Chapter 18

My eyes didn’t blink.  I even think I stopped breathing for a while.  The air in the room felt still as our eyes never broke contact.  Gaho’s soft whimpers were the only thing that filled the room, unless you count the obvious tension radiating between the distance of our heated bodies.  My mind replayed the events that took place just moments before.

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

The more I repeated his words in my head, the more I felt my body becoming weaker and weaker.  My once source of constant support, care, love, and protection was now considering leaving me to fend for myself.  Life without Jiyong frightened me.  I had already spent three miserable months away from him and I wasn’t ready to go back to feeling alone and cold again.  Never in my life did I think I would become the girl that felt so alive because of another person’s existence.  Though, I wasn’t dependant on him.  I was self sufficient enough.  Just the thought of life without him seemed completely meaningless.  Without Jiyong, I would more than likely survive and live on.  But that was exact the point, I’d just be living; existing.  Ever since I met Jiyong, I finally realized how I had been before I met him.  Before Jiyong I was simply existing, but now with him, I was alive.

I wasn’t ready for him to let me go just yet.  I wanted him to fight for this, for us.  I would fight for him if that’s what it took.  I wanted this.  I wanted the bickering, I wanted the pillow fights, I wanted the constant teasing and pranks, I wanted his failed cooking attempts, I wanted the tickling and the wrestling, I wanted the passion, the friendship, the feeling of being alive.  I wanted Jiyong—no, I needed him.  I needed this.  Us.

“I can’t keep competing for your attention with him.”

Fight for him.

“What are you talking about?  You have my attention, Jiyong.  You have me right here.  Why are you saying all this?”

Jiyong struggled to find the right words.  He shook his head in frustration and his eyes met mine with much confusion.  The night air was still very still and cold as it surrounded us, reminding us that we were the only source of warmth for one another.

Fight for him.

“I don’t want to lose you, but at the same time I feel like you don’t really want to be with me,” Jiyong paused.  “Sometimes I feel like you don’t even want to be near me.  Whenever I try to hold your hand or even touch you slightly you always push me away or walk away.  I didn’t really care before but now I just feel like an idiot.  It hurts a man’s pride when you keep rejecting him like this.  That’s why I never pushed anything between us.  Because you always seemed to like where we were.”

Fight for him, goddamn it!

“Jiyong…”

“You’re my best friend, ________,” Jiyong said softly.  “And I will always be there for you as your friend.  But, I want to be there for you as something more.  I want to be your boyfriend.  I want to do the things that boyfriends should do for their girlfriends.  I want everyone to know you’re mine.  I want that ing to know that he can’t touch you because you’re my girlfriend.  But I feel like you don’t want that.  And right now I feel kind of stupid saying this but I---”

Fight for his heart.

My heart exploded in my chest cavity at his confession.  It wasn’t the most conventional way of confessing one’s feelings but to me, it was perfect to me.  All this built up emotion and tension between the two of us was now resolved with my sudden attack on Jiyong.  My arms wrapped around his neck while I felt my lips take control over his.  At first Jiyong didn’t realize what was happening, so he stayed frozen under my touch.  But then, like if everything finally made sense, Jiyong placed his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to his body.  A small gasp escaped my lips but it was only swallowed by Jiyong’s lips.  Our first kiss wasn’t the gentle one I had planned in my mind; it was filled with hunger and passion.  All the emotions we had been storing inside was now released the minute Jiyong ran his tongue on the bottom of my lip, asking for entrance.  All the months of dancing around one another was finally dissolved as I ran my fingers through his hair and a moan escaped his lips.  All the suffering, the heartbreak, the pain was ultimately forgotten the minute we moaned into each other’s mouths as we deepened the already passionate kiss.  It was like our lips already knew their way around the other’s.  The way Jiyong gripped my hips and pulled my waist close to his, ultimately made me moan.  Heads tilted, tongues embraced in a passionate battle for dominance, hands roaming in his hair, our bodies collided into one another and met together like perfect puzzle pieces.

