HYUKJAE's POV

It's been a hell of a week.

My schedule was packed with variety show guestings, and SUKIRA, also rehearsals for our concert; but I did look forward to the rehearsals though, since that meant I'll be seeing Donghae. The last time I ever spend time with him was the time I told him to take care of our dogs since I was so busy. I tried my best to act the same way with him every time, but it always ended up with me hiding my blushing face and calming down my beating heart. Now that I acknowledge the fact that I am, indeed, in love with him made me want to be with him more. And not to mention, I am constantly worried.

"We love him too, you idiot," Siwon whispered and I widen my eyes at the sudden information. I looked back at him and he was still smirking, that smirk that is so Kyuhyunish.

"You--you---" I stuttered, not knowing what to say, as I pointed a shaking finger at him causing Choco to awake from his slumber and jumped out of my lap and slump at my pillow. I was still staring at Siwon, shock clearly painted on my face.

"Surprise~" he said and chuckled. He sounded so---evil.

"How?" I asked.

"How? It's not really hard to love Donghae, you know. He is sweet and kind. He is a keeper," he answered with a gentle voice that made me curl my hands into fist; just hearing Donghae's name coming from his mouth is making my blood boil in annoyance, especially since I know for a fact that he's harbouring feelings for him too.

"When?" I asked in clenched teeth. It's kinda stupid though, asking him using one word but I can't really explain what I'm feeling right now and I am afraid that I can't contain my anger and just snap at him, after all, he's still my friend. Maybe.

"Well, I think I confirmed it when we were in China. After all, we're practically glued to each other," he said with a teasing voice. I can feel m patience thinning but I held it in. Calm down, Hyuk.

"Why?" 

This time, he turned serious and he locked gaze with me.

"Why?" He repeated and scoffed; he freakin scoffed, "actually, I have to say thank you to you. If it weren't for your rejection, Kyu and I won't even realize it, so thanks."

So it's my fault now?

"Does he know?" I asked once again.

"Of course he does. We're not cowards," he said, "and Kyu's being so bold showing just how much he feels for him." He added.

"What about you?"

"Oh, me? I do show him too, not just much as the maknae. Seriously, haven't you noticed how he's so sweet towards Hae?"

Actually, I did notice, who wouldn't? He's always around Hae; at the living room, in the kitchen, in his or Hae's room, even in the bathroom, they brush their teeth at the same time. Kyu's also constantly clinging to Donghae like a lost child and sometimes even feeding him ramen. I didn't mind it at first but it occurred every single day and that made me start strangling the maknae in my mind since I can't have time to even talk to Hae alone because KYU IS ALWAYS THERE.

"Judging by your face, I can see you did notice. Well, just a caution, you will see it more often and don't be surprised if those two ended up dating," and with that he left my room, chuckling.

Ever since Siwon told me that, I've become restless since I've been witnessing Kyuhyun's sweetness to Hae and knowing that he is in love with in, and to make things worse, Donghae knows it and he's allowing him to do those stuff to him and he's even responding. I am currently with Shindong-hyung and the tall Chinese guy, Zhoumi, talking about our incoming concert and asking Zhoumi about SuJu-M in China.

"People loved Super Junior even before M was created, so it wasn't really hard to capture their hearts. Especially since Siwon and Donghae's on the group," Zhoumi said. And that caught my attention.

"How close are Siwon and Hae back in China?" I asked.

"Oh, them? Siwon, Donghae and Kyuhyun were practically glued together. They always shut themselves in Donghae and Henry's room, just hanging out when we don't have schedule and they also went to China town together. Though Kyu seemed more attach to Hae and Siwon is. He's following him everywhere and checking if he's alright. Kyu Xian was also the one who slept with Hae when he got sick," he explained and the more I listened, the more nervouse I become;

What if they really are dating?

"Kyu's always been close to Hae. Even if he was a trainee, he would wait for Donghae at the training room so that they can practice together and when everyone was against him when he was new to SuJu, Hae was the only one who accepted him with open arms, so he practically loves him to bits," Shindong-hyung commented, taking a bite from his hotdog.

That's right. Hae and Kyu have been close since day one; I remember we even fought once because I wasn't in favour of Kyuhyun being in the group.

"What is your problem, Hyuk? How can you do that to him?" Donghae asked when I was on my way to my room.

"I felt like doing it," I answered, not looking at him.

"What? You felt like doing it? You made him look like a fool in the show because you felt like doing it? And why is that?" He asked again, not letting me go to my room which pissed me off since I am really having a bad night.

"Why? Why?! Because he got in easily! We've been training for this for years, Hae, and he got in after training for just half a year?! That is just so unfair! Besides, why are you on his side?!" I shouted at him, and heard some footsteps down stairs indicating that the other members could hear our little argument; including Kyuhyun. I lifted my gaze and met his angry and sad eyes.

