I was back in my school again and I was starting to get used to these reoccurring daydreams. They only seemed to happen at random points during the day when my parents would leave the room but they never seemed to last all too long.

This time I was back in that same math class making me wonder just how important this class was if I keep coming back to it whenever I dream about this school. The blurry boy who sat next to me had to be important in some sense because every time I'm in this class my dream self just glances at him from time to time during the forgettable math lessons. All I could ever make out about him was that he had one amazing smile and my heart seemed to do flips just thinking about him. If only I knew his name or who he was to me.

He turns to be suddenly and smiles his usual smile that I seem to fall in love with and he asks me something inaudible to me. I could feel my dream-self getting really happy but I had no clue what they were speaking of besides my dream-self writing something on a blurry paper and handing it to him.

"I'm getting tired of this place." I spoke finally breaking the day dream and coming back to reality of a boring white hospital room. Just yesterday I overheard some nurses talking about my release date but I didn’t catch when it'd be or how close I was to being recovered.

I was keeping it a secret for a while that I was getting sick but I didn’t tell anyone about it until my mom saw me faint one day after graduation. I remember that much but I always feel like I'm leaving someone out of my life but I just don't know who and their importance in my life.

“We just have to do a few more things before you can leave.” A nurse overheard me and spoke up from the hallway making me sit up straight and stare at her. I smiled softly at her since it was nice to know only a few things needed to be done before I could leave, but I still wanted out right now.

Maybe going back to my house would help me better than a silly hospital in getting my memories back because I know that was what was wrong with me. I’m still young so I shouldn’t be getting fuzzy memories like this already and my sickness is mostly gone, this was the only thing wrong with me. My parents probably aren’t telling me much about my lost memories since they’re supposed to come back naturally but seeing this fuzzy boy in all of my dreams is getting annoying.

I just want him to either clear up and be recognizable, or just disappear from my life forever.

I was not feeling well. I felt like I had been crying all night and got a headache from it, but checking my face it was completely dry with only the feeling of complete sickness all over my body. I didn’t want to get up, I didn’t want to deal with school and I didn’t even want to read the next entry in Soo Young’s diary.

I looked at the time and sighed when it was only five minutes until my alarm would normally go off. Luckily it was Friday and I could sleep after class was done, but knowing Daniel he would want us to go practice after class and maybe even over the weekend. I was already getting a bad vibe from Hyeon but I couldn’t do much about it since I needed a lot of dancing practice if we were going to try out to be idols. This dream of Daniel’s was nice and felt relaxing at first but then all of the stress comes after one starts to go towards that goal. And yet I didn’t mind all of the stress it would bring to me, maybe this has always been my calling but I’ve been too stupid to realize this until now.

“Are you up?” Byunghun asked from the top bunk. I nodded at first but then cleared my throat and answered yes since he obviously could not see me nod from the bottom bunk. “I don’t feel like going to class today.” He mentioned making me smile slightly; so apparently I wasn’t the only one.

“Yeah I just don’t feel like even leaving my bed.” I answered chuckling slightly and turning around to face the room. It still looked empty to me and felt nothing like home even after being here for two weeks. Maybe college life just wasn’t for me, or maybe it was and I’m just being a lazy freshmen right now.

“Let’s skip class and go look around time.” Byunghun spoke with a smile in his voice making me wonder if he had gone insane wanting to skip class this early in the semester.

“Are you sure? We’ll have a lot of makeup work if we do that.” I had to be logical or else I would immediately agree with Byunghun and ditch whenever he felt like it. That wouldn’t be good for our grade point average.

“Yes now take your time reading that entry while I go take a quick shower, then you can take one and we’ll be fine.” Byunghun responded already starting to step down from the bunk bed and head towards the shower room after grabbing some clothes. I watched him leave and immediately sighed right when he closed the bathroom door.

Maybe skipping class and having fun would lighten my mood for the day and make it easier for me to practice my dancing later on, and missing one day won’t hurt me too much in my classes if I have people helping me with the notes I missed.