The shared heat between our bodies warmed us up while we stood in the middle of the cold apartment.  Air was not a necessity between us.  Our breaths became heavy pants as we finally separated from one another.  Jiyong rested his forehead on mine and I could feel his perspiration from his forehead.  His warm hands cupped my face lovingly as he leaned down to give me a more gentle version of our first kiss.  The sounds of our lips making contact only excited the both of us.  We both had been waiting for this moment, and now since it was happening, everything seemed too amazing to be real.  The way Jiyong’s lips moved on top of mine displayed his most likely many years of experience.  Though, the way my hands ran through his hair made him become butter underneath my touch.  Jiyong’s hands went under my thighs and I was suddenly lifted into his arms.  Our kisses momentarily paused as I gasped into his mouth.  I could feel him smiling into my lips as I gripped his shoulders for more support in the fear of toppling over.  The way Jiyong gripped my legs and the way he hungrily attacked my mouth again made me want to collapse right then and there in his arms.  No one had ever made me feel so adored in my entire life.  I was like this hard earned trophy that he had won after so much effort and dedication, and he was now lifting his prize to show the world that I was finally his.

Our lips slowly retracted from one another as Jiyong placed me down on the floor.  I could hear him mumble words in between our last few kisses.

“You.  Are.  Amazing.  Beautiful.  Smart.  y.  Perfect.”

My cheeks were currently the color of Jiyong’s deep wine colored pants as he began his kiss attack again.  More loving words escaped his mouth between our short kisses.  My body couldn’t handle all these overwhelming emotions, this was such a foreign feeling but with Jiyong everything felt right.

Jiyong smiled against my lips when he heard my embarrassed giggle.  Foreheads rested themselves on one another as we peered into each other’s eyes.  We clung onto one another like we were both afraid that the other was going to leave and this was all just a dream.  No, this was now our reality.  Jiyong ran his soft hands all over my face and he mumbled sweet words every time he traced one of my features.

“You’re too good to be true,” Jiyong said softly as he cupped my face in his hands before placing a kiss on my lips.  “You don’t realize how long I’ve been waiting for you.”

A small tear escaped my eye as I heard him confess such intimate words to me.  My heart was swollen from everything that was happening between us.  Our chests were now flushed against one another; I could feel his heartbeat fall into a fast rhythm that was the same as mine.  Jiyong reached over and wiped the small tear away from my face.  He trailed kisses from the bridge of my nose down to my lips.  I couldn’t help but sigh at the adoration I was now receiving from the demi-god like man before me.  Jiyong trailed his kisses towards my ear and he left a soft kiss in his favorite spot on my body.  In the small crook of my neck, Jiyong whispered his words against my skin.

“I’ve waited so long for you.  You don’t realize how happy I am right now.”

Another kiss was placed in his favorite territory of my body.

I was left completely speechless.  The feeling inside of my stomach was no longer painful and burning, it was replaced with small fluttering feelings that traveled up my spine and sent shivers throughout my body.  The way Jiyong trailed his fingers along my skin made me feel a sudden rush of cold air against my skin.  His hot breath and skin was the relief from the coldness.  All I could do was stare at him and smile.  My eyes couldn’t tear away from him and my voice couldn’t find itself after he had already spoken all the words that I had wanted to say.  Breathless.  I was simply left breathless before Jiyong.

“So this is how it feels.”

Those were the only words I could muster up to say.  Jiyong chuckled at my struggled sentence and laid a kiss on my forehead.  His strong arms wrapped around my small frame and he rested his intertwined hands right above my bottom.  My head found it’s sanctuary between his chin and chest.  He swayed us back and forth like how a mother would to her newborn to soothe them.  Jiyong had nursed every physical need and want that was inside the animalistic side of my self.  Never had I thought I would act like this towards another man.  I suddenly felt my heart swell up again.  I was now his.  And Jiyong was now mine.  Nighttime was no longer a place associated with nightmares and sleeplessness; it was now associated with Jiyong and his warmth surrounding me.

“Stay with me tonight.”

By habit, my eyes met his and I expressed a confused look with my typical eyebrow raise.  Jiyong laughed at me and ran his hands through my hair.  The feeling of him gently massaging my scalp had me let out a small moan at the pleasure.  My eyes shot open and I realized I just vocalized my desire for his touch.  Immediately, I felt awkward.  Only moments ago I was softly grinding my hips into Jiyong and now I felt a sudden rush of nerves taking over my body.  That was the affect he had on me.  One minute I’m attacking him with my lips and body and the next I’m a bundle of nerves under his gaze.

“Now you’re all shy,” Jiyong said while smirking at me.  His lips placed a kiss on my wrist.  I rolled my eyes and snatched my wrist from his touch.  “That’s my girl.”