"You don't know what he's been through, Hyuk. You don't know because you never gave him the chance to tell you. It was not his fault that we trained for years while he just trained for a half year, it was not his fault that he was chosen by the company quickly. None of that was his fault. None of it was unfair. What's unfair is how you judge him so easily without giving him time to explain himself. What's unfair is that you're suppose to understand since you are all his hyungs, he is younger than us so we must understand and I am certain that even if he tolerates your harsh behaviour, he is still hurt. He's just a normal teenager, Hyuk. Why can't you understand?" He said then left.

We haven't spoken for three days after that; as a matter of fact, he did not spoke to all of us who’s not in favour of Kyuhyun, at all. He was always beside him wherever he go, he'll ask the manager to let Kyuhyun join the shows he'll be in and asked to give Kyu the same schedule as him. It annoyed us at first, but Donghae ignoring us made us feel bad. We've always felt like Donghae is someone special, perhaps close to an angel, and him being mad at us for something so trivial is something we can't stand. So, the hyungs and I tried to get close to Kyuhyun, genuinely, and as the time pass, we come to accept him fully and that made Hae more than happy and everything went back to normal.

Remembering that inside made my heart clench. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Donghae sitting at the edge of the stage, watching Henry with his violin performance with a smile on his face. Why does he have to smile that way?

I was trying to concentrate on what Shindong-hyung and Zhoumi are talking about but found it hard since my eyes are glued to a certain fish and a shemale person cuddling at the edge of the stage. I can feel my eyebrows knitting together as Heechul-hyung wrapped Donghae in his arms and Donghae leaning closer to that hyung. Do they really have to do that?

"Hyuk"

"Ya, Lee Hyukjae!" someone shouted right at my ear that made me jump, and saw Shindong-hyung grinning like an idiot.

"Hyung!" I whined.

"Your fault. I kept calling you but you weren’t paying attention and your face looked like you wanted to punch someone," he answered back so I just decided to go with them until we were called to rehearse for the last time.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was jogging at the corridors looking for Donghae because his solo stage is next and I'll be having a part of him; which I am excited for. The dance was choreographed by the two of us and it really made me happy when he asked me to be on the stage with him. Hae's been known to be afraid to go to the stage alone and he always ask the members to perform with him, and for this song which he composed, he chose me. Not Kyuhyun, not Siwon. But me.

I stopped my tracks as I round the corner.

"Kyuhyun-ah," I heard Donghae's voice and it pains me to hear him call the maknae's name in such a gentle way. Letting my curiosity take control of me, I decided to peek a little and regretted it afterwards. Donghae was there, standing with his back facing me, wrapped in Kyuhyun's arms, and his one arm was wrapped on Kyuhyun's waist. Then, Kyu pulled back only to kiss Donghae's forehead. I wanted to grab Donghae right there and there and I was about to but then I heard Kyuhyun.

"I love you," Kyuhyun said then ran back to the dressing room, leaving Donghae standing there for a few seconds. Before he turn and go back to the stage, I hid behind the piling of box behind me, and when he passed by I stood and walked slowly to the direction of the stairs. My head in the clouds as I remember what I saw; what I heard.

If I did went out from my hiding spot and snatched Donghae away, what will I tell him? How will I explain myself? Can I tell him I love him looking straight in his eyes? What if he rejected me? What if he's falling for Kyuhyun? What if...

All those questions kept running in my mind the whole time during the concert. I can't look at Donghae in the eyes; I can't perform the way we practiced when we danced during his solo song. Even at our Gee parody, I tried my best to be the same Eunhyuk but thoughts of earlier keep playing in my mind. But during the fan service, I was put in bliss when Donghae smiled at me (the smile that would make my heart thump), held my hand, hugged me and kissed my cheek.

On our way back to the dorm, I was sitting at the back with my head rested on the wall and earphones on my ear, still deep in thought. We decided to watch our Gee parody and I beat Siwon and sat beside Donghae who's already beside the maknae. I clenched my teeth as the video started and everyone commenting on every member. The only one who got a compliment was Donghae and I wasn't able to resist his cuteness and whispered,

"You look cute," he looked at me and I stared at his brown eyes that never failed to make me smile, but that smile faded when he rested his head on Kyuhyun's shoulder. I felt like I'm losing him gradually, so I held his hand, and hid it under the pillow I was holding. I squeezed it and he did the same which made me smile and warm inside. Holding his hand like this felt so right, so warm and so soft. I looked at the screen and watched with content but frowned when I saw what Hae did to Kyu. Everyone was laughing, well, everyone except for me. We used to goof around like that. I was supposed to be the one who goof around with Hae like that. Feeling a bit betrayed, I released his hand.

