Chapter 15: Pride Verses Dreams
Dare to Desire
"As long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
ミ★~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~★彡
Wooyoung’s POV
“Do you dream of becoming famous?” The judge asked me, furrowing his brows as he rested his elbows on the table before him and leaned forward. Without hesitating I replied,
“I suppose everyone has had those thoughts at one point in time.” I watched a lump travel down his throat as he swallowed. I could feel that the atmosphere grew tense, but I refused to be nervous.
“Seoul’s Institute of the Arts is a place for dreamers who are not afraid to wish for the impossible and work hard for what they want. It’s where people whose minds nurture vivid and beautiful dreams can have a shot at reaching them.” His voice was sharp and clear, his eyes locked on mine.
“It’s not that you don’t have the talent to make it big, it’s that your mind isn’t ready to encounter the possibilities this school has to offer.” He added after a moment of silence. How was it that his words could make my once towering confidence come crashing down on me?
“I’m confident I can do well.” I assured him. Since the day I applied for this school I never once had a shred of doubt that I wouldn’t get in.
“What you see as confidence right now is only pride, and pride can only drive you so far. Without a dream to push you further, you will only stumble and become left behind by those who are strong-willed in becoming something much bigger.” He retorted so fast I had no time to think of something else to say. I knew that I lost my chance, and before the judge could dismiss me from the stage I noticed Jieun struggling to push through the rows of chairs and then leaving the auditorium altogether.
“Until you find a dream that you can stand strong in, please reconsider your post secondary choices.” The judge’s words ushered me off the stage, and without sparing another glance at them I left, tracing the exact path Jieun took. Outside the building her back was leaned against a cement pillar, her head hung low with an uneasy expression and her arms were folded. This was probably the first time in history that I felt hesitant to approach her, but I knew better than anyone else that she had something to say to me. As I walked closer, her head tilted upwards and she now stood straight without the support of the pillar. When I looked into her eyes, I could only sense her discomfort flowing into me. Without knowing how to act in this situation I laughed light heartedly to ease the tension,
“Those judges were complete jokes.” With my left hand I the back of my head nervously, not knowing what Jieun would say. Normally she would just joke with me or smile, but today she seemed much different.
“What he said wasn’t a joke, it was true.” She disagreed. There was a sense of fierceness in her voice that I had never heard before and in a way, it terrified me. Without waiting for my next reply she asked,
“You got rejected, didn’t you?” Her voice was now softer but I could tell she already knew the answer when her posture became slouched and her face fell. I nodded, still barely able to believe that it was true. She went back to leaning against the pillar and stared out into the blue sky with an empty expression. It didn’t seem like she was disappointed, instead, it seemed as if something bigger was on her mind.
“What is your dream?” She asked suddenly, eyes still following an airplane leaving a trail of smoke in a straight horizontal line.
“Like I said; I don’t have one.” I answered her seriously, examining her face and every movement it made. She sighed before continuing her interrogation,
“Why not?” The answer to this was simple.
“Dreaming allows for false hope to grow, and false hope only leads to disappointment. There are many people out there who dream big dreams and become ridiculed for never reaching them. If I never give myself an opportunity to dream, I would never become like those people.” After my answer she didn’t reply immediately, and took a few extra seconds to think over my words. It wasn’t like what I said had no point.
“You live to be happy, don’t you? You do only what pleases you, and if you don’t like something you never associate yourself with it again.” She said in almost a mumble as she pushed her bangs to the side. Suddenly for the first time since we began this slightly depressing conversation she turned to face me and looked me dead in the eyes.
“Only if you have a dream you will know, in this world there is no such thing as a foolish dream. Hardships are what give dreams their splendor; they’re what make victory taste so sweet. This is why there are people who dare to desire.” She explained, her lips curved slightly into a small smile but her eyes showed that her smile was only a façade for what she really felt.
“Don’t all those hardships seem so unnecessary though? Why endure all that when it’s possible to just do the things that make you happy?” I answered her with rhetorical questions, only bringing more heat to our disagreement.