I shoved him roughly in the chest but Jiyong was too quick for me.  His hands captured my wrists in his as he smirked down at me.  I was now his captive.  A small groan escaped my lips as I tried to wiggle out of his death grip on me.  My foot made contact with his shin and I watched in victory as he fell to the floor.

“You always play dirty,” Jiyong said in between his small whines.  Seeing the once dominant man, withering on the floor beneath me had me breaking out into a huge smile.  My knees bent down towards him and I leaned in closer to his face so he could hear my hushed words.  Jiyong nervously watched me as a smirk played on my lips.

“Punks like you need to know their place,” I said as I flicked his forehead.  “Now, I’m going to go.”

Never in my life did I see someone jump to their feet as fast as I saw Jiyong pop up from the ground.  I shook my head at him and playfully began to walk towards the door with a little sway in my hips.  Teasing was something I had never done before, so I assumed that I must have been doing it wrong.  But the way Jiyong’s eyes landed on my hips, I knew I had succeeded.   His eyes followed my hips as they sensually moved from left to right.  Jiyong’s mind was immediately brought back to the night of his birthday when he had witnessed first hand how capable you were of demoralizing any man with your dance moves.  Jiyong cursed under his breath as he felt his pants get slightly tight.

.

“I’m going home now.  See you tomorrow,” I playfully said as I grabbed the door handle from behind my back.  Jiyong closed the distance between us and he peered down at me with a small glare.  “Don’t give me that look.”

“Don’t leave then,” Jiyong said smiling as he grabbed my hand and started leading me towards his bedroom.  “Stay.  Please?”  Jiyong began busting out his aegyo while he batted his eyelashes at me.  The once thick air that was filled with temptation and ual frustration was now filled with our familiar playfulness.  I smacked Jiyong’s shoulder.

“Its already dark outside and I left my car at the office.”

“I will drive you back tomorrow so you can get it.”

“But—”

“No buts.  Except if it’s your , then I’m okay with it.”

“ert.”

“Only for you.”

Jiyong’s hand reached for mine and I let him play with my fingers one by one.  My eyes noticed he still didn’t wear the many rings he used to wear.  I wonder what he does now since he can’t play with his rings.  Jiyong slipped his fingers in-between my smaller ones.  With much effort, Jiyong had finally managed to get me into his bedroom and on top the mattress before he could slam his door shut.  Jiyong smiled widely at me before he slammed his body on the comforter beneath us.  A small giggle left my lips as I felt his head find a resting place in my lap.  His face snuggled into my stomach while I felt his arms snake around my waist to pull me closer to him, if that was even possible.

“You’re like a baby,” I said as I pushed some of the blonde hair out of his eyes.  “Always clinging on to me.”

“I like you that’s why,” Jiyong mumbled into my stomach.  “You’re very cuddly too.  You’re like my own personal pillow, except you kiss me back and like to hit me.”

My hand pushed his face away from me and Jiyong smiled up at me.  My fingers ran through his hair mindlessly and automatically Jiyong closed his eyes.  A small sigh escaped his lips.  My eyes trailed his face, engraving every curve, wrinkle, scar, and detail into my memory.  The fluttering feeling in my stomach occurred again as I saw Jiyong’s lip part slightly.  I wanted his skin on my skin.  My head lowered itself towards his while his eyes stayed closed, unaware of what I was attempting to do.  Jiyong’s eyes shot open when he felt the softest flesh on top of his.  Jiyong sat up instantly and cradled my head with his hand.  My neck was now supported with his warm hand as he tilted his head for better entrance into my kisses.  I could never get tired of his kisses.  The way he caressed my body with his strong hands made my hip buckle with every touch.  Lips still attached and fighting for air, I slowly made my way onto his lap.  My legs straddled his lap as I locked my fingers in his hair once again.  I gripped onto his locks and gently pulled myself so I was higher than he was.  I heard Jiyong curse into our kisses as I felt the slight bulge underneath me hit my inner thigh.  My lips formed into a small smile as I realized the effect I had on his body.  It was nice to know he felt the same way as I did.  Jiyong nestled his head into my bosom like a child would do.  My chin found its home on the top of his head as I ran my fingers continuously through his hair.

“Thank you for existing.”

