“KYU!!!”

Siwon shot awake with sweat trickling all over his body. He reached to his side, and he was attacked by a sudden rush of panic when he didn’t find Kyuhyun by his side. Kyuhyun never woke up earlier than him, not even when he had exams in the morning. Could he be in the bathroom?

“Kyu?” He tried to call out.

The bathroom was empty, there was no sign of someone’s presence anywhere.

“Kyu... Baby? Where are you?” Siwon called out again, but still no answer.

He dragged his lazy feet out of the bedroom. His body ached all over, but he couldn’t remember why. And his head hurt like hell, like he was having the worst hangover in his entire life. What did I do last night? He wondered.

“Kyu...?” He checked the other bedroom but it was empty too.

Perhaps he went out to the convenient store to buy something.Siwon thought, so he went to the kitchen to get some water. Maybe some aspirin will help him ease the headache. That’s when he realized what a fool he’d been.

Stuck on the refrigerator door is a piece of letter bearing Kyuhyun’s handwriting.

My dear Siwonnie,

I have to go.

We can’t continue living like this. It’s not healthy to stay in a relationship when we were both feeling burdened by it. I know you will disagree, but think about it, Siwon... It’s getting too tiring for the both of us to keep hiding and pretending like this. You’ve been having a hard time with your parents because of me. And I’m also in need to refresh my life.

Don’t get this wrong, I still love you. This isn’t because I have fall out of love with you, and certainly not because of you. But I think I owe myself to look around and search for myself. And I do hope that in the end of my journey, I’m still coming home to you. And I also hope you think it through carefully. Don’t choose between me or your family.Look past our differences, and you will see that I’m not really unlike your parents, we all seek for your strength and happiness. So, cheer up, my Siwonnie... If you cherish our love as much as I do, find me. But for now....

I have to go.

See you, soon.... Darling.

Yours forever,

Kyu

The letter was dated a month ago. He had forgotten all about it again. Kyuhyun had left for a month, and since then, it’s been the same routine for Siwon. He would wake up in the morning, search for his BabyKyu everywhere, then finally come to the kitchen and read the letter stuck on the fridge. Then he would have a breakdown. He would cry and curse and shout at his non-existent lover and cry some more. And then he would drink until he lost his sanity and his conscience and he would fall asleep in such a pathetic state, only to wake up the next day and repeat yesterday all over again.

But now he remembered what happened. He thought he knew why Kyuhyun had gone.

It was late at night when he came home from his father’s bithday party. And it was bad enough for him not being able to take Kyuhyun to the party, but his father had to make it worse by telling him he should bring his ‘precious little boyfriend’ instead and let the family be the judge of their unnatural romance.Yes, his father had known about him and Kyuhyun. Siwon was pretty sure his father hired a private detective to investigate them. It was around last year after their college graduation that his father confront him about having an immoral relationship with another male.

His father had been pressuring him to bring Kyuhyun to meet the family because he wanted to see for himself what kind of insolent boy had turned his precious son into a complete disgrace. But Siwon refused to yield at the challenge. He had sworn to himself that he will never let anyone get near his lovely Kyuhyun if that person had a hostile intention. But that night his father challenged his pride again. And he hated that he couldn’t actually bring Kyuhyun for everyone to see what a wonderful person he was and prove his father wrong once and for all.

So he went drinking. It was always the easy escape.

He was barely sober when he came home to Kyuhyun that night. He was babbling about how he loved Kyuhyun no matter what, even if the world goes against him. Then they made love, amazing and dreamy as ever. And then he said what he shouldn’t have said.

It would have been much easier if you were a girl BabyKyu. Why couldn’t you be a girl?

Siwon slumped on the kitchen floor. How stupid could he be? He was taking out his frustration on Kyuhyun, the only one who had always understood him and took him for what he was. He buried his head in his hands and began to sob. But it wasn’t for long because a few minutes later there was a loud knock on his door.

