KYUHYUN’s POV

I really love Donghae-hyung.

That is an indisputable fact.

And I want him to be happy like what he deserves to be.

He is the person who I looked up to, a person who gained my trust, a person who never betrayed me, a person who cared and a person who accepted me without any doubt. From the very start, the moment I entered SM Entertainment, I always knew he’d be someone important to me.

My father was against me entering the world of celebrities; he said he had big dreams for me, he said he wanted me to be a doctor and inherit the university he established, and maybe one day, I’ll make my own hospital beside it. But I know I don’t want that, any of that. Singing had always been, and will always be my first love. The moment I learned how to speak, mom said I’ve been humming melodies even in my sleep and she loved listening to me. My mother is the reason I loved singing, it is because of her that I entered SM. Dad is a good man, he is a good father to my older sister and I and he is, definitely a good husband, but there was one night when dad came home extremely drunk from the stress of work, and he started venting his anger to mom; shouting at her but never hurt her, and mom is really sensitive so she ended up in my room, and cried there, trying to stifle her cries so as to not wake me up. I was 12, by then, and I was clearly awake, I heard the shouts, the banging of the door and my mother’s cry. It pains me to see my sweet mother in tears so I got up in bed and hugged her crying figure. Even as a child, I’ve always been tall and at my age that time, I was as tall as my mother. She cried in my shoulders as I started rocking back and forth to calm her down, but her tears seemed unlimited so I started opening my lips to sing her a short lullaby.

As the song ended, I realized that her shaking and her sobs stopped, and she’s simply leaning against me, wrapping me in her arms instead.

“Thank you, Kyuhyun-ah,” she whispered.

“Don’t thank me umma, I can always sing to you if you want to,” I answered back, enjoying the feeling of her hand caressing my messy hair.

“I love your voice, it calms me down. I hope other people can hear that marvelous voice of yours someday and affect them the way it does to me,” she crooned and that gave me the idea of being where I am now.

Asking my father of his approval was something close to impossible, and I never thought I’d be able to hear him say the words I wanted to say. My mother and sister are supportive about my plan and they are helping me convince dad, I am starting to lose hope after 3 months so persuading and I did my best to please him in any possible way I can; I studied hard and got 1^st place in every Math competition I participated and I was awarded as the valedictorian of the class and graduation is a few weeks away. My hard work seemed futile and I was about to drop the dream of being a singer until one day dad asked me to take a walk with him in the park. We were walking silently and I waited for the right time to tell him that I won’t force what I want if he’s too unwilling and he won’t support me.

“Dad---”

“Son---”

We said at the same time and looked at each other, brown eyes meeting brown eyes, and we chuckled at our awkwardness before we went back to our usual self. Dad and I had always been close, though it may not seem like it, I treat him like a best friend, and he’s really cool, he plays computer games too.

“Let me speak first,” he started as we sat down at the swings, and I started playing with it gently as I wait for dad to fix his thoughts.

“You know I always told you I wanted you to be a doctor, the moment you showed potential in academics, I always dreamed of my only son being a doctor, someone who’d save lives and inherit the academy I’ve been working hard for, I had big dreams for you because I know you can reach it since you are a smart child,” I stayed silent and stopped the swing as I listened to every word intently. Then, dad smiled.

“But the moment you asked my permission to enter the world of celebrities, all of them crashed down the drain and I can’t help but be disappointed to you---”

“Dad,” I cut him off since it pains me to hear him say that I disappointed him, but he looked at me and continued.

“But what’s more, I was disappointed for myself for not seeing this coming,”

I looked at dad with confusion painted in my face.

“I was with you the moment you were born, I was the one who guided you to your first steps, the one who heard your first words, the one who taught you what music is, the one who made you listen to The Beatles, ABBA, Queen, Bon Jovi, Michael Jackson, I was the one there when I heard you sing your first song, I was the one who cheered for you and stood on my feet the moment you won your first singing contest, I was there, and I am so disappointed to myself for stopping you reach something we share in common; Music.” He ended, as he smiled and looked at me.

“Whatever it is you want, I will be here. Sorry that it took me too long to say this, but just know that I give you my permission. Go and make me proud, Kyuhyun,” he said and hugged me.

My family helped me moved in to Seoul when my first day as a trainee arrived. I knew no one and I hardly made eye contact, I made my way to my first class, dance lesson; I don’t fancy dancing, but I have to do it since it’s part of the ordeal. Loud music welcomed me as I opened the doors of the room, and spotted a brown haired guy, sweating and huffing as he looked at me. He walked towards the speaker and turned it down, grabbing a towel near the table and wiped his sweat. I was about to leave but he stopped me.

