Chapter 16

The flight to Korea was stupid.  Extremely stupid.

Not only was I confided to a small amount of space on the plane, but there was also a rather large man sleeping next to me with a breathing problem.  The sound of a small train whistle escaped his nose every time he exhaled.  This was going to be the longest plane ride of my life.

I began killing time and looking over the contract and proposal that was sent to me before I boarded the plane.  I read over the details pertaining towards Jay’s new album.  I would be in charge of creating a concept surrounding the new album, lead the art direction for his cover and album photo shoots, design and coordinate the packaging of the album, and help with any other international promotions that were going to take place within the next few months in Korea.  Everything was typical as I read over all the minor details.  This contract was very similar to the one that I had signed when I was working under YG Entertainment with Psy-oppa.

The kind man’s face ran over in my mind.  Psy-oppa.  I hadn’t called him since I changed my number or email.  My eyes began to get misty as I thought of all the weeks I had gone without talking to him or his family.  It was a rash decision of me to change my contact information, but I was getting irritated at Jiyong’s persistent calls, texts, and emails.  My phone bill was increasingly high after I left Korea and I needed to cleanse myself from the past.  I honestly wouldn’t have expected to be back so soon, so the thought of ignoring Psy-oppa and his family these past few weeks made my heart want to jump into my throat.

Then there was Jiyong.

Knowing him, he had probably had found out already that I was returning back to Korea and helping Jay with his new album.  Knowing Jiyong, he would probably try to plan extravagant events and gifts to get my attention.  Knowing Jiyong, he would do everything and anything to gain my trust back.  And he wouldn’t stop till he got what he wanted.  As much as I still hated his guts, a small part of me anticipated his dramatic over-the-top gestures to win your trust back.  I needed some sort of confirmation that he still cared, if he did.  Even though, I hated the attention, that was what Jiyong did.  I didn’t want to come off the plane and suddenly feel suffocated by Jiyong’s persistence.  I needed space, I needed time.  Two months did nothing for me because Jiyong still invaded my mind majority of the time spent away from him.

After glancing at my phone, I realized I had at least 6 more hours on the flight before we landed.  I preoccupied my time as much as I could without boring myself to death.  Now the only option I had was sleeping.  But I didn’t want to dream again.  I didn’t want to meet Jiyong’s face in my slumber.  I was only going to be reminded of what I was going to have to face after I landed in Korea.  But my eyes were going against my wishes as I felt my lids get heavier and heavier.  Finally, I let my body win and I felt sleep wash over me.  As I predicted, my dreams consisted of that familiar face that I had come to recognize all too well.

My eyes opened up to the large man next me nudging my shoulder.  I straightened my posture and noticed that everyone in the aisles was beginning to get their luggage from the overhead compartment.  I bowed apologetically towards the man and stood up from my seat so he could exit.  I noticed that it was still in the afternoon when I landed in Korea.  Jay’s company was going to send a van to pick me up from the airport and directly transport me to their main office where I would be thrown right into our first business meeting.  I grabbed from my purse a small compact mirror to see my appearance.  A few stray hairs were tucked behind my ear as I reapplied more mascara to my eyelashes.  As I exited the plane my stomach began to twist and turn into contorted shapes.  I could smell the Seoul air and feel it on my skin.  Reality was slowly sinking in now.

I was back.

.

 

“And remember everyone, we should meet at least once a week to create a weekly schedule beforehand,” a small Asian man said as he stood up from his chair at the head of the room.  Everyone followed his gesture and waited for his next words.  “I hope everyone makes _______-sshi feel at home.  Please welcome her to the team with open arms and kind hearts.  Okay, the meeting is over for today.  See you all next week.”

Everyone in the small conference room clapped their hands and bowed politely towards the man at the head of the room.  He took his leave before everyone else and slowly everyone began to pack their belongings.  I glanced over at my new staff and gave them a small smile.  They seem friendly.  My new assistant, Su-Jin, led me out of the conference room and down an unfamiliar hallway so she could give me a tour of the building.  My eyes scanned the numerous awards that graced the wall.  My eyes scanned for some sort of familiarity within these new spaces.  I had forgotten what it felt like to start a new assignment.  I forgot that with each new assignment, I was being thrown yet again into an unknown territory.  Before, it used to excite me.  Now, I just felt cautious.  Cautious because I felt that some how or some way, something would go back and reach Jiyong about my whereabouts.

“Ah, look who it is!”

I turned around quickly and saw a wide smile greet me.  I bowed towards the man and gave him a small smile in return.  Su-Jin nervously bowed and whispered that she’d find me later to finish the tour.  I nodded my head at her and watched as she walked away.  I hadn’t seen Jay since the night of Psy-oppa’s album release party, and now here I was months later working for him.  The irony.

“You are very persistent,” I said while smirking.  “My boss told me that you didn’t want to take no for an answer.”