“YAH!! CHOI SIWON!! OPEN THIS GODDAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR I WILL BREAK IT DOWN BY FORCE!! YOU HEAR ME?? OPEN UP!!!”

Then there were more knocks on the door.

“SIWON! I’M GONNA COUNT TO THREE! ONE.....”

Aish... This guy doesn’t know how to stop.

“TWO...!”

Didn’t he know I was mourning for my stupidity?

“THREE!!”

“What?!” Siwon barked as he opened the door for his uninvited guest.

Donghae and Heechul were standing at the doorway. Siwon didn’t like the look on their eyes. They were half pissed and half pitying at him. And he didn’t want to be pitied like that.

“Look at yourself,” Heechul retorted as he followed Siwon inside the messy apartment, “what did you do to my handsome cousin?”

“He’s gone mad.” Siwon said sarcastically.

“We can see that.” Heechul snorted back.

“WILL YOU STOP THAT ALREADY???!!!” Donghae shouted. He was really in the mood to shout at everything today. And having seen his bestfriend’s condition, he couldn’t help but to want to punch the bigger man right in the gut. Siwon is being overly stupid he couldn’t take anymore.

“You need to get yourself together, and stop ruining your life!” Donghae tried to soften.

“I don’t have a life anymore.” Siwon argued weakly.

“Don’t say that!” Donghae raised his voice again.

“He left me, Hae! He left!” Siwon whined, “We’ve been together for seven years, and he left me like... Like I meant nothing. I know it was probably my fault, but he had promised to stay with me forever!”

Siwon felt like a mess. He was sad, and sorry, and all. But at the same time, he was also angry at Kyuhyun. He felt betrayed. And he felt stupid.

“Forever is too long to be made a promise, moron!” Heechul sighed, “People change, Siwon. Even those closest to us.”

Siwon couldn’t seem to argue to that, so he kept quite. Heechul felt a sudden urge to hug his beloved cousin, and so he did.

“It’s been a month, you know...” Heechul whispered in Siwon’s ear, “You can’t keep locking yourself up like this. I know you’re angry at everyone, and mostly at your dad, but you have a job to do, your employees are depending their life on you. Even if your dad set you up for that job, but it is your position and your responsibility now.”

“And in case you didn’t notice,” Donghae butted in, “Take a look at the words he left. Do you get it, Einstein?”

Donghae had ripped Kyuhyun’s letter off the fridge and shoved it up on Siwon’s face.

“He still loves you, but he had to leave. Had to. Perhaps he didn’t want to leave but he had to.”

Donghae’s words sunken into Siwon’s brain like the broken Titanic. Slow, but sure. And something clicked inside Siwon. He didn’t care what happened, but Kyuhyun was too important for him to let let drifted away. Life without Kyuhyun is not life at all, so he would not let the younger go, not so easily, probably not ever.

He had to find Kyuhyun.

And since none of their friends knew where or why Kyuhyun left, Siwon knew he should ask someone else. He should have gone to them in the first place. He  needed to go to Sinsa-dong as fast as he could.

“Hyung! Help me take care of the company, at least until I get back.” Siwon suddenly said to Heechul.

“Hae! Thanks, buddy. I’ll update you later.”

And then he ran.

“YAH!! SIWON-AH!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!” both Heechul and Donghae shouted at Siwon’s who was already out the door.

“TO FIND KYUHYUN!!” Siwon shouted back.

“Can’t you at least put some proper clothes on????” Heechul yelled, but it’s no use, because Siwon had disappeared behind the elevator door, leaving behind his dumbfounded cousin and bestfriend.

=14=

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I hope I didn't confuse you. But for those who are confused, this scene took place 3 years after WonKyu graduated from university. They both had their jobs, which hopefully I can explain on the later chapters, but they still live in their old apartment near the campus (well, not anymore, because aparently Kyuhyun left). If you have any questions regarding this chapter, feel free to ask, and I will answer as much as I can think of, LOL.. (sorry, amateur writer here).

So, what do you guys think?