I was back at my school for the nth time and I knew this had to be a memory because things were happening too smoothly for it to be just a random dream. I was in that same math class that I could vaguely remember having back when I was in my first year of high school and yet this scene was important to me—and yet still fuzzy. All the faces seemed fuzzy and all of the words on the board seemed fuzzy, but I still sat in my desk and started writing fuzzy words as if I knew what I was doing. The boy next to me with the extremely fuzzy face turned to me at one point in the class and smiled at me, that was all I could make out was his amazing smile. He said something to me but it seemed almost foreign like I couldn’t understand him.

But even though I didn’t understand him the me in the dream responded back with something and chuckled as well playing off the situation that was happening as if it wasn’t important. But it had to be important or else I wouldn’t be revisiting it like I have been these past few days. Then he hands me a paper, I try to read it but all I could make out was a number and a name but the name was completely blurry and if I tried to read the number I would just get a headache.

I could feel the happiness from my dream self but yet I could not tell why she was happy and who she was happy about.

It all just felt like a blur to me.

“Soo Young?”

I looked up at the nurse and smiled at her. I must have dozed off slightly again like I have been doing a lot recently. “Yes?”

“Do you have anything you want? Need?” She asked just being polite and doing her job, but all that went through my mind was questions that she would not know. Like why am I having such blurry dreams? Is there still something wrong with me? Would I be let out of the hospital if I pretend to be okay?

“No, thank you.” I knew my smile was completely fake, but she still looked relieved and walked away knowing that she didn’t need to do any extra work for me.

My mom was currently out of the room and my father was nowhere in sight but that was to be expected since he had to work in this country temporarily to support us. I’ve been feeling like this for a while now but I didn’t want to burden my family with it thinking it wasn’t important. I didn’t expect to be put in a hospital for it. They’ve already done inspections on me as well as surgery for a few things but it feels like my memory is slowly escaping me each day.

I know they don’t want to say anything but when I talk to Song she mentions things I don’t seem to remember back in high school and I should be able to since it wasn’t that far away. She plays it off like it wasn’t that important but I can tell she is just lying to make me feel better.

But I know better than to believe them. I know there is something wrong me with that just can’t be fixed by inspections and surgeries. I had a disease, they cured that disease but this small thing can’t be cured by their methods. But how am I supposed to cure a slowly decreasing memory?

What if at one point I can’t even recognize my own parents?

I woke up with sweat all over my forehead and I knew that I just had another bad dream. Things were finally looking up, my grades were good and my friends were amazing—but I couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong. Something in my life was going wrong but for the life of me I couldn’t place what it was.

I didn’t bother to look up to check if Byunghun was in the room and went straight to the bathroom to wash up and get ready for the day. I knew there was no school for me today and it made me wonder if this was going to be Daniel’s chance to get us rounded up for dancing, and if that was the case I should get my homework and reading done first.

So after getting ready I went straight for my pillow and grabbed the diary hidden underneath it. I got comfortable back in my bed and flipped to the fourteenth page making a mental note to myself that I’ve been here for a few two weeks now and yet it felt like forever already.

Dear Diary,

                I haven’t been keeping track of this thing, like just yesterday I found this diary laying on the floor under my bed and yet the last time I saw it before that it was on my desk. Maybe I’m growing too old for this? But I can’t help but write in it anyways because this’ll always have a special spot in my heart. I know I always talk about my boyfriend in here and really today is no different but I can’t help it. Lately I’ve been really thinking about my future with him and how I can’t see us ever growing apart. I don’t even want to think of a time where we’re not together but we’re not clingy! I swear! I’ve thought about it a lot and I really believe I love him. No one else. We’ve been together for half a year now and it is our second year of high school already. People already are joking that we’re going to be together forever and I’m really believing them. Chanhee is important and special to me. But on a different topic I’ve been feeling kind of sick lately and I’m not sure what it is, I hope it isn’t a problem waiting to happen.

--Lee Soo Young

I stiffened a sob from reading that last part and I continued to read that same line over and over again—even once out loud.

It was then that I felt movement in the bed from above.

“Are you okay?” Byunghun asked in a voice thick with sleep—maybe he just woke up.

“Y-Yeah.” I couldn’t even keep my voice straight after reading that. I could feel the tears in my eyes but I refused to let them fall.

“Is that what you’ve been doing every morning?” He questioned and I froze.

“Doing what?” I didn’t want to ask but I knew that I was caught but yet I wanted to make sure before suddenly bursting out into tears in front of my roommate.