“Well, persistence got you here didn’t it?” Jay shot a smirk back at me and laughed to himself.  “I’m really glad you are here.  I seriously think you’re going to make an awesome addition to our staff.”

I smiled politely and bit down on my lower lip.  In the past, Jay’s smirk would have made my knees buckle from all the butterflies in my stomach.  But now, as I looked at him, I felt nothing.  Not only because he was now my client, but because there was only one person on this planet who could affect me like that anymore.

“Thank you, I really appreciate you believing in me so much,” I said.  “I didn’t see you in the meeting just now.  Shouldn’t you be in there too?  I mean, all we talk about is you anyway.”

Jay laughed and smiled down at me.  “Ah, I hate those boring meetings.”  He leaned forward and you felt his hot breath on your skin.  “But now since you’re here, I have an excuse to go.”

A small smirk graced my lips as I stepped back from Jay.  I shook my head at his flirting and pointed my finger at him.  Jay laughed at my gesture and waited for me to answer.

“This is strictly business,” I said sternly.  My eyes glared towards him but he only chuckled in response.  “I don’t want any funny business while we’re working.  I’m serious.  I saw your little interview on TV that one time.  That was hardly professional, Jay.”

“It got your attention though right?”

No, it got Jiyong’s attention.  And then we spent the whole afternoon mad at one another because we were jealous. 

“Keep it professional Jay,” I said as I dropped my hand down to my side.  I straightened out my pencil skirt and looked back up at him.  “I have to go somewhere right now.  But I will keep in contact with you about our next meeting.  We need to go over your concept.”

“Call me!” I heard Jay yell that towards my retreating figure as I walked away from him.  I turned my head around and rolled my eyes at him.  I heard a small chuckle from him before I turned the corner to find Su-Jin again.  And speaking of Su-Jin, we accidentally collided into one another after I turned the corner.  I rubbed my nose and bent down to help Su-Jin pick up all the papers she dropped.

“I’m so sorry!” Su-Jin said quickly as she frantically gathered her papers.  We both stood up and she bowed repeatedly towards me.  I smiled at her and lifted up my hand to indicate she was forgiven.  Su-Jin let out a relieved sigh and held out a small paper towards me.  My eyebrow rose as I grabbed the paper from her hand.  “Someone called while you were talking to Jay-sshi.  They want you to call them back.”

My eyes stared down at the familiar number before me.  I let out a small sigh as Su-Jin walked away towards her small office.  I followed her promptly and thanked her before entering my office that was right next to hers.  My fingers drummed nervously on the desk before me.  I kept spinning in my office chair while debating whether or not it was the right time to call the number back.  it.

I grabbed my cell phone quickly from my desk and began dialing the numbers I had already memorized by heart.  It rang once.  Then a second time.  My heart began to beat slowly and loudly.  The third time, he picked up.

“So the rumors are true.”

My lip began to tremble as I heard his soothing voice.  I closed my eyes tightly so I could fight the urge to let the tears escape.  My head found a resting place on my cold desk as I drummed my fingers before me.  I rested my cell phone on my face while listening to him laugh in the phone’s speaker.

“I missed you, oppa.”

Psy-oppa laughed into the phone and I heard some indistinct voices in the background.  “I missed you too, my dongsengg.  So when were you planning on telling me you were back?  By some chance, I actually ran into Jay the other day and he mentioned you were joining his staff.  I should be mad at your for not telling me!”

“Sorry oppa,” I whispered as I turned my head to the other side.  “I’ve been kind of distracted with everything.”

“I forgive you, you little punk,” Psy-oppa said as he chuckled.  A small giggle left my lips after hearing his laugh.  I missed him so much.  I had so many questions to ask.  I wanted to know how his family was doing.  I wanted to know what new projects he had coming up.  I wanted to know if he had finally nailed Twitter and didn’t need to ask for help anymore.  I wanted to know so much.  But I had to stop myself from asking the obvious.

“Jiyong’s been asking about you.”

I sighed and closed my eyes.  I felt the cool wood of the desktop soothe my flaming skin.  Every time his name would be mentioned I started to feel those disturbing feelings again.  My skin would get increasingly hot and irritated, my stomach would begin to twist and turn, and my heart would begin to pump loudly and slowly into my own ears.  The feeling slowly began from the tips of my fingers and made their way towards my lips.  I instantly bit down on my lower lip and scolded myself for still being affected by him.

“So?”

“Should I tell him you’re back?”

A small groan left my lips as I sat up from my desk.  I rubbed my tired eyes and looked at the clock next to me.  8:12 PM.  I shook my head at no one in particular and began to talk into my phone once again.

“I don’t care.  If you want to you can; if you don’t, then don’t.  I don’t really care about him anymore.”

“You know,” Psy-oppa began as he laughed to himself.  “I thought those months away from Korea would make you a better liar.  It hasn’t.”

