Yunho’s POV

Just like I thought, I couldn’t just stay away from Jaejoong. It’s not that easy but just like I feared he started avoiding me. Gone was the day we’ll talk while waiting for our professor to enter the room and start teaching. Those few minutes of our “bonding time” was now spent watching him talking with other students; the only time he’ll talk to me now is when he really need to but he would NEVER say a single word to me on his own. Not even to say “hi”. Soon, I found the seat beside me occupied by another student, not Jaejoong. A female student Jae talked into switching seat with him. Any effort on my part was ignored with Jae always leaving even before I can even come near or say even a single word. I know the others can feel the change but they let us be, probably thinking that we’ll work things out soon and everything will be back to how they were. Even Changmin who probably heard about the kiss by now isn’t saying anything. He did try to make me talk during work though but didn’t push it when I didn’t talk…much.

The Professor said his final words, a signal that class is over. Pulling my bag over my shoulder, I watched Jaejoong leave with a group of students. He always does now so I can’t have the chance to come closer. And he probably won’t join us again for lunch, on our usual table. He hasn’t been doing so for the past week, always saying he need to do something else and will just eat at wherever he was going.

I placed my backpack down, atop of Yoochun’s, as I sit down beside Changmin quietly. The young man has started attacking his food the moment I stepped into the cafeteria. It only took a few minutes and our table became one with the loudest crowd considering it’s only the four us. My mind was wondering off but I’d join in their talk every once in a while, trying to sound like my normally cheerful self. I failed. As a result of my failed attempt, YooSu exchanged glances, while Changmin gave a concerned look. Looking up, I didn’t even try to smile; it’s been getting hard to keep on trying. I push my untouched food towards Changmin and excused myself, telling them I need to go to the library.

Walking out of the cafeteria, I took the way opposite to where the library is and just walked aimlessly around the university. As I continuously walk, I heard laughter from one of the room at the far end of the hallway, laughter I knew oh so well. It was Jae’s. From the glass window, I managed to catch a glimpse of Jae. Feeling dejected as I am, the mere sight of Jae was enough to make me smile. Hiding, I watch Jae from afar, something I haven’t done for quite a while.

Now that I think about what happened, I am glad that my action spoke for me. I won’t be able to undo what I did. My relationship with Jae’s already tainted so I don’t have to hold back anymore. I made a decision as I walked towards the door, making my presence known.

One of the students saw me and I pointed at Jae.

“Ah, Jaejoong-sshi…” he called for Jae’s attention. Since the said student’s by the door, Jae saw me right away. And I can tell how his whole body tense up right away just by seeing me.

“Y-Yunho-sshi.”

Yunho sshi? Where did Yunho-ah or Yunnie go? The sense of formality he used to call me was like a wall he put up between us.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be having lunch?”

My lip curved into a smile. A forced one. Even his voice sounded cold, void of any emotions. At least to me he sounded like that. I kept a steady gaze on Jaejoong’s face, and I know it’s making him feel uneasy.

“I was but then I-ah…” I paused as Jae waved goodbye to a student who left. Then when I talked again, I’m not sure if it’s only my imagination but to my ear, my own voice sounded like I’m pleading. “Jaejoong-ah, can we please talk?”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Yunho.” I stand up straight, about to convince him that we do need to talk about something but he stopped me with a firm “no.” That’s all I needed to hear before my emotion controlled me again. Before I knew it, I already am pulling Jaejoong away from the curious eyes of the people he’s with. We ended up at the side of the rooms and thankfully, there are no other people around.

Jaejoong struggled to let his arms free of my grip before I finally let him go.

“What are you doing?! You’re hurting me!”

I laughed disbelievingly. “And you don’t think that what you’re doing’s hurting me?”

His silence only made me feel even more frustrated than I already am.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I kissed you. I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve betrayed you but I’m not sorry that I love you.”

He kept quiet, looking at ground and anywhere else but not me. I continued talking; ready to pour my heart out. At this point, I don’t I can still walk away without really telling him how I really feel. Besides, I don’t think I’ll have the courage next time if I stop now.

“I’ve tried… I’ve tried to stop it. Hide it because I was scared…I might lose you if you ever find out.” I started, biting my lips as I look at Jaejoong for any reaction he might have. “But every day, it’s just getting harder to just keep inside me.” I took a deep breath, and let it out before I finally said the words. “Jaejoong-ah, Saranghae.”

His head snapped up and I was happy at that, at least his finally reacting, right? I was surprised when I see tears forming in those beautiful eyes and for a split second, I thought that those tears might be because he was too happy to hear me say those words. That he’s been waiting for it. Before I can even go any further, I burst my own bubble, snapping away from my own foolish thoughts.

And when I though I can control myself, my eyes went down to his lips. Ever since that accidental kiss, I’ve been dreaming to have a taste of that luscious pout again. I soon find myself tilting his chin, and when he didn’t made any move to push my away. I cross that space between our faces, claiming his lips in a kiss. Nothing could compare to the sweetness I tasted in that kiss but all good things must come to an end.