“Reading Soo Young’s diary. I know that’s the book you keep under your pillow.” Byunghun answered and suddenly the tears just couldn’t stop from falling from my face onto the pillow. He knew about it maybe from the time I was late or maybe from an earlier point. I wanted to keep this a secret to keep myself strong but Byunghun has already shown how caring he was.

The bed then shook a lot more with Byunghun leaving his bed and turning towards me once he was on the ground. He motioned for me to stand up and I was unsure of what he was going to do—but I still stood up and faced him.

What I didn’t expect was a rough punch to the stomach followed by a very tight and caring hug. “You need to trust me, okay? I know we’ve only known each other for two weeks, but trust me. I won’t make fun of you, I won’t do anything. I want you to know that you can always turn to me.”

I didn’t know whether to burst out into tears in his embrace or feel embarrassed that I let him punch me and hug me without even caring.

I chose the former of the options and ended up standing there for a full ten minutes just crying with absolutely nothing to say. I kept looking at her diary that was left on my pillow in the open now and not knowing if Byunghun knowing about this was a good thing or a bad thing.

After the ten long silent minutes Byunghun finally sighed and stepped away from me. He glanced at the diary but didn’t even attempt to pick it up. “She means the world to you.”

I just nodded.

“I envy you so much right now.” He whispered but I hear him loud and clear. I knew he meant the relationship in general and not what I am going through right now. “If I had met Ji Young in High School we would be as close as you and Soo Young are. I wish I could have had that experience, but—“

He looked down and sighed. He didn’t want to mention her being in the hospital; he didn’t want to even speak a word of her situation now. “So it looks like she knew about her disease before it became serious.” He referred to the one sentence I said out loud by accident.

“Yeah.” I croaked out already knowing that my voice was going to break like that.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered but I placed my hand on his shoulder and smiled sadly at him.

“Don’t be, you’re one of the best friends I could have in this situation. I should be thanking you for being there for me when the only person who was is not here.”

Byunghun finally smiled at this and nodded his head. “Now let’s go get something to eat and talk about some lighter topics, shall we?” He gestured towards the door but of course went to get a little washed up first before stepping out of the room.

I waited for him and he followed me down the stairs into the main lobby where Jonghyun and Changhyun were playing pool. They noticed us walking down and quickly set up and walked over to us to greet us.

“Are you guys going to get lunch?” Changhyun asked eagerly.

“CAP is probably out of class by now so Niel should be with him too.” Jonghyun added pulling out his phone as if senses my bad mood and immediately wanting to get the whole group together.

With friends like these I knew I would be just fine in the end, but still I couldn’t help but feel sad that the one person who meant the most to me was nowhere near me.

“Good idea, then we can all go out and do some stuff.” Byunghun joined the conversation and nudged me slightly. I smiled back at him and started walking towards the cafeteria with the three trailing behind me and Jonghyun claiming that Minsoo and Daniel were on their way as well.

At least it was great to know that no matter how sad my morning starts my friends could cheer me up easily and make my day worth it.

“So how about it guys?” Daniel smiled eagerly once he brought up exactly what he wanted to do today. After mentioning yesterday that he got us accepted into a dancing studio he now wanted us to start today and go on our days off when he didn’t have to work early.

“But isn’t that a bit too stressful for your college work?” Byunghun immediately asked since of all six of us Daniel was the only one who had a job and doing college classes as well.

“I can handle it.” Daniel smiled brightly, “besides this is what I want to do so badly.” He put his hands together and pleaded a little; this shut Byunghun up completely.

“Then let’s do it.” Jonghyun agreed to the idea but of course he would since dancing lessons is exactly what he wanted anyways. I didn’t have too much homework and I bet it was not going to take the whole day—and if Daniel could do it and balance school and work along with this then I could with just school and dancing.

“I’m up for it.” I raised my hand up and once I did that Changhyun rose his hand up as well. Of course he was going to agree since Jonghyun agreed. Minsoo finally gave in under the pressure and Byunghun had no choice to go after that was settled.

“Then let’s go right now.” Daniel beamed and took one last bite of his lunch. He was completely prepped up for this and after agreeing we all had to get just as prepped up as he was. It couldn’t be so bad really, maybe a lot of stretching and easy work on the first day, it’s when we really get into it is when it starts getting harder.

Once we arrived at the studio which wasn’t too far of a walk from the bus stop that we stopped at Daniel walked straight up to the front desk and asked to see Mr. Kim who apparently was going to be our dance instructor. We just followed his lead through the many halls of the building and found the one with Mr. Kim’s name on the door and Daniel knocked on it.