“Yah!”  I shouted into the phone.  I heard a laugh on the other end.  “Who said I am lying?!  I mean it!”

“Yah!  Stop yelling at your oppa!  You have seem to forgotten all your manners since you left.  Wait, scratch that.  You never had manners, silly me.”

We shared a long deserved laugh while I let a smile appear on my lips for the first time in a while.  We began talking about all the new projects he was going to be starting soon and how excited he was.  He told me how he was thinking about buying a second apartment in the States because he would be spending more time there now.  Hearing how excited Psy-oppa was for his life made me so happy.  I had missed talking to him and hearing about his ridiculous stories.  It reminded me of why I fell in love with Korea in the first place.  Because of Psy-oppa.  Him and his family made Korea feel like home to me.

“Come over to the office tonight!  Wife and I want to see you before we have to leave tomorrow,” Psy-oppa said to me in a pleading tone.  I glanced at the clock.  10:34 PM.  I was back to my usual overseas ritual.  Get about 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night and end up either working, making food for people, or cleaning up the rest of the day.  I agreed to coming over on one condition.

“Don’t tell anyone I’m coming.”

Psy-oppa laughed on the other line before he replied, “I won’t.  But don’t underestimate people’s ability to find things out.  See you soon, brat.”

I knew Psy-oppa was warning me in case I did end up running into him.  I needed to mentally prepare myself in case that did happen.  My hand combed through my hair as I walked out of my office.  Su-Jin had left hours ago and I realized I was one of the few remaining staff members left.  My heels clicked on the tiled floor as I made my way through the downstairs lobby towards the parking lot.  Jay’s company had provided me with a temporary car while I stayed here in the country.  My fingers nervously tapped the steering wheel as I exited the parking lot towards the familiar YG office building.  At every stoplight I encountered I tried to think of things to say to Jiyong if I ran into him unexpectedly.  Currently the options of: “hey”, “ you”, “what a coincidence running into you here”, and “I miss you” were running through my mind.

“Oh my God,” I said to myself as I shook my head.  “What is wrong with you?!”

I parked my car down the street and began walking towards the building.  I dialed Psy-oppa’s phone number to let him know that I was near and that the security guards needed to let me in soon.  I stood nervously in front of the large steel building and looked up at the many floors that I had walked through not so long ago.  The fitness room, studio, and lounge lights were on and I could hear some fangirls behind me.  I turned around and saw some of them holding a sign that read: We <3 GD!  I rolled my eyes and found two security guards opening the door for me to enter.  A deep breath entered my system as I made my way towards the recording studio Psy-oppa said he’d be waiting at.

Everything looked the same.  The feeling I got when walking through those familiar elevator doors was a nostalgic one.  It was like walking back into your old grade school classroom.  It was a place you had so many cherished memories, though at the same time you spent hours working in here that you almost despised the place.  My feet ended up taking me to the second floor instead.  I found myself walking down the familiar hallway towards that delicious smell that got me hooked every time I smelt it.  My mouth began to water as I turned the corner and saw the ahjumma cafeteria ladies smiling at me.

“______-sshi!  You came back!”

A smile formed on my lips as I bowed towards them.  I clenched the bag in my hand and reminded myself that I had a delivery to be made.  I smiled widely as I handed the package over the hot food that was before me.  The women all gave me a confused look before they opened up the bag I offered them.

“Ah!  Pastries!  You shouldn’t have!  You’re too kind,” one of the workers said.  She reached over and pinched my cheek while I blushed.  “Take some food for yourself!  You’ve gotten skinnier since the last time we saw you.”

“Ne,” I said as I started making myself a plate.  There was probably drool coming down the side of my mouth as I poured more servings on my small plate.  My hands were reaching for the utensils when I had heard a loud crash behind me.  My eyes and the cafeteria workers all turned around to meet a broken Coca-Cola glass bottle on the floor and a very surprised Joon standing in the mess.  I couldn’t help the smile that made its way on my face as I watched Joon point his finger at me in shock.  The cafeteria worker mumbled curse words under their breath as they saw Joon enter the sitting area.  A small smirk graced my lips as I walked pass Joon and casually took a seat at an empty table.  I began eating the food and it was like an explosion of amazing flavors in my mouth.

Ugh, so worthy.

“Yah!  Noona!  Is that really you?!”

My head shot around and I glared at Joon’s loud voice.  Joon’s lip was quivering as he looked down at me with confused eyes.  He started to make his way towards me while his mouth never once closing and his eyes never once blinking.

“Don’t yell at me Joon or I’m going to smack you.”

Joon let out a loud cry of happiness and instantly I felt a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders.  Joon nuzzled his face into my hair and I just tapped his head lightly as I tried to suppress my laughter.  I heard a few mumbled words from Joon while he stayed put in my shoulder.

“Get off,” I said playfully as I pushed his head aside.  Joon quickly took a seat next to me and straddled the bench, facing me.  “How are you, you rascal?”