His words were dripping with sincerity and love as he breathed in my scent.  My heart was pounding against my chest and I was positive Jiyong knew the effect his words had on me.  With every loving word he said to me, my heart became more and more full.  Never in my life had I had another person thank me for simply existing.  His sweet words brought the happiest tears to my eyes.

“Thank you for being my best friend.”

Jiyong’s head slowly rose from my chest and he smiled at me.  My words also brought a small tear to his eyes.  I laughed as I watched him quickly wipe it away hoping I didn’t notice.

“I will always be your best friend,” Jiyong said as he kissed my nose.  “But now I get to be your boyfriend.  Now I can finally kiss you, adore you, and cherish you all the ways I’ve wanted to in the past.  Are you ready for it?”

My lips met his forehead and I smiled into his skin.  My heart seriously couldn’t handle all the sweetness he was throwing my way.  It made it hard to believe that there were people like Jiyong out there who spoke this way to their significant other.  I wasn’t going to lie; these new foreign feelings were slightly intimidating, scary even.  Though, as long as Jiyong guided me through all these new feelings and stayed by my side, I knew that I could definitely get used to this.

I smiled down at the man who secured me in his arms.

“I’m ready.  I’ve been ready my entire life.”

Am I still dreaming?  What is that annoying noise?  My God.

A yawn escaped my lips as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.  The comforter under my fingertips were cold from the empty space to the side of me.  Jiyong’s presence was immediately missed when I opened my eyes to realize I was still in his bedroom.  An annoying scratching noise was coming from the kitchen and I was more than sure that Jiyong was probably going to start a fire if I didn’t intervene.

7:01 AM

“I am going to legit murder him.”

The cold wood floor had me yelp in surprise as I reached over to grab the blanket from the bed.  Memories of last night flooded my mind and I couldn’t help but break into a smile.  Majority of the night was spent with us tangled with each other’s limbs while we whispered sweet nothings to one another.  Jiyong didn’t let my face go un-kissed for more than a minute.  His lips eventually ventured to dangerous territories such as my abdomen.  I remembered the way his shaking hands moved down my body and towards the hem of my shirt.  His hesitant eyes locked with mine as he peered down at me, asking for permission to wander elsewhere than my face.  A smile was all I could muster up from all the butterflies I felt underneath his touch.  My trembling fingers lifted up my top slowly and his lips instantly made contact with my flaming skin.  He left a couple kisses there before resting his head on my stomach like it were his favorite pillow.  Then I remembered him blowing a loud stomach kiss into me causing another round of tickling to begin at 3 in the morning.

There were no other words to describe last night, other than perfect.

“Why are you up so early?  And what are you doing?”

Caught in the act, Jiyong dropped the spatula in his hand and bit down on his lower lip.  My body leaned against the doorframe while I hugged myself deeper into the warm blanket around my shoulders.

“I was trying to cook you an American style breakfast,” he said as my eyes scanned the mess he left around various parts of his kitchen.  Eggshells were cracked and discarded on the floor, dirty napkins littered the countertops, and mixing bowls of various sizes were piling up in the sink.  Jiyong’s face resembled a guilty puppy after relieving itself on the carpet.  Gaho was near Jiyong’s feet the remnants of the mess he had dropped on the floor.

“Also, I’m up so early because we’re going to spend the day together.  I have a lot of things planned for us so get ready, beautiful!”

“Its ing 7 AM, Jiyong.  Go away.”

“Note to self, you are not a morning person.”

“I am going to kill you.”

“Fine, kill me tomorrow then.  We have no time today.  Get ready!”

Jiyong skipped over towards me and kissed me on the forehead.  I shook my head at him and wrapped the blanket around his bare shoulders.  Leave it to him to wear basically nothing to bed.  “I don’t like feeling restricted in clothes, sorry if my body distracts you.”  My mind replayed the words he spoke to me last night as I watched him undress before me.  Of course Jiyong slept with no shirt on, of course.

“What are we doing?”

“I’m taking you out on a date.”

Date?

