Chapter 10

Saying goodbye to my parents seemed hard the second time around.  The hugs they gave me felt like they last seconds even though we held each other for minutes.  The tears that were shed were not out of sadness this time but out of happiness.  My parents told me how much I’ve grown as a person and they wished me the best of luck with the rest of my work.  Leaving my home was bittersweet.  I looked at my parents waving to me in the rear view mirror and another tear escaped my eyes.  For once, I was excited to go back to Korea.  The thought of someone waiting for me back in Korea excited me.  The thought of Jiyong waiting for me excited me.

I didn’t get any sleep the last night I spent in the States.  I lay awake in my old bedroom and stared at the ceiling until the sun rose.  Jiyong and I had a weird relationship with one another.  He was my friend.  My close friend.  He was someone I felt comfortable with, someone who made me smile with ease, someone who always looked out for me and my best interests.  It was comforting knowing that someone like Jiyong was in my life.  Though, the thought that kept me up all night was the question of whether Jiyong’s place in my life was temporary or permanent.  I didn’t have much time left in my contract with Psy-oppa and the more I prolonged telling anyone, the more hurt I would cause.  To myself and everyone else.  My internal battle with my emotions were escalating fast, and the three words that Jiyong texted me that night weren’t helping.

I miss you.

Not “missed”, but “miss”.  Meaning, Jiyong was currently sitting at home in his apartment, missing me.  Just knowing someone out there was thinking of me made me feel uncomfortable, yet slightly touched.  I don’t know what Seungri gave me to drink that night, but for some reason a new part of me emerged from within.  The part of me that ached for companionship, that ached for something…or someone.

I felt slightly disgusted with myself for some reason.  I was here lying in my bed thinking about a friend who I knew in return did not feel the same way I felt.  I didn’t even know what I was feeling, but I was positive Jiyong was not dealing with this same internal battle like I was.  We promised one another that we would drop the subject of that night of his birthday.  We promised that we’d go back to being us again.  We promised to act like nothing happened.  But as much as I hate breaking pinky promises, I felt like a small part of me didn’t want to go back to the way things were. 

7:25 AM

I glanced down at my phone and noticed the time we arrived at the airport.  Psy and his manager went ahead to grab their luggage from the pick-up area, but I decided to go to the bathroom and meet up with them later.  My hair was tangled and frizzy from the long plane ride.  I scrunched my face at my reflection and tried to tame as much flyaways as possible before I had to meet Jiyong outside.

A small sigh escaped my lips.

After bidding Psy and his manager goodbye I headed towards the street where he promised to pick me up.  Across the airport was a small parking lot, and to avoid cameras and fans, Jiyong and I both decided to meet there instead.  The crosswalk indicated for me to cross and I happily did.  I walked down a couple rows of parked cars before I noticed the shiny white Bentley that was parked not too far from where I was standing.  A smile appeared on my face when I saw someone with a hat on get out from the car.  My feet began to pick up speed as I saw him close the car door and look around for any sign of me.  He slightly turned around and smiled when he saw me walking towards him.  His head ducked back down into the car briefly and then popped back up.  I was nearly at his car already when I saw what he had in his hands before him.

I stopped walking and looked at the flowers.

“What is this?”  I asked as Jiyong handed me the bouquet of roses.  He grabbed my luggage and opened the backseat of his car.

“Its flowers,” he simply said as he turned to look at me.

“I know, but why are you giving me flowers?”

Jiyong smiled and pulled you in for a short hug.  “Because I missed you.”

I looked down at the roses and nodded my head.  “You know I don’t really like flowers, right?”

Jiyong nodded and smiled at me through his dark sunglasses.  “Yeah I remember, but I just wanted to give my best friend something nice.”  Jiyong smirked as he opened my side of the car to let me inside.  “You know, most girls love when guys buy them flowers.  There must be something wrong with you.”

I rolled my eyes as he hopped into his side of the car.  “Well most girls are idiots.  Plus, flowers die.  I’d rather have food or something.”

Jiyong’s body shook as he let out a loud laugh.  My mouth automatically turned up into a smile as I heard his giggles.  He started his car and began to pull out from his parking spot.  “Are you hungry or something, is that why you are thinking of food?  Should I feed you right now, or did you eat on the plane?”

