Chapter 26: Hard-Working Happiness
Dare to Desire
The pursuit of happiness is a lifelong pursuit because happiness does not exist in a large expanse of time.
ミ★~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~★彡
Jieun’s POV
“Jieun-ah, kwaenchanah?” Eunjung whispered as she crept up to my bed; my head squished under my pillow accompanied by my thick blanket on top. Under the covers I hugged my ‘WooBear’, the name I’d given to the bear Wooyoung gave to me, tight with my eyes squeezed shut. I was in this position for over an hour and there weren’t even moderate signs of sleepiness kicking in. No matter how much I wished I could just doze off and forget tonight, it seemed like the night didn’t want to go away. Eunjung was now patting my back gently and even though she intended for it to be comforting, to me it felt kind of awkward. I admired her motherly efforts but I really just wanted to be alone.
“Why did you run off after the performance? I talked to Kikwang a few minutes after you left and he was really confused and bothered.” Exclaimed Eunjung; her vocal transition from a quiet whisper to her usual loud and intimidating inside voice startled me and after hearing Kikwang’s name, I shivered.
“Jieun? I know you’re not sleeping so you might as well answer me.” She conceded, attempting to pull away the blankets that covered my troubled expression. She was successful in tearing my comfortable cover that kept me satisfyingly incognito but thankfully my flattened out, lumpy pillow covered my head. Cold autumn breezes drifted in from the opened crack of the window and it felt as if the cold was wrapping tight around my bare feet. Annoyingly, Eunjung began poking at my side repeatedly. My regular reaction would be to burst out in laughter, kicking my feet up until the poking stopped but tonight I felt nothing. Realizing that she wouldn’t stop until she got a reply I drawled,
“It’s nothing; just go to sleep.” Whether it was back in high school or months into post secondary, no matter how long I’ve known Eunjung and no matter how dynamic she is I could never force myself to open up to her. Eunjung grasps both my arms and tugged, pulling me up into an awkward sitting position; I felt so light headed and weightless that I wanted to fall over but I was sandwiched between Eunjung and the wall. In an effort to fix my uncomfortable position, I shifted a few inches away from Eunjung and leaned my head against the wall. I could’ve sworn that my expression was as dead as a corpse, but when it’s 4:00 am with rapid thoughts going through your mind, there’s not much more to expect than that.
“Want to talk?” Eunjung offered as I sat WooBear on my lap and held onto its arms, clapping its paws together slowly and feeling its soft fur against my palm just as I did when I was younger.
“Ani,” I replied with a yawn covered by my left hand.
“Well I want to talk.” Eunjung insisted with her serious tone that reminded me of the interrogating days I lived in high school with her. It almost felt like I was taking her new-found kindness for granted.
“About what?” I yawned again, now patting WooBear on the head; watching its ears bounce back up every time my hands ceased contact. Truthfully I already knew what conversation she had in mind.
“You and Kikwang,” Eunjung hinted to the events of tonight. I didn’t understand why it had to be such a big deal. I chose to not kiss Kikwang; why should anyone care?
“There’s nothing between us so there’s no point.” I answered straight up, still staring at the inanimate stuff bear on my lap.
“But there should be…” I heard Eunjung mumble, causing me to turn towards her. I looked at her troubled expression, her eyes revealed the complexity of how her mind worked.
“What are you saying?” I asked slightly louder than a whisper. A part of me had a feeling I would regret asking this because there would be much more troubling thoughts to cloud my already fumbled mind.
“You don’t know?” Eunjung almost chuckled, staring back at me in disbelief. I shook my head in response to her question as well as to express my own confusion.
“Kikwang likes you, Lee Jieun!” Eunjung blurted; unable to hold in her secret that had anxiously urged past her lips. My grip on WooBear’s arms tightened and my head began aching. This was a truth I had hypothesized a long time ago, and it was also the truth I wanted so very hard to deny. For weeks I denied it; the fact that Kikwang always gave me special attention, came at my aid, accompanied me when unnecessary, joked around with me, occasionally flirted with me, but despite all this I still wished to deny it. My heart and mind both knew I wasn’t ready, and even though I was leading him on up until now I couldn’t let it go further. I considered him as a close friend and nothing more, and to act on my denial I rejected the ‘mandatory’ kiss. I began to wonder why Eunjung would want me to move on so quickly.
“I know,” I gulped, closing my eyes as I hugged WooBear close against my aching chest.
“Mwo? You knew?” Eunjung exclaimed with daggers of disgust aimed at my face. I nodded, forcing my eyes back open only to see an extremely pissed off Eunjung glaring at me.
“You knew this whole time,” Eunjung accused, “and you chose to lead him on regardless? I don’t understand you Jieun. I don’t understand why!” I cringed against the cold wall, my elbow making a quiet thump.
“What don’t you understand?” I questioned, my voice growing louder in frustration. Was this really that big of a deal?