Now it was just time for me to read this entry so I can get it out of the way of the day. Now that Byunghun knows that I read it every morning it’s nice to know that he won’t laugh at me for crying or expressing my emotions based on the words on the page. So I quickly grabbed the book under my pillow and immediately turned it to the fifteen page and started to read.

Dear Diary,

                I’ve been feeling even worse than before when I wrote that I was feeling sick, like maybe I caught some evil cold that lasts a long time but it’s getting harder and harder to do things that I thought were easy for me before. I haven’t told anyone about it, not even my parents because it really could be nothing important and I don’t want to worry anyone about it. Besides things have just been going up for me ever since my second year of high school. My grades are amazing; Song is still my best friend and is even dating someone named Myungsoo who is a really nice guy. Chanhee has been around me a lot and does anything and everything for me; he is such a sweet guy. Time seems to go by faster and faster so I’m already thinking of my future like college and such, there is one I want to go to in Seoul that I’m hoping that Chanhee wants to go to as well, it’d be fun to live together if we’re still a couple in college. I just hope this silly cold goes away soon so I can be at my top for the exams coming up.

--Lee Soo Young

“Are you done?” Byunghun was standing at the front of the bathroom door with wet hair and clean clothes on. I nodded to him and he smiled warmly at me, it was nice to know how much he cared about me and it helped me stay calm after reading these entries. I started flipping through the pages and realized there were only a few more pages left until the end of the entries. I knew she stopped writing in it after a while but I still wished I had something to hold on to each day like these writings, but once they’re gone I won’t have a clue what went through her mind at any other time.

“Well hurry up and get ready so we can go out and have some fun today.” Byunghun spoke up again and that caused me to shut the book and get out of bed so that I could get ready for the day as Byunghun flipped open his cell phone probably telling Ji Young that he was going to skip class today with me.

It didn’t take long for me to get ready and I was out of the bathroom within ten minutes after just washing up and putting on new clothes. I was happy that it was Friday because it just meant that the rest of the weekend was free to catch up on my work and get better from my random sickness. I was already feeling better but I didn’t know if it was because I wasn’t sick in the first place or that Soo Young’s diary has a way of cheering me up even if the words just made me sad that she wasn’t here for me to comfort. She was going through that whole sickness without telling a single person and I felt like a horrible boyfriend for not even noticing until it was too late.

“Are you ready?” Byunghun asked and I had a feeling he was going to be doing most of the talking today if I continued to mope around like I’m doing.

“Yeah, let’s go.” I finally spoke and put on my shoes next to him so we could leave the dorm room. I really didn’t know what he had planned for today and actually just looking at him I’m sure he didn’t know what he was doing today either. This was just going to be one of those days where we walk around until we find something that interests us.

The first thing we did was find somewhere to eat that was away from the campus. The best thing about being a college student is no one really questions why we’re not in school since at this point it’s up to us if we want to show up to class or not. I liked the freedom, but I didn’t want it to get to me or else I’d never want to go back. We found a simple street vendor to eat at for cheap and ate our food as we walked around the area in attempts in finding something fun to do.

At first he suggested the arcade but then went against it and said it was best to get on a bus and leave this area of town and go to a different one. I got to see a bit more of Seoul through this and also got to talk to Byunghun a lot more because of the long bus ride.

“I can’t believe we’re only in our second week of school, I want this semester to end already.” Byunghun sighed and leaned against the window of the bus. I nodded but really didn’t know what to say. My degree was getting less and less interesting as the days went by and I was wondering if Language Arts was the major I really wanted or was it a major that definitely wasn’t something my father had wanted of me.

“Maybe school isn’t for us.” Byunghun mentioned bringing up Daniel’s idea of being an actual pop idol band. “If we become famous maybe we won’t have to go to school anymore.” He smiled at the idea but then instantly frowned. “But being an idol means I won’t be able to be around Ji Young as much as I am now. I don’t know how I’d be able to handle it if I couldn’t see her and have to act like she doesn’t exist in my life.” He sighed and looked out the window going quiet.

