“Dinner is going to take a bit longer to get together. Do you want to take a nap while waiting?”

“Erm, sure.” Kyuhyun replied. His cheeks are starting to warm up from all the attention he is receiving and he could not look the attention giver in the eye.

“The couch is not comfortable enough, let me show you to my room.” Siwon offers when Kyuhyun made to sit down on the living room couch. As he led the way down a short corridor, his guest protests weakly. “I don’t have a guest room, but I assure you my bed will be comfortable.”

“It’s fine really, the couch ~” Kyuhyun protests as Siwon opens a door and stepped in. Kyuhyun stopped, unwilling to enter the room despite Siwon’s non-stop gesturing.

“Come on in, don’t be shy.” Siwon urges with a grin, reaching out to hold his hand and pull him in gently.

Siwon’s room is all shades of grey and black, even his sheets are black silk. He guides Kyuhyun to his bed and sits him down. “Welcome to my room.” While Kyuhyun is still looking around, Siwon dimmed the lights and lighted a few scented candles.

“You need some music?” Siwon plays the over attentive host way too well. Kyuhyun shook his head mutely. “Then get some rest, I’ll come for you when dinner’s ready.”

“Si-Siwon sshi~” Kyuhyun calls out timidly to the man who whipped around from the door in a flash. “Thank you ~”

Oh my Shisus…..so cute……. Siwon exclaimed happily to himself. Outwardly he coughed solemnly. “Don’t worry about it.” He grinned.

Alone in the strange room, Kyuhyun marveled at the fact that he did not feel out of place in the least. The atmosphere of the room has taken on the same traits as its owner; eager to please and very friendly, if you can ever call a room 'friendly'.

He had wanted to check the room out further but suddenly feeling very sleepy, he decided that a quick nap is a much better option. Laying his head down on the pillow and pulling the duvet over himself, he is enveloped by the scent of Siwon. A mix of musk, cologne (He wears cologne to bed?) and shampoo.

His eyes fell on the flickering flame of the scented candle on the bedstand infront of him. The scent, the dimness, the hypnotizing wave of the candle flame…..within minutes Kyuhyun is safely transported into dreamland.

@

Kyuhyun’s eyes remained closed even though he has regained semi consciousness. He could feel hunger, but he is enjoying his nap too much to want to wake up. The bed hugs him snugly, the pillow supports him, the warm duvet held him……cracking his eyes open slightly, his heart leapt into his mouth!

Siwon is sitting on the bed by his side watching over him. 

“You’re awake.” He states simply as Kyuhyun opens his eyes rather reluctantly.

“How long have I slept?”

“An hour. Did you have a good nap?”

“Y-yes…” He could feel his cheeks starting to burn and lower his head quickly.

“Then let’s have dinner.” Siwon asks and he nodded. Siwon stood up and offers his hand to him. Shyly Kyuhyun took it and felt himself pulled onto his feet swiftly. “I made a Caesar salad, steak and pasta, and mushroom soup.” He rattles on as he led the way out of the room to the kitchen.

“No dessert though, I can’t bake and I did not want to leave you alone in the house while I run to the store to get some.” Siwon offers apologetically. The overwhelming concern in his voice made the smaller man lower his head even more.

The lights in the kitchen is dimmed too. As Kyuhyun’s eyes adjust to the semi darkness, he could see red rose petals lying amongst the feet of a candelabra where 4 gold candles stood lighted. Crystal wineglasses held….plain water????? He turned to Siwon with a questioning glance and he broke into a sheepish grin.

“Too much alcohol is not good for the baby.” He replied simply.

Kyuhyun sat down in the seat being held for him, eyes continued to rove around the elaborately set out table. “I hope you will like what I’d done here.” Siwon smile tenderly, observing how Kyuhyun’s eyes had brightened considerably.

This brings me memories of the candlelight dinners I had with Mi……oh wait……we never had one…. 

Whenever we met up it was him ing me into the mattress.

Siwon Is alarmed to see the joy in Kyuhyun’s eyes fade and sadness replaced it.

What Mi and I had was lust, not love. Wasn’t it?

Then this baby……

Kyuhyun the slight bump on his stomach absentmindedly while Siwon look on in worried silence.