The song finally ended and I bid everyone good night, without glancing at Hae and went straight to my room. Once I shut the door, I was greeted by Choco, wagging its tail and barking once so I scooped him in my arms and sat down on my bed. I faced Choco and he looked at me.

"Choco-ah, you think Donghae likes someone else?"

Choco whimpered, and I took that as a no. I smiled at the dog.

"I know right. Of course not," I asked and felt a bit silly talking to a dog but it did made me feel a bit better. I placed Choco on the bed and proceeded to the bathroom to change my clothes, and when I came out, Choco's already sprawled in the middle of my bed. I lied down carefully, not wanting to wake him up, and stared at the ceiling, waiting for sleep to come.

But it never came. I tossed and turned. Tried different sleeping position. Let my head hang at the edge of the bed but I can't sleep! Every time I close my eyes I can see Donghae smiling. Then it would turn to Kyuhyun. It's driving me nuts! Maybe I just needed a little fresh air. I opened the door and closed it quietly, careful not to wake the sleeping Choco and went to the direction of the balcony, only to find Donghae sitting there. I was about to turn around and go back to my room when Siwon's voice rang in my head.

"Of course he does. We're not cowards."

Coward?

I walked towards Donghae and pulled the chair beside him. There was silence so I decided to speak.

"Hae,"

"Hyuk," we said at the same time and we looked at each other, and then laughed. His child-like chuckle is music to my ears. I missed spending time together with him like this; laughing at nothing in particular.

"Why are you not in the bed sleeping, Hae?" I asked him and noticed that he had Bada in his arms. It makes me happy to see him loving the dogs I bought for him.

"I can ask the same to you," he answered back and it made me remember why I can't sleep.

"I can't sleep."

"Why?"

"I was thinking of some things," I answered him softly, leaning my head on the chair, looking at the starry sky.

"What things?" He asked again.

"Just---stuff," I said, leaning my head on the chair and closing my eyes.

"Oh. Ok," he answered and there was a moment of silence. After thinking it through and through in my head, I looked at him and saw that he too, had his eyes closed and was leaning his head on the chair. I stared at his face in side view; the perfect height of his nose, his long eye lashes, his Adams apple, his sweet, soft lips---

I shook my head. I need to know what I needed to know first.

"Hae, can I ask you a question?" He hummed in response.

"Promise to answer it honestly, okay?" I said and this time he opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Go on," he said.

"Are you---" looking down to muster all the courage I have and took a deep breath, I looked him in the eye again and leaned in a little,

"Are you and Kyu dating?" I held my breath as I watched his shocked expression; it looked like he stopped breathing as well. I waited for his answer, and then he sighed.

"No." He breathed and I was able to breathe again.

"But he is wooing me," he continued with his eyes looking down on Bada. This time I was the one with a shocked expression.

"Woo---Wooing you?" I asked with a shaky voice and he nodded, not lifting his gaze. I tighten my fist as I felt a pang in my chest. I was gradually feeling mad and scared; scared that Hae might be away from me. I placed my hand on his shoulder and forced him to look at me, which he reluctantly did.

"Do you like him, Donghae?" I asked, involuntarily sounding a bit cold with my voice, but I did not care. All I care about is his answer.

"I love him, Hyukkie" he answered, and that made my heart literally split into two. I was about to let go of him when he continued.

"I love him so much as a brother, but he loves me more than he should. He made me feel special, loved and appreciated. He was there when I was crying. He was the one who comforted me when I was alone. He was the one who protected me when I can't defend myself back in China. And he was the one willing to make me forget what I feel for you. I wish I can love him the way he loves me, Hyuk. I really wish that but I can't. He told me its okay. He promised me that he'll make me fall for him and I really am waiting for the day that that will happen; that I will fall for him because right now, I'm in so much pain. It pains me. I'm hurt because I still love you. I still love you so much that I think I'll go insane," he finished his speech with tears trickling down his face.

I was literally frozen. What did he say?

"Hae-ah. What did you say?" I spoke, and then he tensed and stood up abruptly, holding Bada.

"Sorry. Forget I ever said anything. I'll go in, now. Good night," then before I can stop him, he sprinted to his room and shut his door. I was left there, replaying the scene earlier.

I still love you so much that I think I'll go insane

He loves me. He still loves me.

I smiled to myself as I allowed the cold night air to brush my grinning face. I placed my hand at my chest where my heart is beating rapidly from happiness. I never felt so happy, so alive.

He loves me.

"I will definitely get you back. Prepare yourself, Hae."

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Kyaaaaah~! EUNHAE!

Oh my God, Hyukkie~! You monkey boy! Stop being a jealous monkey and start being a monkey prince! :)

I deserve ome pretty long comment guys...not 24 hours had passed since the last update and here I am again with another one...Show me some love...demanding, aren't I? :D

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