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The sound of an alarm didn’t wake me up and neither did the sound of Byunghun leaving the room but when I opened my eyes I was completely alone in my dorm room with absolutely nothing to do and a whole day of it. This was officially my first weekend here after school started with nothing to show for it. No one made plans for today, no one had anything to do and everyone was stuck in their rooms just like me. Hanging out with the same people for multiple days can be quite tiring even when they’re such great friends and I was sure they were still around their roommates—and speaking of roommates where did mine go off to?

I glanced at my phone and noticed a new text message and immediately went to check it ignoring the unknown number and going straight to the message. “You have mail in your box.” Was all it said and it took me a minute to realize I had mail waiting for me in the mailroom of my college.

I quickly got dressed not bothering to shower since I’d be back in only a few minutes and went straight to the lobby and towards the mailroom. Who would be sending me mail through my college? I found my key on my keychain full of random keys and glanced around until I found my box number and went to open it.

And there it was, one letter laying in my locker just waiting for me to open it, but what was strange was that there was no return address on the letter. It was still addressed to me so I grabbed it and walked right back to my room to read what it said inside. The only person I had given my address to was my mother but she would have called me not sent me an old-fashion letter.

I tore the top and slipped out the piece of paper hiding inside and opened it quickly noticing once more that it was addressed to me.

Dear Chanhee,

                We have some good news and some bad news for you in regards to our daughter, Soo Young. She is recovering greatly and the doctors say that it’ll be a wonderful recovery, but not everything is perfectly fine with her. We don’t want to say what it is yet and rest assured that it is not something that will forever be like this or so says the doctors. Just give us time and patience and we’ll tell you when you can come visit her in our house. You really are like a son to me and I wish you lots of success in college.

With love,

Mrs. Lee

My smile could not get any wider as I reread the letter over and over in my head and even once or twice out loud. Soo Young was going to be fine! She is recovering! She will be back in my arms before I know it! Nothing could ruin my mood right now and nothing will! Byunghun running off, not hanging out with Teen Top it didn’t matter because Soo Young was safe and it was safe to say that I was going to see her again!

But it still bothered me that there was something wrong—well yes it is said not to be permanent, but I still wondered what it was and why there was no return address on the letter and with no phone number there was no way I could contact them back. I wanted to hear her voice again even if only over the phone. I wanted to know she was going to be fine by her saying it not some written letter that appeared in my mailbox.

“Oh well.” I sighed to myself and sat in my chair with absolutely nothing to do since I needed the help of  friends to get my homework done but with them all doing their own thing it felt like this day was going to last forever. I glanced at my pillow and wondered just how much I could read in that diary in one day but shook my head and tried not to think too far ahead of myself. I couldn’t just read it like a novel and forget about what was etched into each entry, I had to take it slow and read every word carefully to make sure I soaked in every single sentence, every single memory.

I walked over to the book and took it without too much hesitation, maybe my mind was getting used to this every single day, maybe I won’t break down and cry as often knowing that she was safe and recovering perfectly.

But still holding the book in my hands felt almost too heavy for me to bare, all of her memories rested in the palm of my hands for me to read whenever I wanted.

Dear Diary,

                School has once again started and I never felt happier since of course he is still in my math class and the second he saw me he actually walked up and started talking to me. He wanted to know me better and we ended up hanging out the whole day after we studied of course and it felt wonderful. I never knew I could like someone so much this early on but I just feel like he’s the one, like he is the perfect boy for me but he just hasn’t realized it yet. Oh what am I saying he only sees me as a friend and nothing more, I wish I could change that. Is it my looks? My personality? I guess I’ll have to figure it out at some point if I want him to notice me as a girl and not as a friend. We did go out on that date before and he really enjoyed it so I have some hope! In other news high school is going well for the first year and I can’t wait to see what it’s like as an upperclassman next year and the year after that. I have plans to go out of town for college but I haven’t thought of where to go, maybe Seoul? It’s too early to think about college when I’m barely even in high school! Ugh, oh well I’ll just deal with things as they come at me and take things as they are! I’m going to go do my homework now so yeah I’ll update later when something actually important happens in my life.

--Soo Young

Was I happy, or was I sad? I felt the hot tears trailing down my eyes but yet the smile on my lips showed an unspoken happiness. I wanted to shout for joy at how much she cared, I wanted to raise my hands up high knowing she was safely recovering and going to be just fine, but she wasn’t here, she wasn’t in my arms and that in itself was enough for my heart to feel like it was breaking—to feel like it was falling farther and farther away as the days continued to go by with her not by my side. I felt selfish and horrible for thinking this when I should just be happy to be a big part of her life. I looked at the date on the diary entry and smiled to myself knowing something very important was about to happen in her life at around that time—the time where I finally stopped being shy and asked her out on a real date, a date where I would ask her to be my girlfriend, but that is another entry and another time to think about. I looked at the time once more and noticed it still being early and decided I knew what I was going to do today—I was going to go home for the day to see my old town again.

Getting ready took no time at all and driving to get their felt like even less. It felt like forever since I drove and for some reason the empty essence in my car did not help the tears stop flowing even though I still remained in a not sad state of mind. I passed by certain spots as I drove into town, looked at the memories as if they were playing off in my head and trying not to think too hard on what each of them meant to me.

As I drove into my drive-way I looked at my house and sighed knowing my parents were not going to be too happy with me since I had yet to contact them or visit them since the semester started. I stepped out of my car and walked slowly to the front door, grabbed my key from my keychain and unlocked the door and pushed it open.

Everything felt so foreign to me as if I had been gone for years and not just a little over a week. Nine days since I’ve been here, it hasn’t been a while and yet here I was visiting a house that did not feel like my home. Walking into the dorm every afternoon, every night; seeing Byunghun’s smiling face when I entered and seeing the friends who cared about me. What has this town ever done for me?