“Hey, wait. Sorry, is it time for your class, already?” His voice reached my ear and I loved the sound of his kind voice. I turned around and saw his smiling at me.

“Umm, no. I am just early. Sorry, continue what you’re doing,” I turned around and started to leave again.

“Oh, no, I am done for the day. I haven’t seen you in a while, are you new here?” he asked, and sat at the floor, I looked back, again, and he motioned for me to sit beside him and I, weirdly, obliged. I don’t usually get talkative to people I don’t know, but there’s something in him that makes me feel comfortable.

“Yes. I just started,” I answered and sat not too close beside him.

“I am Donghae, by the way, Lee Dong Hae,” he said and reached out a hand, with that bright smile on his face.

“Cho Kyuhyun, nice to meet you, hyung,” I answered, smiling back.

And that was our first meeting and it was followed by another, and another and another until I became too attached to him. For the first month, I learned that he’s bestfriends with Xiah Junsu and Lee Hyuk Jae, both are good dancers like him, and that he has a bunch of friends too, in which he introduced me to. I became friends with his friends and started to be close, I particularly fancy Heechul-hyung since he is someone who thinks like me, and Ryeowook, who’s the same age as me but nothing comes close to Donghae-hyung. He’s always the top one friend I have and I love how he takes care of me. I’ve seen a lot of different sides of him in less than 2 months; he’s a cry-baby, a sweet tooth, clingy, sensitive, childish and adorable.

When he debuted together with his friends, I was clearly upset, so I decided to put my focus in the trainings, and I also improved my dancing, thanks to the help Donghae-hyung gave me before, I was the best from my batch and my voice scored a hundred in a test. A few weeks later, Lee So Man announced that I’ll be the 13^th member of Super Junior.

There is no words to explain how happy I was after I learned that I’ll be in the same group as the hyungs, especially Donghae-hyung, but the excitement disappeared the moment I started living with them. They acted so cold to me, as if we didn’t become friends, except for Hae-hyung who acted the same way as before, and I loved him for that. I endured all their retorts, their treatments, I took it all in without a complain since I know I was an intruder, that they don’t see me as a member. But their treatment changed when Hae-hyung started ignoring them completely. I heard the conversation he had with Hyuk Jae-hyung two days ago, and it’s clear that they’re in a No Talking Mode, but what came to a surprise was when he started ignoring everyone, except for me, though I am happy that he sides with me, I don’t like the idea of him having enemies because of me, but not more than a few days, the members started talking to me with ease, joking with me, and Hae-hyung was back to his old sweet self.

I don’t know when I started loving him, but I know I do, and I hated seeing him cry. He deserves to smile; someone as precious as him is supposed to be filled with love and happiness. And I know I can give him that. I can give him happiness, can make him laugh, can make him smile, can wipe away the tears and can shower him with unlimited love.

But it is not my love he yearns for.

Although I know from the very start that it is a futile attempt to make him love me, to make him fall for me, to make him see only me, I had to at least try so I won’t regret it a single bit, and now, I am ready to give him what he wants. I’ll set him free. I’ll let him love him. That monkey. I’ll let him slip in my arms.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t make it hard for the monkey.

Yes, I’ll admit that it is him Hae-hyung likes, or loves. It is Hyuk Jae he wants. It is Hyuk Jae that can make him completely happy. It is Hyuk jae that can make him smile brighter, shine brighter. It is Hyuk Jae that he dreamed of every night.

But it was the same Hyuk Jae who made him cry. It was Hyuk Jae who made him suffer. It was Hyuk Jae who rejected him. It was Hyuk Jae who called him disgusting. It was Hyuk Jae who hurt him. And the fact that my Donghae-hyung wasted his tears on a monkey is not something I’ll forget and forgive in a snap just because he confessed to Siwon that he loves him. It’s just not enough proof to make me feel at ease that he won’t harm Donghae-hyung again. It’s not enough that he just say ‘I love Hae.’ It is not enough that he’s jealous. It’s just not enough.

So, as evil as it may sound, I’ll make things hard for him.

I love Donghae-hyung, but that doesn’t mean I’ll hand him over to someone who made him cry just because he loves him.

The monkey needs to prove himself worthy first, before I give him Donghae-hyung completely. And trust me, convincing The Evil Kyu is a hard thing to do.

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Yeaaah...sorry for the late update...Hope you liked it though :)

It's hard thinking of the right words when I was doing this since I did not want my Kyuhyun to look so pathetic and weak, I wanted him to be the cool maknae, and looks like I did a good job here. Agree ? :)

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