“Life is nothing but a set of choices you make. I have made many choices in my life, even those that are not supposed to be mine to make. I guess I’m just not patient enough to wait for life to happen.

Let me tell you something personal...

Other than game, there is one other thing I love to do. Singing. I don’t mean to boast, but among the things I do well in my life, singing is what I do best, and what I love best. It started out as a hobby, but then it became my sanctuary. Whatever I feel, I expressed it through music. It became my friend when I’m lonely, my pride when I’m happy, my runaway when I’m sad... I chose to make music my lifetime commitment. So I chose to study music seriously. My choice fell to KyungHee.

But a challenge came, so I decided to go to Seoul National University instead. I had a ton of reasons why I should go to KyungHee, but tons of reasons more to go to Seoul National, all in the name of love. I thought I made it easier for everybody.

I am proud to say that I’m a very logical and practical person. All my life, I chose to speak up or stay quiet, do something or do nothing, hold on or let go, all based on specific reasons. And I stick with my reasoning, whatever the outcomes may be. Even if I get to live life all over again, I know I would make the same choices, go the same paths, over and over again. Because I took everything into consideration, and the decisions I came up with was the best in the situation, so as long as the situation remains unchanged, my decisions will always be the same.

To put it simply, I made my choices, and normally I don’t regret my choices. But at times like this, I feel like I do. Because there’s a certain someone that I really miss back home. And in times like this, I regret to ever go out and leave you. Yes, I miss you. I do.”

-Your Lonely Gamer-

~*~

It wasn’t until a week later when Kyuhyun posted another update on his blog. Siwon read it hastily, and was soaked in tears by the he got to the end of the post.

Kyuhyun was lonely...

It broke him even more to know that Kyuhyun had been making the hard decisions for the both of them. Kyuhyun might say that he did it because he was simply impatient, but being together for seven years, Siwon knew better. Kyuhyun took the decisions on his behalf, simply to avoid him the hard time of making a choice, not knowing what to choose.

What’s more was Kyuhyun went through it all, alone. And now he was somewhere, missing home, missing him, and Siwon wished he could just run and hug his Kyuhyun, wherever he was. Siwon wished he wasn’t so stupid.

Then his phone beeped.

“You wouldn’t believe this, Kyu is in Canberra, Australia!!” Kibum wrote.

Siwon cursed the fact that it was night and he had to wait till morning to file applications for immigration papers. But at least it was past midnight and the Australian Embassy would open in 9 hours.

He couldn’t sleep. It took him approximately 20 minutes to packed his bag. He didn’t bring much, he didn’t need to. He could always buy his necessities if he needed to stay longer. He spent another 30 minutes pacing back and forth the apartment he shared with Kyuhyun, seeing Kyuhyun’s traces all over the place. There was Kyuhyun’s Starcraft door mat on the bathroom floor, and Kyuhyun’s favorite mug on the kitchen cabinet. Then there was the yellow Pikachu blanket that Siwon got for Kyuhyun’s 19th birthday, which Kyuhyun said he hated but always used it anyway.

Siwon looked around the house. Everything reminded him of Kyuhyun. The broken drawer handle on the kitchen counter was when Kyuhyun forgot to wear gloves when picking up a used pan and dropped it right over the drawer handle because it was still hot. The pot of small cactus on the window was when Kyuhyun asked Siwon for a puppy but Siwon told him to try to take care of a plant before he would be trusted with the life of an animal, which Kyuhyun cleverly picked cactus with its extraordinary ability to survive even with so little care. The crooked hood of the desk lamp by the side of the television set was when Kyuhyun accidentally knocked it over in one of their heated make out session.

Siwon sighed heavily. He couldn’t wait to have Kyuhyun back in their little love nest again.

It was almost 3 a.m. when Siwon decided to use the remaining hours to learn about everything related to Canberra, trying to figure out why his precious Kyuhyun decided to pick the city as one of his hideouts. He fell asleep with his laptop on and woke up 3 hours later to a panic of being late, only to realize that it would still be another 3 hours before the Australian Embassy would take his visa application.

~*~

It took three days for Siwon to get his visa ready. He took immediate flight to Canberra, wishing Kyuhyun hadn’t left the city yet. He was half asleep on the plane, halfway through the flight when an idea struck him hard on the head.

“Pattern!”

He hurried to take out his tablet and opened the world map on it. He drew some lines that were connecting the cities Kyuhyun chose to go. It didn’t make any sense. The lines didn’t show any pattern in particular, nor did it form any specific image whatsoever. Did he take the wrong assumption?

But Kyuhyun clearly wrote about catching his pattern. What other pattern could be talk about if not the places he went to. There had to be something here.

