I woke up the next day on the couch with my head on someone's shoulder, and someone else's head leaning against my knee. My eyes slowly fluttered open, fighting the sunlight entering from the windows. I could feel the warmth of its rays on my cheek as it shone through the misty layer of glass, making the dust in the air look pretty magical.

 

Daesung was lying flat on the ground some distance away, sound asleep. Taeyang had Jiyong in his arms, sprawled up infront of the telly. Seungri rested his head against my knee, mumbling random words that made no sense together. The coffee table was a mess, everything left untouched since yesterday night.

But someone was missing.

 

I snapped my head up, upon realizing whose shoulder I had my head on. And two piercing eyes were looking back at me in amusement.

 

"I'm so sorry... I didn't expect to fall asleep... It must have been the long flight... I, I don't know how it ended up like this.." I stuttered so quickly, it sounded like some sort of rap. Seunghyun just stared straight back at me as I rambled, not saying a word.

 

"You're really pretty, Haerin-ssi. Even when you sleep. I had a hard time keeping my hands to myself." he smirked.

 

I unknowingly gasped, earning a deep chuckle from Seunghyun.

 

"Relax, girl, I was just playing around with you. But I meant it. You're really cute." he said as he leant closer and closer. Before he could get too close, I instinctively pushed him away with all my might, causing him to fall back against the armrest of the couch. He raised both his hands as he mockingly spoke.

 

"Woah woah, chill, girl. Just playing, alright?"

 

I stared him in the eyes, trying my hardest to read his thoughts. I used to be able to do that. I used to know this boy...

 

"Noona..." Seungri drowsily spoke, raising his head to look at Seunghyun and I.

 

"Sorry, Seungri ah, did I wake you?"

 

He cutely shook his head.

 

"What's for breakfast, Noona?"

 

Seunghyun cleared his throat, and we both looked up.

 

"Seungri ah, you think I don't know what you're thinking? Stop making use of Haerin-ssi. Get dressed, were going grocery shopping." he ordered like a real hyung… Something I never thought he'd grow up to be. I looked away, afraid that the slight admiration in my eyes might shine through the bit of tears that surfaced unknowingly.

 

"What about them?" The maknae asked, pointing at the other 3 sleeping on the ground like logs.

 

"We'll let them have a bit more rest." he said, grabbing his coat.

 

"Arasso... Let's go, Noona!"

 

I nodded, stealing a glance at Seunghyun. His eyes were stern, yet admirably soft infront of his maknae. And as if none of this morning's drama had occurred, he drove us out to the super market, not looking me in the eye a time again. I wasn't sure if he noticed me staring, but I just couldn't keep my eyes off his. The way they were fixed on road so intensely, brows slightly furrowed, as if trying hard to keep everything else out of his head. The same look he had when we sat in his room and read all day.

 

I remember having endless things to talk about with Seunghyun. Silly ideas I'd share with no one but my bestest friend. And even now, I had a million things I wish I could share with him. About America, about the annoying plane ride I experienced the day before, about school, and about my favouritest topic in the world... him. I never really noticed, but whenever we were together, he made everything revolve around me. But whenever he wasn't around, my world revolved around him.

 

"Hyung, instant ramyeon! We need alot of that!" Seungri said, rushing ahead to that section.

 

"Nononono." He objected, wagging his finger and grabbing the ramyeon packets out of Seungri's hands.

 

"Why?" Seungri whined, his gaze following the packets.

 

"We have a lady in the house, Seungri ah. We won't need these, will we, Haerin-ssi?" he smirked, looking my way. I kept mum, boggled by his intentions.

 

"Noona can cook?" Seungri exclaimed, absolutely liking the idea. I tilted my head awkwardly.

 

"I can try..."

 

Seunghyun scoffed upon hearing that.

 

"Aigoo, Haerin-ssi. You may be really cute, but who's gonna marry you if you can't even cook a simple meal?"

 

Moving to America at the age of 16 and not knowing one bit of English had earned me countless mockeries over a period of time. But none had as big an effect on me as this one did. It must have been the tone in his voice that stung... Or perhaps the look in his eyes. After half an hour of thinking about it, I figured it was the fact that it came from Seunghyun that hurt me the most.

 

When we arrived outside the house, I automatically got out and helped with the bags of groceries. But before I could lift a bag, Seunghyun came over, swiftly swinging them over his shoulder. I stood in my spot a moment longer as he shut the trunk and headed inside, just so I can admire the view of his back...Something I've missed. It wasn't lonely like it used to seem. But it wasn't reliable either. Still I had the urge to run forward and lean my head against it, just for a moment, so I can feel like everything's going to be okay again. It was a feeling I haven't felt for 7 years now. And as he walked further and further away, I was awfully afraid I'd never feel it ever again.

 

 

-

 

 

"There's no shame in being crazy,

Depending on how you take these,"

 

 

"Seunghyun?"

 

I approached that soft, deep voice singing in the background with slow cautious steps... Afraid it would stop if a sound broke the air.

 

 

"Words that paraphrasing this relationship we're staging..."

 

 

I peeped around the corner of Seunghyun's backyard, where that peaceful silhouette sat, untouched by the outside world. Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz.

 

 

"And what a beautiful mess, yes it is

It's like picking up trash in dresses..."

 

 

I would have stayed, if not for the way my heart ached... from the sweet sorrow in his voice.