DONGHAE’s POV

Stupid! Stupid fish!

How can I possibly blurt out my feelings like that?!

How can I, ridiculously, let my emotions take control of me?!

How can I, pathetically, make the same mistake again?!

As soon as I entered my room, I was haunted by the thoughts of whatever might happen after that conversation with Eunhyuk a while ago. My brain keeps on making-up scenarios of the consequences might, possibly, face for admitting to Eunhyuk –- again--- that I am still in love with him. What if he tells the company? What if he calls Lee Soo Man and tells him that I am gay and have me remove from the group? What if he calls for a press conference to reveal my secret? What if he tells my mother and brother? What if--- What if he truly does hate me now? What if he quits the group because he can’t stand to be in the same team with me? What if I woke up the next day to find him gone?

That is the worst scenario for me and as odd as it may seem, I am more terrified of Hyukjae being completely gone in my life than having my career disappear because of such scandal.

I paced back and forth in my room as quietly as possible to not disturb Mochi’s slumber, as I think of ways to face Hyukjae tomorrow; if ever he’ll still be here.

No, Donghae. He’ll be here. You’ll see him and tell him that you we’re kidding and be back to normal.

If only thing were that simple.

Scooping Bada, who’s looking at me to and fro, I his soft fur to help me relieve my tension for a little bit. The dog snuggled closer to me and started closing its eyes as I sat down on the carpeted floor, leaning against my bed to give my legs rest.

Why did that have to happen? What gave me the push to say those things I clearly told myself to keep?

Are you and Kyu dating?

That question did shock me. I never would’ve thought that I’ll hear such a question from Lee Hyukjae. What even gave him that idea? Well, sure, Kyu is trying to make me fall for him but we are not dating. Is that how we looked like when we’re together? Do we look like we’re dating? And why does Hyukjae even want to know? Isn’t he revolted to something like this?

Maybe he’s jealous.

What a sick joke. I know he won’t and will never be jealous over something as disgusting as that. But still, I hate myself for having that thread of hope that maybe—just maybe---he is jealous. That sudden look of grief in his eyes when I told him Kyu was trying to woo me and that moment when I told him I love Kyu made my brain more distorted with confusion. Why did he look like that?

Pain coursed through my head as I thought hard of an explanation of the happening earlier and maybe also because of lack of sleep and the sudden stress. Groaning from the budding headache, I stood up and placed Bada down on the floor and laid down next to Henry whose adorable asleep. I scooted closer to him, feeling his back and closed my eyes. I’ll just worry about it tomorrow.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Donghae-ah, wake up,”

I felt someone shaking my shoulder and I groaned, unwilling to open my eyes. I tried ignoring the person disturbing my slumber until I felt a warm hand caressing my cheek that I just leaned in to the touch, feeling the warmth run through my body. I sighed, contented from the pleasant-feathery touch, and finally decided to take a peek.

“Wake-up my sweet Hae,”

I smiled.

“Morning, my cute Sungmin-hyung,” I answered back and heard him chuckle. My bed shifted and found him sitting at the edge of my bed, his hand my messy hair.

“I missed waking you up like this. The others are never sweet when I wake them up,” he pouted and I smiled at him. “Come on, sleepy head, get up,” he said and pulled my hand and made me sit. Rubbing my eyes and adjusting from the light coming from the window, I gave a little yawn.

“Aigoo! How can you be so cute, Donghae-ah!” Sungmin-hyung squealed and gave me a kiss on the cheek which I happily returned.

Sungminnie’s always been a very very sweet hyung to me. He doesn’t mind kissing or hugging me. He loves it when I act childish and takes the privilege to act as my mother; of course, when Leeteuk-hyung’s not around. And always offer to wake me up since it is a known fact that Donghae is a heavy-sleeper.

Finally deciding to move, I removed the covers around me and headed for the bathroom, as Sungmin-hyung started feeding my Nemos. After taking a quick shower, I headed to my closet to get some clothes. And Sungmin-hyung’s still there, attached to the aquarium.

“Actually, to be honest, I was quite surprised to find you here,” he muttered, following my fishes with his eyes and his index finger poking the aquarium as if pointing to the fishes where the food he dropped is.

“Why?” I asked, grabbing a white V-neck shirt and blue denim pants.

“I thought I’d find you in Hyukjae’s room, since you always sneak in his room to sleep,” he muttered, eyes on the fish which is a good thing since he did not notice me freezing on the spot as I remembered what happened last night. On the veranda.

“Anywho---let’s go? Everyone’s at the dining area,” Sungmin-hyung jumped and laced his fingers with mine and I smiled at him, not making obvious that something’s bothering me. We made our way to the kitchen and I was starting to panic as we got closer, thinking how I should approach Hyukjae after last night. As we entered the area, I scanned it quickly. Leeteuk-hyung, Kangin-hyung, Heechul-hyung, Hankyung-hyung, Kibummie, Mochi, and Zhoumi are present. I gave a sigh of relief seeing the person I so wanted to avoid not here. But it was quick-lived when I realized…did he leave? Permanently?

“Hyung, where are the others?” I asked, as Sungmin-hyung released my hand and took a seat beside Mochi and I stood there eyeing them.

“K.R.Y. were called by the company for recording, Siwon went for a photoshoot, Shindong’s on his radio program,” Leetuek-hyung answered with a smile, and I tilted my head to the side. Why is his name not being mentioned? Did he really---

“What about Hyukkie?” I blurted.

“He’s---”

“Here,” a whisper came behind me and lean arms were wrapped around my waist tightly. I stiffened, feeling a chin resting on my right shoulder and soft breathing on my neck. I looked to my right a bit, and was welcomed by Hyukjae’s smiling face. His face which is so close to me. He stared back into my wide eyes, still with that teasing smile.

“Miss me already?” He said and I remained unmoving, my heart starting to pound loudly on my chest. And thankfully, someone coughed. Coming back to reality, I faced the source of the interruption.

“Come and eat, hyungs,” Mochi said with a smile, holding his fork with his left hand.

The arms around me started to disappear, but was replaced by hands holding mine and guiding me to the table, and I sat beside him, my head bent down to hide my flushed cheeks.

What is with Hyukjae?

“Teukie-hyung, do I have schedule today?” Hyukjae asked, as he put bacon, egg and rice on my plate before loading his.

“Nope. You don’t have one,” hyung answered.

“What about Hae?” he answered, “Eat.” He told me and I raised my hand and saw him smiling at me, so I nodded and took the utensils.

“Hae’s free today too.”

“Great. Hyung, we’re going out.” He announced.

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Sorry it’s too short. I’ll make it up to you guys.

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Lovelots <3