“Noona!  I thought I was never going to see you again!  I tried calling you but your number was disconnected!  Noona, don’t ever scare me like that again!  I even tried to talk to Jiyong-hyung about why you left but he didn’t answer me,” Joon shouted at me at the speed of light.  I felt a light shiver up my spine as I heard his name again.  I took another bite of my food and listened to Joon’s ramblings.  “So much has happened since you left noona!  I have so much to tell you and I don’t even know where to begin!  Oh and yesterday did you know---”

“Joon!”

Joon’s eyes met mine for a moment before I broke out into a fit of giggles.  I ruffled his hair and I scrunched my nose at him before I heard a chuckle escape his lips.  His voice had gotten deeper and he was beginning to show more muscle in his arms.  He was no longer the young boy that craved for my attention.  He was now a young man still craving for my attention.

“I missed you, Joon.”

Joon’s eyes opened wide as he leaned forward and attacked me with a massive bear hug.  We both ended up collapsing on the ground while he was still attached to me.  A much earned smack to the head was what he received after he began telling me about all the stories that had happened while I was away.

“You go first!”

“Yah!  I am your oppa, you have to listen to me!”

“Just because you’re older doesn’t mean I have to listen to you.  You’re like a child anyway.  Mentally, I am older.”

“Yah!”

“Yah!”

“You two act like children whenever you’re together,” Psy-oppa’s wife chuckled as she began gathering her things together.  “I don’t know whether to put you two in time out or let you beat each other up.”

Psy-oppa nudged me in the shoulder and I nudged him back much harder.  He groaned dramatically as he clutched his side.  “Yeobo, she is abusing me again.  Tell her to go home first before we do.  She won’t listen to me, she’s too stubborn.”  My hand made contact with his arm as I slapped him.  Everyone in the room began to burst out laughing while we continued to argue about who would leave first.

After successfully escaping from Joon in the cafeteria, I made my way towards the studio Psy-oppa was in.  Joon made me promise before I left to give him my phone number so he could meet me for lunch sometime.  I only agreed to giving him my contact information on the terms of he couldn’t harass me like how he used to.  I swear, he really is a mini Seungri.  After I said his name in my mind, I was brought back to remembering all the great times I shared with the Big Bang members inside these closed walls.  I remember always rolling my eyes when Seungri texted me good night or when he ran into me in the halls and greeted me by throwing his arm over my shoulder.  I remember the way Seunghyun and Dasesung always used to chase me around the building until they finally caught me in a corner, demanding I tell them how I keep my face so clean and oil-free.  I remember the way Youngbae, Kush, and Teddy used to ambush me in my small office and drag me out of the building to get some fast food in the middle of the day.  My mind began replaying all the great memories I had in this building as I made my way towards the elevator.  And then there was Jiyong.  I remember how he used to send trainees to my office with plates of food and small notes of encouragement.  Then there was the time I spent hours making Kush, Jiyong, and Teddy food for the first time and bringing it to the studio.  My eyes began to glaze over as I reminded myself of all the happy memories I made in Korea with all the friends I encountered.

I missed everyone.

Including Jiyong.

“Fine, I will leave first,” I said as I stood up from my seat towards the door.  Psy-oppa and his wife followed close behind me.  A sigh escaped my lips as I turned around to meet their sad smiles.  “Thanks for seeing me before you left.  Good luck with your television recording, you’re going to be awesome, oppa.”

Psy-oppa and his wife took turns giving me a long, warm hug.  I missed their hugs.  After finally letting them go, I left the studio and headed towards the elevator.  My finger pressed the lobby button with much hesitation.  My mind was replaying every moment that happened to me within this building.  This building became my home away from home.  This is where I met Joon for the first time at midnight in the dance studios.  This is where I met Psy-oppa and his wife while we waited for a meeting to start in the conference room.  This is where I was first introduced to the Big Bang members and the producers.  This is where I first laid eyes on Jiyong.  The elevator doors opened and ironically I was standing in the same spot where I had saw Jiyong for the first time.  A small sigh left my lips as I walked towards the glass exit doors.  I turned around once more to glance over all the familiar structures of the YG building.  This place would always be a place of such happy memories for me.  My face was hit with a gust of cold Seoul air as I made my way towards my car.  Suddenly, I felt my stomach begin to growl.

I’m starving.

Jiyong was currently stirring soy sauce and kim chee paste into his steaming ramen that was before him.  He reached over the bowl and picked up some dried fish flakes to add as well.  His fingers reached for the ginger grinds while his other hand stirred up the repulsive concoction.  Jiyong added salt and pepper to the broth and stared down into it with disgust.  He remembered how you liked to make weird concoctions with the left over food on the table.  The first night he hung out with you, you both went to this ramen shop down the street of the YG building.  To Jiyong, that was the first night of many nights where your face never left his mind.  Jiyong sighed and rested his chin on his hand.  Youngbae had told him not to try to reach out to you too soon after you came back to Korea.  Jiyong glanced at his phone and saw the current time.  It had been 9 hours since you had landed.  Jiyong launched his phone towards the seat next to him as if he was pitching the first pitch of the biggest game of his life.

