Chapter 17

Regret.  Instant regret.

Jiyong was not lying when he told me he’d win my trust back.

A full month was solely dedicated to calling me, texting me, checking up on me, making me dinner, buying me dinner, driving me to and from my appointments, taking me out on day time adventures, making sure I was sleeping well, coming over to make sure I slept well, making me breakfast, cleaning up after making me breakfast, giving me his jacket when I was cold, taking care of me when I caught the flu, buying me tampons when I mentioned I had my period and couldn’t get out of bed, and also calling Mina and my parents letting them know I was doing fine.

Jiyong literally would not leave me alone for one second.  At first it was the most annoying thing in the world.  Jiyong was like an irritating insect that flies by your ear, and every time you swat it away it returns seconds later.  Jiyong was that insect to me. His constant pestering and worrisome attitude was what bugged me the most.  I didn’t mind his sincere actions one bit; it was the fact that he was constantly worried and anxious every time he was around me.  

“Jiyong, stop!”

Jiyong stopped washing the dishes in my sink and turned around to see me with my hands on my hips.  One night after he cooked my dinner, much to my displeasure, I was completely fed up with him lately.

“What?”

“This!  Stop it!  This isn’t like you.  You doing all these things for me.  Just, stop!”

Jiyong took off the rubber gloves from his slender fingers and laid them on the counter.  He rested his palms behind him and looked down at the ground.  An uneasy sigh left his lips, distracting me for a moment.  The memories of those lips making its way on my collarbone flooded my mind.  Quickly, I shook off the tingling sensation felt throughout my body.  I redirected my attention to the man before me.  Had he been speaking this entire time while I was revisiting old memories of the former us?  My head nodded aimlessly as I tried to appear like I had been listening to him.

“I just…feel bad for what I did to you.  I want to make it up to you.”

“Stop feeling bad!  You don’t have to do all this because you feel bad.”

“But I want to.”

“Well I don’t want you to, so quit it.”

“But I---”

“I forgive you already so stop being a weirdo and just act normal around me!”

The minute the words left my mouth I shut my open trap immediately.  After hearing my own realization I noticed Jiyong’s face soften.  I hadn’t realized that my source of irritation wasn’t because of Jiyong, it was because I missed how we used to be with each other.  I missed the playfulness, the banter, the smart- remarks to one another.  I missed us.  And every time Jiyong went out of his way to do something extravagantly sympathetic towards me, I immediately disliked it because of the unfamiliarity that embodied it.  Trying to make sense of my own logic only confused me more.  My eyes scanned his slender frame before landing on his bright eyes.

.

Only now I realized I had said that I had finally forgiven him.  After months of agonizing distance and silence, then a month of awkward determination, I had forgiven Jiyong.

“You…you forgive me?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Do I have to say it again, oh deaf one?”

“You don’t have to.  I heard it the first time.”  A victorious smile appeared on Jiyong’s face before he shook his head.  He appeared relieved, yet his face still read an unread-able emotion.  “Sorry, I’ve been acting weird.  I just didn’t want to start acting like how we used to right away.  The last time I tried to do that I ended up being beaten with a menu.”

“Those injuries were well deserved.”

“The President is still mad at you for leaving a bruise on my beautiful face.  Don’t you realize this is my whole career right here,” Jiyong said as he motioned towards his face playfully.  I scoffed at him and reached over to shove him in the shoulder.  Jiyong dropped his head slightly and chuckled to himself.  We both missed this.

“I really don’t know how you make any money if you’re career is based solely on your looks,” I shot back sarcastically.  “You must have a lot of vision impaired VIPs.”

“Yah!”

Jiyong reached toward me and locked me in a loose chokehold.  My arms tired to reach over his to stop him.  The sudden bolt of warmth was felt between our own flesh the minute we made contact.  The anticipation of skinship was now felt between the heat of both our bodies.  Jiyong only laughed harder as he saw my agitated expression.  After much effort, I finally shoved him hard in the chest with a loud groan.  Jiyong smirked knowingly at me.  My feet stepped back automatically.

“Jiyong…don’t.”

