"What do you mean I lied, Rin?" Seunghyun cluelessly asked as we sat on the couch. The television was on, and the packets of food were on the coffee table before us. But Seunghyun wouldn't pay attention to any of those until I answered his questions.

"You told your fiancee that you'll be having classes all day. She wanted to meet you but you rejected her. Moreover, you rejected her with a lie." I calmly said, emphasizing the last few words that I never imagined using on Seunghyun. He expression darkened, no longer eager to hear my reasoning. Even so, he tried to explain himself.

"I thought you'd be lonely at home so I-"

"So you're not worried that your fiancee might be lonely?" I interrupted.

"Why do you keep calling her that?" he groaned, "She has a name!"

"I don't know, I thought you'd like that title. She's your fiancee. Sounds really sweet. Reminds you that you're about to marry her. Oh, or do you prefer me saying her name? You must love the sound of her name."

Seunghyun watched with his brows knitted as I rambled on. I knew from the look in his eyes that he was upset. Not just with the situation, but with me. So before he said anything that could break my heart, I stood up.

"I'm going upstairs." I mumbled, not caring if he heard. But before I could turn away, he grabbed my arm. I winced and gave him a glare as he stood up and took a step closer.

"I don't know why you're mad at me for wanting to spend time with you. But I didn't come home so I can watch you turn away from me, lock yourself in the room and cry. If you're going to cry, cry here so I can hug you."

His voice was deep, his words sounding almost like a command. With him so close, I felt enveloped in his scent, his presence. Unknowingly, I let a tear fall.

"Rin..." he muttered, wiping my tears with his thumb.

I didn't know why I was crying, or why I was even mad. I shouldn't have been, because I had won. I had Seunghyun to myself today. He chose to spend his day with me instead of Hwayoung. Still, I couldn't help but hate what he was doing. I cried, probably because I was tired. And perhaps I was afraid. I feared the monster I was becoming. I didn't want to compete with someone else for what I felt like I deserved. But I had made an agreement with myself just the day before...that I was going to gradually let Seunghyun slip out of my grasp. And that scared me more than ever.


-


"Seunghyun, is school tiring?" I randomly asked, just so we had something to say. Ever since my dad announced that our family was leaving Korea, Seunghyun had been having moodswings so drastic, even I was afraid to approach him sometimes.

"How long more do we have?" he squeaked.

"What?" I breathed, not understanding what he meant.

"How long more till you leave?" Seunghyun said without any emotion.

"Two weeks, Seunghyun."

I heard him breathe heavily.

"Seunghyun..." I spoke, "Let's not be like this."

He looked up at me with sorrowful eyes, making my heart sink a little.

"We should be cherishing our remaining time together." I whined.

He lowered his head, sorting out his emotions for a moment before looking up at me again with that smile I loved so much.

"Ok. Rin, can we go somewhere?" he said softly, almost in a whisper.

I nodded with a subtle smile.


-


Seunghyun and I sat in the kid's room, playing Halo on their X-box.

"I'm lost, Rin." Seunghyun mumbled, eyes glued to the screen.

"Where? Follow the blue arrow."

After two seconds, he sighed.

"I'm coming back for you now." I announced. At that moment, even though my eyes were on the screen, I could see Seunghyun's face turned to me. When I finally found him in the game, his character wasn't moving. So I turned to him, only to find him staring at me with the same kind of gaze he had in the past, when I caught him looking up at me from his book. The look in his eyes were soft, like admiration, and yet held a steak of misery...I tilted my head and waved a hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his daze.

"Hurry, Seunghyun!"

He quickly focused his attention back to the game. That look worried me. So I stole another glance at Seunghyun. And just to be sure a minute later, I stole another glance. And another, and another, an-

"If you keep getting distracted, you're going to die, Rin." Seunghyun said with a smirk.

"Shut up." I muttered, embarrassed.

It wasn't long before the guys returned. Seunghyun and I handed the game over to Daesung and Seungri and we both went downstairs to prepare for dinner.

"Rin, why are there so many carrots?!" Seunghyun whined, staring at the soup in disgust.

"Because it's good for you!" I replied, mimicking his tone.

He leaned back against the counter, pouting.

"Oh by the way, I'm going to meet Hwayoung unnie again tomorrow." I casually told Seunghyun. Immediately, he turned serious.

"I said her name this time." I said in a singing tone, "Cause I know you love her name."

"That's not why I got mad just now, Rin." he groaned in frustration. I simply ignored that statement as I continued tasting the soup.

"Rin!" he nudged me, "I just don't like hearing you mention her like as if it hurts."

Still, I remained silent, moving away so I can carry on with the other dishes. Seunghyun just stood in his spot helplessly, not knowing what to say to get me to respond. He sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair in frustration. Seeing him so helpless, I gave in.

"Hwayoung unnie's teaching me how to cook. Isn't that lovely?"