Take it slow.  Don’t act, just think it through.

Jiyong knew that you returned to Korea because you had signed a contract with Jay.  Just the mention of his name made Jiyong growl under his breath.

Sly bastard. 

Jiyong began to swirl his chopstick into the broth while watching the little pepper flakes make new shapes with each mix.  Jiyong’s mind was currently racing with thoughts of you that he didn’t even notice someone enter the restaurant.  The small bell from the door signaled a new customer stepping in.  Jiyong heard the waitresses greeting the customer at the door, though he was too tired to look up.  Jiyong dipped his finger in the soup and it for a taste.  His face contorted into disgust.  The water cup in front of him was the only thing that could get rid of the horrible taste that just danced along his tongue.  He began wiping his finger with his spare napkin, that was until, a thin voice broke his train of thought.

“What are you doing here?”

Jiyong’s head snapped up at the sound of your voice.  Blinking was all he was really capable of doing.  He could have sworn that he made up your voice, speaking out to him.  To him, this was a much anticipated dream that he had concocted all in his own mind.  This can’t be really you.  I just must be imaging things.  It’s a hallucination, Jiyong.  It’s not real.  Jiyong rubbed his eyes a couple times and adjusted his vision towards the figure standing at the door.  Chopsticks left his fingers and landed on the floor.  Mouths were hanging from their closed position as eyes connected in heated stares.  He wasn’t imagining anything.  There you were, standing right before him, wrapping your arms around your shivering body.  Suddenly realizing the vision before him was not entirely in his mind, Jiyong abruptly stood up in his seat.  The ahjumma waitresses watched as the two of you just silently stared at one another for what it seemed like hours.  Finally after much awkward silence, you walked over to the table behind him and took your seat.  Jiyong’s locked his stare on your moving figure and traced your movements until you sat into your warm booth behind his.  A menu was placed in front of you as you began to take off the many layers of jackets and coats that you had on at the moment.

This is some kind of sick joke.  Of all place for him to eat at.  Really?!  This place?  God damn it, _________.

Jiyong noticed your intent stare at the menu before you.  The crease between your forehead was prominent as your concentration increased.  His hands clenched onto the cold material of the booth’s seat.  He was now on his knees as he peered down at you like an excited child seeing a baby animal for the first time.  He cleared his throat to get your attention, but you didn’t budge.  He grunted again and you finally looked up at him with a small glare.  Jiyong was taken back by your cold attitude and he slowly began to sit down in his seat.  Rejection was served as a cold dish.  He rested his back against the cold cushion of the booth and took a deep breath.

Relax Jiyong.  Take your time.  Don’t rush things.

“Are you stalking me or something?”

Your clear voice was the antibiotic towards all of Jiyong’s self inflicted pain the past couple of months.  All the solitude, the constant schedules, the sleepless nights; all that was feasible in Jiyong’s mind the minute he heard you speak.  He wanted to turn around again to look at your beautiful face, but he knew that you were only going to keep ignoring his glances.  Don’t say any stupid, Jiyong.  After deciding on keeping the physical distance Jiyong sighed and began picking at his ramen in front of him.

“No.  I was taking a break from practicing and wanted to grab something to eat.”

“Of all ing places…”

An English curse word traveled into Jiyong’s ear.  You would always swear in English.  A slight smiled danced along his lips.  He missed it.  He missed the way you two used to fight and argue with one another for fun.  That was how you two communicated.  No one else understood the way you two used to act or talk towards each other, everyone thought you both were weird.  But Jiyong liked it that way.  It was like you were his secret from the world.  He had his own little private language between you two and he cherished it.  He had always wanted a playful friendship with a girl and he found that with you.  He missed it.  He wanted that back.  So Jiyong tried to press his luck with you.

“Maybe you’re the one stalking me,” Jiyong said softly.  “I was here first.”

Silence was all he heard.

Damn it Jiyong, too soon.  Too ing soon.

The thick silence was soon interrupted by the terrifying sound of heavy footsteps making their way toward Jiyong’s table.  You walked right next to him and glared down at him with piercing eyes.  Your eyes had a lit fire in them and Jiyong was the one holding the gas tank.  Jiyong drew back a little, ultimately scared for your reaction.  An explosion was surely going to take place in the form of your fury towards Jiyong.  You lifted the menu that was currently in your hands and began whacking him in the face with it.  A small grunt escaped your lips every time the plastic menu made contact with his face.

“After all this ing time, you say that kind of to me?!”  You screamed as you slapped him more.  “Who the do you think you are?!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Jiyong yelled as he tried to block your blows.  “I was just trying to joke with you!  I know, I know, too soon!  I’m sorry!  Just stop, please!”