The infamous smirk reappeared.  .  The instant my feet began to retreat towards the safety of my own bedroom, I felt a pair of hands swoop me up in one quick motion and lift me in the air.  My body was flipped over onto Jiyong’s shoulder as he ran towards the bedroom while my feet and arms flailed in the air.  A tingling sensation as a result from our intimacy, sent a wave of pleasure throughout my body.  Jiyong kicked the door shut with his foot and threw me down on my comforter with a silent thud.  My eyes instantly formed into a glare as began to attempt to kick him with my bare feet.  Jiyong dodged every failed attempt and smiled down at me as I whined at him.  Like an animal hunting his prey, Jiyong jumped over my body and pinned me down while he stayed on all fours.  He peered down at me with mischievous eyes and I felt my breath get caught in my own throat.  His hair was falling in his eyes as he looked down at my nervous appearance.  Our lips instantaneously gnawed down on our bottom lips as we shared a long silent stare in a question position.  The obvious was felt in the air, as well as the slightly bulged area of Jiyong’s pants.  Neither one knew if the other was permitable to cross the boundaries of our newly reacquainted friendship.  We only stared.

Though, a small burning sensation in my hand began to arise as I peered into Jiyong’s pools of happiness.  His eyes displayed brightness, playfulness, joy.  My hands were now on fire as it began to slowly move towards Jiyong’s face.  My body was beginning to create a mind of its own as Jiyong’s curious eyes watched my hand reach closer towards his skin.  When our skin finally made contact, both of us sighed in content.  I felt the warmness of my own skin on impact with the hot sensation of his own.  Jiyong closed his eyes and leaned into my touch.  He lifted one arm up from his position and rested his hand on mine.  With his eyes still closed, he took my hand in his and placed a kiss on my wrist.  Jiyong opened his eyes to have me grinning like a fool beneath him.

“ert.”
 

My hands shoved his chest as he fell backwards on the bed.  Jiyong clutched his stomach and laughed while I grabbed a pillow behind me to smack him in the face.

“You’re so dead.”

Jiyong’s eyes again were like a predator’s when they spotted their prey.  Jiyong slowly sat up from my bed and inched closer towards me with a new fire in his eyes.  My stomach was currently doing somersaults after all the skinship we shared after months of being apart.  My heart was throbbing against my rib cage while the rapid beats made its way through my eardrums.  My palms were beginning to sweat.  My lips instantly became dry, craving only his lips to soothe me.  My body was aching for his touch again.  I knew one moment wouldn’t suffice anymore.  I was addicted again.  His touches left me wanting more.
 

Jiyong launched forward mid-way through my inner contemplation and I felt my body being thrown backwards as I landed comfortably on the bed.  Jiyong’s fingers reached for my abdomen and he began his tickle assault on my helpless body.  I could feel my stomach contracting from his touch and the never-ending laughter that escaped my mouth.  Jiyong watched me squirm beneath his touch and he had a look of pride and vengeance plastered on his perfect features.  After much pleading and kicks to the gut, Jiyong fell over on my bed in victory.  We both rolled over to face one another.  Our stares met again.  Jiyong’s hand reached towards me but I slapped his hand away before it made contact with my burning skin.  A smirk graced my lips as I saw him shake his head at me.

Everything felt right.  My body, mind, and heart finally felt secure and comfortable with Jiyong.  This is what people search for their entire lives apparently.  That feeling of being wanted, of being loved.  Jiyong’s eyes read only one thing as I stared into them…love.

“So you guys haven’t kissed yet?”

My hands accidentally released my phone as I heard Mina’s question.  I mumbled a curse word under my breath as I placed the phone back by my ear.  Su-Jin popped her head in to make sure everything was okay and I waved her off politely as I continued my conversation with Mina.

“Nope.”

“Are you guys ever going to kiss?”

“We’re not even technically dating yet, Mina.”

“You guys act like middle schoolers.  No, sorry, even pre-teens kiss and engage in skin-ship more than you and Jiyong do.”

“That’s just how we are in public.”

“Ooh.  So what happens behind closed doors?  Does he like to forcefully make you his as he tries to---”

“Can you, not?!”

I glanced outside and noticed Su-Jin was pre-occupied with her own paperwork to even overhear the private conversation taking place.  My eyes closed shut as I felt a small blush creep on my cheeks.  The topic of these sorts of conversations always made me feel awkward.  And knowing Mina, she wasn’t going to stop bugging me until she got all the juicy details she wanted.

“So what then?  How do you guys act around each other then?”

