Yunho’s POV

It’s been almost week since that day. Since Jaejoong and I agreed to the decision that we both need some time away from each other. It’s almost been a week also since he left for Japan to be there for their dad for some business affair. A week and I think I’m about to go crazy for missing him so much.

It took me all of myself control not to call Jaejoong back that day. To not call him and tell him I didn’t want that time away. To tell him I didn’t care about anything else and I just want him to be with me always. I never did any of those. It was hard for both of us to walk away from each other knowing that silently we decided not to see each other for some time but we needed it.

Our monsters, the feeling of not being good enough for the other, are slowly eating us up and we have to deal with it we want to save us, our relationship, before it tears us completely apart. It’ll be hard we knew. We’ll hurt in the process but we’ll go through the pain if it means we’ll still have the other back in our arms. Silently, we both agreed that this space, the distance that we put upon ourselves will only make the both of us a better person.

***********

“Ah!” My thoughts were interrupted by the loud chirped of my phone. I knew I should’ve put it in silent mode. I placed the phone on my ear without looking at the screen and answered the call. “Yoboseyeo?”

“Yunho-sshi.” I went quiet the moment I heard Kim Heechul’s voice. After a moment of silence, Heechul spoke again. “Yunho-sshi, are you avoiding me?”

“I…”I started not knowing how to really answer such a straightforward question. “No, Heechul-sshi, I’m not avoiding you…. I just..”

“If that’s the truth then will you meet with me at Diego Grill?”

“I…can’t…I”

“Then you really are avoiding me.”Heechul concluded in which I didn’t know how to answer once again. “Is it because Jaejoong told you to?”

I shook my head even though he can’t see me. “No. Jaejoong has nothing to do with this. I really am I just busy today with some papers for school.”

“Then tomorrow? Or the day after tomorrow or even next week.”

The time and place was set by the time the phone call ended. I’ve tried to avoid Heechul for the past week but I guess I won’t be able to do that forever. As I think about it, my head told me that it’ll probably best to talk to him.

Thinking of the things that happened in the past before, Kim Heechul would always trigger Jae’s monster, his fear, his insecurities, to come out when Kim Heechul is around. I don’t want that monster to keep looming over Jae. I want Jae to completely heal more than anything else. The only way to do that is to help get rid of his monster. I felt guilt wash over me as I thought of all those times Jae would beg me with his eyes not to come close to Heechul but I never listened. And in the end, I only ended up hurting the one person that matters most, Jaejoong.

“Forgive me, Jaejoong.”

***************

Jaejoong’s POV

It’s been a week since I left for Japan. Three days since the last time I talked to Yunho. The feeling of losing that one person was horrible during the first few days but during these past few days I’ve thought about the things Yunho and I talked over the phone when I called him. During the phone call, we didn’t directly talking about this break we’re having but I guess we’ve both come to a mutual understanding and silent agreement that we really needed this, that I really needed this.

These past few days made me realized of my mistakes and my shortcoming comings as an individual and as partner to Yunho. It also made me realize even more just how lucky to have Yunho in my life. I know it wouldn’t be easy to fight with the issues but what I am sure of is I’ll be better in handling these monsters that’s been plaguing my heart and mind. I know it wouldn’t happen overnight but that won’t stop me. I will do anything to make sure not to lose Yunho’s love. For Yunho, I will pick up all the missing pieces of myself to be worthy of his love.

Coming back to Korea, I feel like I’m really starting a new and I couldn’t help the smile that graced my face as I thought of that once person who will be the happiest. Yunho.

“Mmmorning, hyung.” I nearly choked on the hot chocolate I was drinking as my brother’s voice suddenly interrupted my train of thoughts. When I turned around, I couldn’t help but smile at the image of my brother. His hair was sticking out everywhere, one hand rubbing against his sleepy eyes. “Eh, you seem to be in a good mood, hyung, you’ve talked to Yunho-hyung yet?”

I shook my head at his question as I avoided his eyes and concentrated on drinking what’s left on my cup.

I heard Changmin rummaged through the fridge before he went up and sit on the chair opposite to me. “When are you going then?”

“I’ll drop by his place later today.” I informed him making his face light up instantly.

“Really?” he looked at me for confirmation. “Are you sure you’re okay now?”

I looked at my brother, thankful that I have him all this time. “I’ve been stupid, haven’t I?”

