Chapter 9

“Maybe you heard him wrong.  I mean, you were drunk.”

Psy-oppa waved his arms in front of my face and pointed towards his watch on his wrist and motioned that we needed to get going.  I nodded my head and mouthed the words “2 minutes” before he stomped out the hotel room to join his manager in the hallway.  I gathered my things before closing the door behind me.  I resumed the call with Mina and I walked with the two men down the hallway.

“No, I distinctly remember him saying that to me,” I said as I got into the elevator.  “Hold on, I might lose reception.”

Psy-oppa nudged me and I looked towards him as I put my call on hold.  “Are you okay?  You’ve been acting weird these past couple days.”

I wasn’t fine.  I was a complete mess.  I couldn’t concentrate on all the business meetings that were arranged this week.  I couldn’t concentrate on the pile of work that needed my attention back on my laptop.  And I couldn’t even concentrate on the amount of attention and success Psy-oppa was receiving from his American fans.  I felt guilty.  I felt guilty for not being present for him while we were in Los Angeles; my mind was else where, probably stuck back in Korea.  I wasn’t being professional and that was what killed me most.

“Sorry oppa,” I said as we hit the lobby.  “I’ve been distracted lately.  Good job on the show last night.  Your English was great.”  Psy’s manager led the way to our company van and we all piled inside.  I noticed my call to Mina was disconnected and I decided to try and call her later when things weren’t so hectic.  We all had back-to-back meetings for the next couple days we were here in the States.  On top of that, I had to check in with my boss at our main office downtown and see my parents before flying back to Korea in two days.  I groaned at the thought of no sleep for the next couple days.

“I really don’t know what I am doing,” Psy-oppa said as he looked down at his cell phone.  “Twitter is so confusing.  I keep getting all these notifications and a small blue bird is popping up all the time.  Can you make it stop?"

I grabbed his phone and turned off his mention notifications.  I threw the phone back at him and he gave me a worried look.  He knew something was wrong with me, but I refused to tell him anything that happened that night.  I didn’t want to think about how embarrassing I acted towards Jiyong.  Speaking of Jiyong…

He wouldn’t stop calling me.  He wouldn’t stop texting me.  He was borderline harassing me just in the same manner as Seungri does.  Every voicemail, text, and message was the same.

I’m sorry.

The message either began or ended with that phrase.  I had no idea why he was apologizing to me; I was the one that humiliated myself in front of him.  I should be the one saying sorry to him, but I couldn’t even attempt to answer any of his calls.  I just wanted to forget everything that happened that night.

“We’re here,” Psy’s manager said as he exited the van first.

I straightened my blouse and ran a hand over my hair.

Be professional.

“Are you sure you know where you are going?  You seem like you’re lost.  Which is kind of sad because we’re going to your own home,” Psy said to me as he looked out the car window to check the street signs.

I rolled my eyes and looked at the house numbers as we passed by.  “I know where I live, oppa.  I just haven’t been home since my parents renovated their house.  It might look different for all I know.”

Psy nodded his head and held onto the cake we bought for my parents.  Right when I thought I had got the street wrong, I recognized the blue shutters on the windows instantly.  I was home.

I turned my car into the now bigger drive way and I parked the car with ease.  Psy got out on his side and I slammed the door on mine.  I stuffed my hands into my pockets and bit my lower lip.  I haven’t been home in a couple of months and my parents renovated my childhood home to make the exterior appear more modern and sleek.  The old cracking wood frames were now replaced with newly painted ones.  The old porch I used to play on was now gone and in its place was just an extended part of the house.  I looked up at the second floor and noticed that my bedroom light was .  I tilted my head and took in the other changes to the house.  An odd sense of nostalgia swept over me.

“Come on, let’s go inside,” Psy said as he stood in front of the doorway without me.  I ran up to him and smiled as he rang the doorbell.  I was anxious to see my father and mother’s faces after so much time apart.

My mother opened the door with a wide smile and a small yell escaped .  She ran up to Psy and gave him a huge hug, which made him laugh in response.  My dad soon appeared short after and shook Psy’s hand and offered a polite bow.  My mom came in front of me and placed both hands on my shoulders.  A small tear ran down her face and I wiped it before it could ruin her make-up.  She enveloped me with her arms and whispered in my ear how much she missed me.  My dad came next and gave me a kiss on the forehead with a small wink.  My mother led Psy inside our home and my dad threw his arms over my shoulder.