My mind replayed all the moments that took place this past week since I told Jiyong I forgave him.  Nothing particular stood out in my mind.  Jiyong would pick me up from work whenever I didn’t feel like driving.  He’d try to hold my hand sometimes but I always pushed him away telling him that he would crash the car and kill us.  Sometimes when I went over to his apartment to make him egg rolls I’d catch him staring at me, but then again it was just staring.  When I went to the YG building to visit everyone, Jiyong and I didn’t engage in skin-ship once.  I think Seungri-oppa and I touched each other more than Jiyong and I did.  There was this one night where I was over his apartment though.  We were watching a movie and I was resting my back against his chest.  I remember he smelt insanely good that night because he had just taken a shower.  Every now and then I could feel him run his hands through my hair while we watched the movie.  But, of course, I don’t even remember what the plot was about because I was too busy trying not to vomit from all the somersaults my stomach was doing every time he touched me.  After that he placed one kiss in the crook of my neck and went back to combing my hair with his fingers.  Other than that, we were pretty much elementary on the intimacy level.

“I don’t know.  We act like friends.”

But besides all that, Jiyong and I acted like friends simply because we were friends.  We were each other’s best friends.  My mind couldn’t comprehend why Mina was so shocked at us not being intimate with one another.  Jiyong and I just weren’t like that.  Or at least I wasn’t like that.  The stealing glances, the light kisses on my exposed body, the small hand grazes.  Those were enough to fill my heart whole.

“You guys are so weird.”

“How is that weird?  We’re best friends, of course we’re going to act like friends, you dummy.  Its not like I’m going to make out with him in public or anything.”

“You should!  I bet he’s holding himself back because he knows you’re such a prude when it comes to things like that.”

Prude?

I wasn’t a prude, was I?  The thought of being intimate with Jiyong may have crossed my mind a couple times.  But it was not a high concern because of my distraction with work and every thing else.  Being physical required a high level of comfortableness and familiarity with someone before I could engage in anything intimate of the sort.  Sure, Jiyong made me feel completely comfortable and he never forced anything physical unless he was being playful.  But now my mind was clouded with concerns.  Was Jiyong frustrated because I didn’t engage in skin-ship with him?  Leave it to Mina to up my mentality towards dating.  I thought what Jiyong and I had was normal.  Obviously, we weren’t even officially dating so it wasn’t like I was going to sleep with him.  But, just even the smallest touches and forms of affection from Jiyong made me feel like I was already claimed as his.  Now I was just confused.

Su-Jin walked into my office again and dropped a couple more papers on my desk.  I bowed my head in response and my eyes danced quickly across the new proposals that Jay’s staff had just sent me.  My eyes glanced at the clock on my desk and noticed that my staff meeting was starting soon.  I placed my phone between my ear and shoulder and began to pack up.  Mina changed the topic of conversation and began talking about something else.  I was half-listening to Mina’s story of how her professor accidentally forgot to grade her paper.  An occasional “hmm” escaped my lips as I pretended to listen as I walked out of my office.

“Anyway, Youngbae sent me a pic of Boss today.  It was so cute!  Boss was sleeping on top of his bed and he took up all the room.  So precious!”

I laughed as I turned to walk down another hallway.  I instantly didn’t recognized where I was and began retracing my steps.  This building is so damn confusing.  “Why don’t you two just go out already?”

“Take your own advice, man.”

“Hey!”

“Anyway, I have to get going.  Let me know when he finally asks you out!”

“Oh my gosh, shut up.  Bye.”

My mind was now congested with thoughts of Jiyong and I.  I shook my head trying to rid myself of the concerns as I entered the crowded conference room.  Everyone turned to my attention and bowed their heads respectfully towards me.  How in the hell was I supposed to lead a staff meeting right now when the only thing that came to my mind was that stupid blonde boy.  Super professional, ________.  Get your mind out of the ing gutter.  Get your together!

“Okay, well let’s pick up where we left off last week,” I said as I opened my portfolio and began rummaging around to find the itinerary.  “Turn to page Jiyong—, I meant 36.  Page 36!”

My English cursing caused everyone’s head to snap in my direction.  My cheeks began to heat up as I heard a few giggles come from some of the female stylists in the room.  So embarrassing.  My hands smoothed out my skirt and I adjusted my posture.  I shot a stern look towards my staff and began reading from the paper in front of me.

Act professional, _________!

After I adjourned the staff meeting, I made my way towards my temporary office.  I passed by a couple of small dance studios and peered inside.  The dancers were stretching all around the room, while some chatted with others.  I missed staying late at night at the YG office and wandering into the dance studios late at night.  My eyes scanned around the dance studio and I noticed the differences between the one before me and the one at YG.  It wasn’t only the YG building I missed; I just desperately missed the people inside it as well.

