Jaejoong’s POV

I have the weekend all to myself. It gave me time to think things over. My feelings and just about everything my brother told me. Two days that seemed to have passed by too quickly isn’t enough for someone to decide if he’s ready to face his face. Two or three days is definitely not enough for me to decide If I’m ready to risk my heart get broken again, knowing that this time I may not be able to pick all the pieces back again. I’m still undecided about a lot of things but one thing’s for sure; I don’t want to keep hurting Yunho anymore. It kills me more everyday knowing how much pain I am causing him.

I woke up with a smile. Talking with Changmin did a great help in lifting that feeling that I’m carrying a heavy burden over my shoulder. It’s all gone now. Stretching my hands up, I pulled the blanket off of my body and left my unmade bed. Walking towards the open terrace, I was greeted by the cool morning breeze contrasting the warm feeling that the sun’s giving.

I was too mesmerized by the simple scenery of the rising sun in front of that I jumped up a bit when I heard a sudden knock on the door followed by Changmin’s oft call.

“Hyung, are you awake?” Becoming a habit, Changmin popped his head from the partly opened door as he spoke. “I prepared breakfast.”

Grabbing a towel hanging from a hook on the wall, I nodded at my brother. “Be there in 20 minutes.”

Thirty minutes later, I came of my bedroom to the dining room. And sure enough, a simple breakfast was on the table. Needless to say, the edible looking fried rice and eggs/ bacon impressed me. After all, Changmin wasn’t born for cooking

“Did you cook all of these?” I asked as I pulled a chair, a hint of teasing evident in my voice. I can still remember the horrible mess my brother made out of the kitchen after he tried (only to fail miserably) to cook a simple fried egg.

“Of course! Don’t you have even the littlest confident in your little brother?”

Bending forward, I reached for the rice and placed some of my own plate. “Ah! Well, It’s different when it comes to cooking.” I laughed at the indignant look on his face. “What?” it’s true!”

“Hah! Wait, till you taste it!”

I rolled my eyes in response, taking a spoonful of the surprisingly good tasting food. Changmin eyes me in anticipation, waiting for any comment I might just blurt out.

“Hmm… this is good.”

With that said, Changmin sat on his chair, a satisfied grin on his face. “I thought so.”

****************

Yoochun and Junsu were already all over each other when Changmin and I arrived in school. And as always, Yunho was nowhere to be found. I should already be used to it as Yunho started to hang out with us lesser but my eyes would always search for him, hoping that he’ll just show up in front of us.

“You got to be kidding me!” Changmin’s somewhat surprised voice made me turn my attention back to them. “Yunho-hyung’s hanging out with those two?”

My head jerked up at the mention of Yunho’s name.

“Apparently, Hyung decided to join the dance club and since those two are both part of the group, he’s become close with them. Dongwook the gangsta and Choi Siwon, the nerd.” Yoochun finished his sentence with a shrug.

I sat there beside them, looking like I didn’t care about a single care they’re talking about but in truth, I’m all ears, taking all the update I can take about what’s happening to Yunho.

It’s only been a few days or maybe a week however it feels like we haven’t talk for months.

‘Just stop being a coward and talk to him. It’s only then you’ll get your life back’ said a small voice at the back of my head. Deciding I couldn’t take anymore of this happening and that I can’t wait till our next class until I be able to talk to Yunho, I quickly grabbed my things, leaving my friends and brother in a rush

===============

It wasn’t hard to find Yunho. After all, he’s one of the well liked guys in school. Over the time, Yunho has become popular, not just because of his looks, but that’s a plus, but mainly because of his warm personality. He’s a very nice and friendly guy, everyone wants to hang out with him, either it be guys or girls. He gets along with almost everyone no matter what ones’ reputation in school is. So Yunho hanging out with Choi Siwon and Dongwook didn’t really come as a surprise. Yunho was never the one to judge someone just by their looks or by what they are known for.

”Thank you.” I bowed my head a little at the student I’ve asked if he’s seen Yunho. Hurrying towards the dance room, where the said student pointed me to, I can already hear the loud music bouncing off of the wall.

Peering over the door, I quickly spotted him moving graciously with Choi Siwon and some other members. Amazed isn’t enough word to describe how awed I am just by watching Yunho’s movement from one corner of the room. Yunho’s passion for dancing isn’t a secret and of course I’ve seen him dance before but every time I watch him, it still leaves me with my mouth hanging open.

Choi Siwon spotted me first, acknowledging my presence with a slight bow and a nervous looking smile. A tap on his shoulder stopped Yunho, following Choi Siwon’s eyes as the slightly shorter man nodded towards my direction..

The tired but satisfied on his face quickly disappeared as soon as he turned around and found me standing there. “Jaejoong-ah…?”

And I suddenly felt nervous.

===============

Yunho’s POV

We ended up in the open field. The closest “remote” place we can find from the dance room. Under a tree, we sat on a bleacher, watching us some of the school’s athletes warms up and practice under the afternoon sun.

