Chapter 13

“Noona, you aren’t still mad at me right?  I told you you are much prettier than Jennie!”

I smacked Joon on the side of the head and rolled my eyes at him.  Joon rubbed the side of his head and mumbled a few words under his breath.  I took another bite from my hot plate while Joon looked at me with sad eyes.

“Joon, I wasn’t even mad at you,” I said as I gave him a little laugh.  I stole some kim-chee off his plate and popped it into my mouth.  He gave me a wide smile and reached over to give me the rest of his kim-chee.

“Ahh, noona don’t scare me like that!” Joon said as he took a bite of his food.  “Then why are you so quiet today?  I thought you were mad at me.”

A small smile danced its way onto my lips as I thought back to this morning.

I felt something tickling the side of my arm.  At first I thought it was an insect so I swatted it away with my hand.  But after a few seconds I felt the same feeling again.  A small groan left my lips as I turned over on my bed.  My eyes slowly opened and adjusted to the brightness outside my curtains.  Jiyong was in front of me smiling down at me.  His finger was slowly running up and down the length of my bare arm.  I rolled my eyes at him and smacked his finger away again.

“Stop, I’m trying to sleep,” I said to him in my hoarse morning voice.

Jiyong laughed at my morning appearance before I felt his nose make contact with the crook of my neck.  He laid a soft kiss there and gave me another one on my cheek.  My eyes were still closed but I couldn’t help my giggle at his early morning affection.

“You sleep with your mouth open, you know.”

My eyes shot open and I saw Jiyong smiling down at me.  I shoved him in the chest and tried to remove myself from his embrace.  Jiyong wasn’t having it.  He pulled me closer to his chest and his chin quickly found a resting spot on the top of my head.  My arms were uncomfortably trapped between his chest and mine as I tried to look up at his face.  Jiyong slowly changed his position on my bed so that his arm was now behind my head, acting as a pillow for me.

“We have work soon,” I mumbled into his chest.  “We should get up.”

“No,” Jiyong grumbled as he buried his face deeper into my hair.  He ran his hand through my locks and I felt him breath in my scent.

“Stop smelling me, weirdo.”

Jiyong laughed into my hair and moved away from my head so he could peer down at me.  He sent me a small glare before scrunching up his nose.

“Sorry.  You just smell good.”

“But not like Gaho, right?  If I smell anything like him I might need more than one bath a day.”

Jiyong laughed down at me and tapped my nose.  “No, you both smell good but you have a different scent.  Much sweeter.”

I began tracing random shapes into Jiyong’s chest.  With each breath he took my finger would find a new place to start my drawing.  I could feel his eyes on me as I began writing my name into his shirt.  I lifted up my finger again and began writing his name as well.  I felt Jiyong’s lips make contact with my forehead before I looked up at him.  The feeling of our bodies pressed up against one another was such an indescribable feeling.  The warmth radiating off of Jiyong’s chest only made me want to stay in his arms forever.  The way he caressed my body throughout the night and early morning made me feel so absolutely adored.  Never had I felt so much attention from a man before.  The way Jiyong treated to my needs and wants showed me just how much he cared for me.  Not as my best friend, but as a man who appreciated and cherished our relationship with each other.  Jiyong would make the best boyfriend in every possible way, not because he was so caring but because he had already known me as a friend.  He knew my tendencies, my expressions, my personality to a tee.  The thought of Jiyong actually becoming my boyfriend shocked me.  Was that the next step for us?  As much as I liked Jiyong and wanted to be with him, there were just so many other things to take into consideration.  Those thoughts would be saved for another day when I wasn’t currently tangled with such an attractive human being right now.

“You’re so touchy.”

Jiyong smiled down at me and ruffled my hair.  I swatted his hand away and he only grabbed it instead so he could place a kiss on my wrist.  Our eyes met and he gave me a small smirk.

“ert.”

I shoved him hard in the chest and Jiyong fell slightly to the side of the bed.  He gave me a small glare but it was quickly replaced with his signature smirk.  Before I knew it, he had me pinned down beneath him as his fingers began his tickle attack on my stomach.