“Just the person I was looking for!”

My head snapped around and I saw Jay jogging towards me from down the hall.  I smiled politely at him and bowed when he stood before me.  I could hear a small voice in the palm of Jay’s hand, and noticed that his phone was stretched out towards me.  I pointed to myself with confused eyes and Jay only chuckled and nodded in response.  I hesitantly grabbed the phone and spoke, “Yeoboseyo?”
 

“Do you know how hard it is to get your number, _______-ah?  Jiyong-hyung refused to give it to me so I had to resort to my many resources.  Sorry if I interrupted you!”

A laugh escaped my lips as I heard Seungri-oppa’s cheerful voice.  Jay laughed along with me as he leaned against the nearest wall waiting for me to finish my conversation.  My feet began pacing around the small hallway as I heard Seungri-oppa speak again.

“Let’s hang out soon, _______-ah.  I’ve only seen you once since you got back!  Please get my number from Jay-hyung and then text me!”

“Arrasso, oppa.  I will do it as soon as I hang up with you.  Now I need to give Jay-sshi his phone back so I will talk to you later,” I said happily into the phone.  Seungri-oppa had an annoying habit of making me laugh every time he spoke.  “And yah!  Stop pestering your hyung about me.  He told me last night that he’s irritated with you.  I had to convince him not to steal your snacks again.”

“That was him?!” Seungri-oppa yelled into the phone dramatically.  I clutched my stomach as I fell forward laughing.  Jay looked at me with curious eyes and joined in laughing with me solely because I must have looked ridiculous.  “Ugh, I knew it was him!  That liar!  Anyway, I am going to go now and tell him to stop eating my snacks!  Talk to you soon, _______-ah!  Bye!”

I ended the call and handed Jay his phone back.  He gave me Seungri’s number and I quickly imported it to my phone and sent him a text with my new number.  Almost instantly, I received a reply from him with a winking smiley face.  I laughed at his reply and tucked my phone back into my pant’s pocket.

“You’re really close with Jiyong-sshi, aren’t you?”

My eyes shot up as I heard him ask me that question.  I furrowed my eyebrows and noticed Jay was smiling widely at my confused expression.

Well we are kind of dating…

“Yeah, I guess.  Why do you ask?”

“I’ve just heard stories,” Jay said with a smirk.  “Makes me kind of jealous.”

His harmless flirting was making me feel very uncomfortable under his steady gaze.  His lips remained in a small smirk every time he spoke to me.  Before, when we had just met, I would have succumbed to his advancements and maybe have even attempted to flirt back.  But now, as I stood before him I felt an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Just the way he looked at me made me feel like he was the hawk and I was the pitiful mouse waiting to be devoured.  My eyes glanced upward towards his face and I saw the smirk still planted there.

“I told you to stop teasing,” I said quietly.  My eyes turned into a slant as I glared towards him.  The obvious awkwardness radiating off of me was unseen by Jay.  In his deluded mind, he thought I was being playful back to him.  When in reality, I wanted nothing more but to run all the way back home in my heels and into the comforting arms of Jiyong.

“It’s not teasing when you mean it,” his low voice said.  Jay inched forward and his head slowly dropped so we were now at eye level.  The space between us was slowly decreasing as he inched forward.  The feelings through my body weren’t one of anticipation but one of confusion and guilt.  My feet retreated backwards until I suddenly felt the cold hard wall against my back.  In a matter of seconds, Jay had me as his captive.  His arms surrounded my head as he peered down before me.  His predatory behavior kicked in when I heard a low growl escape his lips.  “Do you know how bad I’ve wanted you since I first met you?”

Alarms and sirens were going off in my brain right now.  Though, I was frozen in my position.  Although, there before me stood a man confessing his desire for me.  My mind wandered to thoughts of Jiyong.  We had not established anything with labels of our feelings towards one another, but we were both loyal to each other’s hearts.  Jay’s hot breath hit my face and I felt like a sinner under his stare.  Jiyong’s beautiful face ran through my mind again and my hands made contact with Jay’s hard chest.  With all my might, I forced himself off of me and towards the wall on the opposite end of the hallway.  The only readable expression on his face was shock, with a hint of pleasure.  It was sickening to watch him try to regain my attention by coming closer.