He doesn’t want our baby, no one does…..

“Kyu?” Siwon ventured timidly.

Kyuhyun’s head snapped up and Siwon saw tears his beautiful eyes.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fin-fine.” Kyuhyun attempted a weak smile. “Let’s eat.”

It was again a 'Kyuhyun eats while Siwon stares happily' affair. However this time Kyuhyun did notice that Siwon’s odd behavior.

“Do I have something on my face?” He asks self-consciously, raising a hand to brush his face randomly.

“No, no, you’re just perfect.” Siwon replied in a dreamy daze.

“Are you alright?” Kyuhyun is starting to feel uncomfortable and maybe a little fear but the man before him seems to be too far gone in his daydream. “I think I ~ should leave.”

That sure got him the attention he wanted. “Leave? B-but why? Are you feeling sick or ~”

“I’m feeling fine. But you ~”

“I’m fine! Really! Just spaced out a little. I’m back now, I’m back, so don’t worry.” Siwon explains anxiously.

Kyuhyun took a long time to assess the situation before deciding against the little warning voice in his head to leave. He nodded. “Ok.”

“You hardly touched your food!” Siwon exclaimed horrified.

“I’m full. Thank you for treating me to dinner.” Kyuhyun said sincerely. He would love to tell Siwon how much he appreciates his gesture and efforts but there is so much you can say to a friend without scaring him off for being overly mushy.

“You’re welcomed.” Siwon grinned. “But you really should eat more.”

Kyuhyun shakes his head with a sad smile. “I had enough, really. Thank you.” Siwon’s face fell a little but he decides not to push things.

“Would you like some after dinner coffee?” Siwon offers instead. “I make a mean cappuccino.” 

“Sure.” Kyuhyun rewarded Siwon with a gentle smile that sent the taller man swooning.

“Why don’t you go relax in the living room while I make coffee?”

Kyuhyun wonders into the living area and like before, decides to move around to relieve the ache in his stomach for overeating. His doctor had explained that unlike pregnant females, pregnant males carry their fetus higher up in their body which results in a huge part of their stomach being pressed on. That’s why he felt like a patient with a gastric bypass, he really can’t eat much without feeling bloated.

A stack of books sitting haphazardly on the edge of a small table caught his attention. He moved closer and pushes the stack away from the edge, his eyes curiously reading the title.

“Here comes the cof ~”

"What’s this, Siwon-sshi?” Kyuhyun turned around holding something in his hand. Siwon’s smile faded instantly when he realized that he is holding onto a book on fragile pregnancy.

For the first time in his life Siwon is rendered speechless as he stood rooted in his spot. 

“Do you already have a wife or girlfriend? Is she pregnant? Is that why you are reading all these books?” Kyuhyun fired his questions rapidly but Siwon is too stunned to reply. 

Is that why we are just friends? Kyuhyun asks heartbreakingly inside his head.

“I ~” Siwon stuttered uncontrollably.

“She’s a lucky girl.” Kyuhyun murmurs with a sad smile. He knows he is being silly but he can’t help the searing ache in his heart. And then he felt the urge to cry. “I’m so-sorry, I need to go.”

Kyuhyun rushed past the statue that was Siwon. But at the last possible moment he felt a hand clasped his wrist and pulled him back. Losing his balance, he crashed into him.

“I read those books so I can help you.” Siwon said huskily. Their eyes met, noses merely inches away from each other. 

“Me? B-but why?” Kyuhyun asks, his heart telling him that perhaps Siwon is interested in more than friendship afterall.

Siwon swallowed. He is debating within himself, if he should say the truth or not.

“As a friend, I want to help you as much as I can. You are always pale and sickly, and I thought if you eat enough nutrition it will help you ~”

The instant change in Kyuhyun’s facial expression was startling. Cold fury shone in his eyes. He pushed Siwon away and spoke in a very cold voice. “I appreciate your help, F-R-I-E-N-D. But my body is my own business, stop being so concerned over a mere friend.”

“Are you leaving? Let me drive you home.” Siwon offers anxiously when he came out of his daze and saw Kyuhyun strode towards the front door.

“Don’t bother F-R-I-E-N-D. I am not a cripple, I can get my own cab.”

