Chapter 15

Empty.

That was how I felt the past couple of months.

My heart was empty.  My apartment was empty.  My mind was empty.  I was empty.

I left Korea with as much dignity as I could suffice.  No amount of texts, phone calls, or voicemails from pleading friends could reverse the decision I had already made.  Joon and Seungri were the first to try to convince me to stay.  I remembered hearing Seungri’s insistent words as he told me to forgive his hyung for whatever wrongdoing he had caused.  I remember the small cries from Joon as I tried to make him understand that my time in Korea was over and I had to go back to my life before this mess began.  Teddy, Seunghyun, Daesung, Youngbae, and Kush all called to say their goodbyes.  Though, I only heard it through the voicemails they left me.  I didn’t want to hear anymore talk of Jiyong through his friends.  I didn’t want to hear how bad he was doing or how horrible he felt for lying to me.  I had heard all that I could take from my conversation with Seungri.  And then there was Psy-oppa.  He had called me while I was making my way to the airport that fateful morning.  He didn’t ask questions, he didn’t stop me from leaving.  He let me go with an open heart because he said he knew I would one day come back.  His words soothed me, but I had already decided that Korea was not my home anymore.

My parents opened their arms to me the night I arrived back in the States.  I remember my mom combing her fingers through my tangled hair as I cried in her chest.  My father only sat next to me with his arm protectively around my shoulders.  They didn’t get any sleep that night.  I didn’t sleep for the next two weeks.

Returning to work was difficult.  I used to love being assigned new projects because to me it felt like a new obstacle that I wanted to overcome and pulverize with victory.  Though, as I stepped into the main office of my company, I immediately felt out of place.  I felt weaker.  My assignment in Korea was an impressive stamp on my never-ending resume, though my former ruthless professional demeanor felt shattered.  Korea made me weak.  If I wanted to get back into the game quickly, I had to put all things pertaining to my former assignment in the back of my mind.  I remember that morning when I arrived at the main office how my boss looked at me.  He had pity in his eyes.  He recognized my newfound weakness and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.  He realized I wasn’t indestructible like he thought I was, I was human.  I was ashamed of myself.  Never had I let someone affect me so much.  No, I refused to think about him.  I refused to speak his name, either mentally or vocally.  To me, he had died along with all memories of him.  Though, the one place he didn’t escape were my dreams.  They were nightmares actually.  It was the same one every night.  I would wake up in a cold sweat with uneven breaths, panting.  He would be running towards me while I stood motionless in front of him.  I’d have my hand out towards him but then he would stop.  He would look up at me and then smirk.  Then I would fall.  Fall into a deep black abyss of nothing.  Every night I was met with the image of him in my mind.  I couldn’t escape him even within the confines of my own mind.

On the morning of my birthday I received an unknown phone call.  It was him.  He had left me a voicemail while I was at work.  I remember rushing back to my office to pack up my things before I went out with Mina and a couple other friends.  I remember seeing I had a missed call, but didn’t think anything of it.  I remember going to the bar with everyone and laughing and having a good time with everyone as we celebrated my arrival to the world 23 years ago.  I was happy, for once.  That was until I went to the bathroom to check my phone.  Then everything crashed down on me.  I remember sitting on the dirty tiled floors of the bar’s bathroom as I kept replaying his message to me over and over again.  His voice was like music to my ears because I hadn’t heard it in so long.  I remember mentally cursing myself as I inflicted more painful memories with each time I pressed the replay button.  I remember crying to no one in particular while I sat there alone in the stall.  That was until Mina came and carried me out and took me home in her arms.  I remember Mina laying on the bed next to me while I sat up and replayed the voicemail once more before deciding to delete it.  This wasn’t healthy, yet I kept poisoning my mind with the addictive drug that was named Jiyong.

“Happy Birthday ________.  I know you don’t want to talk to me right now but I just wanted to call to wish you happy birthday.  I thank the heavens for bringing such an amazing person into the world 23 years ago.”