“Stay the away from me,” I shot back at him.  “You’re my ing client.  This is strictly a business relationship we have, nothing more and---”

Something rough and forceful caught my sentence short.  I felt his lips take control over mine as he demanded my reciprocation with my lips.  My hands instantly started burning up.  My right palm made contact with his cheek and I roughly wiped my tainted lips off with my sleeve.  A sign of rejection was now plastered on Jay’s face as a red mark from my slap.  My hands were curled into fists and if it were possible, there would be steam coming from my nostrils and ears right now.  Jay held his cheek with his own hand and looked at me.  The anger that radiated off of me was apparent as I stomped forward and again shoved him hard in the chest.

“You know that Jiyong and I are together!” My voice boomed at the man in front of me as I shoved him hard again.  “Don’t you ever ing come near me again unless it’s about your album, you filthy pig.”

“You’re not even his girlfriend and you’re acting like this!”

I ignored his shouting as I made my way down the hallway.  Jay’s eyes drilled holes into the back of my head as I stomped angrily away from the disastrous scene that had just taken place.  My will power to not murder Jay was shocking me at the moment.  But I was suddenly reminded that my lips were now spoiled by Jay’s aggressive kiss.  They were supposed to be Jiyong’s only.  These lips were his and only his.  I had been planning our first kiss for some time now and all that I could think about was that ’s wet lips on mine.  My brain was pounding against my skull as I felt betrayal running through my body.  Even though I had stopped Jay from further pursuing any thing with me, I felt that I should have probably done more in the past to prevent this from ever happening.

My arms suddenly became limp from the cold air as I stepped outside the building and walked towards my car.  The pain I felt from the winter weather was nothing compared to the disappointment I felt in my heart.  After all these months of Jiyong trying to win my trust back, I could have just easily broken it now, thanks to Jay.  , , .  Every step I took towards Jiyong’s apartment, a curse word left my lips.  Pedestrians walking along side me gave me questioning looks of disapproval.  I didn’t care though.  I just wanted to see Jiyong.  All I wanted to do was see him.

But my new habit of acting on impulse resulted in me dialing his number.  I hurried along with the flow of pedestrian traffic as I crossed the street towards his home.  It rang once.  My feet began to pick up speed as I noticed the next crosswalk changing signals.  The second ring filled my hot ears.  I cursed to myself after missing the walking signal.  At the third ring, he picked up.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Jay kissed me.”

The blunt statement that escaped my mouth far too quickly made me slap my forehead.  Stupid, stupid!  Don’t just blurt it out like that!  Silence was all I heard for the next three crosswalks.  I checked my phone multiple times throughout the excursion to make sure Jiyong didn’t hang up.  He never did.  With heavy breaths, I finally managed to make it to his apartment.  Silence still filled the phone.

“Jiyong?”

Nothing.

“Jiyong?” My voice sounded desperate for a response.  Anger, jealously, disappointment; anything!  I wished for anything rather than nothing.  My fingers violently jammed the elevator button as I began to pace around the lobby of his apartment.  “Jiyong, I---”

“Did you kiss him back?”

The bell from the elevator caught my attention.  I prayed to the heavens that my reception didn’t get caught off just when I had gotten him to finally break his silence.  My stomach was twisting in pain from all the nerves I felt inside of me.  I would never wish unhappiness on Jiyong, but now I was beginning to think I was the only cause of his unhappiness as of lately.  A small cry escaped my lips as that thought crossed my mind.  The one man that I truly cared for was now questioning my feelings for him.

“Of course not,” I said softly back.  “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Why did he kiss you then?”

“I don’t know.  One minute I was telling him to stay the away from me and the next thing I knew he was kissing me,” I said quickly.  The familiar bell sound filled my ears as I walked into the hallway that housed the home of the man I so desperately needed to see.  My hand paused in front of his doorbell.  The silence through the phone was deafening.  I ed up.  For once, this was my wrongdoing.  I was on the receiving end of punishment and disappointment.  I now knew how Jiyong must have felt when the one thing on your mind was trying to fix everything that you’ve done wrong.

“Jiyong?”

“Hmm.”

“Please,” my voice was weak.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t want this to happen.  I didn’t even know he was going to do that.”

“But you knew he liked you.”

“But I don’t like him.  I like you.  You know that.”

I heard him sigh on the other line.  I couldn’t help but sigh as well.

“I’m outside.”