I shook my head and placed the large bouquet at the bottom of my seat.  “I ate on the plane.  I don’t really feel like going home though.”

“Good, I wasn’t going to take you home.”

I shot him a confused look and he turned his head towards me.  Jiyong slowly took off his hat and ruffled his blonde hair.  He removed his sunglasses as well and gave me a wide eye smile.

“Okay then, where were you going to take me?  This could have been considered abduction, you know?”

“Lets go to my house.”

“Your house?”

“My house.”

I bit down on my lower lip and nervously played with my phone in my lap.  Jiyong gave me a small pout and continued driving towards his apartment.  My stomach began tossing and turning again and I felt slightly nauseous for some reason.

“Well what are we going to do at your house?”

Jiyong smirked and I rolled my eyes in response.  I nudged him in the shoulder and he reached over to ruffle my hair.  I shooed his hand away quickly and he let out another small chuckle.

“Well I’m hungry.  Can you make me food?”

I raised my eyebrow at him and smacked him in the arm.  “Yah!  Who do you think you are?  Some sort of prince or something?  Like hell I’m cooking you food.”

“Come on,” Jiyong grumbled as he began pouting again.  “I missed your cooking so much.  And I’m starving.  Don’t let me die from hunger!”

I crossed my arms over my chest and let out a small huff.  I ran a hand through my hair and looked towards a smiling Jiyong.

“You’re five years old.”

“You’re pretty.”

“Shut up, before I kill you.”

“Just make me some of your egg rolls then I can die peacefully.”

“Fine, your death wish.”

Jiyong clapped a little bit before placing his hands back on the steering wheel.  A proud smile graced his face and that only made me shake my head at him.  We later pulled into his parking garage and we exited the car in unison.  The ride up to his apartment was filled with thick silence.  The last time I was here I was feeding his dog while he slept off all the alcohol he drank that night.  I laughed to myself at the memory and Jiyong looked down at me with an eyebrow raised.

“Weirdo.”

I shoved him hard in the chest and he was sent flying to the wall.  Jiyong laughed and lunged forward to wrap me in a loose chokehold.  My fists aimed for his chest as he tried to tickle the inside of my ear like a child would.  Jiyong finally let go of me as we made it up to the top of his apartment complex.  I ran ahead of him outside the elevator and he soon dashed quickly behind me.  Jiyong grabbed onto my waist before I could escape anymore and I let out a small scream as he threw me in the air like that one night at Namsan Tower.

After smacking Jiyong in the arm multiple times, we both entered his apartment.  Gaho greeted us cheerfully with his wagging tail.

“Ah, Gaho,” I said as I bent down to his level.  “How have you been?  I hope you have been eating well.  Tell me if your master hasn’t been feeding you well, I will smack him for you.”

I bent lower to cup a hand around my ear towards Gaho’s face.  Gaho leaned forward and my cheek in response.  Jiyong threw his head back in laughter when he saw his dog’s reaction to my closeness.  I wiped off the remaining slobber and stood up to face Jiyong.  I slapped him in the arm and turned away towards the kitchen smiling.

“What was that for?!”  Jiyong shouted as he gave Gaho a small scratch on the head.

“Gaho said you weren’t feeding him well,” I said as I took of my jacket and threw it on the island counter.  “He said to punish you, so I did.”

“Ah, my son would never say that about his appa,” Jiyong said sweetly to the dog as he bent down to rub his nose into his wrinkly skin.  Gaho gave a sloppy kiss to Jiyong and Jiyong laughed back at him.

I opened a couple of Jiyong’s kitchen cabinets but all I found were some empty plastic containers and pots and pans.  His refrigerator wasn’t anything special either.  He had what any typical bachelor pad would have: water, beer, eggs, cheese, and some ice cream.  I sighed and wandered around the kitchen more to find something to make for Jiyong.  During that time, Jiyong sat himself on the stool by the island counter and rested his tired head in his palm.  I caught him staring at me with a small smile and I rolled my eyes at him in response.

“If you keep rolling your eyes they are going to get stuck like that.”

I turned towards him and dramatically rolled my eyes at him making them turn into a cross-eyed position at the end.  Jiyong laughed as he shook his head towards me.  I gave him a small smile before looking at more of his empty cabinets.