There was a slight pause at the end of his sentence.  I could hear him sniffling on the other line.  He let out a shaky breath as I could hear the sadness in his voice.

“I miss you so much.  I feel awful for what I put you through.  Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you.  I miss you _______, I miss my best friend.”

Jiyong was now crying into the phone’s speakers.  His voice was trembling as he tried to catch his breath.

“I feel like you forgotten about me already.  And as much as that breaks my heart, I would rather have your happiness over mine any day.  I really never meant to hurt you.  I should have been honest in the beginning and I’m sorry for not being that.  But please---”

Jiyong paused again and sniffled.

“Please remember that I still care about you.  I always will care about you.  If I ever got the chance again, I wouldn’t up like how I did.  I know more than ever how much you really mean to me.  I promise I will never lie to you again.”  Jiyong laughed slightly on the other line.  “I know that you probably won’t ever give me that chance but…I just wanted to let you know just in case by some chance something miraculously like that happened.”

“Again.  Happy Birthday, weirdo.  Hope you have a great day.  Thank you for existing.  I miss you.  And I’m sorry for everything.  Bye.”

I thought back to the morning I left for the airport.  Dozens of calls and messages were making their way to my phone, but I ignored them all together.  Though, I remember reading one from him.  My sick obsession with hurting myself emotionally and physically had me curious to what he wanted to say to me after I had left his apartment.

I’m sorry.  I regret everything.  Please, don’t go.  Please, don’t leave.

His begging didn’t stop there.  His begging crossed thousands of miles of ocean and made its way to my parent’s doors as well.  Every day since I left there would be a delivery for me.  A round man with red roses would show up to my parent’s home everyday for the next month.  And every day I would reject his delivery.  Eventually the man stopped coming because I didn’t even bother opening the door anymore.  I refused everything.  Every flower arrangement, every package, every call, message, or email.  My trust could not be bought.  The thought of how materialistic he was thinking drove me mad.  He knew how much I despised being bought in any shape or form.  Though, he kept persisting.  That was until, one day a letter was delivered.

I instantly recognized his handwriting as I peered down at the small envelope.  My stomach ached as I read my name in his handwriting.  My eyes stared at the envelope for what it seemed like hours.  I was having an internal battle with myself as I decided what to do with it.  Though, I gave in and opened the envelope with much hesitation.  I wasn’t mentally prepared to read what he had written to me.  It had been exactly one month and 23 days since I had last heard from him.  My number had eventually changed as well as my email address.  Though, leave it to him to find out where my parent’s lived.  He was still as persistent as ever.  He never gave up.  And a small part of me knew that he wasn’t going to give up.  The unsettling feeling scared me.

My eyes scanned the mysterious letter as I held it in my shaking hands.  The three lines filled with confusing words engraved itself in my mind.

Today my mom called and asked if I was doing okay.  I told her no and cried. 

She came over to make me food.  Her egg rolls weren’t as good as yours. 

I told her about you.

On the back there was emptiness.  He had successfully managed to evoke curiosity from me.  Though, I reminded myself that he was left in the past.  He was back in Korea where nothing but horrible nightmares were the only things that remained with me presently. But for some sick reason, I kept the letter.  I put it in a spare drawer in my bedroom and kept it there until another one came the next week.  And then another one arrived the next week.  Then another, and another.  Each week a new letter arrived, and each week there were new lines that graced the white pages.  After a full month had passed, I had gathered enough information to realize that he was writing about his weekly events.  All the letters I gathered were in my hands as I arranged them on the floor of my childhood bedroom.  I didn’t know what I was doing.  I didn’t know why I was torturing myself.  I didn’t know why I was reminding myself of the man who broke my heart.  But here I was, sitting on the floor trying to piece together his last remaining words to me.  Tears escaped my eyes but to have them quickly wiped away.  It was the first time in months since tears were shed because of him.

