"Hyung, Haerin!" Jiyong called, opening the door slightly. But before the door could swing open any more, Seunghyun slammed it shut, locking it.

"Ya hyung! What are you doing?!" Taeyang shouted, banging on the door.

"Are hyung and noona fighting?" Daesung asked, voice filled with worry.

The commotion outside was building up more and more by the second. And I guess what scared them most was our silence. The door was like a medium separating two completely different worlds. While the guys were worried to death outside, trying to break the door down, Seunghyun and I just stood in our own peace without a word being exchanged.

He was searching my eyes for possibilities, while I searched his for any signs of humor in his request.

"Ya Choi Seunghyun, open this door right this instant!" Taeyang furiously demanded.

As if not hearing the angry voices from outside, Seunghyun spoke in utmost serenity.

"You said you wanted to go back..."

"We're going to break this door if you don't say something, hyung." Jiyong threatened.

"We can do that, Rin..."

"Is noona ok?" I heard Seungri's anxious voice.

My mind was a mess. I wasn't sure if it was the din outside that stressed me, or the inner struggle going on between the head and the heart. I raced to the door, swinging it open. And in an instant, all the noise from before vanished.

"Haerin, are you ok?" Taeyang asked, lowering himself to look me in the face as he held my shoulders.

"Hyung, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Jiyong raged. Seunghyun kept silent, not looking anyone in the eye.

"What happened?" Taeyang questioned in his soothing voice, gently cupping my face in his hands. And almost immediately upon seeing that, Seunghyun stomped forward and protectively pulled me away from Taeyang.

"What are you doing?!" I shrieked, pushing Seunghyun away with all my might. But it was useless. Seunghyun wasn't the weak little boy he was before. He was now well-built, towering over me as I struggled like a helpless ant. But as soon as he reached for my arm, I shunned away in distress, eyes fixed on the ground.

"Rin..." he groaned in agony from seeing me fear his touch. His brows furrowed and his jaws clenched tightly, as if about to break down. Before any of it happened, I made a dash, running down the stairs and out the front door.

"Noona!" I heard Seungri call despondently. But I didn't look back. I couldn't. I was afraid of what I'll see.

-

 

"Are you alright?" Seunghyun asked, touching my cheek with the back of his hand, "You're burning, Rin."

"I'm fine, I just need some sleep." I replied, not opening my eyes. I heard the sound of a chair being dragged beside me and opened my eyes.

"Aren't you going to school?" I asked.

"How can I go to school when you're lying in bed this sick?! What if you die while I'm away?!" he exclaimed, genuinely afraid of the spoken scenario. I rolled my eyes.

"If you skip class, you're going to fail. And if you fail, you won't have a future and you won't be able to find a wife and you'll eventually die, hungry and lonely." I chanted with a monotonous voice.

"That's not gonna happen. I'll have you."

"I'm not going to provide for you for the rest of your life, Seunghyun." I argued, amused by how ridiculous this conversation was going, yet still playing along. I was getting drowsier by the minute. And when Seunghyun didn't reply, I uttered one last thing before I drifted back into sleep.

"Cause you'll have to provide for me."


-


I walked and walked, as far as my legs could take me. I didn't know where I was, or how I got there, but that didn't stop me from wandering further. The sound of bells ringing from a distance broke me out of my daze. It was a stall by the side of the road, selling ice cream. I thought back about how Seunghyun used wait for me by the school gates when I ended late, holding a cone of strawberry ice cream in his hand. There were times when I was later than expected, and
Seunghyun's hands would end up a sticky mess from the melted ice cream. Yet still, he'd do the same the next time he waited.

The ice cream was tempting. I reached for my back pocket, only to realize that I left the house with nothing but the clothes on my back. My wallet wasn't with me, neither was my cellphone. I was penniless and had no idea where I was. Tears started building up in my eyes as I stood in front of the stall, eying the ice cream like a spoiled child.

All of a sudden, a voice sounded from behind.

"One chocolate cone and one strawberry cone please!"

My eyes widened to the sound of that voice. I threw my head back, only to meet a pair of delicate eyes staring back at me.

"What-"

"Here you go." Seunghyun said, handing me the strawberry cone with a subtle smile. I couldn't figure out what I was feeling. Outraged by the fact that he stalked me, or moved by the fact that he had been trailing behind me by foot for the past hour. Whichever it was, I wasn't going to reject the ice cream. I took it out of his hands, indulging in the nostalgic flavor on my tongue.

"It still tastes the same, doesn't it?" Seunghyun grinned, following closely behind as I walked ahead.

I didn't answer. And he accepted the silence as a sign that I didn't want him in my sight for the moment. Trying my hardest to ignore his presence, I kept walking aimlessly. Within five minutes, I had finished my cone. And I couldn't help but wonder if Seunghyun still ate as slowly as he used to. I turned, startling Seunghyun into an abrupt stop. He looked back at me with clueless, wondering eyes as he continued to his ice cream like a child.

"Are you trying to be cute?" I snarled. He stopped his icecream and nervously shook his head defensively, as if afraid that I'd beat him up. I rolled my eyes and continued walking. I could hear his irregular footsteps behind me, cautiously trying to match my pace.

"Rin..." he muttered my name in a soft, low-pitched voice. I stopped in my tracks, turning to face Seunghyun. I would have waited for him to speak, but I was never patient.

"Are you sober now, Top?"

He frowned slightly.

"Are you ready to take back your ridiculous suggestion and pretend none of it happened?" I asked.

As soon as I finished speaking, his gaze grew more intense. The tender look in his eyes a moment ago as he tailed me like a puppy had now turned dark and almost sinister.

"I've always been sober, Rin." he answered sullenly.

"I don't think so. If you were sober, you wouldn't have said something so outrageous."

"Then I'm not sure I've ever been sober my entire life, Rin. Not after you came along." He bellowed.

His voice held more anger than I've ever seen Seunghyun show. And even though I knew very well that he wouldn't harm a hair on me, the fear inside of me kept building. I looked away, taking a few steps back.

"You know I hate that, Rin..." he winced, " That look in your eyes."

It was then that I realized how crushed he must have been by the way I behaved a while ago, at home. I knew how painful it was for him to watch me  fear him like he was some sort of beast. Yet I couldn't help but tremble before this unpredictable man that still whispered my name so affectionately. I tried my hardest to blink the tears away, but it wasn't working at all.

"Please don't do this to me... Don't be afraid of me...Don't shun me." he whimpered, closing the gap between us. With him this close, I couldn't find the strength to retreat any further. And before I knew it, I was secure in his arms again, like the night where it all began. The night I gave in to his very first request and fell into this tangled web. Once again, I felt like I was sinking into his deceptive warmth. The second trap.

I then proceeded to do something absolutely absurd. I hugged back.


And that was my answer.


-


"It's so unfair! You're leaving me behind." I whined. Seunghyun was graduating from high school in a few days, while I was still stuck in hell.

"I'm not leaving you behind. We're still going to see eachother everyday, just not in school." Seunghyun comforted me.

"You're still leaving me behind."

"I'm not, Rin! I'm moving on to tougher stuff!" Seunghyun explained, complaining about his hard life at the same time.

"You're moving on, so you're leaving me behind!" I insisted stubbornly. Seunghyun groaned in frustration.

"Moving on don't mean letting go, Rin."

"Whatever." I muttered.

Moving on don't mean letting go. Moving on...Letting go. They may seem the same, but they were in fact entirely different. But of course the one who's stuck in one place would never understand that.

I didn't.


Until I moved on from Seunghyun.