“Ahh, ramen!  Finally something edible in this kitchen!” I said as I grabbed the ramen package along with an empty pot.  “You really need to buy some food for this place, Jiyong.  This is ridiculous.  You have such a big kitchen too!”

“Lets go grocery shopping later!” Jiyong said as he perked up in his seat.  I laughed at his boyish attitude and I nodded my head at him.

“Arraso.”

“I’ve always wanted to go grocery shopping,” Jiyong said as he watched me fill the pot with water.  “But I never have time to.”

“Or you just don’t know how.”

“That too.”

We shared a laugh as I started to boil the water.  Jiyong leaned over the counter as he watched me with curious eyes.  I smiled at him and slid over an empty bowl and two eggs.  Jiyong looked down at them and looked back up at me with a puzzled expression.  I couldn’t help but laugh at his helplessness in the kitchen.

“Crack the eggs,” I said as tried to mimic the motion of cracking an egg.  “In the bowl.”

Jiyong nodded slowly and grabbed one of the eggs.  I turned my back on him and started adding some seasoning to the boiling water.  Thankfully Jiyong had some leftover kim chee in his fridge, so I threw that in the pot as well.  After a few minutes of monitoring the water I turned around to see if Jiyong was done with the eggs yet.  A loud snorting sound left my mouth as I saw Jiyong trying to grab the yolk and egg white off the counter and into the bowl before I saw what he had done.  Jiyong looked up at me in panic and bit down on his lower lip.  I walked over to him and cleaned up the mess he made before he did any more damage.

“I don’t know what happened,” Jiyong said softly.  “I thought I was doing well and then it just cracked all over the place.  It was the egg’s fault.”

I shook my head at him and cracked another egg into the bowl.  “Don’t blame the egg.  Blame the one who cracked the egg too forcefully.”

Jiyong dropped his head and let out a small sigh.  I reached over the counter and pushed his head slightly and he perked up and gave me a little grin.  After cooking the kim chee ramen and making cheese egg rolls for Jiyong, I placed the food in front of him on the island counter as I took my seat next to him.  Jiyong sent me a wide smile and started to dig into the food I prepared for him.  I brought my legs up to the tall island stool and stuck them underneath me.  I watched him eat for a while before looking at the new emails I received on my phone.

“So what have you been up to since I’ve been away?”  I asked as I scanned through more emails that were coming in.

I heard Jiyong stop slurping his noodles and put his spoon down in the bowl.  I quickly glanced at him and noticed he had a hard expression on his face and his lips were forming a tight line.  I placed my phone on the table and turned my body towards him.  My left leg extended out and nudged his thigh a bit.  Jiyong looked over at me and I gave him a puzzled expression.

“It’s been a mess actually,” Jiyong spoke softly as he played with his soup spoon.  “After you left, things went crazy.”

My head tilted as the words left his mouth.  What could have possibly gone so wrong in the couple of days that I was away?  Jiyong looked over at me and my confused face.  He let out a small sigh.  He turned his body towards me and slowly got off the island stool.  I watched him make his way towards the living room couch before he plopped down on it.  Gaho came to his owner’s feet and Jiyong happily scratched behind his ears.  I followed him shortly after towards the couch and I took a seat right next to him.  I brought my legs up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees.  I waited patiently for him to continue.

“My ex-girlfriend came back,” Jiyong said softly.

My head perked up and I looked at Jiyong with curious eyes.  He continued to scratch Gaho’s ears and not meet my gaze.  The only mention I have ever heard of his ex-girlfriend was when we were talking on the phone one night and he mentioned that she was a model in Japan.  Though that was really the only information I knew of her.  He never brought her up when talking to me, so I didn’t even know her existence was an issue to Jiyong.

“So?” I said as put my chin back on my knees.  “Did she want to get back together or something?”

Jiyong laughed cynically and looked briefly at me.  “I thought she did at first, but…”  Jiyong paused and looked towards me.  He bit down on his lower lip and ran a hand through his hair.  He let his back meet with the couch’s back cushion and he let out a sigh before continuing.