His last letter arrived the next week.

I regret everything.

I know you’re not ready to forgive me.

But I will always be waiting.

I miss you.

I received nothing from him after that.  I was partially relieved, but partially longing for more of his more pointless words.  As much as I refused to admit it, I knew the truth all along.

I missed him.

But I didn’t want to be weak.

I had heard his solo album was the best selling album of the year.  I had heard that his promotions went well and he had sold out every concert that had his name plastered all over it.  I had heard he swept out the competition at all the award shows this year.  I had heard he was the biggest idol in Korea after his genius comeback album.  Seungri had mailed me a copy of it in the mail but I hadn’t opened it.  I wasn’t ready to hear his voice.  I hadn’t heard it in months and I almost forgot what it sounded like.  I watched one interview he had done throughout his promotional period.  I remember it popping up on my Youtube homepage and for some sick reason, I ended up clicking it.  It was a short video about Jiyong’s new song “Missing You”.  He described the lyrics and how he sometimes he felt sad because there was no one to talk to anymore.  I couldn’t watch anymore from that point on.  I remember slamming my laptop shut and ignoring any form of technology for the next 16 hours.  Jiyong was everywhere during that last month, it was impossible to escape him even when he was still half way around the world.

The following week my boss called me to his office.  I had recently just wrapped up promotions with one of the artists that pushed for my art direction for his new album.  Working with new artists felt strange to say the least.  They didn’t make me laugh like Psy-oppa, nor did they care for me as a person.  All they were concerned about was money.  And every time they looked at me they saw it.  Some days I missed working in Asia, but other days I forced myself to face my new reality.  This was my new reality.

My fingers nervously tapped the folder in my lap as I anticipated the next words that would leave my boss’ mouth.  I had heard rumors flying around the office.  I didn’t want to believe anything until I heard absolute confirmation.  But as of now, it seems that the rumors were true.

“He demanded your participation on this project.”

A small shiver made its way up my back.  I bit down on my lower lip as I stared directly at my boss’ guilty eyes.  He had known that something awful had happened to me in Korea, but yet he was telling me words that I didn’t want to hear.  I didn’t want to accept this, I couldn’t.  I refused to go back.

“I’m sorry, ________.  But we really need this contract.  We’re losing international clients because your refusal to work with anyone overseas.  Please,” he began to beg.  “Please, be professional and put whatever happened behind you.  I know you’re capable of doing this.”

Professional?

The word made me laugh.  I lost all meaning to that word months ago thanks to a certain someone.

My stoic eyes watched as my boss ran a hand over his face and let out a small sigh.  I could read the guilt all over his face.  He knew that what he was doing to me was going to affect me emotionally, though he was hoping that I would act professional as possible.  How was I supposed to act this sudden news?  Was I supposed to accept it with a smile on my face and open arms?  no.  This is what I have been trying to avoid since coming back home.  But now here it was, being slapped in my face after all these months of staying strong and staying away from the one place that harbored such horrible memories.

“I’m sorry but, you leave me with no choice.  I already accepted the position on your behalf.”

My eyes shot open as I stared at the man before me.  My veins in my hand began to protrude as I gripped the folder in my arms.  No, I can’t go back.  I wasn’t ready to face anyone yet.  I felt like a child as I screamed to myself.  I was mentally throwing a tantrum in my mind as I heard the words leave his mouth.  My knee began to shake uncontrollably and I could feel the pressure on my lower lip becoming more powerful.

“I’m sending you back to Korea,” he said softly.

My eyes were glossy.  My hands were sweaty.  And my head wouldn’t stop shaking.  I refused to believe that this was my only option.  Though, as I stared into my boss’ eyes I knew that this was a career changing assignment that I couldn’t refuse.  If I did refuse, everything would be on the line for me.  I would become that one girl who mixed business with pleasure and then ended up paying for it by losing all the respect she had gained from her clients and colleagues over the years.  I didn’t want to become that kind of worker.

