His smile was something I didn't know I fell in love with until I woke up knowing I didn't dream about it. He was like a savior in my dream, someone who always looked happy to see me no matter what. I wanted to hold on to that dream and never let it go. I wanted him to be in my life and not just a figment of my imagination.

"They said they only have to do a few more tests and you'll be free to go home." I looked up at my mom and I smiled at her words. I was glad to know that I could be released soon, but I still wanted to know what was wrong with me in the first place. I wanted to know what happened in my life to make me go so far away from home just to get it fixed.

"That sounds great." I didn't know what else to say besides the thing she wanted to hear. She smiled back at me and patted my head softly as if I could break at any moment. She looked distressed and I wanted to help her but I knew she was going to keep things from me—like she has for this entire hospital visit. Keeping the records of my recovery to herself and just mentioning offhand that I wasn't allowed to see it when I knew for sure I was. They said it was some sort of trauma to my head that caused this, something to do with stress but I knew they were lying. I couldn't remember what it was, but I knew it wasn't something to do with stress.

"In about three days you'll be back home, doesn't that sound wonderful?" She smiled even more and I forced a smile this time and nodded. Home does sound nice, but I know there is something you aren't telling me.

Something important.

She then stood up and walked away to meet up with my father, they talked for a little bit outside of my door and started whispering when the topic of home was brought up. All I could hear was 'apartment' and 'all I could afford'.

I put two and two together and sighed. My old home, the one I was in before coming here, they had to get rid of it in order to be here securely. I bet they had to find an apartment to live in because of this—because of me. I've caused them so much harm because of this problem and I promise right now that when I get better I'm going to work to help them pay this off. I am going to be someone they're going to be proud of, even if it means putting my dream on standstill.

It was all worth it for my parents.

I knew I didn't have to wake up for school but once I hit my alarm clock I remembered I had a job now and didn't get the chance to wake up late anymore. I noticed Byunghun still asleep in his bed when he snored extra loud and I chuckled from my spot on my bed. Lately I've been reading Soo Young's diary at night when I get the chance but now that I had the chance to read it in the morning I might as well take it and see what she has to say in her third to last entry.

I almost wanted to wait and just not read it in hopes that by not reading it I could keep her diary as my form of escape but I knew I had to face reality soon. I just honestly did not want to.

But I still found my hand reaching for the special book under my pillow and pulled it out with a sigh. Three entries until I had to go on living my life without her. Three entries until I had to realize that my life didn't revolve around hers and I'd have to stand living for myself again.

Dear Diary,

                Still less than a month until graduation. I don't know how much longer I can handle this pain in my head. I just want it to go away but I can handle it. I need to graduate High School and I need to be by Chanhee's side. I don't care what happens to my health if it means me not graduating beside him and getting the one chance to be by him in our pictures that I'm sure we'll show our children when we get married. I can dream right? A marriage, a simple one, as long as its with Chanhee and we're happy. After college when I become a teacher and live my life with way I want it. Nothing is going to stop me, not even this pain that continues to increase. I won't worry Chanhee with it, even though he has asked me a lot recently if I'm okay. I'll lie for our happiness. I don't have to worry about time, less than a month will be fine.

--Lee Soo Young

I could remember those times before graduation and it almost makes me want to punch something for how ignorant I was at those times. When I would ask her if she was okay and she just brushed it off saying she was only stressed for graduation and nothing more. She said she was going to be better when summer comes around, but she was lying the whole time. She knew there was something wrong with her, but she never even told me about it until it was too late.

But sadly I couldn't think too much about this topic because I didn't want to keep Jonghyun waiting when I knew we both had to work today. Of course getting ready wasn't a hassle at all and by the time I was all dressed and out of the shower Byunghun was awake just barely and just gazing at me with sleepy eyes.

"You going to work today?" He asked yawning right after his sentence and trying to cover it up with his hand.

"Yeah I promised Jonghyun that I'd meet him in the lobby around this time so we can go together." I answered walking towards the door and giving Byunghun one last look before leaving. He just seemed to smile and wave slightly as if silently telling me to have a good day. Of all of the roommates to get in college I'd have to say getting Byunghun was like a lifesaver. He is caring, understanding, knows when to ask something and when not to and also he was just an all-around great guy.

