We sat down with Chanyeol, Baekhyun and D.O. in the meeting room to listen to their full accounts. My heart ached for Luhan upstairs with Lay who had set to work on Sehun. He and his brother were so close. If Sehun didn’t make it, there was no telling what Luhan would do.

Once the three boys were finished their stories the room fell into silence. Countless tears were hiding behind our eyes in anguish of the friends we’d lost. I pulled up the hood of Luhan’s sweatshirt which I still wore and hid my face behind my hair, hoping nobody would see my dampened cheeks. I’d always had a soft spot for Suho since the day I woke up on this planet, and Kai had been like a brother to me. Now they were gone forever.

Someone sat down next to me on the couch and wrapped their arms around me. I leaned my head against their shoulder and finally let my tears fall, no longer caring about my pride.

“Shhh,” Chen’s voice whispered in my ear while he my hair.

“I never even got to say goodbye,” I wept into his arms.

“I know, I know,” he rocked me back and forth.

“What if Sehun doesn’t wake up? I don’t think I could bear it; Luhan would be broken.”

“Don’t think that way,” he stopped me. “Sehun will be fine; you’ll see.”

I held tighter to Chen, wanting to believe him but knowing I couldn’t. Sehun’s state was critical; hopeless for a normal human being. Lay held a lot of power, but we all knew that there were limits. The odds of Sehun surviving were extremely slim.

“We need to leave.”

I lifted my head at the sound of Kris’s voice.

“What do you mean ‘leave’?” Xiu Min asked.

“We’re not safe here anymore. We’re not safe anywhere,” he replied, standing by the fireplace.

“But what about Sehun? It’ll be difficult to transport him in this condition.”

“And our supplies,” Tao put in. “We only have what water Suho left us, and the only place food will grow is the green house-,”

“Don’t you see?!” Kris slammed his fist down on the wooden mantel. “The war has already begun! Anonymous won’t stop now. They know we have limited resources. We’ve been physically and mentally weakened. It’s a golden opportunity for them. The least we can do is keep them guessing where we are and hope to spring a surprise attack on them.”

“But Sehun-,”

“Sehun’s not going to make it!” Kris burst out, sending us all into a stunned silence. His face changed when he saw our reactions. “I care about Sehun too. But I’ve seen cases like his. Even the best healer can’t cure everything.”

“Shut up!” I shouted, jumping up from the couch. “Who says miracles can’t happen?! You don’t know everything so stop pretending like you do! Lay is an incredible healer, and he won’t stop until Sehun is back on his feet walking again. So why don’t you shut that trap of yours and start thinking positive for once in your life?!”

Kris stormed across the room, reaching me in three steps. He put his face straight up to mine, and breathed heavily in anger. “Think positive? I’m the son of a coward. I’m the son of a disgusting man that only cared about himself. I couldn’t even love my own father. My whole life I’ve had to live in the darkness of reality, and you ask me to be positive?” His face boiled red with so much anger that he was bound to burst at any second.

“So you’re telling me you’re no different? Our leader is a coward, just like his father?”

The crisp sound of Kris’s hand making contact with my cheek filled the room and a stinging sensation spread over the side of my face.

We both stared at each other in shock. He looked down at his hand as if it had reached up and slapped me by itself. His mouth struggled to form words as he looked back up at me.

“I- I…”

I took a step backwards, shaking my head. Without another word I ran out of the room before anyone could see fresh tears escape from my eyes. I ran out the front door and didn’t stop until I reached the fighting arena. There I found myself a large rock and sat down to catch my breath.

“Yah!” I shouted, throwing a stone down toward the valley that we were so familiar with. The truth was Kris’s slap hadn’t really hurt. Sure it stung a bit, but it was my mentality that he had messed with. It was as if he had slapped me into his reality for a quick second. There I saw everything he was talking about; Sehun’s slim chances, our clan’s weakness. Most of all I saw the fear I thought I’d buried. I was still that frightened girl from a few days ago; unsure of her own life.