“How have you been kiddo?”  He ruffled my hair and I leaned into his touch.  “We missed you.”

“Good, daddy,” I said as we entered the warm home.  “The house looks great.  You and mom did a nice job re-doing everything.”

My dad looked around the house and let out a small content sigh.  He dropped his arm around my shoulder and turned to look at me.

“When did you get so pretty?”  He asked as he tapped my chin.  “Being older looks good on you.  You still look like a rascal though.”

“Dad,” I said softly as I pushed his hands away.  “Stop.”

He ruffled my hair again and we both followed my mom and Psy into the living room.  She was currently showing him all my childhood photos and I groaned at her.  Leave it to mothers to embarrass their children with old photos.

After talking for a bit, my parents led Psy and I into the dining room where my mom prepared a huge dinner for us.  We all talked and laughed for hours as we ate together.  Psy-oppa told me parents about how successful I was at the YG company and how everyone in the building had a crush on me.  That statement earned a kick under the table for Psy-oppa.  My parents smiled at me throughout the night and my dad kept ruffling my hair just like when I was younger.  Being here, with my parents and Psy-oppa felt nice.  It was like two of my families were joined together and they were all happy for one another.  As much as I felt the love and warmth in the room with the three most important people in my life, something or someone still felt like it was missing.  I couldn’t pinpoint it.

“______ has been working very hard,” Psy said in English as he nudged my arm.  “I keep telling my children that if they work hard just like how she does then they can be successful one day too.”

My parents smiled at me and my mom grabbed my dad’s hand.  They both looked at me with love in their eyes.  I smiled back and gave Psy-oppa a small glare for boasting about me.

After dinner my father and Psy retreated to the living room for some beers while my mom and I stayed back to clean the dishes.  My mom came around me and tied an apron on me so I wouldn’t get dirty.  I smiled at her after she was finished.  She used to do that when I was a little girl and I wanted to help with the after dinner chores.

“You seem different, honey,” my mother said to me as we started to clean the dirty dishes.

“Different?” I asked.  “How?”

My mom looked over and me and smiled.  “I don’t know.  You seem more, I don’t really know how to word this but…you seem more human.”

I raised my eyebrow at her and she laughed.  “I’m more human, mom?  That sounds weird.  I thought I was always human.  Unless you and dad gave birth to a baby octopus and named it _______ instead.”

My mom laughed and went back to cleaning.  “Don’t get me wrong hunny, I love you.  But you were always such a serious person, even as a child.”

I rolled my eyes and nudged my mom with my hips.  She did the same thing back to me and we shared a laugh.

“I mean you were always so serious.  Always working hard in school, in sports, in dance classes, in everything.  You always had this look on your face like you were constantly thinking all the time.  It was cute, but I thought you’d never grow out of it.  Even in college you kept going and going.”

I listened to my mother’s story as we washed the dishes in unison.

“Before you left for your job, I knew that this was the life you chose.  You loved working ever since you were little.  You were ambitious and driven and I was so proud of you.  I just felt bad as a parent because I never felt like you lived the proper childhood that all the other kids did.  You were a 25 year old trapped in a 6 year olds body.”

She let out a sigh.  “I assumed all the traveling was going to stress you out and soon you’d work yourself to death.  That’s why I always worry about you.  You never knew when to stop, you always wanted more, more, more.  As a mother, I am proud of all you’ve accomplished, but at the same time, I want you to be able to look back on your young years and be able to say that you lived a fulfilling life.”

My mom paused and turned towards me.  Her head was down and she slowly removed her dish-washing gloves.  She grabbed my arm and smiled at me.  “But then tonight when I saw you, you seemed different.  You seemed happier, you seemed more relaxed.  I’m grateful for Psy for taking care of you and bringing out the happier side to you.  But for some reason I don’t think that he was the main reason you’ve changed.”

She smiled and rubbed my arm up and down.  “But I am grateful to whatever or whoever made you become the person you are right now.  When I look at you I see someone who is actually living life, not just passing through it.”

I nodded my head and hugged my mom as tightly as I could.  I took a deep breath in and let it out.  Hearing her say those words to me made me realize what I needed to do next.  I needed to call Jiyong.  I needed to tell him that I wanted to just get pass what had happened between us.  I just wanted us to be us again.