“We dated for a while, not long.  Like two months.”  Jiyong sighed and looked at his fingers.  “It devastated me when we broke up.  I honestly thought she was the one, then she just ended it.  Like nothing ever happened.”

I stared at him while he continued his story.

“After we broke up I tried really hard to get back together with her.  I did everything.  The whole flowers everyday, good morning text messages, showing up randomly at her photo shoots with meals.  I did all that.  But everything I did slowly pushed her away from me.  I became obsessed with the idea of her.”

“She later told me she never wanted to see or talk to me again.  I didn’t listen though; I kept doing what I was always doing.  Eventually she changed her number and told the guards at her apartment not to let me in.  It was like she died kind of.  And that was what messed me up.  I still thought she was the one for me, but I guess I didn’t realize it then that if she really was the love of my life, she would have accepted me from the start and not turn away from me.”

Jiyong played with the many rings on his finger.  A habit I noticed he picked up on when he was thinking too much or nervous about something.  I stayed silent in front of him so he could continue with his story.

“I was obsessed with the idea of her, I was in love with the idea of her.   And looking back on it, I guess love was never really there.  I just made everything up in my mind.  That relationship was seriously the biggest inspiration behind all my love songs.  It was the only real thing that I felt whole-heartedly.  I felt pain, I felt heartbreak, I felt love—or you know, something like love.  She remained a part of my memory for so long because I never wanted to let go of that inspiration, that feeling that drove my lyrics to have meaning.  It was selfish of me and self-destructing of me, but I got some great songs from it.  I’m so self inflicting, it’s kind of sick.”

I leaned forward and spoke, “All artists to some extent suffer for their art.  It shows how passionate they are about it.”

Jiyong looked over at me and nodded his head.  He turned his gaze away to Gaho and kept nodding his head over and over again.

“So, what happened when you saw her again?” I asked.

Jiyong paused and leaned forward in his seat.  He stared intently at the ground with his hands resting together on his knees.  He let out a deep breath and started his story again.

“She called me out of no where after you left and demanded to meet with me.  She didn’t tell me why or when she was coming over but she just said she would be there soon.  I hadn’t heard from her in months, and then she just called me randomly demanding to come over.  Honestly, a small part of me got excited to see her.  I thought maybe she was coming back to me.”  Jiyong paused and let out a sarcastic laugh.  “I’m such an idiot.”

“I opened the door expecting to see her smiling at me but instead she shoved her way into the apartment and began yelling at me.”

I gasped slightly.  “Yelling at you?”

“Yelling at me,” Jiyong replied.  “She had heard from someone that I was recording for my comeback album and she told me she didn’t want me exposing anything of our past relationship.  I told her that I didn’t really write about her directly but she called me a liar.  Said she broke up with me so she didn’t have to deal with me anymore.  And she said that if she found out I wrote any songs about her, she would sue me.”

Jiyong shook his head and my lips formed a tight line.  How could someone be so cruel to Jiyong when all he was doing was expressing himself through his lyrics?

“And then she just left.  She gave me one last look of disgust and then left my apartment,” Jiyong said softly.  “I tried calling you after she left but…I knew you wouldn’t pick up.  I just felt so small at that moment.  I felt so ripped apart for just being who I was.  It was like she never even wanted to be with me in the first place and anything involving me in her life, she wanted it destroyed.  She’s such a .”

“She is a .”

Jiyong smiled at my words and leaned back into the couch once more.  He closed his eyes and ran a hand over his tired face.  I noticed the dark circles under his eyes were more noticeable than usual.  He probably hadn’t slept at all since his ex-girlfriend left his apartment.

“I can’t believe I was even slightly happy about the thought of getting back together with that girl,” Jiyong said with his eyes still closed.  “What the was I thinking?”

“Sometimes people like familiarity, so they go back to things because they miss feeling a certain way,” I said to him.

“That’s the thing though,” Jiyong said sitting up.  “I don’t miss her at all.  Maybe I miss the feeling of being with someone but I don’t miss her at all.”

“Well at least you know your feelings.”

That makes one of us.

Jiyong looked over at you and locked gazes for a few moments.  He slowly leaned forward towards your face and you instantly began to move backwards.  Jiyong sent you a small reassuring smile before he suddenly dropped his head into your lap.  Your wide eyes looked down at him and he looked up at you with a small smile.  He propped his feet up on the couch and he closed his eyes for a moment.