If this was my new fate then I would have to accept it, because that was what I was.  I was a professional.

“Mr. Park’s team will be waiting for you at the airport next week Monday.”

A small tear produced in the corner of my eye but I quickly sniffed and dried my eyes before my boss could see.  I offered him an expression-less look while nodding my head in understanding.

In less than a week I would be back in Korea.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

I shook my head as I listened to Mina’s kind words.  We were currently sitting in our favorite restaurant as Mina ordered another round of drinks.  She knew I was going to need it tonight.  My hand reached over and downed the last shot before wiping my lips.  I couldn’t even feel the happy buzz anymore; all I felt was sadness every time the liquor made contact with my throat.  But I kept drinking, punishing myself more and more.

Mina put her hand on my shoulder and I turned to face her.

“Are you scared you’re going to see him?”

My chin made contact with the table as I let out a small sigh.  I could feel Mina’s hand rubbing small circles into my tense back.  I closed my eyes briefly before hearing Mina thank the waitress for bringing us more drinks.  Blindly, I reached for the next shot that was in front of me.  But instead there was a cup of water in my hands.  With my confused eyes I glanced up at Mina and saw her shaking her head at me.  She wasn’t going to let me hurt myself anymore.  I sighed again and this time my forehead made contact with the table.

“Its like, I don’t want to see him but I do,” I said to the cold tabletop.  “Am I ing stupid or something?  Why would I want to see someone who lied to me?”

“You’re not stupid,” Mina said as she continued to rub my back.  “You just like him a lot.”

“No,” I protested as my head shot up.  “How could I like someone who ing lied to me from the very beginning?  What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing!” Mina shouted as she looked at me.  I turned my head from her and noticed I had a few new emails.  They were about my boarding information for next week.  I growled under my breath as I threw my phone on the other side of the booth we were in.  my life.

“Do you hate him?”

I knew Mina.  I knew that she hated anyone that hurt me.  My best friend’s approval meant the world to me.  She was the one person who saw me for who I really was.  And if she didn’t approve of anyone in my life, then I would know not to make them a constant in my life.  It may have sounded childish as I said this to myself, but I felt like she knew me better than I knew myself.  I trusted her judgment because she was always looking out for me.

“No.”

My head snapped to look at her as I heard her answer.  My eyebrow rose as I offered her a puzzled expression.  Mina let out a small sigh and grabbed the small shot glass in front of her.  She made a toast to “retarded s that don’t know how to handle a good girls” while shaking her head.  She took the shot in one gulp and slammed the glass down on the table.  I continued to stare at her while she only offered me silence.  I nudged her shoulder and she abruptly looked at me.  I was waiting for her reasoning.

“I’ve been talking to Youngbae for a while.”

My mouth dropped slightly as I heard her new confession.  I hadn’t heard any talk of Youngbae and Mina since the night she came to visit me in Korea.  I didn’t even know they exchanged information that night.  Though, looking back on it I was probably too intoxicated and confused with too many overwhelming emotions to even realize if that took place.  Mina sighed and looked at me with apologetic eyes.  She knew that she had kept this secret for too long from her best friend.  But looking into her eyes, I only saw protection.  She didn’t want to tell me because she knew that my mind would only go back to thoughts of Youngbae’s best friend.  Again, I realized that Mina was only looking out for my best interests.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” she said as she traced the rim of the glass in front of her.  “But it’s nothing serious.  He just texts or calls me every now and then.”

I nodded my head and listened to her speak.

“So why don’t you hate…um him?”

Mina sighed and turned her body to face me.  She rested her hand on my thigh and gave me a sharp look.  I furrowed my eyebrows as I stared at her, waiting for her explanation.

“Because, I know how much he cares for you,” she finally said.  “I couldn’t really tell from those brief moments I met him in Korea.  But after talking to Youngbae about what happened between…you two, I realized that he truly never meant to hurt you.”

