"So, do you like it?" Hwayoung asked, her eyes filled with anticipation.

"It's delicious!" I exclaimed, giving her a thumbs up. She squealed in delight.

"I'm going to make this for Seunghyun." she proudly declared. My smiled faded.

She picked me up from my house, just so I could try her newly invented dish...for Seunghyun. It was kind of strange, the way our relationship tangled. Still, I enjoyed Hwayoung's company.

"Unnie...Can you teach me how to cook a few things?" I requested hopefully, "I want to cook for the guys."

"Sure! But you have to answer a few of my questions first!" she chirped, clapping her hands together. I had a bad feeling about her 'questions'. They always revolved around Seunghyun, or how close I was with the guys. But how bad could they get? I didn't see any harm in giving her some answers, so I nodded. She smiled, obviously having had the intention of asking me these 'questions' even before I came.

"Haerin- ah...you live with Top, don't you? Does he have any weird or interesting habits?"

I let my eyes wonder as I tried to remember.

"He doesn't really have any weird habits...but he's really organized." I stated, "He always puts his things away so they don't make a mess...but he sometimes forgets where he leaves his stuff."

She nodded as she listened attentively.

"He always gets up from bed really quick, not causing trouble for anyone. But there are times when he oversleeps." I smiled as I thought back Seunghyun, "When he does, he hates being shaken up. He can be grumpy the entire day if he's shocked out of his sleep. He likes to be woken in gentler ways."

Her brows knitted together as she took a mental note on that.

"For a guy his size, he's actually really clumsy. He can cook, but he can't clean. But when he tries and messes up, don't reprimand him for it. He gets demoralized easily. He's always quiet. But just because he doesn't say anything, doesn't mean he doesn't have opinions. He actually has many interesting views on things, but he never voices them out until you're alone with him. You may think he's strange when he randomly brings up a topic discussed days ago, but don't brush it off. Because he probably spent days thinking about it. And it probably meant a lot to him. "

I stopped, letting the twists of regrets in my heart cool itself before my emotions got the better of me.

"Haerin..." Hwayoung spoke, breaking me from my train of thoughts. Her eyes searched mine as if trying hard to see through me.

"I'm sorry." I laughed awkwardly, "I got carried away. You probably already know these things..."

"No, Haerin, I don't."

The calmness in her voice scared me. She probably noticed because she replaced the solemn ambiance with her lively giggles.

"Alright, I'll teach you a few things!"

I spent my afternoon at Hwayoung's place, learning to cook for the guys. Hwayoung was patient and thoughtful. She enjoyed anything she did and found wonder in everything. For a quiet and reserved guy like Seunghyun, she was the perfect girl. They complemented eachother in every way. Seunghyun was the luckiest man in the world, to have met Hwayoung and won over her heart with hardly any effort. I wonder if he knew. I guess not. Would he still have kept me if he did?


"Haerin, can you tell me more about Top everytime we meet?" Hwayoung pleaded before I left, rubbing her palms together cutely. I laughed.

"I don't know much, unnie."

"But Haerin, you're such a warm person. It must be because you're so sincere, you observe and understand people. Even the sides to them that they hide. I want to be able to do that too. I want to know Top."

Her sweet hazel eyes begged for a reply while I kept silent, listening to the irregular beats of my heart. I wasn't sure what triggered the pain. Perhaps it was the thought of being replaced...Or it could have been the sudden reminder that Seunghyun was marrying this lady before me in a month's time...and that the depth of my understanding of Seunghyun would soon become nothing but an open wound.

"Seunghyun is not a thing, Hwayoung unnie. I can't just describe him with words...You can't know him that way. You have to be around him, gain his trust, be his shelter...You've been together for almost two years now, haven't you? I'm sure you know him well. The Seunghyun that you know, is that not enough for you?"

I watched as the look in her eyes turned to sorrow. And immediately, I regretted what I had just said.

"You're right. I know these things too. I'm about to make a vow to live with this man for the rest of my life...I shouldn't be trying to understand him through the words of someone else." she paused, "But I'm feeling awfully insecure, Haerin. I feel like I haven't attained that special place in his heart yet. I feel like the Top I know is only 10% of the iceberg, and that the Seunghyun that hangs by your lips is the other 90% that he hides. I feel like...I feel like there are a million things I don't know, and will never know about Top. And I hate that feeling..."

As she spoke with such sadness, my heart starting aching too. She was right. I was the only person in this world that knew that 90% of the iceberg. So why wasn't I the one he was going marry? Why did I have to step aside and watching someone else bask in the life I craved for, when I've clearly won in every aspect other than beauty? I guess time was the biggest factor here. While I gave up the time I could have had with Seunghyun, I was practically handing him over to this angel before me that let not one second slip away.

The pain I was experiencing was but the result of my decisions. And to be able to humbly give up, I had to completely accept that I have been defeated. But that wasn't possible if I continued holding on so tightly to the pieces of Seunghyun that I selfishly possessed. So I slowly let them slip away...

"Alright, I'll help you. I'll tell you about him."

When I got home that evening, I quickly put on my apron and started preparing for dinner. I was alone at home but I liked how it felt, knowing that I'll be greeted by my five guardian angels in no time. And I was prepared to be praised for the feast! As I was halfway done, my cellphone started ringing. I quickly turned off the fire and placed the pan down as I answered the call.

"Rin!" Seunghyun's voice sounded, brightening my day in an instant.

"Seunghyun-ah! Have your classes ended?"

"Neh...I'm not coming home for dinner tonight, Rin."

I could hear from his forlorn tone that he felt bad. And he didn't have to spell it out for me. I knew where he was going tonight. I glanced back at the table of dishes. My heart sank.

"Rin? Are you still there?"

"Yeah." I simply replied, not knowing what to say to make myself seem fine.

"I'm sorry..." he muttered.

It was that apology again...in that same tone of voice. It only worsened the pained that I so desperately tried to mask. I took a deep breath, forcing a smile even though he couldn't see it.

"It's ok, Seunghyun. Have fun!" I chirped and hastily hung up before the quivers of my voice gave my heartache away.

All of a sudden, the silence felt awfully lonely...

"NOONAAAAA!!!!!!!!"

Or not.