“Please Sehun,” I cried into my hands. “Open your eyes! Please just get through this! Do it for your brother! You can’t leave us now. If you leave, then you’ll be taking Luhan with you. Don’t to that to me Sehun. I don’t want to do this without him; I can’t. I need him more than you know, so please, please… pull through for us."

I lifted my face and let the wind blow my hair into my tears. Even the breeze was weak. It whispered about its struggle to survive as it fought a battle with itself, just as Sehun was doing.

“Phoebe?”

I opened my eyes to see Xiu Min standing in front of me.

“Oh, um hey,” I blushed, wiping away my tears and hoping he hadn’t heard what I’d just said.

Xiu Min sat down next to me, placing a hand under my chin to turn my face toward him. “Does it hurt?”

“Nah,” I shook my head and looked away. “I just overreacted I guess.”

“No, you had every right to be angry like that,” he said comfortingly while slipping his hand into mine.

I looked down at our interlocked fingers, then back up at Xiu Min.

“Phoebe…” he gazed straight into my eyes. “I think you’re a great person.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” I smile, making sure all my tears were gone.

“I mean… I really like you. Like, really really like you.”

“Oh,” I glanced down at the ground awkwardly.

“Is that an I-like-you-too “oh” or a this-just-got-awkward “oh”?”

“Xiu Min, I think you’re awesome, I really do. We always have fun messing with powers together and you never fail to make me laugh.”

“But?” he sighed.

“But, I just don’t have those kinds of feelings for you. I want us to just stay really close friends,” I said, wishing I didn’t have to do this at all. Talking about this kind of thing was not something I liked nor was used to.

“Okay,” Xiu Min fell silent. We both stared out across the dark landscape, neither of us uttering a word.

“Is it Luhan?” Xiu Min finally asked.

I turned to look at him and his eyes were full of sorrow. Admitting my affection for Luhan to this guy right now would just be too cruel. Besides, I hadn’t even completely admitted it to myself yet, though I knew the feelings were there.

“Come on,” I stood up and offered him my hand. “We should head back now.”

Xiu Min took my hand and we started back across the rocky soil toward Keunjib. A hundreds thoughts swirled through my mind. If I admitted to liking Luhan, everything would change. I liked things how they were. I didn’t want them to change. I’ll tell him when the time is right. I concluded. Whenever that may be…

By the time we got back to Keunjib Xiu Min had me laughing like usual. I stepped inside with tears in my eyes and a hand on his shoulder to keep my balance.

“Oh my gosh,” I laughed. “You’re ridiculous!”

“What’s going on?”

I looked up at the staircase to see Luhan who had stopped half way down. His face was written over with anger, worry and sadness. I noticed his eyes glance at my hand on Xiu Min’s shoulder, so I quickly slipped it off.

“Luhan, it’s not what it looks like-,”

“Oh, I know what it looks like,” he cut Xiu Min off and stormed down the stairs toward us. “I thought we had a deal!”

“We do! I mean, we did,” Xiu Min stuttered.

“A deal about what?” I asked, totally confused by what was happening.

“What do you mean we did?!” Luhan snapped with fire in his eyes. His little hands were balled up in fists and shook with rage.

“Phoebe and I had a talk, and she con-,”

“A talk?” Luhan scoffed. “You’ve broken so many conditions for our deal, I oughtta hand you over to Anonymous right now!”

“What deal? What are you talking about?!” I prodded again, but neither answered.

“If you’d just give me a chance to explain, you’d understand-,” Xiu Min tried, but was cut off once again by Luhan.

“Oh I understand perfectly, and I’m done with you. Both of you,” Luhan glared at me, though it was more of a painful, wanting look. With that he turned and run back up the stairs, slamming the door to his and Sehun’s room.

“What was that about?” I asked Xiu Min, but he only shook his head.

“Nothing now I guess,” he sighed and walked away, leaving me in the front hall alone to ponder.