I released my mom from my hold and she tapped my nose with her wet finger.  I scrunched my nose at her and she giggled back at me.  We finished washing the dishes in a comfortable silence before we headed towards the living room to join the other two men.  My father and Psy were laughing about how Psy and his staff members came up with the dance to Gangnam Style.  My dad was out of his seat and was attempting to copy Psy’s famous dance moves.  I took out my camera phone and snapped a picture of the scene that was playing out before my eyes.

“Delete that now!” My dad yelled as he threw a pillow at me.  I dodged it in time and glared at him.

“Never!”

The rest of the night went by smoothly and in due time, Psy had to head back to meet his manager for one more midnight meeting.  I walked Psy-oppa outside and the familiar black van came and parked by the curb.  Psy-oppa gave me a hug and I told him that I would meet him tomorrow at the hotel to catch our flight.  I wanted to spend my last night in the city with my parents, in my home.  The black van retreated from the curb and sped off into the night.  I watched the car get smaller and smaller before it only became a spec in the distance.  I reached into my pocket and grabbed my cell phone.  I had turned it off since we arrived at my parents and I was scared to know how much I missed within those few hours.  My fingers reached for the power button and instantly I was greeted with voicemails and text messages.  All from one person.

I sighed and dialed the familiar number that engraved itself in my mind.  I nervously bit my lip and sat down on the steps in front of my home.  I tapped my foot on the new pavement and listened to the rings that filled my ear.

This was my first time calling him.

“________?”

I let out the breath I was holding in and smiled at the sound of the familiar voice.  He sounded more tired than usual, his voice almost in a whisper.

“Hi.”

I heard Jiyong sigh on the other end.  “________, I’ve been trying to reach you for days now.  I’ve been worried sick.”

“Sorry.”

“I ran into the President one day and he told me you were going with Psy-hyung to the States for a couple days.  You should have told me ________, I thought you ran away or something worse.  Don’t do that to me again.”

A small smile graced my lips after hearing his concerned voice.  I played with my shoelaces for a while and I listened for his voice again, but instead I was greeted with a short silent pause.

“I’m sorry.”

Jiyong spoke with sadness in his voice.  For some reason it instantly made me frown.  I still didn’t know why he was apologizing.

“About that night, I just want to---”

“Jiyong,” I inturupted.  “Lets just drop it okay.  Lets just pretend it never happened, arraso?”

On the other line Jiyong nervously played with the rings on his fingers as he listened to your voice.  The past couple of days were miserable for Jiyong.  He couldn’t sleep at all since you left him at the club.  He tried to call you, text you, he even showed up at your apartment a couple of times but the guard wouldn’t let him in.  Jiyong was confused.  That was until the President informed him of your business meeting that would put you out of town for a couple of days.  Jiyong felt a momentary wash of relief when he heard that.  But he instantly was reminded of how bad he messed up that night of his birthday party.  He never wanted to scare you again; he never wanted you to run off like that ever again.  All the nights he tried to call you and was met with your voicemail killed him inside.  He had no one to talk to about his day, no one to listen to him vent about his problems, no one to make sure he was eating or sleeping okay.  With you gone, he literally felt like he had, no one.

Jiyong never wanted to feel like that ever again.

“I just want us to go back to the way things were.  So lets just drop it, okay?” I said once more after Jiyong didn’t respond the first time.

“Okay,” Jiyong responded.

I smiled at his answer and looked out ahead at the street in front of me.  I remembered playing on the roads with Mina and my other friends while my parents made all of us dinner inside the house.  I missed this feeling of familiarity.  After making up with Jiyong, my face wouldn’t stop smiling.

“Where are you right now?” Jiyong asked me.

“I’m on the porch of my parents house,” I said kicking the pavement.  “I missed being home.”

“I missed y—”

“Shut up.”

I heard Jiyong laugh on the other line and I felt like we were back like old times.  I missed the teasing, the fighting, and the banter.  As much as I hated to admit it, I did miss our daily phone conversations.

“When are you coming back?”

“In a couple of days.”

“Can I pick you up from the airport?”

“What?  Why?  I didn’t buy you any presents you know.”

Jiyong laughed on the other line.  “I don’t want presents, weirdo.  I just want to pick you up.  Just let me, please?”

“Fine, but don’t be late.  I don’t even know why I say that because I already know you will be late,” I said in the phone.

Jiyong scoffed into the phone.  “You think so low of me.  I promise to be on time.  Pinky promise!”

