I groaned as I looked at my alarm clock and groaned some more when I noticed it was already ten in the morning. From the sounds of snoring coming from above me I could tell Byunghun was still asleep and I was not planning on waking him up any time soon. Yesterday was really fun and we ended up staying out late hanging out and having fun. For a good few hours I believe my stress was finally lifted and my life looked great, but the second I touched that precious diary hidden under my pillow my grief came back tenfold and I almost felt horrible for feeling happy when Soo Young was off in some distant place with only her family to comfort her.

I slipped my hand under my pillow and pulled out the diary and laid it on my pillow to stare at. I made a promise to myself last night before going to sleep. I was going to read one entry a day every single morning before Byunghun woke up. I was probably going to have to wake up extra early to give me time not only to read it but to regain myself after the page was finished. If yesterday was how I was going to react to each of her entries then it was not going to get any better when she really starts talking about her life and everything in it.

When I finally had enough courage I sighed deeply and opened the notebook gently and turning to the next page of her life.

Dear Diary,

                Been a little bit right? I said I was only going to update when something big happens or something worthy of writing down so now it’s time to talk about my first few weeks of high school and the things I’ve learned from it all. I haven’t made any friends yet and I did have to switch out of my honors math class but it wasn’t too bad really. I’m keeping up with my homework just fine and usually finish a lot of it in school during the breaks and lunch since I have nothing better to do. Maybe that’s why I don’t have any friends, haha. Though there is this one person who has caught my attention and while I think he’s a total player and I want nothing to do with him I can’t help but glance at him in class. I was placed next to him in my math class when I was transferred to the lower class and all the girls glared at me I swear! He would wink at all of them except for me and he would chat with all of them except for me! The nerve of that guy! His name is Lee Chanhee and sometimes I just can’t stand him! But every time the teacher goes over our lesson I always see him doing his homework and not paying attention at all in class! He pretends to be dumb around his friends and the girls but deep down I bet he’s some nerd who actually enjoys math but took the easy class to make him look stupid!
                Enough about Chanhee and his player ways! I need to focus on school and not boys. A few days ago my mom took me to the store to buy new clothes for school and I chose some really cute outfits like a blue skirt and a white top that totally matched it. I might have to wear a uniform to school but on the weekends I can dress the way I like! Maybe I should call my middle school friends and see how they’re doing. So I must bid you good day my dear diary, but never fear, I will be back later to explain more of my amazing days!

--- Lee Soo Young

I stiffened another sob and carefully looked around to make sure Byunghun was still asleep. When I safely hear his snoring I broke down and started to cry almost uncontrollably. I cried for who knows how long but the only things to calm me down was me telling myself over and over that she was not dead and she was going to come back, she was going to be back in my arms after two months.

After my tears were finally wiped off my face I sat up in my bed and decided it was time to get ready for the day. There were only two days left until school started and I didn’t have anything ready except for my schedule. I took some clean clothes and went to take a shower first to wake myself up, by the time I was dressed in clean clothes and out of the shower Byunghun had just woken up and was stretching his arms and yawning to get himself awake.

“Good morning.” I greeted with a fake smile plastered on my face.

He frowned and looked at me, putting his arms down and getting off the top of the bed, “Good morning.” He repeated but then went off to take a shower and I went back to what I was going to do.

Which was organize my room a bit more and make it look like home—like that was ever going to happen. I opened my dresser where I had stuffed all my clothes in and started to put certain clothes together and in each drawer. I unpacked everything in my suitcase and everything in my backpack and rearranged them the way I wanted it to look before Byunghun could finish his shower.

He came out with new clothes on and wet blond hair and a lot more awake than before. “Sorry I’m usually grumpy before my shower in the morning.” He chuckled and then noticed what I was doing, “You’re unpacking everything already? I thought about doing that but it’ll take forever.” He laughed again and scratched his head before using his towel to dry his hair off.

“It didn’t take too long for me.” I responded while still currently sitting on the floor, unsure of what to do now.

“Yeah yeah, maybe later. I’m going to be hanging out with the rest of the members, want to join?” Byunghun said and then threw his towel in his personal laundry basket that was positioned right beside the bathroom door.

Hang out with Teen Top today? Well I didn’t have anything planned for the day so I guess it would be nice to get my mind off of things again. “Sure, where is everyone meeting at?”

“The cafeteria most likely since Niel and Ricky love to eat.” Byunghun chuckled and went to grab a few things before heading towards the door. “Come on, I bet they’re waiting for us.”

I scrambled off the ground and walked beside him and out of our dorm room. He walked straight for the elevator and I walked straight to the stairs, he gave me a weird look but oddly enough he walked with me and we walked down the stairs together. I really had no clue where the cafeteria was since last night we ended up going out somewhere to eat, but I just followed Byunghun’s lead and hoped he knew where he was going.