“Well, how could you---”

“Shh,” Mina silenced me.  “Just wait, let me finish.”

My head nodded in agreement.  I began to play with my fingers that rested in my lap.

“Yes, what he did was wrong.  And I am pissed at him for that.  He is a lying who should have came clean before you guys got involved,” Mina said angrily.  “But as much as I am upset with him for hurting you.  I can’t say that I hate him.”

My eyes focused on my fingers.  Though my ears were intently listening to her voice.

“I’m actually appreciative towards him.  He took care of you while you were away from your family.  He protected you and looked after you while me and your parents couldn’t.  I know you’re still hurt about what he did, but I don’t think someone who was just trying to pretend the entire time would go out of their way for someone unless they truly cared for that person.”

“Jiyong never meant to hurt you the way he did.  I know that.  But I also know that you aren’t ready to forgive him.  And I’m not saying you should…yet that is.  But I’m saying that I know how miserable you’ve been the past two months here.  And don’t try to ing lie to me.  Every time I see you, you look so depressed.  It makes me feel so bad.  I hate seeing you like this,” she said as she shook her head.  “And every now and then when I talk to Youngbae, he tells me how Jiyong has been doing.”

Jiyong.  That was the first time I heard his name in months.

“He said all he does is sit around the house and write letters all day.  During his promotional period, he was completely lost and distant from everyone.  He was seriously the biggest star in Korea and Youngbae told me that he was still so depressed after you left.  He couldn’t even enjoy the success that his album brought him.  He said that he wouldn’t really talk to anyone unless he had to for business.  It was like a part of him died.  I mean that sounds super dramatic, but that’s exactly how it sounded while I talked to Youngbae.  I know for a fact that he is miserable without you just like how you’re miserable without him.”

“I’m not---”

“Shut up,” she said sternly.  “You can’t lie to me.”

Mina was right.  I was acting miserable without him.  I thought my façade of forced happiness was being pulled off quite nicely these past few months.  But I guess nothing really gets pass my best friend.  My lips began to tremble as I took in the words Mina had just spoken to me.

“It was like a part of him died.”

“I’m not saying you should go run back to him and love him and all that .  Cause I know you wouldn’t do that.  But all I am saying is that I know you still like him, and I know that something inside of you wants to forgive him.  So what I am trying to say is, for once in your life, stop thinking.  Just act.”

The tears were already running down my face by the time Mina stopped speaking.  The small cries escaping my throat were burning my insides.  Mina was right again.  I missed Jiyong so much even though I didn’t want to.  I still liked him so much even though he lied to me.  But I was scared.  I didn’t want to have to go back to Korea and face my past.  I knew that if I saw him again I was going to just cave right then and there.  But I couldn’t do that.  My trust was broken and it wasn’t going to just take a couple deliveries of roses or hand written apologizes to gain my trust back.  Jiyong would need to earn it.

“I’m scared.”

Mina chuckled and wrapped her arms protectively over me.  She rested her head on my shoulder and let out a sigh.  My head rested on top of hers as we stared at the drunken college boys making fools out of themselves in front of us.  We shared a laugh while we watched one of the boys choke from all the beer he was digesting.  I bit down on my lower lip before I spoke.

“I still don’t trust him.”

“Good.  You shouldn’t.”

“What if he doesn’t like me anymore?”

“Trust me.  He does.”

I sighed again and closed my eyes.  I felt the tears threatening to spill over my closed lids.  Mina lifted her head and called the waitress over for our check.  I honestly thought I would never see Jiyong again.  I made sure to stay clear of all overseas clients as much as possible.  But that was extremely hard seeing how I was the Vice President of International Marking and Design.

“Hey,” Mina said calling out to me.  I turned towards her.  She put her hands on my shoulders and gave me a look.  “If he breaks your heart again, let me know.  Youngbae and I will kick his for you.  Don’t worry.”