Siwon then wrote down the cities Kyuhyun had gone to.  He was scribbling absent mindlessly on a piece of paper when a vague memory crept into his head. It was one of his playful arguments with Kyuhyun over some dinner. Siwon couldn’t even remember how they started it, all he knew was they ended up arguing about Australia.

“Canberra is the Capital City of Australia.” Kyuhyun stated.

“Wasn’t it Sydney?” Siwon argued.

“No. It’s Canberra.”

“I think it’s Sydney.”

“No. Siwon. This is the result of you refusing to watch the news. You don’t even know the Capital City of Australia.” Kyuhyun snorted.

“Pfffttt... I don’t need to watch the news to know about it. It’s in the elementary school textbook. I know it’s Sydney.”Siwon sneered.

“Are we going to fight over this? Do I need to prove to you that I am right? Give me your phone!” Kyuhyun argued.

“Why don’t you ever trust me Kyu?” Siwon whined but handed over his phone anyway, “You didn’t believe me when I told you The Nobel Peace Center is in Oslo.”

Kyuhyun was grinning victoriously as he held the phone up in front of Siwon’s face.

“Because this time I’m right. See?! It’s Canberra.”

Siwon’s eyes bulged out at the name of cities on the paper. Ithaca, Washington, Oslo, Napoli, Canberra, those are the cities he and Kyuhyun had talked, or at least mentioned about. Siwon suddenly felt his heart being squeezed, and it had nothing to do with the turbulence.

He grabbed his chest really tight and shut his eyes to prevent tears from falling down his cheeks. Kyuhyun still cherished their memories together, and it somehow made Siwon missed him even more.

“Mr. Choi, are you alright?”

Siwon snapped when he felt a squeeze on his shoulder. The flight attendant must have seen his tears. He quickly wiped his eyes dry before he became the talk of the flight. Then he offered the best smile he could manage with such a heavy heart, hopefully it would convince the nice lady that he was alright, just a little sad.

“I’m fine, thank you.” Siwon said, “But if you could give me some wine, that would be splendid.”

The nice flight attendant smiled and nodded.

“Red or white?” she asked.

“Red. Preferably Syrah.”

“Alright, Sir. I will be back in a moment.” And with that, she left Siwon, only to be back shortly with a glass of the rich red liquid. Siwon thanked her and went back to reminiscing about Kyuhyun and guessing patterns in between sips of wine. He gave up an hour later and decided to take a nap instead. He was woken up a couple of hours later by the captain’s intercom announcement that they were to be landing soon.

~*~

Siwon stayed at the Hyatt Hotel Canberra, because it was close to The Parliament of Australia. Considering their argument about Australia’s Capital City, Siwon knew Kyuhyun would visit the building. Two hours after checking in at the hotel and taking a quick shower to freshen up, Siwon decided to take a stroll around the city.

It was nearing dusk and Siwon was glad he brought a camera with him because the twilight in the city was exceptionally beautiful. The fading sunlight dropped over the rooftops made the buildings seemingly shine in a golden hue. He took a lot of pictures, finding rare satisfaction from his old passion for photography that has long seemed lost and forgotten.

And then his cell phone rang.

“Siwon, get back here as soon as possible!”

Siwon snorted.

“Hi, Heechul-hyung! I got here safe, thank you for asking.” He smiled at his phone.

“Yeah yeah. But come back fast!”

“But why?”

“There will be a board meeting in two days. And you’d better be here if you wanna keep your job.”

“I honestly don’t care, hyung. I just wanna find Kyu and bring him home.”

“I know. But you don’t want to be a freaking bum when you find him, don’t you? Come on, you know I’m on your side, but you need to listen to me this time.”

“But I just got here from a 9,5 hours flight! I haven’t even had any meal, hyung!”

“I’m sorry, but just get back here tomorrow. Before your dad beats the hell out of me.”

“Okay hyung. I’ll take the first flight tomorrow. See you.” Siwon sighed and hung up the call. He couldn’t believe he had to leave the city even before he started the search. But perhaps his Heechul-hyung is right. No matter what, he had a responsibility at the company, not to his father, but to the 28.000 employees under his management. So he knew he had to go back.

He was on his way back to the hotel while browsing for tomorrow morning’s flight back to Seoul when his phone beeped. It was a text message, from his father.

From        : Abeoji

Received : Today / 18:28:17

Message  :

Choi Siwon, I heard about your worldwide adventure. If you still consider me as your father, come home after the board meeting and explain yourself. I hope to see the responsible and well-mannered boy I had carefully raised.

=21=