 And speaking of an all-around great guy Jonghyun also fit that description as well. When I walked down the stairs and into the lobby he was already there ready to get started with the day. I was happy we went job searching together and happened to get a job together because it meant I had more time to hang out him by himself and not in class with Changhyun.

"Hey Chunji, you look a bit out of it, are you okay?" He asked once I was in hearing range and I nodded immediately. I was still having some problems with the recent entries to Soo Young's diary and the fact that it was ending soon when I still had a lot more of the semester left.

"Yeah, just had a hard time getting to sleep last night." I responded and walked beside him out of the door and towards the cafeteria to pick up something small before we left for work.

"Hmm, me too, Ricky just seemed really worried last night and I didn't know why." He sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Sometimes it feels like he is keeping something from me and not letting me help him."

I could see why Changhyun would be upset last night after our little talk about his crush on Jonghyun, but I was not about to bring that up to him anytime soon. I still had to see how he feels about the whole thing and gage whether Changhyun should tell him or not in the near future.

"I'm sure if something big is bothering him he'll go to you first." I responded finally and smiled to reassure him that things will be fine. Changhyun just needed time to sort out his feelings and Jonghyun needed time until it was fine to tell him about those feelings.

It didn't take long for us to pick up something from the cafeteria and we took off towards the bus stop to wait for it and eat our breakfast. Today would be our first day of working more than just a few hours and we were prepared to do our best at our assigned jobs. Luckily it was a small shop and didn't get as much business as people would think.

Or that was what we thought when we first arrived and it was completely empty. Things didn't change until lunchtime when Jonghyun was sent outside with a sign to attract customers and let's just say he attracted a crowd—a crowd of young college girls.

They came in groups all giggling and acting very excited when they entered the small shop and noticed me. Of course we were going to attract girls in hopes of attractive boys being here and it didn't help that they were eying me like an animal would do to their prey.

Why was I blessed with such good looks to girls?

"Excuse me!" One girl rose her hand and broke me away from my thoughts and I went straight to work on asking what they wanted to drink. I had to be nice whether I liked it or not and maybe with us around the shop owner can get more busy, even if it was business because of us.

Jonghyun just stood outside with a huge grin on his lips holding up a sign and bringing in more and more girls until finally I had to go outside and drag him in for help in dealing with everyone. Maybe at this rate I can see if the rest of the group would want a job and help around here.

By the time we actually got out we were exhausted and the only thought on our minds was that we had dance practice right after this and our feet were already killing us.

"I'll take dancing every single day then having to do that on a daily basis, but I got to say, the girls were nice." Jonghyun said once we were seated on the bus and going towards the dance studio where the rest of the group most likely was already waiting for us to arrive.

"Yeah I'm not too sure about that, both of them kill my feet. And the girls were okay, a bit too talkative in my opinion." I replied trying not to mention that I already had a girlfriend and really had no eyes for any other girl. And I really hoped that he didn't have much of an interest in girls either.

"Maybe I'll find me a girlfriend soon enough if pretty ones keep coming." He smirked and my heart sank for Changhyun. Maybe I was wrong about Jonghyun and he really had no interest in his best friend—or he could be denying it really well. I'll never really know, at least not until later.

"Don't try too hard, I mean school is already time consuming and we also have dance practice almost every day. It's best not to think about relationships." I really didn't know what else to say besides this, I just hoped for him not to get into a relationship anytime soon in fear of crushing Changhyun's feelings.

But I couldn't protect him his whole life, if Jonghyun wanted a relationship with a  girl it would only be right of me to be happy for him and whoever he decided to be with—Changhyun should be happy too.

"Yeah you're right, but it would be nice to have someone to hold." He smiled to himself and stayed silent for the rest of the trip. His last words hit me a bit too hard and made me really think; think about Soo Young and how much I truly missed her. Her smile, her touch and her warmth. She was everything to me and now she's suddenly gone from my life for god knows how long. I could only hope for another letter in the mail soon about her recovery and if it was going well or not. Once she was back I would definitely take the time to go straight to her house and hug her for as long as she'd let me.

"Yeah…" I muttered mainly to myself and leaned back into my seat. Just taking in that it hasn't really been that long since I've seen her and yet it already felt like a year has gone by.  I never used to be this much of a hopeless romantic, but Soo Young changed me and I believe she changed me for the better.

"We're here." Jonghyun nodded his head towards the front of the bus and signaled that the next stop was indeed our stop. We pulled the hanger on the side to signal the bus driver to stop at the right place and we walked the small distance to the studio and silently walked through the doors.