You continued to hit him in the face with the menu that was until the angry ahjumma waitress grabbed your wrist and yanked it out of your hand.  She angrily demanded that you two leave the restaurant this instant before she called the police to kick you both out.  Jiyong and you bowed apologetically and made your way towards the door.  A hard shove in the chest was all Jiyong received as he watched you quickly exit the restaurant.  You began walking towards the crosswalk while you tried to put all your layers back on.  You were obviously frustrated because you kept missing the arm holes of your jacket.  Another groan of frustration escaped your lips as you finally put your jacket and scarf back on.  Jiyong panicked as he watched you stomp away from him.  He knew he messed up.  This wasn’t how he planned his reunion with you.  He wanted to appear charming and sincere with his words to you when he saw you next, but he had missed your playful banter so much that he accidentally retreated back to the way things were before everything got complicated.  Jiyong kicked his foot at the ground and ran after you.  A small electric shock was felt between the both of you while Jiyong grabbed your wrist to turn you around.  You yanked your wrist quickly from his hands and shoved him again in the chest.

“You !” You shouted as he continued to follow you.  “Stop following me!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Jiyong’s screams were met with your back.  With fast strides, Jiyong successfully managed to directly maneuver his way in front of you.  Jiyong began to run backwards while trying to get your eyes to meet his.  He was met with failure countless times until irritation took over and you finally looked up at him to roll your eyes.  “Please, stop.  Can we just talk?  I didn’t know what I was doing back there and I just missed you so much so I just ing spoke without thinking.  Please, just stop!”

The electricity ignited between you and Jiyong’s touch was felt as he placed his arms on your shoulders as he tried to catch his breath.  His chest rose and fell with each fighting breath.  Your eyes momentarily got lost with the steady movement of his now muscular body.  Quickly shaking yourself of such thoughts, you scoffed at him and pushed his hands off you.  The next thing heard was a loud cry from Jiyong.  The tip of your boot had made contact with his frail shinbone, and now he was crouching on the cold pavement in pain.

Stupid idiot!

“Look, look, I know I had that coming,” Jiyong yelled at your retreating figure.  “Please, ______!  Stop, come back!”

“Ugh!”  The built up tension, irritation, and even some slight ual frustration was felt as the loud cry escaped your lips.  Jiyong was kneeling on the ground and holding his shin in agony.  Two steps were taken towards the Jiyong as you bent down to unleash your verbal attack on him.  “You have some ing nerve to say that to me!  What, we haven’t talked in almost 3 months and the first words you say to me are that!?  Do you know how pissed I am at you right now?!  Do you even know?!”

“Yes, I do!”  Jiyong stood up from the ground and let out a small grunt from his mouth.  “I know I ed up!  Believe me, I regret everything that happened.  But just listen to me please.  I don’t know when I am going to get this chance again to talk to you, so can you just do me this one last favor and listen what I have to say?”

The tip of your boot tapped itself continuously as you stared at him in disbelief.  The steam from your anger was still evident on your features.  His words from the ramen shop were not forgotten so easily.  Even though Jiyong was trying to come off as playful, you mistook his words for a sarcastic insult.  You didn’t know why, but the hairs on your skin rose when you heard the tone of his voice.  He seemed mad at you.  But you didn’t know why.  Jiyong’s once sweet voice was now something different.  The thought of him changing scared you, so you reacted.  With violence of course.

Jiyong took your silence as a sign to continue talking.  He took a deep breath and looked down at the ground.  “Okay first, I’m sorry for saying that in there.  It didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.  I’m sorry, _______.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Second, yes I know how mad you are at me.  Hell, I’m probably even more mad at myself.  I screwed up the best friendship I ever shared with a girl and it was all my fault,” Jiyong paused and looked up at you.  A small frown was on your beautiful face.  Jiyong took in your features and noticed that you looked even more beautiful than before if that was possible.  Though, you were slightly thinner, you still maintained your full cheeks that Jiyong loved to pinch so much.  Your arms and your waistline seemed smaller, making your S-line appear even more obvious.  Dangerous thoughts quickly entered Jiyong’s mind, but just as quick as they entered, they left when he saw your head tilt on it’s side.  Your eyebrows knitted themselves together as you stared him down.  Jiyong had only one opportunity to say all the things he prepared for you.  This was his one shot.  He was so grateful that you were even listening to him now after how he behaved in the restaurant.  He wasn’t going to this up.  He was going to fix things.

“I hate myself for hurting you like that.  These past few months were miserable.  I thought about you all the damn time.  I thought about how much I betrayed your trust and how much you probably hated me and never wanted to see me again.  But you have to understand that I am so sorry for what I did.  I never meant to hurt you the way I did.  Please, you have to understand that.  I care for you so damn much.”