He looked up at me with a surprised expression.

"Really? Why?" he asked.

"Because I asked her for help. We made a deal." I answered, looking away as I mumbled the last part.

"What deal?" Seunghyun questioned as if demanding to know.

"Dinner is ready, guys!" I called out.

"Rin..." Seunghyun murmured, holding my wrist. He was looking at me with intense eyes, clearly showing that he wasn't going to let this slide. I saw a hint of anger flash pass those eyes in that instant, and my heart sank. Seunghyun was afraid. Afraid of me. Afraid of what I'd do, or say to his fiancee. This is what the second woman gets. It's always this way. It's not like I haven't seen enough of it in dramas...so why did it shock me so much? Because I never thought I'd ever see that look in Seunghyun eyes...not directed to me, at least.

"I'm not going to jeopardize your marriage, Seunghyun." I whispered, trying my hardest to hold the tears in. As soon as Seunghyun noticed my bottom lip trembling, he let go of my wrist. Not knowing what to say, he quickly left the kitchen.

"If you're going to cry, cry here so I can hug you."

That was what he said just two hours ago.


-


"I'm so excited, Haerin! I'm going to go see my wedding dress tonight! I hope I didn't gain weight from the last fitting!" Hwayoung rambled with a cute pout.

"Hwayoung unnie..." I spoke, interrupting her dreamy moment, "Which do you think is worse? Cheating for ...or cheating for love?"

Those words, I phrased exactly the way they ran through my mind ever since I was a little girl. My own answer to this question wavered constantly throughout my life. But it always ended up somewhere...Unlike now, where I was a corrupted adult. And this discussion wouldn't end with a concluding debate, but guilty silence.

"Where do you get these questions from?" Hwayoung curiously asked, tilting her head as she pondered.

"I was just watching this drama the other day...and, well, I was just wondering. And I don't have a boyfriend, so I can't really relate to it, but you're gonna get married, unnie. So which do you think is worse?"

"I think...I think it's both just as bad, Haerin." she stated, frowning as she tried to put herself in the female lead's shoes. I nodded, agreeing to an extent.

"Can you list out the ways in which they're bad?" I requested, hoping to hear more than just general answers. She gave me a look, as if my question was ridiculous.

"They're both horrible, Haerin! If a man cheats on his wife for then he's a sick, irresponsible bastard." she screech, "He knows he's going to break his wife's heart, but doesn't care! He's selfish and disgusting."

I nodded thoughtfully.

"So it would make you feel better if he cheated because he's in love with another woman?"

"Well..." she hesitated, "Then that would kind of break my heart too... I mean, where did I go wrong, that his feelings would die out so easily? If he did cheat on me for , it would make it easier for me to hate him. Dumping him would be easier. But if we really just lost our sparks...It's like he's leaving me behind, isn't it?"

It was interesting how the discussion suddenly revolved around Hwayoung, as she literally was in that position. The way she spoke from a first person's point of view got me nervous, and yet amused at the same time.

"So anyway, it's a comparison question, unnie." I cleared my throat, snapping her out of her bubble of doubts.

"I guess cheating for love is worse..." she mumbled. I raised a brow, confused by her answer. Just a moment ago, she was flaring up at the thought of a man cheating for his lustful desires. Understanding from my expression, she explained.

"Well, people make mistakes...When two people have been in a relationship for awhile, they lose track of what used to make them happy. That doesn't mean they don't love eachother anymore... Sometimes they have to hurt eachother to remember how much they love eachother."

"So cheating for is good?"

"NO!" she snapped, "What I mean is that things may still work out afterwards. But if he just falls out of love with me...then that's the end..."

I kept quiet, letting her words sink into my thick skull. Hwayoung was a stupid girl. So stupid, she'd rather take back a disrespectful, betraying bastard than to completely lose him forever. From her eyes, I could tell that my question left her feeling insecure. And the only reason she'd feel that way was because she completely laid her heart out on this discussion. Her answer led me to believing that she loved Seunghyun. She really did. She loved him more than she loved herself. She was a stupid girl. Yet a part of me felt relieved.

That night, as Seunghyun was out with Hwayoung to see her gown, the rest of the guys and I sat together in the living room and watched tv. It felt like any other day, except that a big part of me was missing.

"I can't believe hyung is already getting married." Daesung commented.

"Yeah, he's such a baby." Jiyong laughed, earning a punch on the arm from Taeyang.

"You're in no place to say that."

We all laughed, agreeing with Taeyang's statement.

"I want to get married too..." Seungri mumbled, leaning his chin in his palm. That evoked even more laughter.

"First, you have to grow up, kiddo." Jiyong said, messing his hair. Seungri just frowned at Jiyong like the child that he was.


-


"Seunghyun, where are we going?" I asked in a whisper. Without looking back at me, Seunghyun replied.

"You'll see when we get there."