I laughed slightly and shook my head at her.  “Youngbae is his best friend.  He wouldn’t kick his best friend’s .”

“Oh trust me,” Mina said smirking.  “He was just as pissed as me when he found out Jiyong lied to you.  An kicking is always an option if he lies to you again.  Plus, Youngbae likes me too much to say no to me.”

I smacked Mina in the arm and she let out a small gasp.  We shared another laugh before watching the college boys again fall on the floor while trying to arm wrestle with one another.

In less than a week I would arrive back in Korea to start helping Jay with his English album promotions.  I had read over the report and saw that he as just finishing the recordings of the tracks and now he was going to need my assistance in designing and executing the packaging of his album as well as maintaining and creating a concept.  The plan was to spend the remaining time in Korea to help him finish recordings and figure out a concept.  Then we would start international promotions in the States as well as back in Asia.  Jay’s persistence reminded me of Jiyong’s.  Though Jay was much more demanding when it came to gaining my attention and assistance. 

In less than a week I would be back in Korea.

In less than a week I would more than likely have to face him.

In less than a week, my past would now become my ever so confusing present.
 

“She’s coming back.”

Jiyong’s head shot up from his pillow and faced his best friend.  He had been waiting to hear those words the minute you left his apartment.  Jiyong rubbed his tired eyes and thought what he heard was only in his mind.  Youngbae gave Jiyong a small smile and nodded his head, confirming what came out of his mouth was indeed the truth.

Nights were spent without sleep.  Hours were spent replaying all the old memories with you in his mind.  And every minute that passed after you left his apartment was spent with Jiyong regretting everything he had done to hurt you so much.  The way your lips trembled and cried that night was forever engraved into his subconscious.  He saw the way you reacted to his touch that night, like he was a parasitic virus that she wanted to get rid of.  When Jiyong chased you down the hall that night he begged for you not to leave.  But you ripped your arm out of his grasp and left through the cold elevator doors.  Jiyong collapsed on the ground within seconds of watching your heartbroken face vanish behind the elevator doors.  He sat on the ground for what it seemed like hours until Youngbae showed up unexpectedly.  Youngbae pleaded with his best friend and pushed to know what had happened that night.  Jiyong didn’t speak for the next week.  Though, a week later his comeback album was released to the public.  Instantly, the album shot to number one on all the music charts.  All his released music videos were regaining the public’s attention and he was no longer the social outcast from the Kpop world.  Everyone loved him again.  Everyone except the one person he wanted the most.

Jiyong had heard your voicemail one too many times already.  He was frustrated that he couldn’t get through to you.  It was only a week since your departure from Seoul, though it felt like an eternity for Jiyong.  On the verge of desperation to get your attention, he arranged a bouquet of roses to show up at your parent’s home.  Jiyong patiently waited for a phone call that entire day.  Though nothing came.  Only an email.  An email reading that the receiver of the flowers refused the delivery and Jiyong was still going to be charged the full amount.  Jiyong threw his phone on the ground and let out a small cry under his breath.  He dialed the number again and demanded that they send you flowers until you accepted them.  This rejection continued for almost a month straight.  Everyday Jiyong would call to deliver you flowers and every day you refused them.  Jiyong didn’t know what to do.  It was like the Kiko situation all over again.  Jiyong could handle the pain from that break-up, but the new felling of pain that inflicted his wounded heart was almost unbearable.  He went over every detail and plan to win back your attention.  Though, Jiyong forgot one huge detail.  You were not ordinary.  You could not be bought with flowers or gifts.  Jiyong slapped himself when he remembered you didn’t even like flowers.  Jiyong knew he had to approach this situation differently then he would with other girls.  Because you, were nothing close to ordinary.