"Hey!!" The atmosphere immediately changed the second we walked through the doors and Byunghun was the first one to greet me. Daniel frowned at this and crossed his arms as if silently saying he wanted to greet me first.

"Hey guys!" Jonghyun instantly put a smile on his face and walked towards the group with me trailing behind him. Changhyun was the first to greet him and smiled at his presence. If only he knew he had someone who already loved him so much this close to him at all times.

I wish I had someone who loved me close to me at all times—and by someone who loved me who was close I mean Soo Young.

"What took you so long?" Daniel interrupted the greetings and tapped his foot loudly. "We should have been in practice by now."

Byunghun frowned towards him and turned towards me and shrugged. He mouthed something to me but I didn't quite catch it and just shrugged it off for now and followed Daniel to our practice room so that we could get started. He wasn't too happy about our job, but he accepted it as a reason for being late and asked us if we could maybe make the bus before the one we took so we could be early instead of late.

I really didn't get mad at him for this because honestly this was really what he wanted in life and he was working so hard to get there.

Hyeon was waiting patiently for us to arrive and when she saw Daniel her whole face brightened up for a split second before she went into professional mode and went straight to teaching us some new moves. She said if we continued to really work towards this goal by the end of the week we should be all training as a group instead of as smaller groups.

Daniel was excited by this information and worked even harder during our training to really reach that level as fast as he could. Seeing just how inspired he was to get to his dream made me want to try to reach my own.

But honestly, do I even have a dream? I dreamt of being with Soo Young for the rest of my life and went into English just because I thought it was something I might want to do, but every single day of class is almost torture for me. All I want to do is sing and do something to make Soo Young proud of me, and I don't get that inspiration from a simple classroom.

"Do you think we can make it?" Daniel asked me once practice was over and we were currently catching our breath on a bench nearby our room.

"As a group?" I asked to make sure. He nodded and waited for a response. I thought about the small fight that was happening between him and Byunghun, I thought about the issues Changhyun was having and even the small problems Jonghyun was having. I really didn't know Minsoo that much and I really didn't picture myself getting close to him anytime soon either. Were we really capable of making a great group if we were having this many problems already in training?

"Well?"

"I think if we all worked together and compromised I think we could really make something of ourselves. If we set aside everyone's differences and come together as a group."

Daniel nodded towards my words and smiled. "Do you want this?"

I had to think about it really. Did I really want to be a singer? "Yeah." I nodded with a smile. Maybe english wasn't the department I was meant to be in, maybe I was supposed to be alongside Daniel this whole time in the music department .I wanted to be a singer and after hearing all of the compliments from everyone about my voice this could be my one chance to make this small dream of mine into a reality.

I thought about this for most of the night, I stayed silent on the way back to our dorm rooms and even sat at my desk and just sighed at the idea. I really wanted this but doesn't that mean I don't need college anymore? Should I drop out?

"You look sad, what's up?" Byunghun asked placing a hand on my shoulder and making me turn in my chair to see his worried face. "I wanted to tell you about what Niel said earlier before you and Changjo came by."

"Huh?" I remembered back when he mouthed something to me and I snapped my fingers. "Is that what you were trying to tell me?"

He chuckled and nodded. "Yeah I mouthed that I'd tell you once we got back to our dorms. He was really worried about the group as a whole and kept asking us if we could make it as a group or not. He kept looking at me and I had a feeling he was indirectly mentioning Ji Young because he said in order for us to work we needed to be available at all times and not have our hearts dedicated to anyone else."

So that was why he was asking me those questions after practice; it all makes sense now. "I can see what he means, but if you can handle it then don't let her go. I can't let Soo Young go and she isn't even here so I won't tell you to let someone you love go, even if you don't know if you love her or not yet." I knew that was what he wanted me to say and from the smile spreading across his face I knew it was the right thing to say. I won't stop love, not now and not later.

Not when the one girl I love is completely unreachable.

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I am the worst when it comes to updating I know :( I just had a hard time with this chapter, once this story gets to the main plotline I think it'll be a lot easier so please bare with me :( I love you guys!! Thanks for reading it this far and I hope you continue to like it!!! Also thanks to Kristin for always inspiring me to continue writing (even though you totally want me to write that changrick now, I'm working on itttt~) You're the best!