The gaze you two were sharing was broken the minute you turned your head.  Your refusal to look at him made his insides ache.  His fingers and toes felt numb not from the chilly Seoul air but from the coldness that radiated off of you.  Jiyong’s heart began to beat violently as his breath got caught in his throat.

“Please,” he begged.  “Just…say something.  Please?  Talk to me.”

A growl was heard from your lips.  “I don’t want to ing talk to you!  I hate you!  Do you know how much of an idiot I must have looked to you?  I liked you Jiyong!  Hell, for some sick reason I still like you!  But you lied to me!  I can’t just ignore that,” you paused and bit down on your lip.  You couldn’t believe the confession that you just yelled at Jiyong.  Jiyong stood expression-less as he took in your words as well.  She still likes me.  You ran a hand over your face and let out a frustrated groan.  “I just want to ing punch your stupid face.”

“Go.  Do it, please.”

Your head shot up while you looked at his serious expression.  You scoffed at his ridiculous request and rolled your eyes at him.

“Seriously, shut up.”

“Seriously, do it.  I want to feel all the pain I caused you.  Do it, hit me.”

“I’m not going to hit your face, Jiyong.  President Yang will kill me for hurting his precious number one idol.”

“Fine,” Jiyong said before stepping back.  “I’ll do it.”  Your eyes shot up at him with confusion.  Jiyong lifted his right hand and began slapping himself in the face with great force.  His right fist made contact with his eye and he began to topple over.  Jiyong kept slapping and hitting himself while you stared in shock.  The people roaming the streets late at night saw what was happening and they stopped to stare at the crazy man hitting himself.  You threw your hands up in the air and went over to grab his hands away from his own self.

“Are you ing crazy?!  People are staring at you!”

“I am crazy!” Jiyong shouted at the top of his lungs.  The people’s stares began to increase as Jiyong continued to hit himself.  “I am crazy for betraying you like that and letting you leave without me fighting for you!”

“Jiyong, stop hitting yourself.  Oh my God!  You look like a mental patient!”

“I don’t care!”

“Well I do!  Stop acting like a five year old, Jiyong, my God!”

“I deserve this!  I’m such an idiot for doing this to you!”

“Can you please just shut up for five seconds and calm down!”

Jiyong paused from his own physical beating and looked up at you between his pants.  You ran a hand through your hair and let out a cry to the night sky.

This is ridiculous!

“Goal accomplished, weirdo!” You shouted as you shoved Jiyong hard in the chest.  Jiyong fell over and landed on his bottom while you towered over him with fire in your eyes.  “You have my attention now!  So stop acting like a dramatic child and talk to me like an adult, if you’re even capable of doing that.”

This was Jiyong’s chance.  This was what he was preparing for the minute you left his apartment 3 months ago.  He needed you back in his life.  His heart never ached for someone more than it ached for you.  His life felt empty without your presence in it.  All his success and fame meant nothing if he didn’t have you by his side, enjoying it all with you.  Every failure he would encounter would not be hard to overcome as along as he had your support.  This was Jiyong’s chance to prove himself to you.  This was his chance to let you know just exactly how he felt and how he was going to make everything right between you two.

“I miss you.”

Your eyes read no emotion as Jiyong spoke those words to you.  Jiyong slowly lifted himself off the ground and leaned towards you.  You instantly moved backwards.  Your eyes were still un-readable.  Jiyong tilted his head and observed your expression as you spoke your next word.

“Okay.”

“I want to start over.”

Your eyes read anger and fear.  Jiyong prayed to the heavens that you would consider all the options he was going to throw at you.  Jiyong wasn’t going to give up so easily.  He had spent 24 years of his life without you, and 3 months of his life aching for your return, he was not going to waste another second away from you again.

“No.”

Jiyong inched forward.  You inched back.

“Please?  We can be friends.  We can start fresh.”

“No.”

Jiyong groaned and tried to wipe his irritated expression off his face.  This was not how he had imagined this in his mind.  He had gone over every scenario possible over these past few months and he never thought this would be his reality.  He was frustrated.  You both knew your feelings for one another yet you were scared about getting hurt again.  Jiyong understood that.  He knew he was the cause of that pain.  But he was trying to make things right, and you just weren’t cooperating with him.

“You just said you still liked me so why are you being so stubborn!”

“Because I’m scared of you, Jiyong!”  You shouted at the man before you.  Jiyong took a step back and watched you as his eyes began to get wide.  The sudden confession shocked you both.  You felt anxiety, while Jiyong felt confusion.  Anxiety, irritation, frustration, it all built up inside of you and now you were at the point of emotional combustion.  You threw your arms in the air and stomped around in a circle like a child would.  Your feet began kicking the air like you would kick a soccer ball in an open field.  Your intense glare met his eyes before spoke again, “Do you realize how much you hurt me when I found out that you lied to me?!  Seriously, that was probably the worst feeling I’ve ever felt.  I don’t want to go through that again.  I can’t go through that again!  And as much as I like you, I rather just save myself from the pain.”