Every day after his revelation, Jiyong made spare time between his comeback promotions to write you about his weekly events.  He would write about how nervous he was for his first Inkigayo performance, how Gaho still cried at the door ever since you left, and how the Big Bang members were worried for him and demanded that he see someone for help.  Jiyong wrote about everything and anything.  He had missed your voice and your patience with him as he used to call you every night with new stories to tell.  A small glitter of hope in Jiyong emerged when he realized that the first letter he wrote wasn’t sent back to him in rejection.  He began writing and sending more and more until he realized the month was up.  Jiyong was not getting any replies from you and he was beginning to feel hopeless.  You eventually changed your number and your email address.  Even Seungri and Joon couldn’t get in touch with you.  Jiyong desperately begged for your number from Psy, though Psy could only shake his head and reply to his dongsengg that he too did not know the new number for you.  It had been two months since you left and Jiyong was beginning to believe you had moved on, forgot about him.  He sent his last letter in hopes that you would possibly return one back to him.  He waited and waited.  Though, that letter never came.  He was defeated.  He lost you.

“Are you sure?”

Youngbae nodded at his friend and looked down at his phone.  “I just got off the phone with Mina.  She leaves next week.  She just signed with Jay Park for his new English album.”

Jiyong glared his eyes at the mention of Jay’s name.  Though the thought of you coming back to Korea was what made his heart want to burst out of his small chest.  He sprang off his bed and began venturing in his closet.  He was looking for all the original song lyrics he had written since your departure.  Youngbae watched what Jiyong was doing with confused eyes.  Jiyong frantically opened a box and began grabbing random sheets of music.

“Jiyong, you have to promise to not ambush her.”

Jiyong stopped what he was doing and turned around to glare at Youngbae.  He raised an eyebrow at him and spoke under his breath, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Youngbae sighed.  “Mina said that she is already scared enough coming back to Korea.  Don’t act too quickly with her, Jiyong.  Take your time; plan what you’re going to say.  Don’t act impulsively.”

Jiyong looked down at his hands and saw the handwritten lyric sheets in them.  He was going to show up at the airport the minute you landed and give you all his songs that you inspired.  He was going to get down on his knees and beg for your forgiveness like only a fool would do.  Jiyong slowly put the sheets of music back into a box inside his closet.  He let out a sigh and Youngbae placed a supporting hand on his friend’s shoulders.

“What do I do then?”

Youngbae shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Just give her time.  Let her adjust a bit.  Then try and contact her.  But don’t rush into things.  If you really want her back you have to earn her trust again.  Trust isn’t an easy thing to gain after you’ve already lost it once, Jiyong.”

“So we have to start all over again?” Jiyong asked softly.  “From the beginning?”

“Do you want her back?”

Jiyong nodded.  He wanted more than to have you back.  He wanted you entirely, your heart, your mind, your body, your trust, your everything.  He not only wanted you, he needed you back in his life.

“Then you have to be willing to start over again.  You guys started as friends, so you should probably begin there again.”

Jiyong let out a frustrated groan and ran a hand over his face.  How could he possibly be just your friend after all these emotions were running through his veins?  Jiyong knew that his heart pumped only for you, his ears searched for only your voice, his lips and fingers would tremble only at your sight.  Jiyong knew with every ounce of his being that he liked you so much more than he would have ever imagined.  He liked you more than anyone he had ever dated.  Though, if getting you back meant being your friend first…Jiyong was willing to do that.

Jiyong was willing to do whatever it took to gain your trust back.

He wanted, no needed, his best friend back.

And finally, after all those nights of praying, his prayers were answered.

You were finally coming back and Jiyong was never going to up your friendship again.

A.N.

AHHHHHH I am so happy right now!  I finally got Big Bang tickets for November!  BEST. DAY. EVER.  I am such in a good mood that I decided to update haha.  Let me know if you guys got tickets too!  Hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know your thoughts :D  Thank you to all the comments, subscribers, and silent readers.  You guys are seriously the best.  Thanks again, have a nice day and happy reading!