I lay on my bed, thinking. Last night was one unforgettable night for me, second to when I first did it with Chanyeol in the school’s clinic – but that’s not the point now. I sighed, rolling to my side.

This is seriously straining me. Why do I have to experience this kind of drama? I’m in my early 20s, I should be able to overcome this easily and not mope around like some kind of lovesick teenager.

But then again, this is the first time I’ve dealt with something like this…

I don’t want to leave Chanyeol… I thought to myself. But at the same time, Chanyeol’s giving me hints that he wants me to go – to pursue my dream. Is that what he wants?

I sighed again, staring at nothing for a moment when it suddenly occurred to me that I had class and I was going to be late.

“!” I cursed, hurriedly getting off the bed and putting on my shoes. Now was not the time to be daydreaming and being gloomy – especially since it was the week prior to the final exams.

How careless of me to forget. I was too busy dealing with my heartaches that I hardly thought about how cruel this University can get at the end of the year. Sure, it’s pretty great at the start and at the middle of the school year but come after the University Festival Week and its true colors are shown.

The University finals are the – dare I say it – hardest tests of the whole year; and each year has two finals: the one at the end of the year (which the students simply refer to as the year-end finals) and another at the end of the New Year (the new-year finals), prior to summer vacation. For freshmen, it may seem… slightly easier. But for a senior like me, it’s almost like a matter of life and death. Getting a passing score in at least one of the two exams (not much to go by, since there’s only two final exams), would mean a safe record in my graduation and school cards. Failing one final is like having my whole 4-year college life hanging by a thread.

So yeah, it’s that important. And because it’s that important, classes prior to the finals are living hells with the professors and teachers cramming every inch of knowledge they could cram into our brains.

As I jogged down the stairs and headed for my classroom, I had unexpectedly bumped into none other than Chanyeol, who was carrying two meat buns. He looked like he had just finished his Calculus.

Ah, Calculus. I was exceptionally proud of him as he fervently studied my notes and did his homework (with my help). He looked pretty confident every time there was an announced quiz as he studied hard for each one. I’m confident that he would pass this term’s Calculus… and we would both go together during the summer for some private time…

I shook my head, ridding the intense images popping in my head as I slowed down to meet him.

“Hyung!” He smiled at me, granted that the smile looked forced.

“Sorry, Chanyeol. I’m going to be late for class--”

He looked like he was going to say something else but decided to change it in a split-second. He nodded his head.

“Ah, wait!” He said, hurriedly stuffing in the meat bun in my mouth. “That’s for you. Good luck with class!”

Chanyeol has always understood my dilemma every year-end and new-year finals and has been heroically stuffing me with random food every time I entered a class since freshmen year. It’s a sort of energizer for me and a ritual for him. Last year, he kept stuffing my mouth with ham & egg sandwiches. Looks like this year I’ll be having meat buns stuffed in everyday.

“Mmmphh…” I said, although I intended for it to sound like a thank you. He grinned and waved a hand at me as I made a run for the main building. When I turned around however, I couldn’t help but miss the faint frown on his face as he dropped his hand limply by his side.

I couldn’t blame him.

Because after what happened in the park last night, we had silently returned to the dorm, holding hands – but with a tension that could break glass.

I tried to at least give him a kiss for the wonderful time earlier that day but he simply smiled at me as I leaned forward and took a step back, closing his door at my face gently.

That wasn’t the first rejects I had ever experienced… but it sure was the first one that hurt.

After my class – which I managed to arrive to just in time (naturally), I went straight for the dorms to look for Chanyeol. He should still be in there and if I remember his schedule correctly, he doesn’t have class till much later in the afternoon. Maybe I could get him to talk right now…

I went straight for his room and knocked on the door. But what surprised me wasn’t Chanyeol tripping as he opened the door, but the fact that the room was awfully quiet when I entered.

“Hyung…” He said softly, trying to close his door slightly – as if he was trying to hide something from me.

“Chanyeol,” I said. “Can I come in?”

“….” He hesitated and I observed how his lips pursed into a straight line. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t the Chanyeol I knew.

I impatiently grabbed his door and pushed it open while he was still holding onto it for support. He wobbled a bit but I grabbed him just in time else he hit his head on the doorframe.

“What’s going on?” I said as I pushed myself and him inside, closing the door behind me. “What are you hiding? Are you hiding something from me?”

“N-No!” Chanyeol fervently shook his head. “It’s nothing, hyung.”

I glanced at him like I was desperate for an answer – which was the case. “Chanyeol… please don’t say that. I know I said that before but didn’t we talk about keeping things from each other?”

“…” He lowered his head. “It’s nothing serious…”

I waited as he rubbed his lower arm nervously.

“It’s just that I failed Calculus.”

I blinked. “Wh-What? B-But you – the homework – the notes – wh-what happened?” I asked.

He sighed, turning around and sitting on his bed, I followed suit, noticing how Peanut and Butter were awfully well-behaved today. They seemed to have caught on what was happening and didn’t want to interrupt.

“Chanyeol…?”

“...” He didn’t meet my eyes as he crossed his legs and fiddled with his black socks lightly. “It’s to be expected… after all, I am pretty stupid.”

I sighed frustratingly, “Don’t say that. You’re not stupid, Chanyeol. You’re the most hardworking person I’ve ever met.” I said, taking one of his hands from his feet and holding it. “Tell me what happened. Maybe if you talk about it…?”

“No, I don’t want to bother you with more problems.” Chanyeol hurriedly said. “I mean you’re already full with the thing about going to China right? A-And this week is the week prior to finals... as a senior… it’s the most important week for you.”

Well that’s true. The finals do have a lot of impact for graduation. I intertwined my fingers with his and pecked a light kiss at the front of his hand. “Thank you, Chanyeol.”

He smiled, still not meeting my eyes.

“But I at least want to know what happened?” I asked, tilting my head to meet his eyes but he lowered his head furthe