Siwon sighed heavily as his front door slammed shut. His shoulders sagged and he sank into his couch feeling sad and defeated. 

Outside, Kyuhyun walked shakily onto the night streets. His face is covered with bitter tears he had not allowed Siwon to see. Pressing a palm to his lightly bulging belly, he felt both helpless and miserable.

“It’s just you and me now, baby.” He whispered softly.

@

For the next few weeks, Kyuhyun threw his all into his work. He is glad Siwon stayed away because the one thing that will melt his resolve would be him. He needs to forget about how badly he wanted to kneel before Siwon and beg him to accept him. 

Hyukjae continue to attend their meetings and as usual he came bearing a gift from Siwon. The first time he was shocked when Kyuhyun politely declined to accept the lunchbox. But subsequently he kind of expected the answer without Kyuhyun saying anything.

“He still won’t take it?” Siwon asks sadly when the lunchbox he prepared is returned to him intact.

“That’s the 16^th time he rejected. Are you guys ok?”

“What do you mean?” Siwon bristled.

“I mean, it’s common to have a lover’s quarrel but ~”

“But what?”

“You are courting him, aren’t you? Then the least you could do is not wear him out so badly.” Hyukjae seems a little angry now.

“Is it….that bad?”

Hyukjae nodded dourly. “I never thought he could get any paler, but he did. And those bags under his eyes probably broke a Guinness record somewhere.”

Siwon sighed.

“Be a man and apologise.” Hyukjae urged.

“I don’t even know what I did wrong.” Siwon argues in despair. “I thought that showing my support for him is ~”

“What are you!? A ?” A new voice rang out loud and condescending. Siwon and Hyukjae turned as Heechul walked in. Siwon winced at his lack of better words.

“Why are pussyfooting around Beauty?” Heechul asks none too kindly.

“I ~ “ Siwon stopped. “Good question.”

“I thought so.” Heechul replied with a smug grin on his face.

“Go to him and tell him exactly how you feel.” Hyukjae urges impatiently.

“I’m just so afraid to lose him.” Siwon admits. “What if he just wanted to be friends and I ~”

“Oh dear, you really love him, don’t you?” Heechul realized. 

“At least you tried.” Hyukjae insists.

“I can’t lose him! I’ll be contented even if we are only just friends. Anything, just so I can stay by his side.”

“Which is what’s not happening now.” Heechul reminds him pointedly.

“I think he loves you.” Hyukjae said quietly to which Siwon’s brows jumped, and so did his whole being.

“What?”

“He sure seemed like a man in love.” Hyukjae explains. “The past few weeks he was practically glowing whenever I present him with your lunchboxes. Of course now he looks really miserable when he rejects them.”

“And that is a man in love!” Heechul declares grandly.”Whatever you did, you better undo it real quick.” He warned.

“You sure?” Siwon felt hope surging within him.

“You better. If not, I am very tempted to go after him myself.” Heechul chortles.

“Lay off, buddy.” Siwon’s face darkens.

“May the best man, A.K.A. me, win.” Heechul snorts with laughter as he walks out of the room.

@

Siwon thought long and hard all afternoon. His guts still won’t help him on this but he knows he has to do something to gain Kyuhyun’s trust again. Finally he picks up his phone and made the call.

Strange, he’s not picking up. OK, not so strange. Either the man is avoiding me or busy.

But something did not feel right so he place a call to his office.

“Mr Cho has left the office for the day.” The receptionist informs him.

Siwon is slightly mollified but a little nagging worry is still gnawing at the pit of his stomach. He tried Kyuhyun’s cell phone again but the man is still not answering.

“I’m leaving for the day.” He calls out to his two assistants as he flew out of the office.

He drove a little shakily, his breathing erratic, and his mind flipping around like a restless child. Usually a careful driver, he dives into the first available spot in the underground carpark without hesitation. The lift was taking too long so he ran up the stairs to the 15^th floor. He has his fitness routine to thank for arriving at Kyuhyun’s door without being out of breath too much.

Then he was leaning on the doorbell, feeling crazy out of his mind with sudden worry. 

For a long time there was no answer. He was almost convinced that no one’s home when he heard a light shuffling sound behind the door. Then the sound of the lock turning and the door opens.