That was one thing I never really thought about until now. Being an idol usually meant being the perfect role model for anyone who walked them. It meant lying when need to and listening to everything they say no matter what. Was that really the career I want? Or maybe going for something simple like Language Arts would be perfect for Soo Young and I? I guess I wouldn’t know unless I asked her personally which is obviously not going to happen for a while. Maybe I should just go for it for the moment but drop out if it becomes too hard or too stressful. It would be nice to be a pop star and have her fangirl over me and know that she will always be number one in my heart.

“Let’s not think about that now, we’re taking today to relax not stress about even more things.” I laughed it off or at least tried to and tried not to think about the idea of leaving Soo Young behind.

So instead of thinking about it we just spent the day just walking around and having the time of our lives, it wasn’t until we got a text from Daniel that we forgot about the whole dance practice session and had to hurry on to a random bus going in that direction and shooting him a text that we’re on our way and might be a little late.

I was not looking forward to this session. I was not looking forward to practicing with Hyeon when I knew she was looking at me with that look I’ve known too much. I just wanted nothing to do with girls and yet they always wanted to flock me. I know I was a player in the past but that doesn’t mean I want to be around a ton of girls for the rest of my life—only one and her name is Soo Young.

“You’ll be fine.” Byunghun touched my shoulder lightly when we reached the building and I just nodded at him. I was so happy to have him on my side for anything; he truly was the best kind of friend for me at this moment in my life.

Once we walked into the building we were greeted by a not too happy Teen Top who quickly asked us where we were and why we weren’t in our classes today.

I laughed nervously and scratched the back of my head in hopes of not having to explain myself but the looks Daniel was giving me showed that he was not happy to be in Biology all alone, and the rest weren’t too happy either. They weren’t really happy after I told them that I just wanted a day off either.

“Okay how about we focus on dancing now so we can get started on our training.” Minsoo finally concluded and brought us away from the awkward conversation and into one I really didn’t want to be in. I’d rather be in that awkward situation once more.

“Yeah, good idea.” Daniel immediately smiled at the mention of getting started and quickly went by my side. “We’ll be on our way then, I hope your training goes well.”

And with that Daniel dragged me to the practice room where Hyeon was most likely waiting for us.

The beginning wasn’t too bad after we introduced ourselves once more and actually now that I look at her she really wasn’t as bad as I thought she was and she really didn’t look too interested in me.

But Daniel on the other hand was a different story. Being a player meant I could tell when a girl had an interest in a boy and I could definitely tell she had some sort of interest in him. He looked absolutely oblivious to the situation and didn’t even address it once even when she would excuse herself for a break.

I decided not to bring it up to him. I knew he still liked Ji Young and I knew she was completely off limits, but it wasn’t like he knew that about her.

And I really didn’t want to tell him that.

“So do you like the training?” Daniel asked after Hyeon excused herself once more for a five minute break. It looked like she had barely started this dancing instructor job and that was probably why she was the easiest to work with since we had no experience as well.

“Yeah it is actually quite fun to do.” I smile and for once I’m being completely honest. After the initial shock of getting a girl instructor I really thought I was not going to have fun, but as long as she showed no interest in me I’ll be just fine.

I’m not trying to be conceited…really.

“Good, and with your voice you’re going to be a big part of our band.” He smiled this time and it made me happy to know I was a big part of the group even though I barely joined.

“I’ll make sure to practice a lot in my free time.” I reassured him and he seemed content with that enough to not ask any more questions and we resumed training the second Hyeon made her appearance once more.

The day ended on a happy note after that and when we all joined up with the rest of the group everyone only had nice things to say about their instructors and after telling Byunghun about my own we were both happy to know that nothing was going to go wrong while training.

It felt nice to be accepted in a group like this and I couldn’t wait to tell Soo Young all about my new friends in college, I hoped she would like them because they’re the best thing to happen to me after her of course.

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So who is excited for the new MV for Teen Top that is so coming out next month...or should because I miss those silly boys XD Anyways lookie! A new chapter! Took me long enough god geez will I ever have my own time anymore? lol I dedicate this to Kristin because seriously I didn't even think to start writing until you commented on my story again lol wow I'm so unmotivated sometimes XD Anyways I hope you like it!!