“Why you won’t just be with Kikwang! He’s talented, kind, smart, considerate, protective, understanding, outgoing, humorous, talkative—every aspect of him is better than Jang Woo—“
“Shut up!” I shrieked, covering my ears with both of my palms. My suddenly rude demand caught Eunjung by surprise but that didn’t keep her from finishing.
“Jang Wooyoung,” She breathed his name almost threateningly in my ear and immediately my restrained tears could not be held back. I hated the way his name slid from , as if her very voice dirtied it.
“If you think Kikwang is so amazing why don’t you date him?” I retorted, finally finding the motive to fight back to her. What right did she have to insult him; what right did she have to control my love life, as if my entire high school youth wasn’t enough? Still filled with rage I threw WooBear against my pillow and stormed out of the room with my cell phone pushed deep into my sweater’s pocket. Storming to the picnic bench outside where the only light source was a distant street light on the end of the cul-de-sac, I hid myself in the shadows despite my baby blue pajamas and pulled out my cell phone. It was 4am in Seoul, meaning that it would be just past lunch time in Canada.
“Jieun?” Donghae’s voice echoed in my head—other than Wooyoung’s, Donghae’s voice was what my ears craved the most.
“Annyeong, Oppa,” I finally found the energy to smile. As I clamped the phone between my neck and shoulder, my arms wrapped around my bent knees and I stared up at the blinking stars. The night was clear, and I could easily name the big and little dipper from my angle of view.
“Isn’t it like 4am over there? Why are you still up?” His voice was accompanied by his scolding tone but I knew he was just as happy to hear from me.
“Mm… Geunyang…” I muttered, admiring the gently soft white glow from the crescent in the sky.
“Is something bothering you?” He asked in a worried but hushed tone. In the background I swore I could hear someone with a voice similar to Taecyeon’s cheering about a hockey game. Though I never spoke to Taecyeon often in high school, since he was so up there in the social ladder it was impossible for anyone in any grade to not know his voice, especially since he received the privilege of reading morning announcements every day.
“Are you busy right now?” I pondered, making sure I wasn’t distracting him from something important.
“Ani; I and the guys are just watching hockey right now so I have time to talk.” He reassured. As he spoke the sound of the television grew fainter as well as the cheering. By the time he was done talking I could hear a loud roar of laughter over the phone, his cheerful voice reminded me of Wooyoung.
“Can I ask you something, Oppa?” I sighed, biting my bottom lip anxiously.
“Anything,” He replied just as I expected. There was never once in our lives that he refrained me from asking him anything, no matter how stupid I thought it was. From the time I learned to speak until now, his answer had always been identical.
“Is it still okay to wait on someone far away who you haven’t heard from in months when there’s someone else patiently waiting for you selflessly at your side?” I asked in a hypothetical manner. Donghae made a stretched out ‘hmm’ sound before answering,
“Think about it carefully. If choices were 100% they wouldn’t be choices. When they’re both 50-50, choose one and work hard to prove it’s the right decision and turn the 50% into 100% so you won’t regret anything. If there is someone other than Wooyoung in your life then I’m not saying you should feel obligated to stick to him. Close your eyes, and listen to your heart beat. Even if you choose wrong, I’m sure in the end you’ll find happiness, because I know for certain that happiness will work hard to find you.”
Wooyoung’s POV
“If there’s someone other than Wooyoung in your life then I’m not saying you should feel obligated to stick to him. Close your eyes, and listen to your heart beat. Even if you choose wrong, I’m sure in the end you’ll find happiness, because I know for certain that happiness will work hard to find you.” Donghae explained on the phone. I knew for certain it was Jieun on the other line.
“You’re welcome; good night!” he smiled at the phone and hung up. Before he could get back to the lobby where Taecyeon was watching hockey I stepped out from the corner where I hid and eavesdropped to stop him.
“Jieun found someone else?” I hesitantly assumed, feeling my voice urge to the hint of cracking. In the back of my mind I always had the doubt that someone would intercede between us but knowing that my doubts became reality ached my heart the most.
“She’s still not sure about him so calm down, Wooyoung.” Donghae insured, sliding his phone in his back pocket. I nodded, dragging my feet back to the lobby where I sat at the back corner completely uninterested in whatever was on TV. Taecyeon and Donghae resumed their hockey marathon, cheering for opposite teams as I sat behind them lost in thought. Whoever that guy was, be better treat Jieun well for the time being. This wasn’t the end. Just like Donghae said, happiness will work hard to find you Jieun. I promise that I’ll become someone you won’t pity.
A/N: Hey readers! ^^! The quote at the top of this chapter was thought up by me; it's a quote I've been using for quite a while now. There's a lot more drama coming up in what I have planned so look forward to it. There's 8 more days left of school and once it's over, I'll be updating a lot.
If choices were 100% they wouldn’t be choices. When they’re both 50/50, choose one and work hard to prove it’s the right decision and turn the 50% into 100%.
-Jinguk Dream High Episode15
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