. Different. Eventhough he did a great job on making the same pattern as yours.

I don’t wanna let you go

Don’t wanna let you go

I wanna go back to yesterday

Why can’t I even shed a single tear?

No matter what anyone says, I will love you

The fault is all mine but please look back at me once

There’s still so much I haven’t done for you

I can’t let you go, I’m only filled with regret

Amber, why do you have to go so far away from me? Am I hurting you too much by being stupid? Can we replay the time to that day when you asked me out for the first time? It was the happiest day of my life. I want to go back, go back to the time when I still can hug you, snuggles closer to you, you keep telling me how much you love me. I want to cry, but it seems like I'm running out of tears. My sister and the others already despising me for hurting you, for thinking of all these things right now after years passed and you're suffering because of me, but.. I can't help it. I just realized that I still love you. I know I made that huge mistake, the fault is mine for doubting you, doubting about us, unlike my sister who can boldly just stated to the world that she is with Yuri. I can't.. It's all my fault, please Amber.. Would you please just look back at me for once? I want to show you how sorry I am. There are too many things I haven't done for you, I haven't fight for our relationship like you did, I haven't make you trully happy. I really can't let you go now Amber, my heart filled with regret and sorrow. I am sorry, the fault is mine, all of them.

Are only the beautiful memories remaining now?

It’s so lonely as time passes once again

Seeing you so happy with someone else

I can’t stand it, though it’s my reality

I won’t shed a single tear

No matter what anyone says, I will love you

The fault is all mine but please look back at me once

There’s still so much I haven’t done for you

I can’t let you go, I’m only filled with regret

I flipping through the pages, looking on how many beautiful memories we have made together. Our first trip to Jeju, our date at han gang river, our first camp together that I'm scared of because of the bugs, our first time going abroad to Japan, our simple date at the garden, everything were beautiful memories, is it all left for me? I feel lonely right now, I longed for your hugs, your kisses, your warm hands but I saw on how you look to that woman, the famous singer Ailee. That sparks can be shown on your eyes, that dull eyes were gone. You only have that kind of sparks when you're with me