just another terrible scenario pseudo-based on real life.

You’re not really sure how the two of you became friends.

One day, he was just the weird transfer student, and the next, he was joking around with you like you’d known each other for years.

Himchan’s a year older than you (and abuses that every chance he gets—he enjoys forcing you to call him sunbaenim), and he enjoys nauseatingly overactive aegyo, but the two of you seem to click.

As well as a quiet girl and a popular boy can click, in any case.

The two of you aren’t particularlarly close, but you’re comfortably friends and it feels right to you. You tease hin often, and he accepts it in stride, occasionally sending one of his own jabs your way. You pretend it doesn’t affect you the way it actually does. As time passes, you find yourself growing closer to Himchan, even though you kind of hate him (and his friends, who like pretending to be ulzzangs and wear far more makeup than your average teenager should.)

One night, everything seems to be going wrong. Your friends are pushing you aside, your grades in school are slipping, and stress is building and building for no damn good reason.

In a fit of desperation, you send Himchan an anonymous message detailing your problems.

In traditional Himchan fashion, he replies:

i’ll be your friend! ㅋㅋㅋ but you have to come off anonymous first of course~~

You gulp nervously, and send him another message off-anonymous. A few seconds later, he sends you an IM message.

himchanxoxo: was that you?

whatislife00: yes

himchanxoxo: what’s wrong? tell your oppa everything.

And you do—sort of. You don’t tell him everything, but you tell him enough for him to understand.

himchanxoxo: i’ll be your friend then, don’t worry! ^^

You smile to yourself, but your heart is still heavy.

The next day, Himchan asks you if you want to eat lunch with him. You agree, slightly startled, because he’s popular, after all, and he’s got better people to hang out with than you.

The next day, he does it again—and the next day, and the next, until a whole week has passed and you haven’t noticed.

"Himchan," you ask him, as the two of you walk down the hall, "don’t you have other friends to hang out with?"

"Yes," he says, his reply blunt, as always ."But you’re sad and it’s my duty as a good sunbae to look after you."

You’re happy with his words, but somehow, you feel that it’s all not meant to last.

You’re browsing Himchan’s SNS the next day, laughing at all the dumb things that his popular friends have sent him, when you come across a message that indirectly insults you.

You’d send Himchan a joking threat the other day, but you’d forgotten to check the spelling before you’d done so. The other person had made fun of it, and it bothered you more than it should have. You’re sure that Himchan knew you were the one who sent it, but it hurt that he didn’t defend you.

You brush it off as something insignificant for now, and go on with your day as normal, but there’s something nagging at you in the back of your mind that just won’t let go.

He doesn’t really care about you, your subconsious says, he’s just using you to kill time.

So the next day, when Himchan asks you to eat lunch with him, you decline and hide in the library with your homework.

Over the next few days, you continue to more-or-less avoid him, until eventually, he stops asking you altogether, and you see him hanging out with his popular friends like everything’s back to normal.

As time goes on, the two of you speak less and less, until eventually you’re strangers to each other once again.

Sometimes, you look back and regret the things you’ve done, and wonder what things would have been like had you done things differently, but you can’t find the courage to ask for a do-over, to try to be friends again.

And, you tell yourself over and over until you believe that it’s the truth, it’s better this way, isn’t it?

…sorry if this doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, i’m sick right now and i’m kind of just emotionally rambling… i won’t be rereading this so if there are any errors, i apologize.