The campus to the school was fantastic, I chose this school mainly because it was away from home and had a nice atmosphere to it. The trees were lined up around the area with a lot of green grass covering the grounds away from the sidewalks and roads. Students were walking and talking with each other at every turn but still it did not feel loud or noisy. The structures of the buildings were old but amazing to look at with a lot of different designs and patterns. I saw the science and math building, the language arts building, history, and many more. My major was in language arts and my minor was still undecided as of right now.

“Beautiful, right?” Byunghun asked which brought me back to reality.

“Yeah, this is why I chose this college to go to.” I breathed, even the air felt fresh and new.

“Me too.” He laughed but ended the talking there and we proceeded towards the cafeteria. When we got there it wasn’t really called the ‘cafeteria’ but rather it was a whole building dedicated to different types of places to eat for anyone. There was a huge dining area where the students could eat their food, but instead of very few choices of food there was multiple. There was a noodle shop, an American restaurant, Italian, French, German anything that could be considered a different kind of food was there and we could chose anything.

“There they are!” A familiar voice sounded out above the crowd and soon enough my eyes adjusted to see long curly hair and I knew it was Daniel.

“Took ya long enough.” Changhyun added and already had a plate of food, Italian food that is, and waved us over to the table they had saved for us. “Now that you know where we’re sitting go get something to eat.”

Byunghun and I didn’t even argue as we raced to see what kind of food to go for today. I went for an American breakfast with eggs and toast and Byunghun chose the same thing. “You know, I lived in California for five years of my life.” He bragged and pointed at the food, “this kind of breakfast usually is for people who actually care to cook this early, usually they eat cereal.”

I laughed at that and soon enough all six of us were at the table and eating our food silently at first until Changhyun and Jonghyun finished first and started talking to each other about random things that were not even important.

“So, Chunji, what are you majoring in?” Daniel asked once he was finished with his food.

“Oh, uh me?” I pointed to myself like an idiot forgetting about the whole nickname thing that had happened yesterday. Daniel nodded and I felt like even more of an idiot. “Language arts.”

“Oh really? Me too.” Byunghun butted into the conversation with a huge smirk. “See I knew there was a reason why you’re my roommate.” He nudged me slightly and then continued eating.

“What about you guys?” I asked out of curiosity since Byunghun had said his. It was nice to have someone in the same classes as me.

“Math major here.” Minsoo spoke up after being extremely quiet but then continued to eat his food after he had finished speaking.

“Singing!” Daniel nearly shouted with a huge smile on his face. “I want to be a professional singer, my idol is Michael Jackson.”

“I’m going for History.” Jonghyun chirped and Changhyun nodded beside him indicating that both of them were in the same major.

It felt nice having these guys as my friends, they made me smile and forget about all the sad things in my life. When they said college friends are the friends that stick with you the longest I was finally starting to understand that.

“Now hurry up so we can go hang around town.” Changhyun added in and pointed at my half eaten food. I didn’t seem hungry anymore and looked at everyone else who was already done.

I shrugged, “I’m full.” And soon enough we all got up and threw away our plates and walked out of the building as a group.

“Okay so what should we do?” Jonghyun asked looking at the rest of the group by walking ahead of everyone and walking backwards.

“I want to play some games!” Daniel rose his hand.

“I would like to go to the karaoke.” Changhyun added in.

“Maybe the dance studio would be fun.” Minsoo put in his opinion but remained mostly silent after that.

Byunghun and I just shrugged and showed we didn’t care. Jonghyun decided that since we had all day we could do two of the three things and soon enough it was decided to play some games at the arcade and then go to the karaoke bar after they had some lunch. Everyone agreed to the plan and soon enough we were walking off campus and towards the town.

I became slightly worried at the plans for the day and it wasn’t because I wasn’t the best at arcade games, but rather I was worried about my ability to sing. I sang in the showers often at home and once in a while I would sing a song for Soo Young but she was just bias when she said I was good at it.

Byunghun nudged me slightly and awoke me from my thoughts, “You okay dude?” He asked and I just nodded, afraid that my voice would give out if I talked. They don’t know about my worries about Soo Young they don’t know she’s been my girlfriend since half way through our first year of high school and that she was the only girl in my heart. I was just glad to have friends who actually care about me.

The arcade was really fun and we ended up being there for a good few hours just playing the different games and yelling at each other when the other won. I mostly played with Byunghun and sometimes Daniel because they seemed like the closest to me so far since I really didn’t know them that well. They would crack jokes and all of them would laugh and I would feel out of the circle when it was an inside joke from high school or from when they were younger. They’ve all been friends since they were young so of course they were going to have certain jokes and laugh about it for a while. Byunghun seemed the closest to me because he had missed five years here when he went to California but he still caught on quickly and laughed along with the rest of them.