“I agree, hyung. I guess everyone just really looses their heads when their hearts take over.”

“So, you’re saying you’re stupid, too?” I asked back. “You know, I can simply influence Jieun-ah…”

“Hyung, I’m the only exception because I’m special like that.” He grinned at me cheekily before his expression turned serious. “But really hyung, I’m glad you’re okay now…”

I should have known that to get carried away by my brother.” ‘Coz I surely don’t want a lunatic for a brother.”

My eyes widened as I felt the throw pillow hit my head and find him darting away. “Yah! Kim Changmin, you get your back here or you’re dead!”

By the time I finished threatening him, Changmin was already out of sight leaving me with nothing else left to do but sigh.

My day went on ahead just fine. I haven’t seen Yoochun or Junsu but they we’re already informed of our arrival after I forced them to promise not to say anything to Yunho just yet.

Thinking about Yunho, I felt a bitter taste on my tongue. “Yunho-ah, I missed you so much. Please forgive me for hurting you.”

******************
I took another deep breath as I stood outside Yunho’s door. I’ve been standing here for the past minute or two yet I still haven’t made any effort to make my presence known to Yunho. My plan of surprising him is already failure since I can’t seem to get a good grip of myself. Playing with duplicate of Yunho’s keys on my hand, I decided to finally knock on the door. I knocked once, twice, thrice, still no answer. Heaving a deep sigh once more, I finally used the spare key that Yunho gave me.

With the door slightly ajar, I poked my head in and called out uncertainly. “Yunho-ah?”

I stepped inside still calling for Yunho. My face crunched up as I how much of a mess his place is currently in. My browse came together as I saw pieces of cloth lying around as well. Suddenly I wasn’t feeling good as my head started playing with my imagination that I tried to block. I didn’t want to just jump into any conclusions.

I made my way towards Yunho’s bed which was being block by two large dividers and took a deep breath as I stepped aside those dividers. How I wished I just followed my instinct to walk a while ago to save my heart of the pain…the pain of seeing Yunho and Heechul in bed together.

Yunho’s POV

Even in my sleep, I felt like I am being watched. I stirred from my said sleep and as soon as I gained consciousness I felt the throbbing pain in my head. A groan escaped my lips as I shut my eyes again. Few seconds later, I thought I heard a shocked gasp.

Turning my head towards the living room, though I couldn’t see it due to the divider,my eyes went wide as I found Jae’s big doe like eyes staring back at me. I smiled appeared on my lips which quickly disappeared as I watched him took small steps back. “Jae”?

“Damn this headache!” My head turned towards my side as I heard a third voice coming from just beside me. And my eyes couldn’t get even wider as I saw a Heechul beside me. Propping himself up with one elbow, Heechul leaned towards me and plant a kiss on my left cheek. “Good morning, lover boy.” He smirked as he turned to Jaejoong. “Hi Jaejoong-sshi.”

My eyes went back to Jaejoong as I felt my headache getting worst. Heechul casually left my bed, picking his clothing up from the floor before he turned towards no one in particular. “I’ll leave you guys to talk.”

Once Kim Heechul was gone, I found myself standing a few steps from Jaejoong, my eyes pleading as I watched his tears made its way down his cheeks one by one. “Jae…”

“Tell me nothing happened, Yunho-ah…” He spoke his first words to me with a trembling voice. “Please…”

I wanted to say what he wanted me to say but I couldn’t. I wanted to tell him that he’s simply misunderstanding the situation but I didn’t. I wanted to tell him badly that nothing happened but how could I when I couldn’t really remember what happened that caused me to end up with Kim Heechul in bed. As much as I try to crack my brain for any recollection of the previous night there’s just nothing. I bit my lips as I looked down, not able to meet Jaejoong’s eyes. “I’m sorry…”

I heard a deep intake of breathe from Jaejoong. Scared of seeing the pain from his eyes and because of my own shame, I kept my head down.

It happened so fast, unexpected that before I know I was already sprawled on the floor after Jaejoong had hit me hard. “ you, Jung Yunho. you!!!”

I watched Jaejoong helplessly as he stalked out of my room, and probably out of my life as well. I smiled bitterly as I touched my jaw. “You screwed up big time, Yunho. You deserved it.”

A tear fell down, followed by another and another as I silently asked, begged for Jaejoong’s to come back. “Jaejoong-ah, mianhae…mianhae.”