It was rather awkward...sitting beside him, that is. Neither of us knew how to start talking. A simple smile would have done it if only things were the way they were.

After Yoochun and I talked, I decided to give Jae some time AND give myself some time. I think that was something we needed for the mean time but I know, even without Yoochun telling me, that I won’t be able to give up on Jaejoong just like that. Not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable and somewhat pressured by seeing me and being around me, I made sure I kept my distance from him. I kept myself busy by joining the dance club, something I’ve wanted to do. Fortunately, as timid as he may seem, Siwon’s part of the group making it less hard for me to make friends.

“So…” Damn! Why can’t I just start talking… casually? Like before? I cursed mentally. With my failed attempt of starting something to talk about, silence once again prevailed over us. The relaxed feeling I have when he’s around me’s still there but at the same time, his presence’ making me uncomfortable.

“I miss this.” Startled, I took a quick glance at him. “I miss us.” This time, I stared at him, seeing his pull mouth get redder as he nibbled on his lips. “I just…miss you.”

Of course I was surprised. The words that he said were something I wasn’t expecting for him to say. I slap my face lightly. This could just be a dream after all, right? I might be dreaming. I must be dreaming for hearing these words.

My heart broke when his voice cracked when he spoke again. “Mianhe, Yunho-ah.”

I was taken aback. I wasn’t sure how I would react when I look up to meet those eyes, seeing a single tear slide down. “Jaejoong-ah…”

“I didn’t want to hurt you but I know I did and I’m sorry. I really am, Yunho. And I understand that you wouldn’t want to see me or even talk to me.”

I hugged him, still not finding even a single word to say. I’m afraid I might say the right thing and he’ll run away from me again. We stayed in that warm silent embrace for a while, both of us not wanting to break free. Or at least, I didn’t want to.

Sniffing and finally calming down, Jaejoong played with them hem of his shirt as he started talking again; Me? Well, I’ve totally lost my tongue for now, my silence urging him to continue as I listen.

“Over a year ago, I met this great guy… Junki.” He paused at mentioning the name. Looking for any sense of recognition my face might give. “We met by accident and since then we started dating. Everything’s going great between us. People even say our relationship’s perfect. Everything changed after he attended a job seminar that their company required of him.

I can only nod as I listened. I knew about Lee Junki, having Yoochun tell me about him. Not wanting to make Jaejoong feel uneasy, I didn’t mention that fact to him.

“Everything just started to spin away from me and I was more than devastated after that. He and I… we we’re friends before we became lovers. And when we broke up I lost both of them.”

When Yoochun told me about Jaejoong and Junki, He didn’t exactly knew what went wrong with them, neither does Junsu or Changmin. Jaejoong never told them... didn’t want to tell them not wanting to get them worried over him What they did know though is that Jaejoong was left broken. Shattered. And giving his heart to someone started to be something hard to do.

“I don’t want for that to happen again, Yunho…with you.” I can see he hesitated to continue for a while after saying that last two word softly. “I don’t want to lose you at the end of all these.”

My heart finally came to life after it seemed to have died for the past few weeks. Am I getting what he’s saying right?

“I… you won’t lose me, Jaejoong.” I took his hand in mine in reassurance.

“Then… you’re not angry at me...for being such an idiot?”

“No.” I shook my head to emphasize the word no, just in case that two letter word that came out of my mouth won’t be understandable for him. “I was never angry at you.”

“Then why we’re you avoiding me?”

“Because you were avoiding me. I’ll lie if I’ll tell you now that I didn’t get hurt when you started avoiding me like a plague after I told you…” I felt my blood rushed to my face not letting me finish my sentence.

“I’m sorry.”

I smiled at him. “I’d rather have you come up to me and tell me you don’t like me, than you hating me and staying away from me like that.”

It was Jaejoong’s face turn to get red.”I… I don’t dislike you…. The truth is… I lo… like you. A lot. And that scared me even more.”

Silence.

My fingers took the spaces in between his fingers as we both think on what to do or say next.

“So, we’re friends?” out of lack of words to say, I asked.

“We’ve never stopped being one.”

I was disappointed, I admit. I was hoping to at least hear him say we’re more than that. Jaejoong glance at me his eyes the looking at our hands. I didn’t realize I haven’t let him go all throughout our conversation.

Smiling, Jaejoong left my side, surprising me when he let his finger occupy the spaces in between my own. Surprise, I meet his eyes, looking for explanation and I can only return that smile back.

We left everything like that, somewhat hanging. We didn’t exactly talk about how we are feelings or where we stand on each other’s lives now but I know we both understand our silence. His tight hold on our entwined fingers tells me that we’ve passed the line of just being friends but we’re not exactly lovers…yet. For now, I’ll just let myself be happy at where we are, accepting what Jaejoong could give me, hoping that it won’t be long till he’s completely ready to have me in his life.