My friends from high school don’t even contact me anymore and I remember they mostly only let me hang out with them because all the girls liked me and they could get with the girls easier if I was there. I was a player back in the beginning of high school but all of that changed when I started going out with Soo Young and I never went back to it—or at least not for too long.

“Come on guys I know this good Ddeokbokki shop not too far from here.” Daniel suggested and waved his arms around showing he was hungry and it was time to stop playing the games. I checked the time on the wall nearby and noticed it was already four in the afternoon; I didn’t realize we’ve been playing for that long.

We all agreed it was time to eat and followed Daniel to the Ddeokbokki shop and we ate there for a good hour while chatting and laughing about things before Changhyun said it was about time for all of us to head to the karaoke bar.

I gulped; it was now or never.

“Do we really have to go?” I asked hoping that maybe other people didn’t want to go sing.

“Oh come on this is fun you’ll love it. L. Joe and C.A.P. can’t even sing so you won’t be embarrassed.” Jonghyun chuckled and Byunghun hit him upside the head for saying he couldn’t sing.

“I can’t sing well okay, I can rap a lot better than I can sing.” Byunghun defended himself and Minsoo agreed with him. So maybe it won’t be so bad if they can’t sing.

“Fine.” I gave in and we continued walking to the place that seemed familiar to them. “How do you guys know this town so well?”

“We came here at the beginning of summer to scout the area before moving in.” Minsoo explained and motioned to everything around him with his arms, “So we know where all the fun things are while we go to college here.”

I probably should have done that too, but I was too busy visiting the hospital almost every day once Soo Young got sick. She only left for the better hospital about a week ago and her parents packed up their things and moved there to stay with her. I volunteered to go but they refused and said I needed to worry about my school and that she was going to be fine in a few months.

“We’re here!” Daniel exclaimed and jumped up and down like a little kid. Since he wanted to be a professional singer I bet this place was the best place for him to practice.

We all piled in and asked for our own separate room. The lady in the front asked how many drinks or how much snack food we wanted and soon enough everything was paid for and we were walking towards our designated room.

In the room there was a couch, a table with chairs, a lot of free space and a TV set with a few microphones attached to it. I’ve never actually gone to a karaoke bar before so all of this was new to me, but I quickly got comfortable on the couch and was snacking on some food when the snacks were brought in.

Mostly Daniel was singing and sometimes Changhyun and Jonghyun would come in and sing a song or two but they were not as good as Daniel’s singing. I blame it on his big mouth and that’s not even an insult, I always heard that people can sing better if they open their mouth more and his mouth definitely opens up a lot.

Byunghun and Minsoo hung out at the table telling jokes to each other and sipping at their drinks. It felt nice to hang out with friends and even though I’ve only known them for a day it felt like I’ve known them for eternity.

“Hey Chunji why don’t you come up and sing a song?” Daniel spoke and looked towards me; I froze unsure of what to say and if I should refuse it.

The song on the list that was about to play was a Super Junior song, It’s you was the name and I knew that song almost immediately. I found myself standing up without realizing it and walking towards the microphone. This was one of Soo Young’s favorite songs, something I’ve heard her sing multiple times and for some reason the song always seems to bring me to tears when it is played. At least now it does now that she’s away from me.

I forgot about the rest of the boys in the room as I focused only on the lyrics on the screen and sung them out with all of my heart. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as I sang the song and thought of her and how much she means to me. This song was almost like the perfect song for me and almost showed my true feelings. When the song ended I felt my cheeks and knew the wetness was there but decided to pretend like I didn’t notice.

I pulled the microphone away from my face and the only thing I heard after that was clapping and cheering and I turned around and noticed everyone in the room had their attention only on me.

“That was amazing!” Changhyun cheered and ran up and hugged me unexpectingly.

“You never told us how wonderful you were at singing!” Jonghyun praised me and smiled widely.

“You should switch your major to singing like me; we can ever form a duet together.” Daniel chuckled but clapped all the same.

Byunghun seemed at a loss of words and Minsoo just continued to clap. I felt my cheeks flush up in embarrassment and I bowed to them all. “Thank you.” I chuckled and wiped the tears from my face. “I was only told I was a good singer from one person so it’s great to know I don’t really at singing.”

“You’re the exact opposite.” Changhyun said from beside me and almost hugged me again.

“I knew there was something special about you.” Byunghun finally spoke up and did two thumbs up.

I felt so welcomed and my heart grew warm. If it wasn’t for the song I had just sung I’m pretty sure I would have forgot all the troubles that I still had locked in my heart.