Kyuhyun is almost bent double, clinging onto the door frame for support. His face is chalk white and wet with perspiration, his lips cracked and his brows and eyes all pinched together in a grimace.

“Kyuhyun? Are you ok?” Siwon shouted out in panic. His hands grasped the convulsing body as Kyuhyun moaned.

“My stom- stomach, in….in….pain….” He gasped, breathing loud and ragged. His feet gave way  abruptly leaving Siwon to hold him up. “I-I- ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!” He screamed.

“Sssssh…..don’t worry…..let’s get you to the hospital.”

Putting his arms around the quivering man, he carried him bridal style down to his car. Laying him down gently in the backseat in spite of his haste so as not to hurt him further before he got behind the wheel and drove off, peeling rubber as he sped as fast as he could.

Reaching the hospital Siwon carried the barely conscious but still groaning Kyuhyun into the emergency room where nurses and doctors took over. Spent, he sat down at the first available chair, somehow sure that he will be waiting for some time.

His heart refuses to settle down. The adrenaline from earlier wouldn’t let him rest. Worrying for the man inside made him incapable of thinking of anything else. When a doctor hurried out towards him, his almost regulated heart beat began racing again at the other’s worried look.

“I’m sorry.” The doctor started and Siwon felt all the blood in his body turned cold.

“We lost the baby.” The doctor grimaced. Siwon’s felt the first wave of sadness crashed into him, as if he lost something extremely precious of his own.

“We will need to operate on Mr Cho to remove the dead fetus.” The doctor continued to explain.

“Will…..is it dangerous….the operation…..” Siwon is trembling uncontrollably now.

“Every operation has its amount of risk. But this is quite a routine procedure.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Siwon’s voice falters. As the doctor walked away, he sank back into his chair and clenched his fists. The second wave of grief is washing over him.

Sure, it wasn’t his baby. But he had contributed in taking care of it; he can’t help feeling for the loss.

But what is going to happen to Kyuhyun? He’s the biological father; he carried the fetus within him for so long, he will feel the loss as much as someone who lost a limb. Siwon felt suddenly exhausted as he recognizes the huge challenge coming at him. It will be up to him alone to help Kyuhyun cope with his loss and grief.

@

The anesthetic effects took slightly longer than usual to dissipate when Kyuhyun finally came around from his operation. His eyes opened and he stared at the familiar ceiling for a long time before he realized that his lower body is in scorching pain and someone is holding his hand.

Cranking his head slightly he saw Siwon grasping his hand while his head rested on the other free arm asleep next to him. The slight movement sent daggers of pain through his stomach and he winced and hissed, fingers clenching up. That woke the sleeping man up instantly.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Siwon’s smile lacked luster but his concern is still overwhelming.

“What happened to me?” Kyuhyun wants to know. “Why am I in so much pain?”

“You just had an operation ~”

“Operation?” Kyuhyun gasped in horror. “My baby ~”

Siwon’s smile faded completely. Here it comes. He swallowed painfully.

“Look Kyu, promise me you will stay calm ~”

"My baby!? What happened to my baby!?” Kyuhyun screamed hysterically.

“We lost it.” Siwon admits calmly. 

Silence. Kyuhyun’s eyes and mouth are stretched apart in shock. “What did you say?” He whispered in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, Kyu. The fetus was already dead when we arrived.”

The unfallen tears in his eyes fell rapidly but he remained eerily silent. 

“Kyu ~” Siwon mutters worriedly as Kyuhyun closed his eyes against the sight of him, choosing to let his tears continue to fall. He reached for Kyuhyun’s hand and crushed the cold fingers in his palm. 

Siwon sat in silence by Kyuhyun’s side as the smaller man wept his grief out quietly. When he saw that he is clearly exhausted but without any wish to stop crying, he summoned the doctor to sedate Kyuhyun.

He slept fitfully, whimpering in his unconsciousness. Siwon held onto his hand, the back of his hand lovingly with the pad of his thumb. With his free hand, he pressed his palm gently against his cold cheek. 

Delighted when Kyuhyun snuggled against the warmth of his palm and stopped whimpering. “I will always be here for you….trust me…..” Siwon whispers softly.