The dial tone filled my ear as the words left my mouth.  Instantly, I felt my heart swell inside of chest.  My fingers that usually turned flaming hot at the thought of Jiyong was now insanely cold.  My body froze as I listened to the painful dial tone.  If hearts could literally break into pieces, this is what it would feel like.

Gaho’s muffled bark was heard on the other side of the door.  My hands instantly went up against the cold door as I leaned my ear against it, listening for any sign of him.  This thick piece of material was the only thing keeping me from running into his arms and begging for his forgiveness.  Jiyong was the only person in the world who could make my walls crumble and have me succumb to a pool of emotions beneath his feet.  His heart was pure and I felt so sinful compared to him as of right now.  Jay stole such an intimate moment from me that should have been shared with Jiyong.  I wanted Jiyong’s lips on mine, not Jay’s.  The pain in my chest suddenly vanished as I saw the door before me open slightly.  Gaho ran out towards me and began jumping on my legs.  Jiyong’s stoic face appeared from behind the door before he waved his dog to come back inside.  My body was still frozen in fear from what was to come from the man that I adored.

“Come inside,” he whispered.  “It’s cold out there.”

His sincerity towards me made my heart burst more.  Even through all this complication, he would never stop caring for me.  After entering his apartment I had to remind myself that he was currently mad at the moment and that running up to him and attacking him with my lips was not the solution to this problem.

“You run pretty fast in heels.”

I couldn’t read the emotion in his eyes.  The frustration inside of me began to over flow as I watched Jiyong grab his songbook and plop down on the couch so nonchalantly.  None of this was making sense.  Was he mad?  Was he not mad?  Was he ignoring me?  What?

“Jiyong?”

Our eyes met and he raised his eyebrows at me.

“Are you mad?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I don’t really have the right to be.”

My eye brows furrowed as I watched him begin to scribble random drabbles in his book.  My once cold fingers were now suddenly hot as I stared at Jiyong.  Not hot because of the usual temptation, but hot from anger.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“We aren’t even officially together,” he said as he peered at me.  “I have no right to be mad over this.”

“What are you talking about?!  We are together!” I shouted to him.  Gaho’s head perked up and I saw him slowly whine in the corner.  “I have been nothing but loyal to you.  How can you say we aren’t together?  Friends don’t feel this way about one another, Jiyong.”

I didn’t understand what was happening.  Only this afternoon I was talking to Mina about how simple our relationship was with one another.  And now everything was complicating itself.  I never labeled us together because we simply knew what we were to one another.  But now it felt like maybe we should have finalized our feelings for one another with a label or…something.  Then this awkward tension could have been avoided.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore,” Jiyong sighed as he got up from the couch.  He paced back and forth in front of me.  Gaho and I followed his figure back and forth until he finally stopped in front of me.  Jiyong’s slender hand pointed towards me then back at him.  “This.  I don’t know what is going on.”

“Jiyong, I---”

“You know how I feel about you.  I like you so damn much; sometimes it scares the crap out of me.  I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.  We aren’t even dating and I already feel so attached to you,” Jiyong managed to breathe out before he let out an agitated sigh.  “I never pushed anything between us because what we had was natural.  I didn’t question your feelings for me and I never questioned mine either.  But I should have figured that this wouldn’t stay uncomplicated forever.”

My mind was blank.  My face probably matched it as well.  I could do nothing but stare and listen to Jiyong.  I felt a sharp pain inside of me.  Something bad was going to happen.

“I don’t know what we’re doing anymore.  I don’t know what to do.  I just…,” Jiyong trailed his words along as he directed his attention towards Gaho instead of me.  My bottom lip was now numb from all the chewing I was enforcing onto it.  My heart slowly felt like it was being torn from my chest and stomped on by the man who stood before me.  His doubt of our current situation had my eyes start to tear.  I never wanted this to happen.  I knew my feelings for Jiyong, I was certain of it.  If I lost him because I was too oblivious to hold him down and claim him officially as mine, then I would never be able to forgive myself.  Jiyong opened his mouth but then quickly closed it.  Tears formed in his eyes as he struggled with an internal battle within himself. 

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

A.N.

Hello my lovely readers, commentors, and subscribers!  Hope you enjoy this chapter even though it ends on kind of a bad note, ahhh!  Can't wait to hear your thoughts on it :D  I just wrote the first chapter of my new story and I might post it within the new few weeks.  Depending on how much more I write of this story.  I don't want this story to end D:  Maybe I will write a sequel?  Hahaha I have no idea!  But in the meantime, have a great day and happy reading!