“Can you play with my hair like you did that one time?”

My eyes shot open in embarrassment as he said those words.  I thought we promised to never bring that night up again.  A small blush appeared on my cheeks and I thanked the heavens for Jiyong’s eyes being closed or he would have noticed.  I didn’t respond to his request and that resulted in him grabbing my hand with his own.  I watched as he slowly led my fingers towards his hair and letting it rest on the top of his head.  He made my fingers run through his hair a couple times before he let go, wanting me to take over.

Jiyong’s eye opened slowly and he looked at me peering down at him.  Jiyong pouted and spoke softly, “Please?  It relaxes me.”

Inside my brain was telling me to not do it, not to listen to him.  But for some odd reason, my fingers began moving on its own, through Jiyong’s blonde locks.  I heard a small sigh escape Jiyong’s lips as I began to run my fingers through his hair more.

What are you doing?  Stop it.

Though, my fingers didn’t listen.  I began raking through his hair with both hands and massaging his scalp every now and then.  I looked over at Jiyong’s face and noticed the small smile that graced his lips.  I rolled my eyes at him and smirked down at his resting figure.

Jiyong was thankful that Kiko had shown up at his door.  He was thankful that she finally showed Jiyong what kind of person she truly was.  He was thankful that her hurtful words made him realize that she was never the one for him.  And he was also thankful that she finally made Jiyong appreciate and love your existence in his life.  Jiyong needed you like he needed music.  Both gave him life and supported him when everyone else turned their backs away on him.  You and music were the air and water that Jiyong needed to remain human; remain living.  The sudden realization scared Jiyong because he finally saw how dependant he was on you after Kiko made her last appearance in his life.  Jiyong knew that if he told you about this newfound awareness, you wouldn’t know how to react.  He barely even knew how to react to this new information.  Though, Jiyong knew one thing for sure.  He was going to try every possible thing to keep you in his grasp and never let you go again.  He needed his best friend and little did he know you needed him as well.

“You know, she always hated my pranks.”

I looked down at Jiyong as he spoke with his eyes still closed.  I assumed he was talking about his ex-girlfriend again.  I nodded to no one and continued to run my fingers through his hair.

“And she hated Gaho.”

I gasped, “How could anyone hate Gaho?”

Jiyong smiled and chuckled a bit.  “Exactly.  I should have known then that it wasn’t meant to be.”

Jiyong suddenly got up from my lap and turned to look towards me.  He was inches from my face and I instantly moved back a bit from the proximity.  Though, that made Jiyong only move more towards me.  Jiyong gave me a smile before he spoke, “Thanks.”

I furrowed my eyebrows at him and replied, “For what?”

Jiyong shrugged his shoulders and put his hands on my leg.  “For being my best friend.”

Best.  Friend.

I nodded my head slowly and gave him a small smile back.  Jiyong laughed and tapped the tip of my nose with his finger.  I groaned as I pushed his hands away from my face.  Jiyong laughed even louder as I did that and that only made him want to tease me more.  He lunged over and pinned me down on the couch while he was on all fours.  His fingers instantly met with my stomach as he began his tickle attack on me.

“Jiyong,” I yelled at him in between giggles.  “Stop…right…now!”

Jiyong laughed even harder at my flustered appearance beneath him.  Eventually I kicked him in the shin and that quickly made him get off me.  I shoved him roughly and he fell down on the couch in a laughing fit.

“You’re so immature!”

“You’re so pretty.”

I rolled my eyes at him and kicked him again in the arm as he began laughing at my irritated face.  Jiyong and I both scrunched our noses in unison at one another and we shared a hearty laugh only to wake up Gaho in the process.

What are you doing to me?

A.N.

Ahhh fluff fluff fluff!  I love writing fluffiness haha.  Thank you to all the amazing silent readers, suscribers, and commenters out there.  I really appreciate all of you :D  I think I am almost half way done with the story D:  But I am currently thinking of writing a Seunghyun fic so look forward to that after my time with Jiyong ends.  I hope I can read your thoughts on this chapter!  But until then, have a nice day and happy reading!