A few seconds later we could hear a faint, “Come in.” From inside and Daniel slowly opened the door and walked inside, we followed afterwards hoping for Daniel to most of the talking.

“Oh Mr. Ahn, right?” Mr. Kim looked up and nodded to Daniel. Daniel nodded back and took a seat in front of the desk. “Are you already here to start the dancing lessons?” He looked up finally acknowledging our presence. It felt like he could see right through me as he looked up and down and moved on to the next person. He was probably scanning our bodies to see if we were fit to be dancers of any sort.

“Yes sir, I thought the sooner the better.” Daniel smiled brightly as he continued to sit perfectly in the chair. Mr. Kim nodded to him and stood up.

“I’ll find some more dance instructors to help, I want to make sure to see what all of you are made of.” He walked around the desk and towards the door. The five of us immediately moved out of the way to make sure he had a clear entrance. “Go to practice room T and I’ll meet you there.”

Once Mr. Kim officially left the room Daniel immediately jumped up and threw his fist into the air. “Yes!”

“Good job Niel, I didn’t realize how proper you get around adults.” Minsoo complimented the smiling big lipped boy; Daniel just walked over to us and patted each of us on the shoulder.

“You guys should know better, how else did I get away with so much in High School.” He proudly stated and shoved his thumb into his chest. He seemed to avoid eye contact with me on that since he obviously knew we didn’t go to High School together.

The other four laughed with him and I shuffled my feet awkwardly. It was Byunghun who finally noticed my awkward presence and patted me on the shoulder. “Well then let’s head on over to the practice room and get started.” He changed the subject and everyone immediately started talking about the dance lessons and wondered what we were going to do for the first day.

The only one who looked completely confident was Jonghyun but that was to be expected.

It didn’t take long for the group to walk to the practice room and didn’t even knock as we all walked inside and waited for Mr. Kim to return with more instructors. It looked like he was just one of the managers of the studio and just assigned certain instructors based on our abilities and skills. At least that’s what I’ve gathered from him so far.

The practice room looked practically empty except for two large mirrors outlining the walls while the other two remained pretty much plain. There were a few sets of what looked like training equipment up against one of the plain walls, but the main focus of the room was the mirrors most likely used so that we could see our own dance moves and learn from our mistakes.

After finally taking in the whole room the doors were opened once more with three dance instructors walking in alongside Mr. Kim.

“Okay so I don’t know how to assign instructors if I don’t know your skills so I want each of you to show me what you know of dance and we’ll go from there.” Mr. Kim instructed and leaned against the wall waiting for someone to start.

The only one confident enough to go first was Jonghyun since he had some experience and we could follow his example. He didn’t need music for this and just started doing some basic moves as well as some advanced ones that I thought looked impossible. When he was done Mr. Kim clapped his hands looked at the three instructors and announced that Kyung would be a good instructor for that kind of music. Kyung, who had dyed red hair and dark eyes nodded his head and took a step forward.

Now it was time to match what he had done and see if we could be skilled as a team.

Changhyun went next and attempted to do some of the same style moves that Jonghyun had just done. Mr. Kim said he needed work but overall he had potential to be a good dancer. He nodded once more at Kyung giving us more than enough reason to match the two so that we could all get the same dance instructor.

Minsoo was the next up and did his own style but he confessed beforehand that his strong point was rapping and that dancing was something he had to learn since he didn’t know much. After he was done Mr. Kim nodded to a different instructor claiming the person’s name was Seungjo, who had natural black hair but lighter eyes than Kyung.

Finally Byunghun went getting Seungjo as his instructor as well, then Daniel afterwards getting a whole new instructor who happened to be a girl named Hyeon with dyed platinum hair and contacts making her eyes blue. I wished to everything good in the world that I would get anyone but her.

But of course the world was not on my side and I was paired up with Daniel with Hyeon as our instructor. Afterwards Byunghun immediately stood by my side as everyone else talked about the day and what they were excited to learn about.

“You’ll be fine having a girl instructor because really you have a girlfriend, you don’t need anyone else.” He whispered making sure that no one else was listening. I sighed and nodded but the look in her eyes just showed that she was going to be like every other girl who liked me—besides Soo Young of course.

“We can hope.”

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Merry Christmas! I hope you enjoyed this update since it has been a little bit since I updated this story~ I hope everyone has or had an amazing day even if you don't celebrate I do hope you at least had a good day today. Now that Christmas is officially over now its time to be excited for my birthday which is Friday =D Then New years! Then school...boooo! Oh well have a good rest of your year!