“I promise to never lie again.”

“Promises are bull.”

“Pinky promise.”

“W-What?”

Jiyong held out his pinky towards me and looked at me with sincere eyes.  You pushed his hand away and rolled your eyes.  Jiyong held up his pinky again and you again pushed it away.  Your mind was racing a 100 miles per hour at this moment.  Jiyong was standing right in front of you, trying to make amends for all the wrongs he had done in the past.  He was standing in front of you promising to never lie to you again.  You knew Jiyong was being sincere, in your heart you knew that he meant everything he said to you tonight.  But a small part of you was still hesitant.  Still scared.

You sighed and whispered to him, “I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“You won’t.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“You don’t have to right now.  But I will gain your trust back.  I promise.”

Head shaking, you backed away farther from him.  His presence was suffocating and was clouding your usually crystal clear judgment.  The words were leaving your mouth before your brain had time to process anything.  Mina had told you to stop thinking for once and just act, act based on your emotions.  But I didn’t know how to do that!  All your life you made decisions that were thought out and well planned.  The words spontaneous or courageous were not definitions you were familiar with.  Your hands ran through your tangled mane as you inhaled the cold Seoul air.  Your eyes stared elsewhere, anywhere but at him.

“Stop making promises.”

“I have every intention of keeping them.”

“Just because I said I like you doesn’t mean I want to be with you.  I don’t even know what I am doing anymore.”

“That’s fine.  I can wait.  We can just start slow.  We can start as friends.”

“Oh my God, this sounds like some stupid drama.”

“Want me to get on one knee and beg for your forgiveness?”

“Can you shut up, please?  Let me think.”

Jiyong was silent.  Your feet began pacing back and forth as you weighed out all your options.  You mentally prepared a pros and cons list as you silently debated with yourself.  All the reasons to not forgive Jiyong were obvious, though the reasons to not let him in your life again were harder to discover.  You don’t know how long you kept him waiting in anticipation, but you felt your feet grow tired as your pacing slowly halted.  it, stop thinking for once. 

“Friends.  We can do friends, Jiyong.  But only that for now.”

Jiyong’s head perked up instantly as the words left your mouth.  There was a sudden wave of warmth that filled the atmosphere housing you two.  Warmth was felt in your heart as you realized your acceptance for Jiyong again.  Warmth was apparent in his eyes as his lips formed into a wide smile.  He bit down on his lower lip to prevent himself from smiling even more.  You shook your head at his expression and looked down at your fingers.

“I can’t believe I’m ing agreeing to this.”

“You don’t even know how happy you have made me right now.”

“Shut up before I really punch you.”

The physical threats were back.  A small chuckle escaped his lips as he noticed your irritated expression.  Your gazes met and you instantly rolled your eyes.  Jiyong stepped forward with much boldness and reached over to offer his hand to you.  You stared down at his bare fingers and noticed he wasn’t wearing any rings tonight.  The Chrome Heart rings that usually adorned his slender fingers weren’t there, neither was the two rings you saw the last night you saw him.  Your eyes met with his again and he smirked down at you.

“I’m Kwon Jiyong.  Nice to meet you.”

You pushed his hand away.

“You’re annoying.”

There was a pregnant pause.  Jiyong stepped forward again and peered down at you.  Your head raised itself as you looked into Jiyong’s bright eyes.  You could feel his hot breath on your skin.  Every time he exhaled small strands of your baby hair flew in your face.  You thought you momentarily forgot how to breathe properly.  A small amount of air caught in your throat as you exhaled loudly.  It felt like you were underwater for a lengthy period of time, and Jiyong was the breath of air that you first inhaled while coming surfacing the depths of neglected emotions.  Jiyong smiled at your nervous appearance before him and bent down lower so you could hear his whispered words.

“You’re beautiful.”

Your eyes formed into small slits as you glared at his bold words.  Jiyong laughed loudly and threw his head back.  You shook your head at him and crossed your arms over your chest.  Still a tease.  Your jaw clenched while you watched Jiyong calm himself down from his laughing fit.  He nodded his head at you and bit down on his lower lip to suppress another laugh.

“Sorry, too soon.  I just missed you.”

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

A.N.

Hello my lovely readers!  Sorry if I scared you in my story feed :( Don't worry!  I am not giving up on this story!  I am actually almost done writing the 21st chapter, so there is much more to look forward too :D  Thank you for your kind words though, seriously, those kind of comments make writing so much more rewarding :D  I'm going to be super busy this week so I won't be updpating in a while, so I decided to bomb you all with a HUGE update.  And I mean HUGE.  Haha.  Hope you enjoy it and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on it.  Again, I know I say this a lot but thank you for supporting me and this story.  It seriously means so much to me when I see so many people reading, commenting, and subscriber to my first fic.  HUGS FOR EVERYONE :D  Happy reading and have a awesome day!