My dear readers! I am SO, SO SORRY that I was absent for so long. I know, a few months ago I told you to update soon, but it took me so long though. Really, I'm very, very sorry. That won't happen again. From now on, I will be online again regularly and update regularly, too. I hope you like this chapter and thank you so much for not giving up on this story!


A soft touch woke Jiyong up. Soft, warm lips hovered over his cheeks.
“Ji. Ji, wake up.”
G-Dragon giggled when Tabi kissed his lips and his temple.
“Wake up, my cute sleepyhead. It’s almost 11 AM.”
“Don’t want to.”, Jiyong murmured. He opened his eyes and met Seunghyun’s gaze. The older’s eyes were full of love and tenderness. Smiling, GD wrapped his arms around Tabi’s neck and cuddled him down onto the bed.
“Good morning, my love.”, he whispered. Seunghyungs arms tightened around his waist.
“I love you.”, TOP’s dark voice was to be heard and he kissed his little dragon’s nape.
Softly, GDs hands caressed Seunghyun’s bare shoulders. “I love you too.”
The younger’s plump lips roamed over Tabi’s neck and his gorgeous jawline, nibbling softly on his skin, before both of them sank into a deep kiss. For a long time, they just kissed and caressed each other, enjoying their closeness and the touch of their bodies.
“We have to get up.”, Seunghyun whispered after some time.
“The others will be here soon.”
Jiyong pouted. “Such a pity.”, he whispered. “I wish we could stay like this forever…”
“Me too.” Seunghun kissed Jiyong’s pout. “But I don’t think our brothers want to see us like this.” He grinned and winked at his lover. “Let’s shower and dress and prepare for lunch, okay?”
After a little sigh, Jiyong nodded. They got up from Jiyong’s king size bed and walked over to the bathroom, holding hands.
After a quick shower, filled with lots of kisses and hugs, the young rappers went to their kitchen, to prepare some food for the whole band.  While doing so, it was silent. This silence wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable; it was a nice, soothing one, and Jiyong could forget for a few minutes that his boyfriend had his surgery at this afternoon.
Half an hour later, Taeyang, Daesung and Seungri arrived at their dorm, all of them smiling when they saw how happy TOP seemed to be. During their lunch, there wasn’t said one single word about cancer or the surgery by one of them; the five young musicians just enjoyed the last few hours together, before Seunghyun had to go to the hospital. Tabi was really, really thankful for that. The last thing he needed was another emotional breakdown right now. After finishing his portion of food, Seunghyun put his hand on Jiyongs which lay on the table, caressing it softly. The young leader smiled and laced their fingers together.

It was time for Seunghyun to gather some clothing for  the hospital. While the three others were cleaning up the kitchen, Seunghyun and Jiyong went to TOP’s room where the dark-voiced rapper packed up a travel bag. Jiyong, sitting on the edge of his lover’s bed, watched the older in silence, in every single impression of the other. He wanted to remember every movement, every sound and every glance of that beautiful man he loved so much, and he wanted to treasure all of those impressions in his heart.
“I love you, Seunghyun.”, he said, quietly, and Tabi turned around to face his boyfriend.
“I love you too.”, he answered. “And I can’t wait for this surgery to be over… So I can be with you again. I want to conquer the world together with you, Ji.”
Those words made Jiyong shed some tears, and he nodded. “We will!”