My eyes widened as I heard him say the saying my mom and I used ever since I was little.  I didn’t know if it was me being home or the fact that me and Jiyong had just became friends again, but everything felt so extremely perfect in this moment that I never wanted to let this feeling go.  This was the first time in a long time that I actually felt whole, complete, secure even.  I struggled with the idea of feeling something was missing from my life, the feeling of emptiness followed me wherever a job sent me.  But as I sat down on my parent’s porch and listened to my friend promise me his arrival to come and get me, I felt a new strange feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I felt fulfilled.

“Pinky promise,” I said laughing in the phone.  I held up my pinky in the air and made a silent promise to the night sky.  “I’m going to go to bed now.  Get some rest too.  I’ll see you at the airport in a couple of days.”

Jiyong and I ended our phone conversation and I stood up from my spot on the steps.  I turned around to look back at my childhood home and I saw my parents peeping through the curtains from the living room.  They ducked their heads inside just in time for me to catch them spying.  I shook my head at them.

I walked into the house and saw two guilty parents sitting down on the sofa in the living room.  I sauntered over to them with a small smirk on my lips, they knew they were caught.

“You know, eavesdropping is rude,” I said as I sat cross-legged on the sofa opposite of them.  They exchanged a look and smiled back at me innocently.

“Who were you talking to?” My mom asked as she put her hand on my dad’s knee.  My dad smiled towards me and I shook my head at the two of them.

“My friend back in Korea,” I said simply.  “Why?”

They both shrugged their shoulders and turned towards me again.  “Just wondering,” my dad answered.

“You guys are weird,” I said as I stood up to kiss them goodnight on the cheeks.  “I’ll be upstairs if you need me.  I love you.”  I walked passed my parents and walked up the familiar steps towards my bedroom.  Back when I was a kid, I used to sit at the top step and listen to my parents talk downstairs.  When I couldn’t sleep I would just sit there and listen to them talk about their day to one another.  I think that’s why I felt comfortable just listening to Jiyong talk to me about anything.  It reminded me of my parents and how they could just comfortably talk to one another for hours.

I sat down on the familiar step and noticed that they had re-did the flooring as well in the house.  I brought my knees to my stomach and waited for one of my parents to start talking.

“Psy said that she was talking to a co-worker from her office,” my dad said to my mom.  “He thinks that they like one another.”

I silently gasped as I heard Psy’s confession from my father.  I was going to smack him when I saw him next.

“Do you think that was the same person she was talking to outside?  She sounded really happy on the phone that’s why.”

I slapped my forehead as I heard my mom excitedly talk to my father.

“Ah, she’ll tell us when she’s ready,” my dad said.  “She seems happier though.  Its not just me who noticed this, right?”

“I told her while we were doing the dishes that she seemed like a whole different person,” my mom replied.  “I feel so relieved, honey.”

My phone made a small buzzing noise indicating I had a new text message.  I cursed under my breath and ran up to my room before my parents heard anything else.  I slowly closed my bedroom door and noticed that nothing was different from the last time I left this room.  All my school awards and trophies were still hanging on their rightful place on my wall.  Pictures of my parents and Mina lined my bureau along with little trinkets I gathered when I was little.  My lavender colored bed sheets were still neatly made and cold just the way I liked it.  My body curled itself around my soft pillows and I settled into a fetal position on my bed.  My phone vibrated once more and I looked down to see two unread texts.

Call me tomorrow when you land, bestie!  I miss you already!  If you need anything you know I am just a phone call away!  Or maybe I will come back up and visit you again, I think Youngbae liked me haha.  See you soon!

I laughed at Mina’s text message and I replied to her instantly after reading it.  I opened up the next text message and saw three words staring back at me.

I miss you.

My eyes stared at the words that Jiyong had texted me and I argued with myself on whether or not I should respond.  This is the situation I didn’t want to encounter with Jiyong.  I didn’t want him missing me and I didn’t want me missing him.  I had to leave Korea in less than a month and just reading those words on my cell phone screen was making my heart ache a bit.  I didn’t want him to miss me, he shouldn’t miss me.  But he did, and I did too.

Shut up.  See you soon.

Satisfied with my reply, I threw my phone to the side of my bed.  My old calendar hung on the wall next to my bed.  It showed the days that I was marking off before I would have to leave for Korea.  I grabbed my phone once more and checked the up-to-date calendar on there.  I sighed as I looked at the date.

1 month and 5 days.

A.N.

A small update for everyone!  Hope everyone enjoys their weekend :D  Thank you again for reading and supporting me!  Remember I love reading your thoughts on this story so don't feel shy to drop a comment :D  Have a nice day and happy reading!