I pulled away when I felt Jae push me. Panting, his face was red and I can see his body shake slightly. He looked at me with eyes full of uncertainty before brushing pass me. “Mianhe, Yunho. Mianhe.”

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Jaejoong’s POV

I wiped a tear that escaped my eyes. I didn’t want to break Yunho’s heart and I know I just did. I didn’t want to keep pushing him away but my feet took me where he’s nowhere near. I didn’t want to feel anything about that kiss but I did. I wanted to believe him when said he loves me, I really do but my head says no. I once believe in someone’s word of love that took me to cloud nine only to drop me back down on the ground. Worst, that same person wasn’t satisfied in just seeing me fall so he came stepping onto the pieces that I’ve become.

“Hyung, what are you doing here?” Junsu glance up from being seated against a wide tree, with a book n his hands “Aren’t you suppose to be in your class already?”

Junsu’s voice startled me. It was only then that I’ve realized that my feet had brought me to one of our usual hang out inside the university.

“Hyung, are you okay?”

“Yeah… I gotta go…I-I’m late” with that I waved good bye to Junsu.

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Since my next class was at the other end of the university, I know I’m already late but I didn’t want to skip class only to be sulking anywhere. I managed to slip inside the class when my lady professor was busy talking with another Professor by the door. I’m glad I’m not sharing this class with Yunho or I would chose sulking over going to class. I don’t think I can stand being around him with my knees still slightly shaking just by the thought of the kiss.

The class started and ended. And then another one followed making it two consecutive classes without Yunho. I breathe in fresh air after leaving the class I was in. the next class will be one with Yunho. Looking around when I arrived in the room, I felt relieve that Yunho’s still not in class.

Five minutes. Ten minutes. Half an hour has passed and no Yunho showed up. There’s no use denying that I’m started to feel worried. It’s not like Yunho to ditch, or even skip class unless… I shook the negative thoughts that are starting to cloud my mind.

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Yunho’s POV

For once, I decided to skip class. Three classes actually, one of which I shared with Jae. Just for today, I’d let myself be a coward and not face Jae so I stayed in the dance studio, watching some of the students practice their dance routines of some sort.

A few months was all it took for me to fall helplessly in-love with Jaejoong. I am aware that I like men and I did have some crushes but never did I felt strongly for anyone else other than what I’m feeling for Jaejoong. I smiled just at the thought of Jae, not minding if the people walking past by me think I’m crazy. You know what, maybe I am crazy. Crazy for thinking that after that kiss, that after I confess everything will still be the same. Crazy for hoping that Jaejoong will react the same way Junsu did when Yoochun admitted his feelings. And I’m even crazier for thinking that I stand a chance with Jaejoong. That he will love me back.

I took a bus to I don’t know where. The public vehicle didn’t take me very far. A bus ride for an hour won’t take you to the end of Korea, will it? Walking without direction, I walked inside a small restaurant ordering soju right away when an ahjusshi came for my order.

As much as I don’t really like the taste and knowing I’m not much of a drinker, I started drinking it, shot after shot.

“Ahjusshi, one more please…” I said as I raised the now empty bottle of soju. I’ll let myself drown. Again. Looks like that’s all I’m doing lately. I heard people say drinking makes you forget but then why do I still feel my heart aching so badly, like something inside me is tearing apart.

The first bottle is already enough to get me drunk, maybe the second one will make me feel numbed. I chuckled at my own silly thought. Half way through the second bottle, the ahjussi had come to stop me since I probably look totally wasted already. I thank the ahjussi, saying I’ll just finish the bottle and I’ll be off to leave. Sensing I wouldn’t let him stop me, the ahjussi left me alone.

A little later, I saw the ahjusshi talking to a young man. The guy seems familiar but at my drunken state it’s not surprising that I couldn’t really remember who he is. Not wanting to hurt my head from thinking I continued drinking only to be interrupted by the said familiar looking guy who approached me looking rather nervous.

“Yun- Yunho sunbae/sshi, Appa said that you stay for the night. It’s dangerous for people here to go walking at night.”

I was surprised by what he said. He knows me? Night? Is it night already? I looked around and indeed, it’s already dark.

“You know me?” was the first thing I asked.

“I- I go to the same school.” I wanted to laugh at how nervous he looked like just by talking with me. Do I look like I’ll bite his head off? I hope not.

I nodded as I stood up. Oh! The world’s spinning around or it is just me? “Thanks…”

“Ch-Choi Siwon.”

“Thanks, Choi Siwon-sshi but I think I’ve done enough trouble for the day.” I bowed down to the ahjusshi, who happens to be the father of a schoolmate of mine. What a small word, huh?

Walking unsteadily, I managed to get to the bus station and take the ride back home. Throwing my tired body on my bed, I made a decision to do just what Jae wanted me to do. As much as it’ll hurt me, and I know it will, I’ll try to stay away from him. And this time, I’ll try harder to do just that.