Another 30 minutes later, Seunghyun was ready to go to the hospital. He felt surprisingly calm and only wanted to be operated and okay again. Holding Jiyongs hand, the five young men of Big Bang went to their van, where their manager was waiting. He volunteered to drive them to the hospital. Now, the atmosphere was tense;  Tabi could sense that his bandmates, all of them, were totally nervous and scared. He, still, was totally calm. It was really strange.
Not letting go GD’s hand for one second, Seunghyun did not speak a single word on their ride to the hospital; the other young men did the same. But when they arrived and Taeyang took his travel bag to carry it inside the building, TOP could see that all of them were struggling with their tears – even their manager. He hugged Tabi for almost a minute. “You will make it. Stay strong.”, he said and the dark haired rapper nodded, gave him a slight smile. Then, the manager left again. A young nurse waited for TOP at the reception and told him that, after he changed his clothes, the surgery would start immediately. He had a few minutes to talk to his bandmates and then she would take him to the surgery ward.
Seunghyun nodded and turn around, towards his best friends. All of them were crying now. This was the moment when Tabi couldn’t stop the tears from also flowing down his cheeks.
“I love you guys.”, he just said and spread his arms. Jiyong, Daesung, Seungri and Taeyang hugged him at the same time, and he pressed them softly more at himself.
“We love you too, hyung”, Seungri said, muffled and with a shaky voice. The three nodded in unison.
“In a few hours we will meet again. Don’t worry about me, okay?” Tabi ruffled Daesung’s hair and they let him go. One after another hugged the tall rapper and Jiyong was the last to say goodbye to his lover. Still crying, he wrapped his hands around Tabi’s neck and kissed him. Their kiss was tender, loving, and it lasted long. “I love you more than my life. Please don’t die.”, Jiyong begged when they parted, and TOP nodded, silently sobbing. “I love you, Jiyong. I will fight and try my best.” Another soft kiss was exchanged, and after that, the young nursed appeared again. She smiled sadly because of the sight of five crying young men. “Choi Seunghyun-sshi”, she spoke, “We need to go.”
Tabi nodded and caressed Jiyongs head, before taking an envelope out of the pocket of his jacket.
This envelope he gave to Jiyong and Seunghyun gave a small smile to the other guys. Then, he turned towards the nurse, now carrying his travel bag, and both of them disappeared behind a large door.

“What is this?”, Daesung asked quietly, pointing at the envelope Jiyong received from TOP.
The young leader wiped some tears off his cheeks. “A letter, I suppose.”, he simply said. Taeyang walked over to the pink haired and put an arm around his slightly shaking shoulder. “Shall I open it?”, he asked, but Jiyong shook his head. “No. I will do.”
With also shaking hands, the young rapper opened the envelope and pulled out a letter. Recognizing Seunghyun’s hand writing, he let out a faint sob, before reading it out.

To my beloved bandmates and the love of my life, it began, and Daesung and Seungri gathered around Jiyong to listen, thank you all so much for supporting me in this hard time of my life. I’m very sorry for worrying all of you; it was truly not my intention. It hurts to see you, who are a part of my family, cry and suffer, and I wish I could’ve kept all of this a secret. On the other hand, you guys are the people closest to me; it would’ve been really unfair if I wouldn’t have told you.
I really hope I will make it. I never told all of you, but I’m really, really scared. No, I’m not scared, I’m horrified. I want to live, and I want to stay at you guy’s sides forever. So, I will give my best to survive. But if I don’t, please, go on. Don’t stop doing what you are doing now, because you guys are truly amazing – as artists, as musicians, as people. If I die, it is my wish that all of you keep on making music as Big Bang and remember me from time to time.
Of course I want to survive to continue making our dream of this band true, together with all of you!
But if I don’t, I want all of you to know that it was an honour to me that I have been able to work with such amazing people like you are. You have made my life perfect as it was and those years with you have been the happiest of my life.
I thank you and I hope we will see each other again in a few hours.
Seunghyun

Jiyong’s voice broke from time to time reading that letter, and his fellow bandmates were sobbing, too. They didn’t care if somebody saw them like this – Seunghyun’s emotional words touched their hearts. But the letter was not finished yet. There were still some lines left, addressed to Jiyong.

Ji, I love you. More than words can say, and I can tell that I am the happiest person on earth because you feel the same for me. Our love helps me to stay strong and my biggest wish is to live a long and healthy life at your side.
I already said this to all of you, but please, Jiyong, I beg you – if I don’t survive, don’t mourn over me too long. Keep on doing what you’re doing – keep on writing those awesome lyrics, those awesome melodies, keep on producing awesome music. You are the most talented of all musicians I ever met and it’d be a pity if you wouldn’t use that talent of yours.
If I can’t be at your side to conquer the world, please conquer it at your own. Be sure that from heaven, I will watch you and I will be proud.

And with this, the letter found its end. Jiyong couldn’t take all of this anymore. Sobbing heavily, he sank to his knees, on the floor, and buried his face in his hands. The thought of Seunghyun dying just was too terrible. He had to survive. He just had to; otherwise, Jiyong would never be able to be happy again.