“Without ambition—something you truly want to obtain or achieve—how can you feel that kind of satisfying and overwhelming joy? If you’ve never felt that way then it’s obvious your idea of happiness is nothing more than an illusion your mind created out of your own fear of encountering difficulties.” Her words hit me like a rock, and I had no idea what to say next. She mentioned some sort of overwhelming joy that was unfamiliar to me.
“You have no greed, dreams or goals, and for that I pity you. I pity you because you’ll never be able to feel that sort of great happiness from having achieved something your heart was dedicated to.” She smiled as she spoke these words to me, tears forming in her eyes. The once clear summer day grew darker as unpredicted rain clouds eclipsed the sun and casted a shadow over the two of us. Pity? Lee Jieun pitied me? In my entire life I had never given off the image of a pitiful person, and now here I was standing here stunned speechless in front of a girl who was looking down on me. After a few more seconds of silence, the tears in her eyes began to trail down her cheeks and she swiftly wiped them away with her palms and turned away, trying to hide the fact she was crying from me.
“For a guy who has no dreams or goals, I was wondering why I was going through all this…” I heard her whisper quietly as she began taking steps away. I knew that she had no intentions of letting me take her home today. I stood by myself next to the pillar as I watched her figure turn into a black silhouette in the distance, allowing her to walk away from me with the last word. The male judge was right when he said all I had was confidence in my pride, and now that my pride was shattered what did I have left? When I could no longer see Jieun past the blaring city lights, I turned towards the pillar and punched it with my bare fist to let out all my anger. I left my knuckles in contact with the hard cement as my head dropped down. I could feel the gentle flow of blood trickle past my open scratches and down the pillar, but no physical pain could amount to how scarred Jieun left me today. When I first took interest in her in musical theatre I had no idea how great of an impact she would be to me in just a few months.
“Just you wait Lee Jieun,” I called out to the empty street that she walked down, “The next time you see me I’ll be someone you won’t dare to pity.”
Jieun’s POV
When I was at a distance far enough away from hearing distance of Wooyoung I let my anxious tears flow freely down my face. I sobbed loudly, not caring what weird stares I got from other pedestrians and continued on my journey back home. Seoul’s Institute of the Arts was on the other side of the city, which meant that I had plenty of time to think things over to myself and cry it all out. This would be my own personal therapy time away from my hectic world. This is my alone time away from my family and most importantly, Wooyoung. I didn’t even want to think about how happy my dad would be if he heard about the ‘fight’ I just had with him. I knew that the words I spoke to him would leave an impact, and I knew very well that I had just jeopardized any chances of us remaining friends, but in the heat of the moment I felt like it was something I was obligated to say—something he needed to know. I had the feeling that even though he would see me in a new light, later on in life he would be able to come back and thank me for helping him realize that life wasn’t just about happiness, but the trials one goes through to obtain it.
Still lost in deep thought, I stepped onto the subway that was surprisingly empty this evening and took a seat by one of the doors. This would be a long subway ride for me, but I was thankful for the extensive time I had to recollect my confused mind. Never in my life have I ever had to say something so blunt. I knew the reason I became intoxicated by Wooyoung was because he fit everything I ever imagined my ideal type to be. Why couldn’t I let myself fall for him? There was one thing my ideal type had that he lacked—something crucial that could not be compensated by good looks and polite chivalry, and that was ambition.
A/N: I told you all this was going to be an intense chapter. X_X! I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way the majority of you all wanted to but this is all in order for the plot to move forward. If everything is always happy-go-lucky then there's really no point in a story, right? I hope I don't lose readers because of this chapter :X! I was quite hesitant to write it haha but here it is.
"Only if you have a dream you will know, in this world there is no such thing as a foolish dream." - Jinguk Dream High Episode 16
“For a guy who has no dream or goals, I was wondering why I was going through all this.” - Pilsook Dream High Episode 9
"You have no greed, dreams or goals, and for that I pity you." - Pilsook Dream High Episode 9 (Also on the Fanfic Poster!)
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