“Jiyong…stop…I’m going….to…kill you!”  I managed to say in between breaths.  Jiyong smirked down before me and continued his assault on my poor helpless body. 

“And then I was talking to Lee Min about maybe going to the movies some time but she kind of ignored me so I guess I’m taking that as a maybe?”

Joon took another huge bite from his meal and looked up at me.  I finally realized he had been talking the entire time I was recalling this morning’s events.  I nodded quickly at him before he realized I wasn’t actually listening to him.  Joon gave me a confused look and continued to talk about what was going on in his life since I had last saw him.

Another smile made its way onto my lips as I thought back to the morning breakfast we shared.  After much effort, I released myself from Jiyong’s arms to make us an American style breakfast.  Jiyong looked so adorable as he sleepily made his way towards the island counter where I placed the food.  He rubbed his tired eyes and sent me a smile my way.  My knees almost buckled under me; thank goodness I was leaning on the counter for support.  Jiyong and I silently ate the meal together while exchanging sneaking glances from time to time.  My feet were propped up in his lap as he rested one of his hands on my bare legs.  I remembered the way his hands automatically rubbed up and down my leg while he ate his food.  My toes would wiggle in his lap every now and then and I would catch him laughing to himself.  It was like this was the most natural thing to us.  Being here, with each other, felt natural.  Normal, even.  Everything that morning felt right.

“_____-sshi?”

Joon and I both looked up to see a middle aged woman standing before us at the table.  I nodded my head and stood up to give her a polite bow.

“President Yang wanted me to send you to his office,” she said politely to me.  She gave me a small bow and smile and headed towards the exit of the cafeteria.  I sat back down in my seat and Joon looked at me worriedly.

“Are you in trouble noona?” Joon asked with concern in his voice.  “Why does the President want to see you?”

He wants to talk about my contract.

I sent a forced smile towards Joon and stood up to clear my things.  Joon watched me with worried eyes and I ruffled his hair as I gathered my things.

“Everything’s fine,” I said to him softly.  “We can finish up next time we have lunch.  Train hard, Joon!”  I gave him the ‘fighting’ hand motion and began to walk towards the exit.  I bowed towards the cafeteria ladies and they all smiled and waved at my retreating figure.

I glanced down at my phone and noticed the date.

13 days left.

With less than two weeks left, my contract would be up with YG.  My heels clicked as I walked slowly towards the familiar elevator in the office building.  I pushed the top floor button and nervously tapped my foot on the ground.  The floor lights lit up one by one before they made their way to the very top.  It felt like I spent an eternity in that elevator.  The doors finally opened and I forced myself to walk towards the large doors in front of me.  I knocked once and heard a small grunt come from the other side.  I smiled at the President’s response and opened the doors to see him working on something behind his large desk.

The colorful toys that lined his wall seemed to be watching my every move as I got closer towards the seats in front of his desk.  Everything looked the same since I last came here with Psy-oppa to discuss the success of his recently released comeback album.  I remember looking at all the toys and wondering why the President spent so much money on such childish things.  Then I remembered going to a dance studio to see one of his solo artists practice a routine.  I remembered that day so clearly in my mind that when I looked at all the toys on the wall, they seemed to be looking at me with nostalgic eyes.

“How are you ______-sshi?”

I nodded my head and responded back towards the President.  We talked for a while about my recent trip to the States with Psy-oppa.  I went over the details that were discussed with each meeting I attended and I gave him full reports on the audience responses from overseas.  Every now and then the President would nod his head at my words.  He would sometimes touch his chin with his pointer finger and slightly turn his head to the side.  He was known for his extreme poker faces, so I wasn’t too sure what he was thinking at the moment.

“Ah, _______-sshi, you always are so professional and diligent,” the President said as he gave me a grin.  His words had answered my silent questions in my mind.  “This is why you are the best in the business.”

I smiled at him and bowed my head slightly in appreciation.  A wave of relief washed over me as I heard him.  I looked through my binder once more to go over a couple more details for Psy-oppa’s next live performance but a small sigh interrupted me.  I looked up and saw the President smiling sadly at me.