Soo Young…

I didn’t have any real friends for most of my life. My parents wanted me to be something great like a doctor or a lawyer because of my great skills in math, but I wanted to be something different and they were displeased with me. My mom still loves me and accepts my decisions, but my dad held it against me throughout my last year of high school and even threatened me with making me leave Soo Young if I didn’t change my mind. I never gave in to him and escaped to college before he could really get mad at me, and yet here I was again in my very own house.

“Who is it?” My mother’s voice rang through my ears and on instincts I ran towards where she was and took her into a tight and warming hug to show I was home for the day and that I didn’t forget her. “Chanhee? What are you doing back?” She asked surprised at my sudden appearance but still hugging back and showing the happiest smile I’ve seen for a while—since I got accepted into college at the end of the semester.

“I had some free time and decided I should come down and visit my dear parents.” I smiled though when I meant parents I only meant her, but I didn’t want to deal with family issues right now not when this day has been nothing but good to me so far. Good news about Soo Young, a good diary entry and a chance to see my loving mom again.

“I got so worried about you since you never called when you got there and I didn’t know what to think. Is your roommate mean to you? How is your roommate? Tell me everything! Oh let me get you something to drink and eat I bet you’re starving.” My mom rambled and ran into the kitchen to fix something quick up as I settled into the house and went to the living room. I knew my dad was going to be working all day anyways so it would be a good chance to catch up with my mom and leave soon after my dad arrives.

After a few minutes and lots of noise in the kitchen my mom returned with a plate of snacks and two drinks. She smiled lovingly at me and took her normal seat in the living room and turned all of her attention towards me. “So tell me everything.”

Which I did, explaining from my roommate Byunghun to the whole group of Teen Top and how I’ve already become such great friends with these five boys so early on. I spoke of Ji Young lightly trying not to spark any thought in my mom’s head and talked about my classes and schedule as well.  Finally I concluded with what I found out today which brought a smile to her face as bright as my own.

“I’m so happy college is working out so well for you.” She responded after my entire speak, but the look in her eyes showed worry and concern.

“Are you okay mom?” I asked about to get up to comfort her but she stopped me and made me get comfortable in my seat once more.

“I’m fine, I’m just worried about when your father gets home. He has been complaining about you a lot since you left and didn’t follow the ideas he wanted for you. Going into language arts wasn’t exactly what he wanted from you.” She glanced around as if he were there in the house but calmed down a bit and relaxed into her seat. “I just want what’s best for you Chanhee.”

“I know he doesn’t want me to go into this and to be honest a college student has been known to change his mind when deciding a degree, but being what my father wants of me will not happen. I just want you two to be proud of me for what I do not what he wants me to do. I might leave before he shows up just because I’d rather not deal with this at the beginning of the semester.” I explained about to get up when I heard a loud cough and I gulped loudly knowing exactly who was there.

“Show some respect for your parents.” He spoke roughly and I knew it was too late. I sunk back into my seat and waited for the speech to start. “Running off with a girl who turns out to be sick, disrespecting your father and not even bothering to call once you get settled in; I thought I raised a son better than that.” My father stepped out from the shadows of where the front door was located and frowned at me with a serious look on his face.

“I’m sorry sir.” I mumbled and looked away, avoiding eye contact with the one person I did not want to see again.

“I can’t believe you want to go into writing and language arts.” He scoffed and sat down in his normal chair next to my mother’s. I had to think of a way to leave this house fast before we got into another fight like the last time I was here.

“I want to do something I enjoy instead of something you want me to enjoy.” I muttered but of course he heard me crystal clear and snorted at my comment.

“Why are you even here if you were just going to disrespect your parents?” He asked and I just wanted to shout at him but I knew shouting was going to solve nothing.

“I was here to visit mother.” I spoke a bit louder this time and stood up, “but I just realized I have to leave.” I my foot to leave and ignored the glare I was getting and ignored the comments my father made to himself as I reached the door. When I put my shoes on I turned around and faced my mom, the only family member I cared for. “I’m sorry mom.” I whispered and opened the door and left without a single other word.

This was why I didn’t mind leaving my house, this was why I had planned to leave my house the second I could and escape this place with Soo Young by my side. I drove past her house and slowed down to stare at it as the memories came back into my head and caused me to lose track of where I was going, luckily I stopped myself before I got into an accident and left the town right after that to travel back to my college and back to my friends who cared for me. Was I going to visit this town again? I have no real answer for that question, but I did want to see my mom again and I did want to revisit all the places I loved to go to as I grew up.

The drive was quiet and full of thoughts to distract myself of what my father had said. I didn’t want to follow his dreams I wanted to follow my own, but still even after the glares and the horrible comments I don’t hate him—I know he wants what’s best for me in the end, but he doesn’t understand how a teenager’s mind works and maybe one day he’ll understand why I left and didn’t want to talk about it, or maybe as I grow up I’ll understand his reasonings more when I have a kid of my own.

“You look so lost.” A familiar voice rang through my ears and I turned around after exiting my car to see Byunghun smirking at me from the sidewalk.

“Ha,” I laughed and shut the door and walked towards where he was. “I was just visiting home that’s all.” I really didn’t want to get into detail about what had happened and that was one thing I loved about having Byunghun as a friend and roommate, he didn’t question me any further.

“Well we’re all getting together for some dinner and I need to help catch you up for daydreaming in class.” He chuckled and motioned for me to follow him to the cafeteria to meet up with the rest of the boys. A small smile escaped my lips as he walked ahead of me and led the way even though I knew exactly where I was going.

Now while my town would give me memories of sadness and remembrance at least I knew this first semester of college would always leave a smile on my lips.