We had been walking along the street for the past half an hour, in a direction that I've always assumed led to a dead end. It was bright in the day, but not many people roamed around that area and no cars drove into that alley. All that could be heard was the chirping of the birds in the distance and the wind. Not forgetting the sound of our footsteps.

"Can't you tell me now? You know I don't like surprises." I whined.

"Oh, you'll like this one."

The assurance in his voice made me trust him. So I stopped complaining, and let him lead the way, with my hand in his. After several more minutes, we arrived.
And my eyes widened in awe at the sight before me. The cemented brick walls and gravel path we've been trailing ended adruptly to nothing but golden brown weeds reaching up to our knees. And in the distance, among the weeds was a tree with wide branches, as if stretching gracefully upon waking up to the day.

Seunghyun took a peep at me and broke into silent laughter.

"I told you you'll like this one." he snickered.

"How did you find a place like this?!"

"I was on my way home from school the other day when I ran into a puppy. So I followed it all the way here."

My lips curled into a soft smile as I watched Seunghyun tell me his story, slightly embarrassed by how childish he sounded.

"How is it possible that a field like this is here?" I curiously asked, amazed by the way they swayed so uniformly with the wind.

"It wasn't naturally this way, Rin. I saw a man cutting all of them off the other day. He lives in this area...He's the one that grooms them. He told me they'll all be tall and beautiful in three weeks. I wanted to bring you here then. But..." he trailed off.

"I'll be gone by then..." I finished his sentence for him, making his frowns furrow at my stinging words.

"Let's go there!" Seunghyun smiled, taking my hand. We followed the bare trail that led to the tall tree in the middle of the field. I sighed after taking a deep
breath. The air was different. Perhaps it was just how breath-taken I was by the sight before my eyes.

"When I first saw this tree, I thought of how we always laze around at home. We now have a peaceful place to read, Rin."

My smile faded, His discovery was a little too late.

"We still have time, Seunghyun." I suddenly said, as if comforting myself, "We still have two weeks!"

Seunghyun nodded hopefully.

"This shall be our new hideout." he proudly declared.


-


"Where are you going at a time like this, noona?" Daesung asked, rubbing his tired eyes.

"I'm going to the convenience store to get some stuff. It's late. Go sleep, alright?"

I quickly shut the front door before he could question further. It was already 12.15am, and the streets were quiet. Because our street wasn't facing the main road, there weren't many cars passing. It was seemingly dangerous, yet my heart was completely calm. It was a chilly night, and all I had on was a hoodie, a pair of worn out jeans and flip flops. I let out a sigh, regretting my choice of attire.

I strolled down the quiet street, trying my hardest to find my way in this darkness. The only thing that lit the street were the lamp posts every few meters and a few houses with their lights still on. I relied fully on my gut to take me to my destination. After quite some distance, my legs instinctively halted to a stop as I noticed the wooden mailbox that still stood so awkwardly by the gate.

I let out a regretful breath, as my eyes drifted to the house beside mine. Both seemed completely drowned in darkness. Not one light was lit...and that made my heart ache. How could it be, that the room on the second floor, that was always left on was now completely dark? For a split moment, I thought I saw the lights flash on. But as quickly as it happened, it was completely dark once more. My eyes must have been playing tricks on me. Or perhaps it was the image imprinted in my mind that forced it's way through my consciousness.

I took a deep breath, as if gathering courage before I finally turned away. I headed in the direction I clearly remembered to have taken every afternoon that year. But with the darkness so illuminating, I felt completely devoured by an unfamiliar gloom. I wasn't even sure if that place still existed, but I came all the way at this hour without any thought or plans...I might as well walked till I find it.

All of a sudden, my cellphone rang. And in the almost deafening silence of the night, the ringing seemed to have caused quite an eruption. Little noises were heard from every corner, in the shadows. Because it was so quiet, every single sound was amplified. The bicycle leaning against a lamp post seemed to have jerked, and the windows left open on the top floor of a house squeaked as it swayed. Suddenly, I was afraid. I quickly answered the call, my eyes darting all around me in paranoia.

"Rin, where are you? Why aren't you in your room?"

The worry in his voice was evident, but I was too distracted by my nerves to be comforting him. Instead, I bit my lip and suppressed the fear from being audible.

"I'm out for a walk. Don't wait for me. Bye."

And I hung up, without saying one word more. I was afraid, because even as Seunghyun spoke to me through the phone, I felt like I was alone as I replied. It felt as if I was speaking out loud in the dark...alone...what if something else replied?! I took a few breaths to calm myself before I continued. As I entered the little alley, I was heading further and further away from the lit street. No matter how hard I squinted, I couldn't see the end of the road I was walking on. I took a peep at my cellphone for the time. It was exactly an hour past midnight...

All of a sudden, a blinding ray of light shone from behind, lighting up the road before me. I turned back, holding my hand out to block the light from my eyes.


"What are you doing here?"