“You are a very hard worker, _______-sshi,” he started.  “You must know how much this company appreciates all your hard work.”

My stomach began to twist in pain and my palms felt slightly damp.  I bit down on my lower lip and anticipated the President’s next words.  I knew it was coming.  I knew what he said next was going to crush me on the inside.  But I had to be professional.  I couldn’t act affected by the termination of my contract.

“Psy already told me that he talked to you about him signing with Universal Public Records,” he said looking down at his hands placed on his desk.  “So you must realize that your contract with us and Psy is close within its ending period.”

I swallowed hard and gripped the binder in my hands.

“I looked at the contract and noticed you have a little less than two weeks left with us.  And I want to stress to you that you can take all the time you need to prepare yourself for your leave.  If you need any help whatsoever with moving or packing, please don’t hesitate to ask.  It is the least I can do for you after what you’ve helped us accomplish here this year.”

My teeth sank deeper into my bottom lip while my knuckles turned white.  I wasn’t listening properly to the President’s words but all I picked up were the words “leave”, “moving”, and “packing”.  I looked down in my lap and listened to him continue with his speech.

“I can promise you that I will definitely be contacting you again sometime in the near future with more of our projects,” the President said confidently.  “But until then, all I can say is thank you and I do wish you the best of luck with everything you do.”

I nodded my head and looked up to meet the President’s concerned gaze.  I stood up from my seat and bowed politely.  He stood up from behind his desk and bowed back in response.

Don’t cry, ______.  Just whatever you do, don’t cry.

The President walked over to me and he laid his hand on my shoulder.  I smiled bravely back to him and my feet reluctantly followed him towards his office door.  I looked back at the line of toys on his office wall and mentally said goodbye to them.  I didn’t know when I would see them next.  The President and I stopped at his door and I turned to bow once more to him but he spoke up instead.

“Thank you by the way for helping our Jiyong-ah too.  He said you were a positive influence on his solo album.  He was a smart boy for chasing after you after he saw you that one time we came in together.  Maybe you can work with him next,” the President said laughing slightly.

My eyebrows furrowed together as I broke down the words the President had just spoken to me.  I was confused.  It didn’t make any sense to me.  I felt completely clueless.

“Excuse me, sir but I don’t really understand,” I said cautiously.

The President raised his eyebrows at me.  “Jiyong-ah.  He was the one you critiqued that one time at the dance studio.  You told me he wasn’t ready to debut in the States.”

My eyes shot open at the memory.  I remembered the lean figure at the head of the dance studio and the way he bit down on his lower lip.  The same gesture Jiyong did when he was either nervous or scared.  I remembered the familiar beat that came from the speakers and I linked it back to the song that Jiyong had filmed for his first music video too.  I remembered how I stared at the unknown man in that dance studio and instantly recognized his frustration and helplessness with each forced dance move.  I remembered everything.  And now I had only suddenly realized the obvious…Jiyong was the solo artist that I had said wasn’t ready to debut.

The President noticed my silence and spoke up again to clear the awkward tension.  “He told me he was trying to get to know you so you could help him debut properly.  Ah, that’s so like our Jiyong-ah, always working so hard to be perfect.”

My stomach shot a painful blow to my insides as the old memory resurfaced in my mind.

“You don’t like me.”

My eyes began to mist over and I fought the urge to fall to the ground.  I quickly bowed towards the President and fled from the room as quickly as possible.  The heels on my feet were keeping me from running any faster than I had wanted to.  I violently pushed the button down towards my spare office that would only be mine for a little less than two more weeks.  My lips were shaking and my knees were beginning to lose it’s feeling.  I was going to collapse any minute now but I kept telling myself to keep my composure and be professional.  The elevator doors opened and I rushed pass a group of staff members towards my office at the end of the hall.  My hands gripped the binder in my hand as I rushed into my office and slammed the door behind me.  I flung the binder across the room and slammed my back into the door.  The pain from my fall wasn’t anything compared to the feeling I was experiencing inside.