After our emotional and physical confirmation of our feelings towards one another, I assumed that Jiyong’s affections would somewhat lessen.  Boy, I was wrong.  Seungri-oppa had told me stories before of his hyung and his romantic escapades for his past loves.  Balloons popping out from the trunk of a car, 4 hour car rides to watch the sunrise at a certain hill top, and even renting out entire movie theatres for date nights.  Jiyong’s extravagant gestures of affection were something he did in the past with his girlfriends.  But, some part of me didn’t want the same treatment.  Jiyong and I both knew that we never felt this way with any other person.  So why receive the same treatment as our lovers in the past?  I bit down on my lower lip and focused my tired eyes on the man before me.  A date sounded nice, but I was hoping that it wasn’t a typical Jiyong date that was coming my way.

“Aren’t we kind of late on that?  We’re already together, Jiyong.”

Jiyong pouted and grabbed my hands.  With our fingers laced, he began running his slender ones up and down mine.  His fascination with fingers was entertaining to me.  Maybe I will buy him some new rings.  I haven’t seen his old ones in a while.  Jiyong’s pout disappeared as he leaned forward to have his kiss make contact with my temple.  Pulling back, he glared at me playfully.

“Can you stop ruining everything for me?  I want to do this the right way.  Just let me do this for you, okay?  You deserve a proper confession.”

Proper confession?  What was last night then?

Eyes rolling in its usual fashion, I turned away from Jiyong and headed towards his bathroom.  My shoes were scattered along the floor with various articles of his clothing mixed together in the mess.  The toothbrush Jiyong gave me last night was now in its new home on his counter-top.  I couldn’t help but smile when I noticed mine was pink and his was blue.  Couple already…this boy. 

“This is ridiculous!  I’m not going to brush my hair,” I yelled from the bathroom as I began to wash my face.

“You’d still look pretty anyway!”

“I’m not going to brush my teeth!”

There was a long pause before he spoke again from the other room.

“Come on, _______ now that’s just gross.”

“By-passing the toothbrush and the comb right as we speak!”

“I’m not going to kiss you today then!”

I laughed proudly knowing that I earned the proper response from him, “Good!  Only erts kiss on the first date anyway!”

“Lets go take Gaho for a walk in the park.  I haven’t done that in a while.”

Jiyong and I made our way down the familiar elevator with our hands held together.  Gaho’s leash was in Jiyong’s other hand and I had two small bentos prepared for our whole-day date.  Jiyong demanded that I make egg rolls for his lunch, and I only obliged because I felt bad for pushing him so hard he ended up falling on the floor.  Though, his shocked face was so worth making his favorite egg rolls.  The bell of the elevator caught our attention and I released my grip on Jiyong’s hands.  Jiyong’s eyes curiously watched my retreating figure as I headed out the door before him.  I didn’t want to risk him being seen in public with me.  First off, his fans are scary as hell.  I remembered reading a couple of blogs dedicated to Big Bang and they were probably better investigators then some FBI agents.  The last thing I wanted to do was stir up more controversy for Jiyong after all his success with his comeback album.  Jiyong reached for my hand again but I slapped it away.

“Where’s your disguise?”

Jiyong shrugged, “I have my hat.”

“Not good enough.  You need sunglasses or something.  Maybe even a wig.  Do you have a wig!?  Should we buy you a wig?”

Jiyong chuckled and tapped the tip of my nose, “I do not own a wig, weirdo.  And fine, I will wear sunglasses and a hat.  But stop worrying, the park is usually empty this time.”

“Because no one in their right minds gets up this early on a weekend.”

Jiyong quickly leaned forward and pressed a peck on my lips.  Even though the kiss was small and not even a second long, I felt my fingers and toes curl beneath his touch.  The affect he had over my body and my insides were shocking to me.  The littlest gesture from him resulted in me either A) silently hyperventilating B) wanting to jump him right then and there, or C) die from happiness.  I prayed that I would eventually get used to feeling like this because I didn’t want Jiyong to know that his girlfriend was secretly obsessed with him.

“Hush your pretty little mouth,” he said before heading off with Gaho towards another direction.  “Lets go!”

A.N.

I think I made you all wait long enough :D Haha sorry for ending the last chapter on such a nerve-wrecking note.  BUT, I hope this chapter made up for everything!  FINA-ing-LLY THEY ARE TOGETHER.  And it only took 18 chapters, aiya.  Thank you everyone again for the comments and the subs :)  Also hello to any new readers out there and another hello to all my dedicated silent readers!  I have a bunch of school work to do this week so I have no idea when I will update next.  But I will try very hard to do an update once a week!  Wish me luck my loves!  Have a nice day and happy reading!