Chapter 19

Dara’s POV

“Dara-ssi.”

“Hm?”
“Aren’t you curious about me and Chaerin anymore?”

“Maybe I WAS, but you weren’t going to tell me anyway.  I can’t be bothered.”

“Can I change my mind?”

“I told you it’s ok, Seungriya.”  Oops.  Was I too comfortable?  I let myself too loose; I forgot where we stood in each other’s lives now.

Seungri smiled and leaned back to his chair and crossed his arms.

“But I think I want to tell you now.”  He leaned forward again, resting his arms on the table and looking at me in the eyes.

“I never dated Chaerin.  I don’t want to say this and sound cocky but I was only being friendly with her and I think she misunderstood.  I listened to her complains about her boyfriend who was so clingy and all and I shared my thoughts on a guys’ perspective and I think she fell for me.  she started acting like she was my girlfriend when she was still with her boyfriend.  She always goes to my friend’s bar that I often go to and it so happened that her boyfriend DJs there too.  That night, she wanted to set things straight, but her way.  She said she wanted us to be official but you see, noona, I did not want her.  My thoughts were only about getting back with you…”

I choked on my drink.  Those last words were uncalled for.  I did not expect that.

“I’m sorry, what?” I did not really want to hear it again but I don’t know why I said that.

“I only thought about how I could get back with you.  When I saw you at the club with Chaerin’s boyfriend I felt jealous.  It was unexpected.  You were never a club person and you never went with me to a club when we were still dating.  I felt selfish again and wanted to play even.  I wanted to make you jealous too but you did not look like you were, were you?  I was disappointed but I just snapped out of it and went back to my original goal.  And that was getting back with you.”

“Hold up! Stop.  Don’t say any more."

“No.  Listen to me.  I know I was really stupid for treating you like that when we were still together and for just leaving you like that.  I was so childish and… and stupid.  I don’t really know, I don’t have an excuse.  Ah, I sound so pathetic now.  This wasn’t even part of my plan, but I guess this is fate.”

He was looking down and his fingers were fiddling with each other.  My jaw dropped and we both fell in silence.  I stared at him in disbelief.

“Ya Seungriya.” I uttered energetically.

“Ne?”  he looked up at me.

“How are you able to say that so casually?  I’m not saying this coz I was moved or anything, but are those really your sincere words?  Did you really believe that I would fall for that?”  it felt like all of  what’s left of my energy left my body.

Seungri did not say a word.  Again, I shook my head in disbelief.  I guess coming here was a very wrong decision even though I didn’t know I was going to unexpectedly meet him here.  I stood up without a word and walked away.

--

Tabi’s POV

I was suffocating.  The more he spoke, the harder it was for me to breathe.  I dashed out of the garden and out of the chapel.  I felt nauseous so I sat on the steps and my tears were uncontrollable.  I thought I was alone so I took deep, loud breaths as I sobbed like a child.  Suddenly the priest sat beside me and started talking.  I did not realize that he had followed me.

“Seunghyunah, I’d be lying if I said I know how you feel because I can only imagine, but I want you to know that I sincerely understand your actions.  You must feel so much pain in your heart right now, and I must confess that it is partly my fault.”

I looked at him but he was not looking at me.  He was looking at nothing in front of him.

“When your father called last night and told me about his plan for today, I agreed without thinking thoroughly.  I just thought that now is the right time for you to know everything, to remember the lost memories of your childhood.  Now you know and now you’re hurt.  But Seunghyunah, have you thought about how your father must be feeling right now?  Have you thought about how your father must have felt all those years he was trying to protect you from your traumatic past?”

How could this priest say such things to me right now?  I couldn’t think of anything.  I wanted to feel numb but I couldn’t because I was hurt all over.  I felt pain was becoming stronger than my anger.

“Seunghyunah, there are still some things that your father did not tell you, maybe because he does not want to tell you any more to hurt you or maybe because you did not give him the chance to do so.  If it was the latter, I hope that you give that chance to me to tell you what I know in behalf of your father.  Sit here for a while with me and listen… and try to understand.”

I was still looking at the priest and he was now looking at me in the eyes.  His face was so kind and his aura was so warm and fatherly.  We heard footsteps getting closer and when we turned to look, Yang Hyun Suk was standing behind us.  He looked down at me and despite the shadow of his cap slightly covering his eyes; I can still see that they were red.  He might have cried.  He walked past us straight to his car and took off.  We watched the black Lamborghini disappear from our sight as it turned left.

“Seunghyunah…” The priest continued.

“Didn’t your father tell you that your real parents were the two most important people in his life?  They were friends as children.  Your mother was an orphan.  I was 13 when sister Hyeri brought her here and she was 6.  She was a very timid child and I tried to help her open up but I failed.  We both served every Sunday mass and that’s where the three of them met.  You’re real father and Hyun suk, on the other hand, were already friends in school.  It surprised me how they became friends very quickly.  I thought maybe it was easier for them to be comfortable with each other because the two boys were only a year older than her.  I was happy to see them play every Sunday after the mass. “

My eyes stopped tearing up but I was still looking at him, anticipating what he would say next.  He stopped for a while, reminiscing the memories he was about to share with me.

“There’s that one day that I won’t ever forget.  I was newly ordained as a priest and the three of them were going to college.  Hyun Suk came to congratulate me and said he wanted to confess.  He even said jokingly that he wanted his confession to be the first one I’d hear as a priest, so he did.  He confessed about his love for this woman and how he feels selfish for wanting to have her despite knowing that his friend loves the same woman.  That woman was your mother and that friend was your father.”

My heart grew heavy so I looked away.  I could feel that the priest was looking at me now.

“A year after that, Hyun Suk came to confess to me again.  That time, I could hear a man’s heart breaking.  He told me that your mother and father announced their relationship and their plans of getting married after graduation.  They did get married a month after they graduated but Hyun suk did not attend.  He flew to Japan without a word to his friends the day after graduation.  Could you blame him?  His heart must have been crushed having to endure all those years watching them happy and in love.  He never had the chance to confess his love to your mother.”

“Why didn’t he?”  I was still looking down.  But now I was thinking very deeply and I couldn’t understand what I was feeling at that moment.

“Maybe he’s a coward.”

I was surprised at what he said but then he continued.

“Or maybe he was too kind and thought that he might just become an obstacle to the two of them if he confessed.  I’d say it’s the latter.  He chose to be hurt alone rather than hurting his two friends who were obviously in love with each other.  He chose to stay away.

He had this kind of past?  I thought to myself.  The anger and pain that I felt somehow subsided at that moment, and was replaced with sympathy.  The priest smiled at me as if knowing that my feelings have somehow changed.  We fell silent for a moment when my phone rang.  I picked up the call and it was the land lady.

“Yobeoseyo?  Yobeoseyo.  Yah Seunghyunah, can you hear me?”

“Oh Dara”

“Are you at home?  I … I forgot to bring my keys. Now before you even start to think how stupid I am for –“

“Where are you?  I’ll come to you.”

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am i hurting Tabi too much? but don't worry too much, this "MIGHT" be the last time.

and what do you think about Seungri?  do you think he's really sincere?  do you think Dara was really NOT moved by Seungri's sudden confession?

aigoo.. i missed my own story, like what the hell i shouldn't be saying this *hides*

but seriously i was almost forgetting the plot so i had to read through some of the chapters to get me back on track.. OTL