The tears escaping from my eyes were running down my face and into my mouth.  My vision was becoming blurry as I heard my own voice ringing throughout the small office.  I was screaming.  I was screaming and I couldn’t stop.  My mouth could taste the saltiness from my tears as they continued to pour out of me.  My legs finally collapsed on the tiled floor while my arms fell dead on my side.  My insides were physically hurting.  Everything felt like it was on fire.  My skin made contact with the cold floor, providing some relief for my flaming skin.  I curled up into a ball and grabbed my knees towards my chest.  My vision was still blurry and I could still taste the salt in my mouth.  Another blow was felt in my stomach as I heard another one of my piercing screams.

My heart felt like it was trying to burst from my chest.  Each pump it made was like a stab to my own organ.  I tried to catch my breath from my cries but I began choking from the limited amount of air I was receiving.  I began to heave as I withered around the floor trying to catch my breath.  My heart was beating so slow and so loud that I felt it through my eardrums.

Everything made sense now.

The reason why Jiyong said those confusing words to me the first night we met was because he knew I didn’t want him to debut yet.

Another blow hit me in my stomach and I cried in pain.

It made sense now why Jiyong would ask me random questions about his solo album.  It made sense why he invited me to his music video set and asked me to give my opinion so he would listen to it.  It made sense why he would call me every night and want to get close to me.  It all made sense.

Jiyong used me.

He wanted me to help him debut.

He didn’t care for me.  He was just playing me.  Making me look like a fool when all along he had pre-meditated notions behind his actions.

Jiyong used me and I fell for it.

I heard something piercing from the inside of my office.  I slowly zoned in on the sound and realized it was my own voice.  I kept screaming out to no one.  I shut my eyes quickly and felt the tears still escaping my shut lids.  I thought it was a bad dream and it’d all go away.  This didn’t feel real.  I didn’t even recognize the person on the floor right now crying in pain.  It was like an outer body experience.  I was watching myself from the outside, looking down at some pathetic person crying out for someone who never cried for them.  I watched myself become this weak body of a person as I cried out for some relief from the pain I was experiencing from my own insides.  I watched myself become my own worst enemy.

My hands made its way to my face.  My fingers slowly wiped the tears away from my cheeks, but then I noticed something brightly colored on the tips of my fingers.  Blood.  I touched my lips and realized I had bitten too hard on them and my flesh was slightly exposed.  I frantically wiped off the red stain on my pants and went back up to wipe the constantly falling tears.  My fingers traced up to my forehead and rested there.  My skin began to burn on impact as I thought back to the kiss Jiyong gave me this morning over there.  Another shriek escaped my mouth as I felt my skin burning.  My fingers then made its way down to my neck.  The crook of my neck.  Instantly, my skin began to itch, began to rise in temperature as I remembered the way Jiyong placed his lips there for the first time and claimed me as his.

“No,” I whined to myself softly as I cried out again.

The hard reality hit me as well as another blow to my insides.

Psy-oppa was leaving me, my contract was over, and now the only person I thought who cared for me just as much as I cared for them was known to be lying all along.  This wasn’t supposed to happen.  This wasn’t supposed to be my life.  I was supposed to come to Korea for an assignment, get things done, then leave.  That was what was supposed to happen but instead here I was.  I wrapped my arms around my knees again and began to think a mantra to myself as I closed my eyes from the memories.

This wasn’t supposed to happen…this wasn’t supposed to happen…

But it did and now here I was, exactly where I started months ago.

Alone.

But this time, I was with a broken heart to keep me company.

A.N

Ahhhh don't kill me everyone!  You know this was going to happen eventually!  Jiyong couldn't keep this from her forever, especially with her contract ending soon!  Anyway, let me know your thoughts about this update!  Don't hate me too much D: haha.  Thank you everyone again for the support!  This update is pretty short, well shorter than the others.  But the next chapter is the long one!  Haha.  ALSO, did everyone listen to Jiyong's new album?  ITS AMAZING.  I had to order it!  The song "Eventually" won't leave my head.  It has been my inspiration these past few days, I banged out a couple chapters because of that song!  Anyway, have a nice day and happy reading!